Authors: Brenda Minton
Greta lay down, too, and turned on her side away from the others. Sorrow closed her throat and forced a single silent tear to slip out. How could she bear losing Toby and Marianne? They had become the breath of joy in her life.
Was this God's will for them?
Although she didn't think she could sleep with the weight of her sorrow pressing down on her chest, Greta finally dozed off. She jerked awake to see faint pink light beyond the frost-coated windowpane.
She rolled over and saw Toby watching her from his quilt. Marianne lay sleeping between them. “Merry Christmas,” he said quietly.
“Merry Christmas,” Greta replied without smiling. She knew this was goodbye. “Our journey together has ended.”
“We still have today,” he said.
Tears pricked her eyes. It wouldn't be enough. She blinked them away. “Last night I found the forgiveness that has eluded me. I wanted you to know.”
Tenderness filled his eyes. “I'm glad for you. That is the best Christmas gift of all.”
It was, but she was a selfish woman. She wanted one more gift. She wanted him to stay with her. Always.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
T
he Shetler farm became a beehive of activity by midafternoon on Christmas Day. Word of the fire spread and dozens of neighbors and friends arrived by buggy, wagon and sleigh to offer assistance and bring portions of their Christmas dinners to share with the family. The day was cold, but the clothesline was soon full of blue dresses, aprons, work pants, shirts and bedding. Everything reeked of smoke and soot.
Greta never found a stolen moment alone with Toby. Marianne clung to him, fretting if he was out of her sight for even a minute. Speaking glances were all they were able to share. It was the worst day of Greta's life, but she kept a smile on her face. She wouldn't ruin Christmas for her family by dissolving into tears.
Perhaps it was best that they weren't alone. It would only make their parting that much more painful. If that were even possible.
Morris recovered slowly, but he was able to be up and around by evening when the family was alone once more and gathered round the kitchen table. He rose to his feet and in a halting and emotion-filled voice, he begged the forgiveness of each of his family in turn, saving Joe for last.
Morris faced his host and cleared his throat. “Joseph Shetler, I have harmed you the most of all. I kept from you your beloved daughter's last words and wrote instead a letter I knew would pain you. Your daughter loved you. As she lay dying, she begged me to send her daughters to you. She knew you give them a loving home. Instead, I wrote to you of her death and led you to believe she wanted you to have nothing to do with her children. I was cruel and caused you many years of loneliness and grief. It was wrong and I beg your forgiveness now.”
Her grandfather stood face-to-face with Morris. He wiped his eyes and then gave Morris a kiss upon his cheek. “I forgive you.”
Greta glanced around the table. All of her sisters and Naomi had tears in their eyes. She looked at Toby and found he was watching her. He smiled at her. He was happy for her family, but she read the sadness underneath.
Betsy leaned over and linked her arm with Greta. “I was wrong.
Onkel
Morris has not ruined our Christmas. He has made this one the best one of all.”
* * *
Arles, with his newly repaired van, was waiting in the yard the next morning. Greta stood beside Toby on the porch, determined not to cry. She knew this was hard enough for him without her making it harder. Marianne had gone to say goodbye to Morris.
Toby shook his head. “Greta, you know I want to stay, don't you?”
“I know.”
“If it was just me, it would be different.”
“Marianne needs you.”
I need you, too.
The words were shouting inside her brain, but she kept silent.
“Marianne isn't strong enough yet. She needs her family around her. She needs time to heal.”
Greta cupped his face with her hand. “You need time to heal, too.”
He looked down. “I have made so many bad decisions. I can't make another bad decision for her.”
“I understand.” Greta withdrew her hand.
“You are a wonderful person. You are bright and kind. You know how to bring out the best in people. You have a gift. I want you to know that I will always be grateful for what you have done for Marianne. She has come so far because of you.”
The girl they spoke of came out of the house carrying Christmas over her arm. She was smiling, eager to go home and see the people she loved. “Goodbye, Greta. You will write like you promised, won't you?”
Greta knelt in front of her. “I will. You must promise me something in return.”
“Sure.”
Greta looked up at Toby. “You must take very good care of your special brother.”
Marianne smiled as she slipped her hand inside Toby's. “I can do that.”
Toby drew a ragged breath. “Did you say goodbye to
Onkel
Morris?”
“I did. Can we go now?”
Toby nodded. “
Ja
, it's time to go. Goodbye, Greta Barkman. May God bless and keep you.”
“And you, as well, Toby Yoder.”
“Perhaps our paths will cross again someday.”
She caught the glint of tears in his eyes. “I hope so. I do truly hope so. You and Marianne will always be welcome.”
He and his sister walked away and got into the van. When they drove out of the yard, Greta ran in the house, up the stairs and into her room. She threw herself down on her bed and wept her heart out.
* * *
A week later, Toby stood at his aunt's living room window and watched the children building a snowman in the front yard. Marianne and her cousins were rolling enormous balls of snow to stack. He could imagine Greta among them, enjoying the outing. What was she doing this afternoon? Was she missing him at all?
Please, Lord, let her be happy.
His aunt came to stand beside him. “I told you that Marianne would come out of her shell once she returned to her family. She has only been here a week and look how she has blossomed. She is improving every day. It does my heart good to see her happy.”
“Me, too.”
“Unfortunately, I can't say the same thing about you. You are not happy.”
He knew better than to pretend he didn't understand what she was talking about. His aunt was every bit as perceptive as Greta. “I'm trying not to let it show, but I miss Greta terribly.”
“You do a good job of keeping it hidden from Marianne.”
“
Goot.
That's the way I want it.”
“She's okay here. If you wanted to go visit a friend, Marianne will understand.”
“I don't think she's ready for that.”
“Don't you mean that you aren't ready for that? Toby, you can't live your life for her alone. God must be at the center of your life. You must seek to do His will, not your sister's will.”
“But what if taking care of Marianne is what God wants of me? How do I know I'm not being selfish again when I think about my own future?”
“That's where prayer comes in. Listen with your heart and you will find God's answer for you.”
“I'm not sure I know how to do that.”
“What was the last thing you asked of Him?”
“I asked him to let her be happy.”
His aunt gestured toward the window. He saw Marianne in the midst of a snowball fight, laughing and chasing after her cousin with a handful of snow. “I think God has answered that prayer.”
“I wasn't thinking of Marianne at that moment.”
“Then perhaps that was your heart speaking to you.”
After his aunt left the room, he turned away from the window and took up the wooden box he had been carving. Picking up a narrow chisel, he began to deepen the outline of the design he had chosen. It was a picture of a cat gazing out a window. A woman's hand rested on the cat's head.
Greta had such capable hands. He remembered how small and yet how strong they had felt when he'd held them on their sleigh ride. He remembered the way his heart skipped a beat when she touched his face. He put his tool aside and traced the outline of her hand with his fingers.
He would never forget the sorrow in her eyes the day he left. It haunted his dreams.
“That looks like Christmas.”
He glanced up to find Marianne studying his work. “I didn't hear you come in. Are you okay?”
“I'm fine. My toes were getting cold so I decided to warm them up. Is that my hand on Christmas's head?
“I guess it could be.”
“It's Greta's hand, isn't it? I miss her, don't you?”
“A little.” He began working again, carving small slivers of wood with each pass of his chisel.
“She misses you, too.”
“And how do you know that?”
“She said so in her letter.”
His gaze snapped to his sister's face. “You've had a letter from Greta already?”
“Yup.”
“What did she say? How is she? Did she mention me?”
“She said she hopes we are happy here.”
Of course that was what she would write. What else could she say? He looked back at his work. “You must be sure and tell her that we're doing fine. You are happy, aren't you?”
She bit the corner of her lip and turned away. “Most of the time. Sometimes I'm sad because I miss
Mamm
and
Daed
.
Aenti
Linda is a lot like
Mamm
, but she isn't
Mamm.
”
“You like having your cousins to play with, I know you do.”
“Sure I do. I told Greta I was happy in my letter to her, but I told her that you were sad a lot.”
He put down his tools and took his sister's hands. He pulled her around so that she was facing him. “I'm sorry if you think I'm sad. I'm not. I am happy if you are happy.”
“But you're not cheerful the way you were when we were staying with Greta's family. You used to laugh. You don't laugh now.”
He couldn't lie to her. He picked up his tools again. “I enjoyed their company. They were very kind to us.”
“
Onkel
Morris wrote that Greta is very sad now. He says she never smiles anymore. He says she misses me and that you and I are the only ones who can cheer her up. Do you think we can go back and see them sometime soon?”
“Maybe someday.” He hated hearing Greta was sad. Their love wasn't meant to be. He had to accept that.
“Will you be sad until then?”
He smiled brightly although it wasn't from the heart. “I will not be sad at all.”
He was no good at lying. Marianne saw right through him. She sighed and walked over to the window. The cat was sitting on the ledge watching the activity outside. Marianne stroked the animal's head. “Christmas is sad, too. She misses
Onkel
Morris. I think she is really his cat.”
“She's your cat.”
“I thought so, but she isn't. She has to go back.
Onkel
Morris needs her to watch over him until his heart is better. It's important.”
“I'm sure we can find a way to get her back to Ohio.”
Marianne whirled around and smiled. “We can take her.”
He thought his aunt had gone, but she had come back into the room and was standing in the doorway behind him. “Toby, I told you that you can leave Marianne with me for as long as she wants to stay. She'll be fine.”
“But I want to go visit Greta, too. I miss her. I like it here, I do,
Aenti
Linda, but I miss Greta and Naomi. I miss Joe and Duncan. I miss the sheep, too.”
Toby crossed the room to kneel in front of his sister. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know you miss them, but you wanted to come here. You can't be in two places at once.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “I know.”
Two of his aunt's young daughters came in with dolls in their arms. “Marianne, come play school with us.”
She started to follow them out of the room, but stopped and looked back. “
Aenti
Linda, would you be sad if I went with Toby to see Greta?”
Her aunt shook her head and smiled in understanding. “
Nee
, I would not be sad. Now that I have seen how happy and well you are, I know God has wonderful things in store for you. Besides, something tells me I will get to meet Greta soon, too.”
Marianne grinned. “You'll love her like I do.” She ran out of the room after her cousins.
Toby's heart started pounding so hard he thought it would leap out of his chest. “I have nothing to offer Greta. I don't have a job or a place to live. It isn't fair to Marianne, or to you, to take her away so soon. What if she wants to return here again?”
“What if she doesn't? Take the cat to Morris. See how things go from there.”
He raked a hand through his hair as he paced across the room and back. “I don't know.”
“What are you afraid of, Toby?”
He stopped and looked at his aunt. “If I go back to Greta, I won't be able to leave her. Not even for my sister.”
* * *
“How did the meeting go?” Carl asked as he took hold of the pony's bridle. The sun was shining brightly but very little of the snow had melted in the twelve days since Christmas. The countryside remained blanketed under a brilliant and glittering white cover.
Greta stepped down from her cart. Her sisters came hurrying out of the house. She knew they had been watching for her.
“Well?” Betsy demanded.
“What did he say?” Lizzie asked, pressing close.
“Don't keep us in suspense,” Clara added.
“Tell us,” Betsy and Lizzie said together.
Greta shook her head, but she was glad to share her news. “I will tell you if you all stop talking. It went well. The bishops listened to my story. A majority of them, including Bishop Zook, have agreed to allow Amber and Dr. White to interview and counsel Amish abuse victims if I am with them. I'm going to speak about the project at different churches after their services for the next few months.”
“That's wonderful,” Clara said, embracing Greta.
“I won't have to leave the Amish to help others who are suffering as we did. God is good,” Greta said softly. She was thankful for all the Lord had done for her, but more than anything, she wanted to share her news with Toby. She would have to write, but it wouldn't be the same. She longed to see the joy she knew he would feel at her decision.
Lizzie pulled her shawl tightly across her chest. “Let's go in the house. It's cold out here.”
Inside the house, Naomi was busy putting the finishing touches on the meal. The house was filled with the smell of roasting turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pies cooling on the counter. Thanks to the efforts of the entire community, the house was as good as new. There was little evidence that there had ever been a fire. Joe was seated at the table enjoying a cup of coffee and staying out of the way. As she knew they would be, her grandparents were thrilled with her news.