Authors: Ruth Logan Herne
While she hunted for a decent response, he flashed her a confident grin. “That's fine. But fair warningâI'm gonna change your mind.”
His smug tone irked her, and she snorted derisively. “Not hardly.”
“Better watch yourself,” he teased. “That Blue Ridge accent's starting to come back.”
Relieved to switch to a less volatile topic, she griped, “It's hard not to talk that way when everyone around you does.”
“Don't get your back up. I like it.”
With that, he sauntered on ahead of her, swinging the empty basket and whistling along with the rendition of “Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree” playing on the loudspeakers. As she hurried to catch up with his long strides, she wondered who he thought he was, speaking to her that way. The fact that he could potentially be right had nothing to do with her current frame of mind, of course. It was just one more reason to keep a safe distance between them.
The trouble was, the time she spent with Jason was the happiest she'd ever been away from the stage. She wasn't a face-fanning romantic, but even she recognized that her desire to be with him meant something. Something that could derail everything if she lost sight of her goal to reclaim her independence and take control of her life again.
She simply couldn't allow that to happen, she reminded herself sternly as she joined the crowd milling around the tree. Because her instincts were warning her that if she lost herself in Jason Barrett, she might never find her way out.
Chapter Six
W
ho on earth was knocking on her door?
Slitting her eyes open just enough to see the clock on her bedside table, Amy groaned. Eight o'clock on a Sunday morning was sleeping time, not answering-the-door time. But the noise persisted, and she dragged herself from her comfy nest and peeked out the window to see who had the gall to interrupt her only day off this way.
“Come on, Ames,” Brenda said in a voice far too chipper for the hour. “I see you in there.”
Stubbornly refusing to give in, she grumbled, “I'm sleeping. What do you want?”
“I've got your choir music.”
Home delivery, she mused with a yawn. How convenient. “Fine. Shove it under the door.”
She heard crinkling, then a quiet laugh. “I can't now that Jason installed that door sweep. Quit being difficult and open up.”
Since she apparently had no choice, Amy reluctantly turned the dead bolt and let her cousin inside. Dressed in her churchgoing best, her makeup impeccable and not a hair out of place, Brenda swept her with a practiced glance. “You're a mess. You can't go to church looking like that.”
“I wasn't planning to,” Amy informed her through another yawn, “or anywhere else, until I go to the Barretts' decorating party at noon.”
“Let me get this straight.” Her unwanted visitor plopped down in one of the two kitchen chairs and fixed her with a puzzled look. “You're going to sing in the Crossroads choir but not go to services?”
“Of course not.” When Brenda tilted her head in confusion, she amended her quick answer. “Well, probably not, even though Pastor Griggs said I could. It's just that he caught me off guard at the Starlight Festival when he asked me to help out. Have you ever tried to say no to that man?”
“I see your point.” She smiled, but it faded almost right away. “You know, it might be good for you to come this morning. I know it's been a while, but I thinkâ”
“It's been a while for a very good reason,” Amy reminded her curtly.
Brenda pressed her glossy lips together, as if she was choosing her words carefully. It wasn't like her to be so cautious, so she must be winding up for a doozy. “I'm getting a crick in my neck. Could you sit down for a minute?”
Never a good sign, but Amy did as she asked. When they were eye to eye, her cousin went on. “I know we all agreed never to talk about your accident, but there's something I've been wanting to tell you, and you need to listen until I'm done.”
Because she adored her bubbly cousin, Amy braced herself for an unpleasant conversation and nodded. “Go ahead.”
“I saw the pictures of your car,” she began in a hushed tone. Slowly shaking her head, she went on. “This is hard for me to say, but I couldn't believe they pulled you out of that wreck alive. The cops and firemen said as much when your mom met them at the hospital.”
“Really? She never said anything to me.”
“No one wanted to upset you,” Brenda explained, patting her hand in a consoling gesture. “We were so grateful to still have you with us, nothing else mattered.”
“That was two years ago. Why are you bringing this up now?”
Brenda took a deep breath and fixed her with a somber look. “God didn't abandon you, Amy. He saved you. Back then, you ate, slept and breathed ballet. You might have been successful, but you never seemed very happy to me.”
“I was engaged, if you'll recall.”
“Sure, to a man who bailed when things got tough. If you ask me, Devon's the one you should be punishing, not God.”
“I didn't ask you.” The words may have sounded tough, but even Amy heard the uncertainty in her voice. The truth was, Brenda had touched on a very sensitive spot, and to make matters worse, she was probably right.
“No, you didn't, but that's never stopped me before.” Setting the sheet music on the table, she stood and pushed the chair back in. “I won't mention church again, but I'll be saving a seat for you if you change your mind. Unless you'd rather sit with Jason,” she added with a knowing look.
“Oh, please!” Amy moaned. “Not you, too. Which reminds meâthanks so much for spreading it all around town that we were dancing at the studio the other night. Folks can't stop talking about it.”
“Because it's so cute,” Brenda cooed. “He's this hunky lumberjack, and you're this tiny dancer, and it was just precious seeing you together that way.”
Even though he wasn't there, Amy could hear Jason laughing at the dreamy description of them, and she couldn't keep back a smile. “Was it?”
“Absolutely. If you have any sense at all, you'll hold on to that one. He's as solid as they come, and more loyal than an old hound.”
“If he's so great, how come he's not serious with anyone?”
“I heard something about an ex-fiancée who stole his truck and broke his heart,” Brenda answered with a smirk. “Sound familiar?”
“Yeah,” Amy admitted slowly. “Except for the truck thing.”
Laughing, Brenda gave her a quick hug. “I hope we'll see you later. If not, enjoy your day with the Barretts.”
Once her chatty cousin had left, Amy tried to get back to sleep. But something Brenda had said kept echoing in her mind.
If you ask me, Devon's the one you should be punishing, not God
.
She had a point, Amy reluctantly acknowledged. While the accident had been the first blow, Devon's betrayal had been the one that truly took her feet out from under her. That realization cleared her perception of what had happened, and she sat up in bed as the epiphany took hold. It wasn't as if she was handicapped, confined to a wheelchair or a bed. Using her connections, she could easily have gotten an administrative job with any dance company, and they could have adopted children to create the family they'd both longed for.
That was what Jason would have done. She believed that with a certainty that was more than a little frightening. They'd just met, and already she had more faith in him than she'd ever had in her fiancé. Was it Jason, with his grounded upbringing and generous heart? Or was it her, someone who'd made it through the fire and come out the other side with a fresh perspective? Instinct told her it was a combination of the two, and for the first time since her accident, she listened to that small voice in the back of her mind.
Feeling more energetic than she did most mornings, she flung back the covers and quickly got ready to leave. She chose a simple dress and shoes appropriate for church in a small town. Poking her nose outside, she decided a sweater would be smart, and she backtracked to get one from her closet.
The Crossroads Church stood at the head of Main Street, so she decided to walk. As she made her way toward the quaint country chapel, she noticed several families doing the same. They were all ahead of her on the sidewalk, chatting and laughing together. The town's two other churches were nearby, and people veered off to enter one or the other, waving to their neighbors as they parted ways. It was a familiar scene from her childhood that made her smile.
When she was alone on the sidewalk, though, doubt started creeping in. Logic told her she was headed to a building, nothing more. But the little girl who still lived inside her knew better. God was well aware that she'd shunned Him, and while she was convinced she was doing the right thing, she dreaded going into His house to ask His forgiveness.
Her feet began dragging, and as she approached the walkway leading to the front steps, she'd all but stopped moving. There was a small crowd out front, greeting each other before heading inside for the service. The sight of them stopped her cold, and she silently berated her cousin for talking her into coming. This was the last time she'd listen to Brenda, Amy vowed as she started to walk away.
“Amy?”
When she turned back, she was surprised to find Jason trotting down the steps to meet her halfway.
“Hey there,” he said easily. “How're you this morning?”
“Fine. What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Did Brenda tell you to do that?”
“Nope. Thought of it all on my own.” The sunlight warmed the gold in his eyes, and they crinkled as he smiled. “After what the pastor said last night, I was hoping you'd come.”
“I wasn't going to, but Brenda came by this morning and got me thinking.”
“About?”
How could she explain it to him when she didn't quite understand it herself? Sifting through her thoughts, she came up with something he might be able to grasp. “I've been punishing God for what happened to me, but what hurt the most was Devon leaving. He could have stuck it out, but he didn't. Looking back, there were other times he gave up when things got difficult. I just didn't see it that way at the time.”
“So, if the accident hadn't ruined things between you, it would've been something else later on.”
His clear view of her failed relationship nudged her that last step to admitting the truth she hadn't been able to put into words until now. “Exactly. With his wimpy attitude, sooner or later our marriage probably would've failed anyway.”
He didn't touch her, but his admiring look felt like a gentle caress. “Not everyone is as strong as you.”
No one had ever referred to her that way, and she blinked in astonishment. “You think I'm strong?”
“Very. Look at what you've overcome to get to where you are. Strength isn't always like this.” To demonstrate, he made a fist. “Sometimes it's like this.” Opening his hand, he went on. “When we put aside our own problems and reach out to help someone else. We all have that kind of power. We just have to make the choice to use it to make the world around us better.”
“I guess I can leave now,” Amy told him with a grin. “Even Pastor Griggs couldn't come up with anything better than that.”
“You never know. He might surprise you.”
The church bells started ringing, calling people in to worship, and he began walking toward the steps that had intimidated her into stopping. Confused that he apparently meant to go inside without her, she asked, “You're leaving?”
Half turning, he said, “If you're interested, I'll be sitting in the back pew on the left.”
“Aren't you going to try to talk me into going with you?”
“Granddad taught me you can't convince someone to do something they're dead set against,” he replied with a smile. “But if you change your mind, you're welcome to join me.”
His faith was obviously very important to him, and the fact that he'd never attempted to coerce her into following his example told her just how open-minded he was. Since her accident, well-meaning people all around her had told her what to do, when and how much. She'd lost control of her own life, and that had made her resistant to advice in general.
Jason respected her wishes, even if they conflicted with his own. As he disappeared into the vestibule, she waited a few seconds, debating with herself. Finally, she decided she was being ridiculous and trailed after him.
The service was about to begin, and the small sanctuary was filled to capacity. Tall stained-glass windows lined both walls, throwing prisms of light onto the old floorboards. Judy Griggs noticed her from the choir risers and sent her a delighted smile. Returning the gesture, Amy recalled a Christmas pageant when the pastor's wife had graciously allowed her to lead the angels down the aisle, twirling and leaping her way toward the manger set up in front of the altar.
When she was a budding dancer, it had been a dream come true for her. Thinking of it now reminded her that no matter what had gone on in her life since then, she'd once belonged here. God had houses all over the world, but she suspected that if she'd gone into any of them, she wouldn't have felt the same as she did this morning. But in this place, filled with such wonderful memories, she felt at home. That wasn't a coincidence, she knew, and it made her feel more confident about her decision to venture inside.
Just like he'd promised, she found Jason sitting on the far left side, with an empty space beside him on the pew. When she approached, he gave her an encouraging smile and patted the seat he'd saved for her. She sat, and then noticed that Paul and Chelsea were sitting much farther up with a large group of people she recognized as the Barrett clan.
“Don't you want to sit with your family?” she whispered to Jason.
“Maybe next time. Today, I thought it'd be better if you could make a quiet exit.”
He'd chosen this spot to make her more comfortable, she realized. His thoughtfulness amazed her, and she rewarded him with a grateful smile. “I should be fine, but I appreciate you thinking of it. Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” As the organist began playing, he offered Amy a hymnal. “Mostly, I'm dying to hear how well you sing.”
“Not that well,” she confessed as they stood. “I'm hoping the choir is big enough no one will notice.”
While the congregation started singing “Rock of Ages,” his face lit up with enthusiasm. “You're gonna join the Christmas choir?”
Actually, she hadn't made up her mind until just now, but his reaction was all the proof she needed that it was the right choice. Nodding, she picked up the verse in midphrase to avoid annoying the people around them. Jason didn't seem worried about that, though, and he leaned in to murmur, “I have to tell you, I'm real glad you're here.”
Taking her eyes from the page, she looked up at him and smiled. Because that was precisely how she felt about it herself, and she recognized that was mostly because of him. He hadn't allowed her to turn tail and run, but he hadn't dragged her into the chapel, either.
In his calm, steady way, he'd encouraged her to take this step while allowing her to choose for herself. Because that was the kind of person he was.