Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility) (23 page)

In his room, Azmir had the windows that faced the rumbling oce
an open with a calming flow of breeze streaming in. The noise alone could put me to sleep. I put my knee on the mattress and he jumped up defensively. I squeaked. Clearly, I had startled him.

I murmured, “I had a nightmare and can’t get back to sleep.”

With narrowed eyes, he pulled the cover back inviting me to get in. When he started to exit the bed from the other side I asked, “Wait. Where are you going?”

He recoiled and took back to his pillow ruffl
ing in the sheets trying to resume comfort, but when I nestled myself into him, he stilled. Azmir’s bed smelled of him, inviting, enticing, intriguing. It was warm and previously occupied
by him
. For once, I wasn’t nervous, I just needed refuge and found him capable of providing me that. With wide eyes, I froze awaiting further reaction. After a beat, he turned to my back and pulled me into him. Protectively. I felt the strength of his arms in his touch. His vigor. After lying in his arms for just minutes, I slipped back into a restful sleep.

He woke up and went into the bathroom and I went back into my room. He cracked the door to tell me he was going out and would be back in a few hours and to call to the concierge for a message when I got up. I slept until almost noon. The first thing I felt was my foot throbbing in pain. It was almost three times its normal size. I needed
a few items to treat it so I picked up the phone to call for it. That’s when I remembered Azmir telling me to call for a message. When I called, I learned he had arranged for me to go to the spa. A smile cracked my face.

I spent almost four hours in the spa getting massages and a facial. An older woman there also applied therapeutic medicine to my foot with leaves, sand, steam
, and other organic ingredients. When I left, she gave me crutches to use to keep pressure off my foot.

On my way back to my room I saw Chanell. She’d heard what happened and asked if I was okay. She followed me back to my suite where we ordered room service and talked. She appraise
d the suite and couldn’t believe we didn’t exactly share a room. She went into another chatter binge
and I let her
. In the middle of her talking, there was a knock at the door. Chanell got up to answer it and came back with a bouquet of roses some shade of pink. The card read,

I was told peach represented sorrow and sympathy.

I hope this is true because it is what I feel.

A.D. Jacobs.

I smiled.

“Yo’, Divine really feeling you, Yo’!”

“Really?!” I said sarcastically.

“You
kinda like his ex. Prim and proper, but not bourgeois. I heard they really over. I ain’t like her ass anyway. She was mad stuck up and didn’t want to be around nobody from the streets.”

“Oh, yeah? But what was up with your peoples?” I asked because I couldn’t dignify her comment about Azmir ‘really being over’ with his ex with a response. Did she think I was some jumpoff?
If he had a girl that I knew of, did she really think I’d be here?
Besides, I wanted her to continue talking—
freely
.

“Who Syn? Man, Syn just stupid like that. She my girl and the whole nine but she like to fuck wit’ people all the time. She ain’t think you was gonna try her chin. She was a little shook. I know Kid is riding her ass right now. She know not to fuck with Divine’s girls. She was wilding with that one, man.”

“That made me wonder, was I being tested or something? You would think she was his play-sister or former lover or something…” I was trying to get more information out of her at the risk of not making sense.

“Divine was one of them dudes, Yo! Every chick wanted him
before
he blew up the way he is now so you can imagine how much of a magnet he is now. You don’t know him, do you?” she suddenly realized.

“Not well at all, Chanell. That’s what I was trying to tell y’all yesterday!” I exclaimed.

“Well, I can’t get all into Divine’s business like that but he’s a cool dude. He came from the streets. Now he owns businesses out the ass and got everybody after him—celebrities, round-the-way politicians, even gang members wanting to do something fun and positive in their communities. He’s like a little fucking celebrity. He’s young black, and rich. Plus, Divine is fine. Every woman in and out of the hood got their eyes glued to his milk chocolate skin. He definitely a puzzle that women can’t put together, and in the process he lose interest and lose them at the same time. He mad focused! I really think Divine ready to settle down, though. Like, he ain’t never really cheat on his ex, he could if he wanted to, but he’s more calm now. He don’t club like he used to or come on the block like he used to. Kim said he be home a lot now and not running the streets like he used to,” Chanell said with such conviction as I tried to decipher her broken idiom.

We talked a little more after that and then I told her I was tired so she left. I took a nap and the sound of the telephone ringing woke me up. It was Kim with Chanell in the background. They invited me to the club in the resort. It was
supposed to be hip-hop and reggae night starting at ten p.m. I told them that I’d meet them down there. It was a quarter after nine p.m. already so I got up to shower and threw on a free flowing tank dress.

When I walked in
, I was amazed by the number of people in the club. There were so many on the dance floor getting down. I noticed Chanell, Syn, and even Kim getting their groove on, too. The girls looked like they were having a blast. I just played the bar with my crutches. My cramps had subsided as did my backache and the swelling in my foot had improved. I was grateful for the relief. I ordered a drink and was entertained by the happenings of the dance floor.

I s
at there for a little while when I felt a strong magnetic presence behind me causing the hairs on my neck to go erect. I heard him order a drink and almost as soon as I realized it was Azmir he grabbed me from behind and I craned my neck to look at him before I was turned completely around. His heated eyes glimmered down on me and my spine shivered from the top of my neck to the beginnings of my rear. I got lost drinking him in. Azmir was far more relaxed than he was in the past thirty-six hours,
more salacious than he had been the entire trip
. He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. I don’t know if the liquor had settled in so quickly or I was just riding high on emotions but I took it even further and pulled his face down to mine and kissed him on the lips.

That first kiss
—
our first kiss
—was just a closed mouth peck but it easily flowed into me slipping my tongue in his mouth, he grabbed the small of my back as he reciprocated. Heat flushed my body and I felt the heaviness of my breasts pounding through the tank portion of my dress. Azmir’s mouth was cool and his tongue was agile. His mouth carried a scent that appealed to every morsel of my body. His kiss was so dapper, so neat, so perfect. It was a kiss that stopped the Earth’s spin on its axis. I would soon learn that my world in many ways would speed up at the ignition of this kiss. I wanted him so bad. It was in that moment I realized that Michelle was right. All of the events of the past few days were simply coincidental. I was young and needed companionship and
he obviously wanted to convene with me
so why not enjoy it! We kissed for what seemed like ten minutes. He pulled from me much to my dismay.

“Let’s go and talk outside.” He snatched up my crutches and we walked out.

On the beach, next to a bonfire we sat and talked. We could hear the echoes of the bass from the music in the club. Azmir apologized intently and once again for the calamities that took place over the past few days. I told him that although I understood it wasn’t his fault, I appreciated his etiquette. We took the opportunity to chat a bit. He asked about my ex-boyfriend and I gave him some indistinct story of a failed relationship. After my reciprocation of the question, he told me about his recent breakup with some high-maintenance and pretentious, from what I gathered, woman. Once again, our conversation flowed well, too well.

I began to be grateful for my monthly encumbrance. My period felt like a protective barrier against myself, my strong desire and lack of will around Azmir. I couldn’t believe how modest my practices were with him. Typically I was very forward with my sexuality, only reserving emotional expressions
—what little were conjured. But with Azmir there was something dangerously magnetic about his presence, something that screamed caution at every turn. The more I erred on the side of caution, the more I wanted to eat from the forbidden tree. There was such a compelling duality in those forces at war between us. When we were apart, I refueled on strength to resist him and held onto my guards, but when I was with him I lost all self-will and relished in relinquishing it all to him.
What is it about this man that has me abandoning my will to preserve myself?

Azmir’s whole person oozed sex and no matter what
Mother Nature malfunctioned in my body I couldn’t ignore the yearning I had for this man. With all of the introspective talk Azmir gave, I didn’t get the impression that he was operating with ulterior motives. I didn’t feel like he was asking this of me but instead confiding in me like a friend. The conversation got so deep that I had to divert it in order to lighten up the mood. After all, he was cut and dripped with all the ruggedness any decent woman could handle. I rose from my chair and went over to where he was sitting, saddled him and began whispering brazen messages in his ear. I could tell he liked it. He let out a string of chuckles, but I knew my words had a stimulating effect, although he held on to his composure. I guess we were too close to not fuck but he didn’t want to make any false moves. I started grinding on him.

“You have a naughty side to you, huhn?”

“Does this scare you, Mr. Jacobs?” I teased.

“What if I told you it did?” His voice was husky, desirous.

“Then I’d have to do this…” I said as I started grinding at a faster pace but rhythmically to the beat of the music playing in the club. His breathing hitched and his eyes fluttered in direct response. But when his eyes closed, they opened again, settled in sudden resolve.

“I’m not going to fuck you, Brimm.” His words were crisp and seared through me
. I stilled in his lap, somehow entrapped by his heated gaze. Rejection constricted my throat. I was confused but couldn’t speak to ask for an explanation. I could only peer through his compelling eyes. “It’s not what you think,” he continued. Azmir was able to see right through me and picked up my insecurities. His eyes remained stapled to mine. “I won’t fuck you until you make it clear that you want me to.”

“What’s making it clear?” Did he want me to beg for it? I wasn’t into that. I didn’t possess the level of aggressiveness needed for that.

“You will not only ask for it, but you’ll
prepare the table
for me to fuck you…
well
. And I will,” he spoke hoarsely; I could tell he was aroused. Hell–I could feel his steely erection beneath me. I was knocked clear off balance by his abrasiveness. He grabbed my hips. “Besides, you’re menstruating. I’m Muslim, Brimm. And according to the Qur’an it’s haram to fuck when you’re bleeding.”

What
—
how does he know?
I was completely embarrassed and thrown by him knowing that I was menstruating.

“I can smell you.” Abruptly, I
rise from his lap preparing to withdraw. He tightened the grip on my hips, this time the tips of his fingers digging more into my ass. “Don’t worry, it’s not offensive. In fact, to the contrary, it’s intoxicating…the best sexual aroma I’ve ever experienced. Don’t move.” His tone was clipped, very CEO mien.

Strangely, I was turned on.  

“So you expect me to believe you brought me out here without sex on your agenda?”

“Have I attempted sex?” More terse stemmed from his lips.

“Because my period is on you haven’t.”

“Your period wasn’t on when we arrived.”

What in the hell! How does he…

“So did it change your mind?”

“It was never an intention, Ms. Brimm.”

“Then what was?”

“Many are personal, but
mostly because I wanted you with me these past few days. I am chasing you and didn’t want a break during this critical time of getting to know you. Also, what I need you to understand is what life is like being connected to me. You should know what the travel is like, what the leisure is like, what the time away does to you. To me. I wanted to see how you meshed with my family. I’ve decided that I want you.” His tone was nonchalant, as though his words were so easy to express.

He wants me and that’s no big deal?

He continued
, “I need to know that you want me, too. All of me.”

“And sex?” I needed to know what the begging thing
was all about.

“…Is the way you’re going to consent.”

Many questions flooded my mind and I began chewing the inside of my mouth, a habit I thought I’d abandoned when I left Jersey.
Is Azmir running some type of game? Why is he so intense? Would I want to be with a man so controlling and calculating?