Love Comes Silently(Senses 1) (16 page)

Patrick turned away, unprepared for how much those words hurt. He turned to look out the window so Ken couldn’t see the disappointment he was sure was written all over his face. It seemed that Ken did like him, and while Patrick didn’t understand the whole kiss thing he’d seen between Ken and Mark, he believed what Ken told him.

“Patrick,” Ken said, and he turned his head back to Ken once again, schooling his expression as best he could. “I’m talking about you. I like you very much.” Ken pulled one of his hands away. “You have a kind heart, and I’d never want to hurt you. But you deserve better than what I can give you. Hanna is going to take all my energy, and I’m not sure how much I’m going to have to give to anyone.”

“
Do you want me to go
?” Patrick scrawled nervously on the pad after tearing off the old sheet.

“No. I don’t want you to leave. I really want you to stay, but I don’t know how fair I’m being to you.” Ken shifted on the sofa. “You don’t deserve to be put aside or to have to wait until Hanna….” Ken’s voice broke, and Patrick tightened his hold on Ken’s hands for a few seconds before reluctantly breaking contact to pick up the pad once more.

“
You don’t think I understand? I know what fear feels like. I know….
” The thoughts and emotions ran over themselves and seemed to get lost as Patrick tried to write. All his feelings got jumbled up on their way to the paper and all that ended up on the pad was gibberish. Taking a deep breath, Patrick flipped the page and began again. “
I know what it feels like to lose something special. My gift was taken away with the accident, and you’re afraid that your gift is going to be taken from you
,” Patrick wrote as Ken peered over his shoulder. Turning his head, Patrick saw Ken nod. “
I feel the same way about you, and it would be a shame to throw away that gift
.” Patrick hoped he was making sense, because his mind was running in a million different directions. Giving up, Patrick tossed the pad onto the table and turned toward Ken, locking their gazes. Patrick cupped Ken’s cheeks and kissed him with everything he had.

At first Ken seemed shocked, and his lips didn’t move, but Patrick had to convey what he was feeling, so he threw himself into the kiss as though it were the only lifeline keeping him from falling into the abyss. Shifting his weight, Patrick pressed Ken backward. He felt Ken’s arms wind around his back, and then Ken returned the kisses, moaning softly under Patrick’s onslaught. Ken’s lips parted, and Patrick surged his tongue between them, getting a full dose of Ken’s heady, sweet flavor. Patrick’s body reacted with gusto, regardless of the fact that he’d come twice less than an hour before. Patrick pushed the physical desire aside, concentrating instead on conveying just what he felt to Ken.
He has to know, I have to make him understand.

When Patrick was afraid he was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, he broke the kiss with a gasp for air. Ken seemed to do the same, staring up at him with wideeyed surprise. Patrick had leaned forward, ready to attack Ken’s luscious lips once again, when he heard movement from upstairs. Ken froze, and Patrick did the same. Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Patrick slipped off the sofa, extending his hand so Ken could get up. He couldn’t help smiling at Ken’s swollen, just-kissed lips. Let Ken think about that for a while.

“Daddy,” Hanna said, and Ken left the room. Patrick checked that he was presentable and sat on the sofa as Ken came in the room, carrying Hanna in his arms. He had to look away for a second so he could remove the shocked expression from his face. Over the past few weeks, Hanna had lost weight. Her face was thinner and her eyes a bit hollow-looking. Ken set her on the sofa next to him, and Patrick leaned down, getting a hug and kiss. “I missed you, Mr. Patrick,” Hanna told him, and Patrick immediately regretted staying away. If Ken hadn’t told him how Hanna was doing, he could have seen it in her and the way she leaned against him. It almost made him wonder if this was the same girl he’d seen a few weeks earlier picking flowers out in the yard.

“He missed you too,” Ken responded for him, and Patrick nodded and smiled slightly. “Are you hungry?”

“Can I have mac-cheese?” Hanna asked, looking up at him, and Patrick nodded slowly before glancing at Ken, who seemed to understand what he needed and handed him the pad from the table.

“
I need to get the ingredients
,” Patrick wrote.
“We still have your dish,” Ken told him.

“I’ll get what I need and come back,” Patrick wrote before giving Hanna a kiss on the forehead. Slowly he got up off the sofa, giving Hanna a chance to shift next to her dad.

“Thank you, Patrick,” Ken told him, and Patrick leaned down, kissing Ken lightly. When he stepped back, he glanced at Hanna and saw her smile. Then he left the house.

Inside his home, Patrick checked the cupboards and made a list of what he needed before leaving the house again, heading to the small grocery store intown. Pushing the cart up the aisle, Ken picked the cheese and macaroni he needed, along with some ice cream, before heading to the checkout. The ladies he passed said hello, and Patrick smiled and nodded at each of them. The checkout lady talked to him the whole time he was in line, and Patrick smiled as he bagged his groceries and paid for them.

“See you soon,” she said as Patrick lifted the bag with his purchases, and he again nodded and smiled before hurrying out to his car. By the time he arrived backat Ken’s, Patrick had nodded and smiled to the point he thought his head would fall off. He got out of the car and carried the bag of ingredients to the door and knocked. To his surprise, Hanna opened the door.

“Is that for maccheese?” she asked, and Patrick nodded, stepping inside. “Can I help?” she asked as she closed the door and followed Patrick into the kitchen. He looked around, but didn’t see Ken right away, but then he wandered in from the back of the house, along with the smell of paint. Patrick set the bag on the counter and put the ice cream in the freezer. Then he brought over one of the kitchen chairs for Hanna to stand on.

“Is Patrick showing you how to cook?” Ken asked, and Hanna nodded and grinned.

“I’m gonna help,” she said, and Ken leaned with his butt against the edge of the counter, wiping his hands on a rag. “That’s stinky,” Hanna said, pointing at Ken’s rag and then holding her nose.

“Okay,” Ken agreed and left the kitchen, returning a few seconds later without the rag, and then washed his hands again. Ken brought the casserole dish to the counter, and they got to work. His mother’s recipe for macaroni and cheese wasn’t difficult, and Patrick helped Hanna grate the cheese. After he cooked the macaroni, they put together the casserole. Patrick couldn’t explain what he was doing, but he showed Hanna how he made the dish, and once it was together, he turned on the oven and placed the dish inside. After closing the oven door, Patrick set the timer. “Hanna, why don’t you set the table?” Ken asked.

Hanna gingerly climbed down from the chair and slowly moved around the kitchen before bringing the silverware to the table. Ken helped her, getting the plates and glasses for her and setting them on the table. When the chore was done, Hanna quietly went back into the living room, and Patrick heard the television turn on. “She’ll be asleep in less than ten minutes,” Ken told him. “That little amount of activity will have worn her out.”

Patrick didn’t know what to say and followed Ken into the living room, where Hanna rested on the sofa, her eyes already half closed. Ken covered her with a blanket, and Hanna stirred. “I promise we’ll get you when the mac-cheese is ready,” Ken whispered before kissing her forehead, and Hanna settled under the blanket, already curling up to go to sleep.

Patrick reached for the pad that was still resting on the coffee table. “
Sorry. I didn’t mean to wear her out
,” he wrote, and Ken shook his head,

“You didn’t,” he said, moving out of the room. “She got to have a bit of fun with you. She would have tired just as fast if she had been sitting at the table drawing pictures.” Ken stood in the doorway, watching Hanna sleep, and Patrick rested his chin on Ken’s shoulder, wishing more than anything in the world that she would be okay. If there was any chance in the world that he’d ever be able to talk and sing again, Patrick knew he’d trade that chance to make Hanna better. After setting the pad on the hall table, Patrick wound his arms around Ken’s waist and lightly kissed the back of his neck. Patrick’s heart was being torn in two as he watched Hanna sleep.

Helpless.
That was only word that came to mind to describe how Patrick felt. He knew Ken felt the same way, and there was nothing for either of them to do. Eventually Patrick stepped away and followed Ken into the kitchen, picking up the pad as he went. They sat silently at the table, each lost in his thoughts. Patrick jumped slightly when the oven timer sounded, and he stood up, checking the casserole before turning off the oven and pulling the dish out, setting it on one of the stove burners to cool a little bit.

“I’ll wake Hanna in a little while,” Ken said softly, and Patrick nodded as the scent of the food filled the room. “Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t eat much,” Ken warned and then went quiet. He didn’t seem in the mood to talk, so they just sat. After about twenty minutes, Ken left the room. He returned with Hanna draped over his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. “Your mac-cheese is ready,” Ken said before setting her into her chair. Hanna blinked a few times and yawned as Patrick dished up some dinner for each of them.

Ken poured glasses of milk, and they ate. Patrick noticed that both he and Ken watched every bite Hanna took. “This is good,” she said. Patrick hadn’t given her much, and she ate what was on her plate. She handed her plate to Patrick, and he gave her a bit more. She ate part of the second helping and drank some more of her milk before it became obvious that she was done.

Hanna sat with them while they finished eating, picking and eating a little bit more. Once they were done, Ken helped her down. “Why don’t you draw a thankyou picture for Patrick?” Ken asked.

“Okay,” Hanna said, and she slowly left the room.

“Sometimes I can see the Hanna I remember come through,” Ken said as he stared after Hanna. After a few minutes, Ken left the room. Patrick cleaned up the dishes, placing them in the sink before joining the others.

Hanna had indeed drawn a number of pictures, one of which was given to him with a grin that nearly broke Patrick’s heart. Patrick hugged her good-bye. “Will I see you tomorrow?” she asked.

Patrick nodded and crossed his heart with his hands. Then he hugged Ken, kissing him lightly before walking to the door. They both said good-bye, and Patrick waved before walking outside in the evening air, pulling the door closed behind him. At first he started for home, but kept on walking to the corner and then around the block. When he got back to his house, Patrick hurried inside and sat at the kitchen table, where he composed a note that said everything he wanted. Pulling the page off the pad, he folded it and tucked it into a pocket before leaving again and driving to Julianne’s.

He knocked, and Julianne’s husband, George, opened the door. “Patrick,” he said happily, shaking hands with him before stepping aside so he could enter.

Todd raced through the house, calling “Uncle Patwick,” and Patrick scooped him off his feet to giggles and laughter. “Mama, Uncle Patwick is here.”

“I see that,” Julianne said as she came out of the kitchen. “We were just about to eat. Are you hungry?” Patrick shook his head and pulled out the paper from his pocket, handing it to Julianne. George looked over her shoulder. Julianne moved away, and he moved with her, so she read it out loud.

“
I need your help. Hanna isn’t doing well, and Ken isn’t sure she’s going to make it through the end of the year. Even Hanna seems to be looking just around the corner
,” Julianne read, and Patrick saw her wipe her eyes. “
She wants to be a Barbie Ballerina for Halloween and I promised Ken I would try to find her the costume. I know you can sew. Do you think you could make her the costume
?” Patrick was happy he’d taken the time to write this before he’d come over because he wouldn’t be able to now. He met Julianne’s gaze and saw her nod.

“Of course I’ll make the costume for her. I think I have a pattern that will work,” Julianne said before turning back to the letter.

“
I was thinking that maybe we could arrange to have a Halloween party of sorts at their house. I have some decorations at the house and I was hoping you’d help me. Maybe Todd, you, and George could dress up in costumes, too, and the kids could trick-or-treat at my house and Ken’s. I know it would be small, but it would give Hanna a chance to have some fun
,” Patrick had written. “
She gets so tired so quickly that we can’t go very far, but I’d like to give her what I can
.” Patrick had sort of run out of words at this point in his note, and he looked at George and Julianne.

“Does Ken know how you feel about him? I know you care for Hanna, but you’re also doing this because of how you feel about Ken,” Julianne said, and Patrick nodded before reaching for the paper.

“
Yes, I think so. We talked today
,” Patrick wrote, and Julianne read his note. He felt her looking him over and his cheeks warmed under her gaze. Patrick knew the minute Julianne realized what had happened, but to her credit, she kept quiet… for now. Patrick knew when they were alone he’d be pressed for details.

“I just have one question for you,” Julianne asked as she handed Patrick back the piece of paper, looking at George, who nodded. “When do you want to do this?”

Chapter Seven