Authors: Debra Clopton
Burned toast. Rowdy rubbed his jaw, completely understanding Liz's husband trying to break it with his fist. Rowdy would have found great satisfaction in breaking Tim
Dense
Calvert's jaw.
“And now that you know, you'll understand why I'd like you to not kiss me again.”
His blood was rushing in his head so fast he was dizzy. “Sure,” he managed. Any chance he might have thought he had with Lucy was gone. Period. If she found out about what he'd done, she'd probably hold it against him.
“Now, what were you going to tell me?”
“Aah, I... It's not important.” God forgive him but he couldn't tell her. Not right now. She suddenly looked tired, defeated and he just couldn't add more on top of thatâat least that was his excuse to keep his mouth shut.
“Then I think I'll call it a night.”
“Yeah, me, too.” He needed to get out of there.
He stood up and took her hand, tugging her up and away from the edge, not taking any chances she was going to tip over. There was that same electrical voltage sparking from her to him but he played cool, letting go the minute she was safe.
They walked one behind the other down the steps and across the yard. His mind was racing and guilt kept trying to suffocate him. “I'll see you later,” he said, stopping at his truck.
She turned and walked backward a few steps. “Yes. Later. Good night.”
And then she spun around, hurried up the steps and disappeared through the door without another glance.
Toast. How had he ever been so stupid? He had a horrible feeling that the best thing that had ever happened to him had just walked out of his life.
Chapter Eleven
T
he music was already playing when Lucy walked into the side door of the churchâa rustic-looking building set on a hill overlooking the town. She'd been planning to visit ever since she'd arrived, but had found herself dragging her feet. Today she knew she needed to be here. Dew Drop had a couple of churches, but Nana had told her this was where they worshipped, and so she'd come to visit. She'd stayed home the first couple of Sundays in town, settling in. It was a lame excuse, she knew, but since her life had turned upside down, she'd only gone to church sporadically. She'd had anger issues to deal with. She wasn't angry with God, but with Tim. She was determined to put that all behind her. She prayed that God would ease the knot that had buried deep in her heart.
The interior of the church was different from most, also rustic looking with concrete floors and cedar walls.
Mabel and Ms. Jo were the first to greet her.
“Lucy, it is good to see you here.” Mabel hunched down and engulfed Lucy in a hug. The overpowering scent of magnolias clung to Lucy even after Mabel let go of her.
“You'll learn to run when you see her coming,” Ms. Jo said, eye to eye since they were both less than five foot. “Mabel, she's blue. Do you see that? One of these days you're gonna let loose of someone and they're gonna already have gone to their heavenly reward.”
Lucy chuckled, trying to breathe past the magnolia fumes stuck to the white blouse she was wearing with her slacks. “I'll live, so rest easy that it won't be me,” she said, tugging her collar close, making sure it was in place. “I'm glad to see y'all.” It was so true. They'd been so nice coming out to the house and welcoming her.
“Then come on over here and sit with us.” Mabel locked her arm through Lucy's and started walking her toward the pews that were set in rows. Lucy almost had to run to keep up with Mabel's long strides.
“Dragging the poor girl around like a rag doll,” she heard Ms. Jo grunt.
Mabel ignored her as the band of men with guitars up on the platform stood and began strumming. “We've been hearing good things from Ruby Ann, haven't we, Jo?” Mabel pulled Lucy into a pew in the middle section.
“Said Rowdy's become a regular over at your place.” Ms. Jo pushed her round glasses up on her pert nose, her intelligent eyes seeing right through Lucyâor at least that was how it felt.
“That's what she said, all right. He's a wild one, but worth taming, if you know what I mean.”
Lucy wasn't sure she wanted to know. And she was about to say there was nothing personal between them when the band let loose with a foot-stompin' version of “I'll Fly Away.”
Ms. Jo went to clapping and Mabel did, tooâthankfully she'd let go of Lucy's arm. Now that she was settled, she realized that the band consisted of Mr. Drewbaker Mackintosh playing a guitar. His pal Mr. Chili Crump was getting after it on a fiddle. There were a couple of other young cowboys playing guitars that she didn't recognize. The lead singer, though, she thought worked for Sunrise Ranch.
With Mabel and Ms. Jo settled in enjoying the music, Lucy relaxed. She looked around and saw the boys lined up in two rows. B.J. was sitting beside Rowdy, looking at her. He lifted his hand and gave her a small wave.
She smiled at him, then went back to watching the band. She didn't want Rowdy to catch her looking at him. The last thing she needed was for him to think she was staring at him. He sure did look nice in his crisp burgundy shirt and starched jeans. Her gaze wandered back to his direction when the band started playing George Strait's “I Saw God Today.”
Ms. Jo caught her looking and grinned. “Don't you just love Cowboy Church? A little traditional mixed with our cowboy culture. That George is telling the truth in this song. All you have to do is look around to see God's working miracles everywhere.”
Lucy did not know exactly what to think of that statement. She had a feeling she was talking about more than the song itself.
When the band ended and the preacher stepped up to the podium, she had to force herself to concentrate and not let her mind wander across the aisle to Rowdy.
She'd opened up to him about Tim. It wasn't something she talked about. But once she'd started telling him the whole ugly story, she couldn't stop. Maybe it was simply because she'd made him think the kissing freak-out she'd had was his fault, when she'd known it really wasn't. And maybe it was because she was attracted to him and he was attracted to her and he needed to know the boundaries. It was only fair.
She was facing things straight on now, or at least looking at life with her eyes wide-open. No more sleeping on the job for her. She did not need a man in her life. She didn't need the headache of always looking over her shoulder. She had Tim to thank for that.
Her gaze slid to Rowdy again. His dark hair lay smooth at the nape of his neck and almost touched his collarâ
What was she doing?
Lucy yanked her gaze away and stared at the preacher. She concentrated on what he was saying.
“...Psalm 147 says, â
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.'”
Lucy couldn't move; the words were so relevant for her. As if the Lord had been listening to her heart.
But it wasn't that easy for wounds to heal.
Beating down walls was far easier than letting go. Her gaze shifted back to Rowdy, who had yet to glance her way as far as she could tell. She'd told him to leave her alone when it came to a relationship. Made it perfectly clear and he'd agreed on the spot. Her wounds were too deep to completely heal.
Just too deep...
* * *
Sunday after church, the arena was full as the boys practiced for the ranch rodeo. He wasn't sure if Lucy would show up, given that she'd been kicked during the first practice and then there was the uncomfortable situation he'd put them in with the kiss. And then there was his past and her past and the fact that there was not going to be any meeting in the middle.
Their situation ate at him. He hadn't been able to get the fact that there seemed no solution to help their relationship out of his mind. He'd gotten up before daylight and started riding the new horse just because riding and thinking went hand in hand for him.
But it hadn't helped him much this morning. Lucy was a hard woman to figure out, and she'd been through more than any woman should have to go through.
He let her have her space at church that morning. He was glad she was there. When the service was over, he'd stopped by where she was talking to the boys and reminded her of practice in case she wanted to come. He'd had to force himself to look at her. After the preacher's sermon about wounds and how God could mend the brokenhearted, he'd started praying that He would do this for Lucy. But he knew it would take time. And even then with his past, there was no hope.
They'd been practicing for about thirty minutes and there was no sign of her. He hated it, that he'd made her uncomfortable...that he'd messed his life up and that the consequences of his past stood between them like a mountain.
“Lucy's coming!” Sammy called, riding his horse over to the fence and waving his coiled rope in the air as Lucy's black Dodge pulled to a stop beside the arena.
Rowdy's chest felt like a steel band had just clamped down around it, and he forced himself to hold back. Morgan rode up beside him.
“Looks like it's your lucky day,” he said, smiling.
“Yeah, I wish. She's out of my league, bro.”
“Well, that's true, but sometimes that doesn't matter. Jolie picked me.”
He knew Morgan was trying to make him feel better, but Morgan hadn't done the things he'd done. Morgan had always been a hardworking class actâyeah, he'd been irritating as all get-out growing up, but it was true. Rowdy had been the wild child, living recklessly and choosing unwisely. He was just thankful that God hadn't let go of him through all of his prodigal-son days.
Regret was a hard companion, though, and despite having his life on track, it trailed him like a bloodhound.
Lucy was smiling and kidding with the boys as she climbed to the top rail of the arena. She wore her long-sleeved shirt and her stiff collar. Her beautiful hair cascaded around her shoulders. Her smile was contagious.
Feeling like a stack of horseshoes was stuck in his throat, he rode over and forced a grin. He might not have a future with her, but he could be her friend.
“So are you here to watch or are we going to have another go at it?” Okay, not the best word choice.
“I'm here to milk a wild cow.” There was challenge in her eyes. “That was the bargain I made with the fellas.”
“We don't want you gettin' hurt.” Wes came out of a holding pen where he'd been helping B.J. learn to wrestle a small calf. “Ain't that right, little dude?” he asked, scrubbing B.J.'s head with his knuckles. B.J. grinned and twisted away, laughing as he ran over and climbed up the fence to Lucy.
“We don't want you to get hurt, but if I can learn, I know you can, too. It's fun. You shoulda just seen me take that calf over there down. I mean, I locked him in a headlock like Wes just done me, and that dude came right off his feet. You should try that.”
Lucy had started smiling halfway through the boy's excited words. He was standing on the rungs with his hands on the rail behind him, grinning at her. She smoothed his hair out of his eyes and Rowdy's admiration of her went up yet another notch. She got that these boys craved love from the adults around them. The small kids especially needed the attention of the women who were in their lives.
That he was jealous of her gentle touch was understandable. Only a fool wouldn't want to get close to Lucy, so at least he recognized that he had grown smarter over the past little while.
“You know,” he said, a thought hitting him. “B.J. has a good idea. Learning to wrestle a calf would be good for you. It would help you with your reflexes and make you more comfortable being around the cattle.”
She looked at him for the first time. He felt the spark of electricity that arched between them all the way to the tips of his boots.
“I'll do whatever you cowboys think I should. You may make a cowgirl out of me yet.”
“It won't be hard,” Joseph said, grinning affably. “If you just change your sledgehammer skills over to cowboy'n, you'll leave us in your dust.”
That got hoots, and she made a cute face at them all.
“Then let's get to it,” Rowdy said, needing action rather than sitting in the saddle mooning over what he couldn't have.
* * *
Climbing from the top rail, Lucy felt glad. Sitting there trying not to stare at Rowdy had been hard. But the boys were so sweet and she was determined to make them proud of her.
Wrestling a calf sounded perfect. At the moment, she had so much pent-up frustration about the entire situation that her life was in she could probably milk a wild cow and wrestle a bull at the same time.
Of course, she thought a little late, after she was already in the pen with the calf and Rowdy, that she was doomed. Goodness, her senses were in overdrive standing there beside him.
“Okay, I'm going to hold him. What you need to do is lock your elbow like this.” He held his arm crooked to illustrate.
“Like Wes had me,” B.J. called. “You just don't give the calf a knuckle to his noggin.”
Lucy laughed despite her nerves. “Okay, I'll remember that.”
“Once you have him like that, lean back and he'll flip with you. A bigger calf is going to be harder but if you put your determination into the elbow lock and twist he's going to do just what you ask.”
Looking up, she got lost in his eyes. Her throat cramped and she couldn't speak. She nodded instead and ripped her gaze from his and back to the calf.
“I can do this,” she said, accepting the challenge. Wanting the challenge. “I don't need you to hold him.”
“Show him you're the boss.”
A roar of agreement went up from the boys gathered tight around the pen.
She laughed hesitantly and shot Rowdy a glare. It was his fault after all. The man smelled of leather and something so tantalizing she wanted to lock him in a neck hold. What was she thinking? “I've got this.”
He grinned and waved an arm. “Go for it,” he said, backing out of the way to lean against the fence panel, arms crossed and a too-cute-for-words expression on his face.
She took a step toward the calf and suddenly there was no standing still. The animal bolted toward the fence, faked left then turned right. She went left and landed in the dirt. A roar of laughter erupted behind her. Gritting her teeth, she was up in a second. The animal might be small but it was quick. Something bigger might have been easier than this. But she was not going to let it get the better of her.
It raced past her again and she grabbed its head, tripped and was suddenly being dragged around like a rag doll. How embarrassing was that?
Letting go, she was once more on the ground looking at the underbelly of the calf as it jumped over her. Rolling over, Lucy managed to grab its tail as it flew past and off they went. Hanging on, her ears ringing, her teeth chattering, she spat dirt as she sought to pull her feet around and get them back under her. She almost had her feet under her when the calf kicked a hoof backâLucy let go in reflex and the foot missed her by a breath.
“It's okay, Lucy. You got nothing to be ashamed of.”
She glanced at Sammy with his skinny face and big brown eyes. “Honest. I didn't know how to do that, either, 'bout six months ago.”
“Thanks, kiddo,” she grunted, pushing up from the dirt. Rowdy reached down and took her elbow, helping her up.
He was grinning. “You've got gumption, that's for sure.”
“Is that what it is?”
“Yup. It's a respect builder. And you've just earned some stripes.” He winked at her and suddenly Lucy felt ten feet tall.