Love Hurts (3 page)

Sean took a deep breath. “Don’t talk like that, man.”

“Please?”

“You don’t even need to ask me that. You know I would take care of Cassandra. She’s family. I know you would do the same for me with Scarlet. You’ve already proven it.”

“Thank you.” I stepped away from him. “That means a lot to me.”

“And you know everyone else would be there too. Just don’t think like that. Every time Dad says shit like that, it practically gives me a heart attack.”

“But at least he’s prepared,” I said sadly.

“Let’s change the subject,” he said quickly. “This is too depressing.”

“Okay.”

We stood there awkwardly.

“So…what’s going on with Cortland and Monnique?”

He shrugged. “They’re still broken up last time I checked.”

“It seems like something is going on between them.”

“What did you see?” he asked.

“I just saw them staring at each other.” I shrugged. “If they love each other that much, why don’t they just be together?”

“I don’t think Cortland trusts her anymore.”

“Well, I could say the same about Cassandra. But I let it go and now look at me. I’m a happy bastard.”

“What’s your point?”

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t have one.”

“He’s been dating.”

“And how’s that going?” I asked.

“Nowhere.”

“That just proves my point.”

Cassandra came back to me and found her usual place under my arm. She always crept up to me and found her rightful place. I was much taller than her, but I liked looking down at her. I could usually see down her top.

“We’ll see you later,” Sean said.

“Bye.” Scarlet waved as she followed her husband out the door.

After the door was shut, I turned to Cassandra. “Now what?”

“I think I want to put ten inches in my mouth…”

My spine shivered at her words. “Boy, am I glad I proposed to you.”

She gave me a playful look and pulled me back to the bedroom.

2

Cortland

Monnique and I hadn’t discussed the night we hooked up. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew they would give me a hard time. And she obviously hadn’t because they would have said something the moment they saw me. Monnique was never one to kiss and tell.

On the night of Mike’s engagement, she and I hardly spoke. But we did stare at each other a lot. I saw her look from across the patio, and there were countless times when she caught mine. I had no idea what I was doing. This couldn’t be healthy.

But I couldn’t stay away from her. I tried. Honestly, I did.

I spent the next week focusing on work. I hadn’t had another date because I didn’t see the point. It would just end the way all the others did. They would offer sex and I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. Then I would be horny and hook up with Monnique again. The past was bound to repeat itself.

I forced myself not to contact her. She usually reached out to me but she had
n’t said anything to me. But that didn’t stop me from thinking about her. She was always on my mind, those brown eyes drilling into mine.

When lunchtime came around, I walked to Sean’s office to see if he wanted to get lunch. Sometimes he couldn’t leave because he was tied up in meetings, but he usually went out for lunch even if Scarlet didn’t stop by.

I knocked before I entered. I learned my lesson last time I just walked in.

“It’s open,” he said.

I stepped inside and flinched when I saw Scarlet and Monnique standing by his desk.

“You’re just in time,” Sean said. “Where do you want to have lunch?”

I recovered from the surprise of Monnique’s appearance and stepped further into the room. “I’m down for anything.”

“You never have an opinion,” Sean said sarcastically.

I shrugged. “I’m just easy going.” I looked at Monnique then quickly averted my gaze. It was hard not to stare at her. She was wearing jeans and a simple top but she still look fantastic. “Is Mike coming?”

“No. He wants to be with Cassandra.” Sean adjusted his tie then put his arm around his wife. “Baby, you decide.”

“Pizza,” she said.

He rolled his eyes. “Anything but that.”

“Hot dogs?” she teased.

“I don’t feel like making out with the filth of Manhattan later.”

“I know you like it when I’m dirty.” She gave him a playful smirk.

“In a sexy way,” he said. “Not in an unhygienic I’m afraid I’ll get Lyme disease way.”

“Lyme disease is contracted through mosquitos,” Monnique said. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Since you’re a nurse you know everything?” Sean asked incredulously.

“A high school student could have told you that,” she jabbed.

Scarlet smiled. “Well, Sean
has never taken a basic health class before.” She shot him a smug look.

“You’re lucky there are witnesses here,” Sean threatened.

“What are you going to do?” she challenged.

“I’ll span
k you so—”

“Before you make me throw up, can we eat?” I asked.

Sean smacked her ass. “Let’s go.”

We left the office then headed to a deli. When we were standing in line, Sean had his arm around Scarlet, being affectionate like he usually was. Scarlet gripped his tie and pulled his lips to hers, giving him a quiet kiss. They were about to start making out, so I looked away. Monnique stood on the other side of them, looking at her phone. It wasn’t awkward between us, but seeing Scarlet kiss her husband made me want to kiss Monnique—over and over.

Monnique moved away from them and came to my side. “What are you getting?”

“BLT.”

“I’m getting the egg salad.”

“Have you become a vegetarian?”

“No. I’m just cutting down to having meat three days a week. It’s better for me and my digital footprint on the environment.”

She was changing so much, and not in a bad way, that I couldn’t keep up. “How are you liking
it?”

“It’s fine. I’m not a big meat eater anyway.”

My hand moved to her waist but I stopped myself before I touched her. My old habits just wouldn’t die. I dropped my hand before she noticed, realizing just how pathetic I was.

“How’s your week going?’ she asked.

“Good. How about yours?”

“Fine. I had to pick up an extra shift because my colleague is sick. But, I’m glad I could help out.”

I kept staring at her face, unable to look away.

But she held the look, her confidence strong.

I really needed to knock this off.

“Any more dates?” she asked. She said it like she was bored.

“No.”

She looked back at her phone and typed a message.

Sean walked up to the counter and ordered for him and Scarlet. They took their food to a table and sat down.

I walked up to the counter and ordered for both Monnique and I. After I handed over the money, I realized the mistake I made. I cringed, berating myself for falling back into that role.

I turned back to her and handed her the tray. “I’m sorry…it’s a habit.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled then walked to the booth.

She sat against the wall so I sat beside her.

“Guess what?” Scarlet asked.

“What?” Monnique asked. She opened her bottle of water and took a drink.

“Mike asked Sean and I to
be the godparents.”

“Awe.” Monnique
clutched her chest in excitement. “That’s so cool.”

“There’s no
one better,” I said. I meant it. I knew Scarlet would be a terrific parent. She was a mother to all of us in a twisted way. She was very maternal and supportive. Perhaps her horrible past made her that way. She had to become an adult before she even graduated high school.

“We’re very honored,” Scarlet said. “Now we’ve been trying even harder to get pregnant.”

“We want our kids to be about the same age,” Sean said. “They can go to school together and grow up down the road from each other.”

“Then why are you guys eating lunch?” Monnique asked. “Go back to work and put a baby in her.”

Scarlet smiled while she looked at Sean. “We can take this with us…”

“Bye.” Sean stuffed the food into a bag and pulled her out of the restaurant.

I laughed. “Wow. They are really trying hard, aren’t they?”

“I hope something happens soon,” Monnique said sadly. “They’ve been trying for a while…”

I had the same fear. I hoped everything was okay. They were some of the greatest people I knew and they deserved this to happen for them. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“Well, you could but I doubt Sean would like it much.” She laughed at her own comment.

I smiled. “He’d run me over with his quarter of a million dollar car.”

“Nah. He loves that thing too much.”

“Then he would just hire someone to kill me.”

“Now, that’s an actual possibility.”

“Maybe we can get them a trip or something. Like, rent out a hotel somewhere and give them a romantic weekend.”

“They already live on the beach.”

“Oh yeah…” I guess that was a stupid idea.

“But that was very sweet, Cortland.” She touched my arm and I wanted her to never pull away.

She dropped her hand and continued eating her sandwich.

I sighed in despair. “So…did you want to talk about what happened?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You know, how we hooked up.”

She finished her sandwich then sipped her water. “I thought we said everything that needed to be said.”

“And you’re okay with everything? You aren’t mad at me?”

“I’m a big girl, Cortland.” She smiled then ate her chips. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I just don’t think it should happen again.”

“Okay.” There was no fight in her.

I was hurt she didn’t try to change my mind. I knew she said she wouldn’t fight for me, but I didn’t expect her to actually do it. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing at this point, but I didn’t like how calm she was about everything. Every night,
I stared at the picture of us at the wax museum and I wished I were with her. She didn’t? She wasn’t going through the same pain I was? “Do you still love me?” I blurted.

She flinched at my words. “What kind of question is that?”

“An honest one.” I looked at her. “It just seems like…you don’t care.”

“We’re broken up,” she said firmly. “I accept that. I know you aren’t mine anymore and you never will be again. Break ups are hard but we’ll get through it. I’m doing everything you wanted me to do, so what’s the problem?”

“I…I don’t know.”

She stared at me for a long time. “If you want me to leave the group, I will.”

“No,” I said immediately. “I don’t want that. I guess I’m surprised how easy this is for you.”

“Cortland, never judge a book by its cover.”

“Meaning?”

She leaned closer to me in the booth, her lips almost touching mine. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me not to kiss you?” Her breath fell on my face. “It’s really hard.”

“Then do it.”
What the fuck was I doing? Why did I just say that?

Her eyes stared straight into mine before she leaned in. The kiss wasn’t like the one we had a few weeks ago. This was different. It was loving and strong. I felt how much she missed me just through her lips.
I breathed hard, feeling my heart thud painfully. I missed this.

My hand moved around her waist and I pulled her closer to me. Other people were in the shop but neither one of us cared. Her hand gripped my shoulder and her tongue danced with mine. She set me on fire.

She ended the kiss abruptly.

“What?” I asked.

She stared at me for a long time. “I’m okay with this. But if you really want to move on, kissing me isn’t going to help. All you’re doing is making this harder on yourself.”

I knew she was right. “I don’t know if I want to move
on…”

“Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

“No.” I grabbed her wrist. “I don’t want that.”

“Then what do you want?” She gave me a firm look.

I wanted to take her back and start over, but I was scared. What if she hurt me again? It seemed like she really changed but what assurance did I have? What if she shattered me into pieces? I wouldn’t recover again, and I knew I wouldn’t be the same person. I was barely holding on.

“If you don’t know, then I’m not the girl you want. Find someone else.” She grabbed her purse and left the booth. I sat in the restaurant alone, my thoughts my only company.

I couldn’t sleep that night. All I thought about was Monnique and our unusual predicament. What the hell was I doing? Where was this going? What did I want? We’d been spending time together for the past month, and every time I was with her
I wanted to be with her again. I preferred her company over anyone else’s.
Why the fuck did I love her so damn much? What’s wrong with me?

I pulled out my phone and texted her. It was late but she might respond.
U awake?

She responded immediately. I’m always awake.

What are you doing?

Something I’d rather not say.

I think I knew what it was. And it made me hard. What else would she be doing at one in the morning?
I can’t sleep. Can we talk?

Sure.

Can I come to your place?

You’re always welcome here.

Be there in 5.

I got dressed then walked to her apartment. Even in the middle of the night, people were everywhere. The city really never slept. When I reached her apartment, I knocked lightly.

She opened the door wearing short-shorts and a loose top. She wasn’t wearing a bra so I could see her nipples. I tried not to stare. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I couldn’t think of something better to say.

“Did you want to have this conversation inside or in the hallway?”

“Inside.”

“Then come in.” She opened the door wider than shut it behind me. “What’s up?”

I paced in her kitchen. “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Okay.” She sat down at the kitchen table. That bored look was on her face again.

I was getting sick of this. She acted like she didn’t care. She never showed any emotion for me. I was insignificant and unloved. She claimed she loved me and wanted to be with me again, but she wasn’t grabbing me by the arm and forcing me to stay with her. “Fight for me!” I gripped the back of the chair and stared her down. “You want me? Tell me. You want me? Show me. You want me? Grab me and don’t let go.”