Love For Hire: The Helena's Grove Series Book 2 (7 page)

That evening at the Christmas Farm Annie was able to relax and have a good time knowing she didn’t have to catch a plane in the morning. Jen and Zack were just as excited as Aunt Gabby to learn they were planning to stay to the New Year.

“It’s gonna be a great week!” Zack exclaimed.

Jen nodded in return as they rode in a white sleigh through the lights that adorned the world around them. Zack and Jen were cuddled up close on one side, with Zack whispering something in Jen’s ear every now and then that would make her laugh. Marcus had his arm around Annie, and they were bundled up but it was still quite cold as they moved through the snowy seven acres of lights that hung on the trees, fences and on every building. The sleigh ride was the first part of the evening. After that they gathered in the building which used to be a barn but had been renovated and now housed large events. It too was decorated brightly, with crafts and goodies to buy as well as hot chocolate, creating a home-like feel. Lights hung on the outside of the building and six fire pits were burning for those who wanted to sit outside.

The group of four got some hot chocolate and made their way to one of the fire pits that overlooked a small lake. It was partially frozen but the reflection of the moon made it beautiful and eerie at the same time. Annie was quiet as she took in the evening. She looked over at Marcus, who was in a heated debate with Zack about the super bowl and the teams that were going head to head. Jen was on her phone, completely oblivious to their conversation. Annie looked out again to the lake; it looked so cold, so beautiful. She was mesmerized, caught up in thoughts and memories.

“Annie?”

She turned to Marcus who was looking at her with concern on his face. “You okay?”

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking.”

He nodded and smiled at her. “I’d like to know your thoughts if you’d like to share them.”

Annie was touched by his words and took a deep breath. “I was just thinking how much my mom loved this place. How much she loved Christmas and the lights and…” She gestured to the cup in her hand. “She loved hot chocolate.”

Zack was listening by this point and he nodded in agreement. “She loved holidays; everything to do with them.” Jen put her arm around him and kissed him on the cheek.

Marcus listened intently as Annie opened up about the breast cancer, the struggle and the eventual loss of their mother. She looked into his eyes and they were filled with compassion. He took her hands in his; they were warm despite the cold night. “What was her name?”

“Helena,” Annie told him with a smile.

“You never told me,” he said quietly.

“It’s just one of those things ya know?” Annie replied.

Marcus nodded and put an arm around her to bring her close. “I do know. I do understand,” he whispered.

The honesty in his voice made Annie look up at him. His eyes were sad and she realized in that moment that he did understand. He, not Marcus, but the mystery man she hired knew about loss; and he knew it well. It touched Annie that he shared that much with her. It was nice to see a part of his real life, a part of his true self.

There was silence before Marcus raised his hot chocolate. “To Helena, who will never be forgotten. And may her memory always brighten our thoughts.”

Annie swallowed a sob; Marcus continued to surprise her. She took a deep breath and raised her cup. “To mom.” Zack and Jen followed suit.

The rest of the evening went by as the group visited booths, ate baked goods and enjoyed live music. Annie begged Zack to enter a Christmas song sing off, and they watched contentedly as he sung
I’ll Be Home for Christmas
.

By the time they got home it was well after midnight and once again, Annie was exhausted. As she washed her face to spare Marcus her raccoon eyes in the morning, she thought about her day; it had been lovely – the best she’d had in a while. She took a shower and slipped into her pajamas. While Marcus was in the bathroom Annie got in her suitcase and pulled out a picture, worn on the sides, and looked at it lovingly. The faded faces that looked back at her invoked a familiar tug of longing somewhere deep in her chest and she bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying.

“Is that her?” Marcus’ voice from behind her made her jump.

“Oh, you startled me. Yes, this is my mom and me.”

Marcus sat down next to her on the floor and took the picture, handling it with care. “She was very beautiful. You look a lot like her.”

Annie nodded, “That’s what people say.”

“When was this taken?”

“About a year and a half before she died; before she got really sick. She actually looks really good in this one. In some of the later ones, after chemo and stuff, she looks much older.” Annie took the picture and tucked it back into the pocket of her bag.

“It’s a nice picture,” Marcus said softly.

Annie nodded but didn’t dare talk, suddenly feeling the emotion rise. She got up quickly and went to the bed, busying herself with fluffing pillows and turning down the comforter. She couldn’t cry – she was an ugly crier. She definitely didn’t want Marcus to see it; didn’t want to open those gates. Then she felt him behind her and stilled as his hands touched her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” she said with a scratchy voice. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional.” She moved to wipe at the tear that had fallen but Marcus stopped her. He sat down on the bed and motioned for her to sit next to him.

He gently wiped the tear from her face. “You should never be sorry for feeling the loss of something so great. She is your mother, and you don’t get over that fact.” He brushed another tear as it slid down her face.

“I just can’t believe how strong some of these feelings are even after all these years.” Annie’s voice sounded strange to her own ears.

“I told you Annie, time doesn’t make the pain of losing someone less. You just get better at dealing with it.”

Annie nodded. “That makes sense.” There was a pause and Annie looked into Marcus’ eyes. “I’m not going to ask you because I know it’s your business, but I know the only way you can understand loss is by going through it yourself. I know that you’ve lost someone that was very dear to you…” She paused and saw the flash of pain in his eyes as he swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry; so sorry for your loss.”

Marcus looked at her for several heartbeats, their eyes locked as she hoped he felt how much she truly meant what she said. Leaning in, he kissed her lips softly and then wrapped his strong arms around her, hugging her tightly. It felt so good that Annie never wanted him to let go. After several minutes he pulled back. “We better get you in bed, you’re tired.” He stepped away from her and the two of them got into the warm blankets. Marcus turned the lamp off and the room went dark.

Annie lay in bed, not able to stop the tears as they silently fell down the sides of her face. She stared at the ceiling in the darkness, wondering why life had to be so cruel. Why she had to lose her mother and father. Why Marcus had to lose, whomever he did. Why death had to be a part of life. She thought of the emotions she went through when her mother passed; the times when Annie felt she couldn’t breathe, how the pain would engulf her entire being, smothering her in blackness and despair. She hated how alone she had felt at those times, how there wasn’t a soul in the world that could ease her pain. She thought of Zack, and how even though she knew he was going through the same thing, how she never felt like she could break down and tell him exactly how she felt, that somehow it would be selfish of her. Her thoughts then turned to Aunt Gabby. She had been their one source of comfort, telling them they needed to cry, to get their feelings out. But even after all this time, even after all the talking and crying they did, there were still those times when Annie wondered, why? And there was not one person on the earth that could give her an answer. Those were the days when she felt the most alone.

Impulsively Annie reached her hand across the bed and felt Marcus’ arm. She scooted closer to him and he didn’t pull away. She laid her head on his chest as he put his arm around her. She inhaled the smell of his t-shirt and it soothed her. She could feel his heart beating and that was comforting. Everything about this man eased and comforted her, without him even having to try. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. “Thank you Marcus,” she said softly.

“For what?”

“For understanding.”

There was silence before he kissed the top of her head and his arm tightened around her. “You’re welcome.”

Annie awoke with Marcus still holding her. It was Saturday morning and thankfully, Zack didn’t have any big plans for the morning hours. She glanced at the clock on the dresser; 6:08, which meant it was actually 8:08 since Annie had not yet changed the clock. She laid there, eyes closed, soaking in the moment. This was her favorite part of relationships – just laying together, enjoying each other’s company without saying a word. Of course she knew her relationship with Marcus wasn’t real, but in that moment, it felt real. Marcus stirred and she looked up at him. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” he said politely. He rubbed his eyes and sat up abruptly. Annie was forced to move out of his way as he stood and made his way to the bathroom. Confused, she sat there wondering why he’d left. After she heard the shower turn on she forced herself to get out of bed and get dressed. Making her way downstairs she found Aunt Gabby sitting on the couch in the living room. There were no lights on; the house was quiet. Annie got a cup of coffee and joined her aunt. They sat in silence, watching the snow fall outside.

“I love the snow,” Aunt Gabby said quietly.

Annie nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s awesome.”

“When I was little my dad used to tell me that snow was made from a very special cotton candy, and it only tasted like cotton candy if you caught it on your tongue while it was still in the air. If it was allowed to touch the ground or stop moving the taste faded away. I would stand outside with my tongue sticking out for what seemed like hours, trying to accumulate enough snow to know what that special cotton candy tasted like,” Aunt Gabby said and then there was silence for a moment as she continued to watch the snow fall. “I could never quite get enough,” she continued.

Annie watched Aunt Gabby as she spoke. At seventy-six she seemed younger than her years – so energetic and upbeat. But in these rare moments when the world was quiet, Annie could sometimes catch a glimpse of a woman that had lived seventy-six years, and had seen and experienced more than she would ever divulge.

“Why didn’t you ever marry?” Annie asked without thinking.

Aunt Gabby looked at her, clearly surprised by her question. “I guess you could say I never felt inclined. Marriage to me was something that was forever, or meant to be. I hardly ever saw a marriage last throughout the couple’s lives, unless one of them died young.”

“So you have no faith in people? Hardly seems a good reason to withhold yourself from something that can be wonderful because of that.”

Aunt Gabby shook her head and looked down at her coffee; little wisps of steam rose from it and she seemed to watch them for a time. “I never met anyone I felt that committed to. Relationships are a lot of work and I was always…” She shrugged. “Busy.” She smiled at Annie. “I got older and thought for a time I wanted marriage, but then I met your mother and you kids and my loneliness was taken care of. Besides, it’s hard to know who the right one is.”

Annie was nodding. “Right, I see what you mean. How do you even know if someone is
the one
? And if they aren’t
the one
is it worth settling? Is it worth it to keep looking? What if you never find
the one
, or worse, what if you do and it doesn’t work out? What if circumstances are such that you can never be together? Do you move on? Do you let go and know in your heart that your soul mate will never be yours?”

Aunt Gabby looked at her suspiciously and then said matter-of-factly, “I don’t believe in soul mates. There is no way that out of all the people on this planet, there is only one person that you could be happy with. It’s just not scientifically possible.”

“What if there was only one person that you wanted to be happy with?” Annie asked more depressingly than she intended.

“How could you know that? You haven’t met every man in the world have you?”

Annie smiled. “No, I haven’t.”

“Are you and Marcus having problems?” Aunt Gabby asked.

Annie exhaled her frustrations. “He’s just really hard to get to open up. He has a whole life that is blocked off from the world and I… I can’t get through. I don’t think he wants me to.”

“Well honesty in a relationship is the key.”

Annie grimaced at her words.

“But you do have to respect that there are things in his life that he’d rather keep personal. You haven’t been seeing each other that long.”

Understatement of the year,
Annie thought.

“Give him some time.”

Time is one thing I don’t have.

“You’ve been a little quiet this week,” Aunt Gabby said, breaking Annie’s thoughts.

“Have I?”

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. You’re just normally so much more… talkative. Are you sure everything’s all right?”

Annie was quiet for a moment as the voice in her head screamed at her to let it all out.
Tell her the truth now while you have a chance!
“I’m fine.”

“If you insist,” Aunt Gabby said getting up from the couch. “Let’s go make some breakfast.”

Annie followed her into the kitchen, grateful she wasn’t in a prying mood. Zack and Jen came for breakfast and by then Marcus had made his way to the kitchen as well. Annie didn’t bring up the night before, or how cold he had been that morning and he didn’t offer any explanation. He was however, back in his role as Marcus; the doting, perfect boyfriend. Annie spent the entire morning wondering what was going on in his head. What was he thinking, feeling, and holding back? She decided not to push him; after all, she couldn’t have their negotiation known. Although she knew he would never betray their contract, she sensed there was a line with Marcus that she didn’t want to cross – but it wasn’t with Marcus, that line was drawn by the man sitting next to her at the kitchen table. A man whose name she didn’t even know. How stupid had she been to think she had felt something more for him, or from him? Suddenly, she felt in danger of being really, really hurt. She couldn’t let these feelings get the better of her. No, from now on she would keep her head on straight. She only had to last until Thursday. She could handle the fake kisses, hugs, the holding hands and his hand around her waist until then. She could get through it all without feeling anything. She knew she could; her resolve was set. She silently nodded to herself as if reassuring her decision, feeling strong and resilient.

“Babe, could you pass me the whipped cream?” Marcus asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Annie jumped slightly. “What? Oh yeah.” She reached for the bowl and handed it to him, purposefully disregarding his wavy hair, blue eyes and the scent of his cologne. The conversation turned to the party at the Cole’s that night.

“Nancy Cole has been my friend for a lot of years,” Aunt Gabby was telling Marcus. “She and her husband Bert own that cute little breakfast place we went to yesterday.”

“Nancy is probably the sweetest person on this planet,” Zack interjected. “Besides Aunt Gabby of course.” He winked at her.

“I hear their place is pretty nice. It should be a good party,” Jen said taking a sip of coffee.

“Oh it’ll be nothing compared to the New Year’s party out at the Grant’s. You will freak over their house, it’s massive,” Zack told Jen.

“They own the hotel,” Aunt Gabby whispered to Marcus,” and their son is running for Mayor of some town down in Missouri. They are so proud of him.” Aunt Gabby’s face suggested she was less impressed with the accomplishment.

“It’s nice that they’re proud of their son. Every child wants their parents to be proud of them. And he really is a nice guy,” Annie chimed in.

“Annie should have been a defense attorney,” Zack pointed out. “She would argue that bad people just need more hugs and kisses. Crime could be at an all time low.”

“I just think people are always so quick to judge. I don’t like it when people make judgments about me so I try not to make them about others. Everyone in the world has at least one good quality, I’m sure,” Annie said defensively.

“Even if they choose not to use it,” Zack teased her.

“I think it’s great that you see the best in people,” Marcus spoke up. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.” He kissed her right below her ear and shivers ran through her. Annie closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of his warm breath on her neck, all resolve to not let him affect her shattered in a million pieces. Just as quickly as it had happened he turned back to the conversation asking about the attire for the party that night.

Annie sat silently looking at him, watching his face as he spoke, loving the way he moved and how his eyes crinkled when he smiled. How could she fall for a man she didn’t know? How was that even possible?  He turned and smiled at her and Annie felt her heart leap.
Crap, what is happening? Get a hold of yourself!
she thought as Marcus laughed out loud at something Zack said. Looking at his smiling face, she knew she was in a lot of trouble!