“Shhh…it’s okay…it’s okay.”
“I’m…so…sorry…Jason. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lose him. I know everything is all my fault and if I could, I would do so many things differently.”
Jason forced Vicky to look at him. Even with a red nose and a blotchy face she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen because her beauty showed from the inside out. He didn’t know what he did in life to deserve her.
“You think I need to forgive you? Baby…there’s nothing to forgive you for.”
Through tears and with a thick voice, Vicky shook her head. “We have to start being honest with each other Jason. I know you blame me. I see it all over your face. Every time I’ve tried to talk to you or touch you, you pull away.”
Jason wiped the tears from her face as his continued to flow. “That was because my own guilt was eating me alive.” He enunciated every word, “I’ve never blamed you. All this time, I thought you thought it was my fault for not being there when you needed me the most. I couldn’t stand to see the disappointment in your eyes. I will never forgive myself for not being here.”
“How could you think I would blame you? It wasn’t your fault!”
“Vicky…even if you didn’t blame me, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself?”
This time it was Vicky who tried to wipe the tears away from him. She stood up on her knees and cradled his head in her hands so that he could see the truth in her words, “I never blamed you for even one second. What you saw in my eyes was hurt, pain, and shame.”
Jason looked incredulous, “Shame? About what?”
“Every since Angel and I came into your life, it’s been one thing after another. All the horrible things people have said and written about me…even though they weren’t true was hurtful and embarrassing to me. I know it had to be to you and will be to Angel once she’s old enough to understand.” Vicky sighed. “Maybe Bridget would have been a better partner for you. You guys come from the same world. I’m still learning how to navigate all of this. I don’t know if I ever will and she certainly doesn’t seem to come with half as much baggage.”
Jason smoothed Vicky’s hair off of her face. “The problem with that is I don’t love her. I love you. I’ve loved you probably since the moment I saw you in that elevator.”
He held her hands tightly and looked deeply into her eyes, “I was wrong to use Bridget to try and escape my pain and frustrations. But, I promise you I never even thought of being with her in a romantic way.”
“Are you sure you don’t have some leftover feelings?”
“None.”
“I’m going to believe you because I want to so badly. But, Jay, if we have even half of shot of making our marriage work we’ve got to be honest with each other. We can’t check out for even a minute. We’ve got to talk to each other no matter how difficult the conversations might be. We’ve spent months hurting each other over feelings that it seems like neither you nor I had.”
“I promise you that my heart belongs only to you and that somehow no matter what’s going on, to try to figure out a way to communicate it with you.”
“I’m your wife and I love you. I also want to be your partner. You can’t put everything on your shoulders. My shoulders might not be as large as yours but it can share some of the burden. You can’t fix everything and as much as you want to protect us…you can’t protect us from everything.”
“I just don’t want you to have to worry about
anything
. I want you to know that I’ll do anything and everything to protect you.”
“Jason, you don’t think I know that? And, I love you all the more for wanting to but that’s not realistic. That’s not the kind of marriage I want. I want to be your partner in all things. I don’t want to feel like someone you have to save or even a burden. I
love
you, and
life
is messy, but I took
vows
for better or worse. Love, Life, and Vows…no matter what that’s the real life fairytale.”
Jason brought her hands up to his lips and kissed them. “I’m a caveman. But, I hear what you’re saying and I’ll do my best to do better. Be patient with me as I try to be less of one.”
“Only if you promise me forever.”
Jason gazed deeply into her eyes, “I promise you forever.” After a few moments, he cleared his throat, stood and pulled Vicky up off of the floor with him. “Now, let’s get you off of this cold floor.”
“I need a minute in here to clean up.”
He to an additional moment to caress her cheek one last time, “Alright. I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”
Vicky nodded and he walked out of the bathroom.
She stood in front of the sink and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Vicky looked like a horror show but she didn’t care because Jason didn’t care. He loved her, runny nose…bloodshot eyes and all. She threw some cold water on her puffy face and brushed her teeth. Once she was finished, Vicky took a couple more deep breaths before she left out of the bathroom. When she made it to their bedroom, Jason was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head hanging low.
Vicky sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around his body. Sometimes it’s okay to let the man of your dreams know that you know they’re in pain and that you’re there for them.
Time was so still they lost track of how long they’d been sitting in that position. “Vicky, let’s just lay in bed for a while? I just need to hold you.”
Vicky took off her shoes and undressed down to her underwear then climbed underneath the covers. After Jason undressed she held the covers open for him join her. She turned around and he wrapped his strong arms around her as they lay in a spooning position for the next few hours. The sun was starting to set before either one of them spoke.
“Vicky, I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again. The pain of losing our son is sometimes unbearable. When I start to think about all the things I won’t get to see him do like smile or take his first steps. We’ll never throw a baseball or football. I’ll never get to teach him all the things my father taught me.”
It was hard to beat down the lump in her throat. “I know that feeling. I wonder about so many things too like if he would have had your smile, would his hair have been curly like Angels or straight.”
Jason kissed her shoulder, “I actually hoped he had your smile.”
Vicky turned her head back to see Jason’s face. His eyes were closed. The pain was so close to the surface. He’d never let her see this side of him. She moved his hand on top of her heart, “We’ll never forget him because we’ll always carry him here.”
Without opening his eyes, he kissed her forehead. “That’s the most perfect place for him to be.”
Then, she turned completely to face him and covered her hands on top of his heart, “…and here.”
He opened his eyes and they connected with hers. In that moment, their bond was sealed forever.
They spent the entire night holding and comforting each other, sharing in their love for each other and the love they shared for their son.
The next morning, Vicky woke up for the first time in months by her husband’s side. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Too bad she had to ruin it with a meeting with Ryan.
Jason was sitting in the living room of his suite. Vicky was in the bedroom getting Angel dressed for her ‘meeting’ with Ryan. His emotions had been all over the place the last several days. But, the most dominant emotion was his seething anger with Senator Ryan Carter.
He picked up the phone to call Franklin. The phone rang two times before he answered.
“Franklin.”
“Hey. It’s me, Jason. We’re down to the wire tomorrow is the hearing. Where’s the goldmine of information you said the private investigator found?”
“I was actually just about to call you. The documents arrived last night. This bastard is as slimy as they come. He did a good job of trying to cover his tracks but our P.I. is worth his weight in gold because he uncovered a lot of information. I sent them to John Lucas last night too. You’ve got too many eyes on you so I had him send them to me. Check your e-mail.”
Jason powered up his laptop. He immediately went to his e-mails found Franklin’s and opened it. It only took a few minutes before he understood Franklin’s assessment.
“Franklin, there’s wire and mail fraud, tax evasion, bribery, embezzlement from the Foxworthy’s foundation, hell the only thing he hasn’t done appears to be credit card fraud.”
“Keep reading…that’s page ten. Go to page three. There’s the nuclear bomb.”
Jason scrolled to page three. It took a moment for him to get to what Franklin was referring to. He sat up straighter, “holy shit! This can’t be true.”
“It’s true. He was caught in Mexico with an underage prostitute blowed out of his mind. We even got the video. Somehow he managed to get the authorities to sweep it under the rug with the help of U.S. Senator Brian Wellington. They bribed a few of the Mexican officials to keep it quiet. He’s been making annual payments from his illegal Cayman account to keep them quiet ever since. John Lucas called me this morning to confirm that it was all true…and to tell me he can prove it in court. You know if Ryan knows we have all this information he’ll withdraw his petition. He’ll no longer be worried about his political career. He’ll literally be worried about his ass in prison.”
“That bastard managed to get an hour long supervised visit with Angel today. Based on any of this we should be able to stop it.”
“John Lucas suggested you don’t do that…there is not enough time to go before a judge before tomorrow so he’s just preparing for court tomorrow with this new information. Jason…think about this for a minute. I know you want to go for the jugular but one day Angel is going to grow up. He’s her father. Do what you need to do to get custody but just know completely destroying him will hurt her.”
Hearing Franklin called Ryan, Angel’s father was like a punch to the gut. “No Franklin, Ryan is not her father.
I’m
her father. He’s just some slime that provided his sperm.”
*****
Jason, Vicky, and Angel arrived at a place called ‘The Kid’s Corner’. That was where the court supervised meeting was supposed to take place.
Vicky and Angel went into their reserved private room while Jason waited at a booth in the general area.
He immediately saw Ryan and Alicia Carter as they entered the place. However, they didn’t see him. They were arguing. He was close enough that he could over hear their conversation.
Alicia looked fit to be tied, “I swear you live to torture me! The hearing is tomorrow this little visit is so unnecessary. You can get all the pictures for the press you want with Angel after we get custody. And even if we don’t get full custody, you’ll still get visitation.”
Ryan was so agitated with Alicia, “Look…there is no guarantee that we’ll get custody or even visitation. Likely but not guaranteed. This is what my campaign manager said needed to be done. Since Victoria lost the baby she’s garnered a lot of public sympathy. We can’t take any chances.”
“Well…why do I have to be here? You don’t need me for this.”
“The picture of the happy family is the money shot. Don’t act like your some sort of martyr. You want the Governorship just as much as I do. So, we’ve got to do what it takes. Take a seat, call your boyfriend or read a book for the next hour…I don’t care; Just sit tight until it’s time.”
It took everything within Jason not to kill Ryan Carter. However, he heard Franklin’s words in the back of his mind, ‘One day Angel will grow up and destroying him will hurt her.’ Jason would figure out a way for Ryan to pay for this and pay dearly.
Vicky and Angel were in the private play room. The court appointed supervisor was sitting off to the side trying to observe without being in the way. Angel was having a ball playing with the games. She and Vicky were on the floor playing with one of them. Angel had no idea that she was about to meet her father. Vicky’s stomach was doing somersaults.
A few minutes later the door opened and Ryan Carter walked inside the room. Vicky couldn’t move or breathe. This was a day she never imagined in her wildest dreams.
Ryan was frozen. The last time he’d seen Angel she was covered from head to toe in tubes and was about to be rushed into surgery. Now she was running around, laughing and playing. He didn’t think it was possible but his chest felt tight. She was a beautiful little girl, she looked just like Vicky and she was
his
daughter.
Angel turned around to chase her ball when she realized someone else was in the room. The ball hit Ryan.
She walked over to get it “I sorry.”
Ryan bent down to her level, “It’s alright.” He could barely speak, “My name is Ryan what’s yours?”
Angel looked back at Vicky for the okay to talk to the stranger. Vicky nodded her okay and Angel turned and smiled at him, “Angel.”
He held out his hand for a handshake, “That’s a pretty name for a pretty girl.”
She giggled and took his hand in hers, “Thank you.”
That was when Ryan noticed she had his hands. He held them longer than necessary. Then, he looked up at Vicky.
Vicky felt so many emotions all at once. Anger, frustration, hate, sadness…sadness for Angel but mostly she was sorry. She was so sorry that this was the man she’d chosen to have a child with.
She rose up from the floor and went to sit in the opposite corner of the court supervisor. For the next hour Vicky watched Ryan play games with Angel…with his daughter.
*****
As soon as the hour was up, Vicky stood, “Angel…it’s time for us to go.”
Angel’s eyes sparkled, “Is daddy coming back to get us?”
“Yes sweetheart, he’s right outside the door waiting.”
Ryan enjoyed his time with Angel more than he thought he would. He got up off of the floor too. “She’s a beautiful child Vicky.”
Vicky wanted to ignore him. She wanted to pretend he didn’t really exist but after tomorrow that more than likely wouldn’t be possible.
She looked through Ryan, “Yes. She is.” Then, thought better of it. She spoke in angry hushed tones so that Angel couldn’t hear her. “Why are you doing this? I get that you want to be Governor but at the expense of your own child? She’ll grow up one day Ryan and she’ll ask questions. And the answers will hurt her more than you can even imagine.”