Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility) (35 page)

We ate at this spot on Hollywood Blvd called
Musso & Frank Grill
. One of the guys swore by the place saying he’d just taken a chick there a couple of weeks ago. He said it was a good look for me. Translation—he
thinks
it’s upscale.

We were about
seven deep and most of those guys didn’t know how to order off the menu. They were asking for burgers and shit. It was funny as hell. We ate and drank. My dudes were on their best behavior and left peacefully.

In the limo Wop yelled to Petey
, “Yo, Crack, let’s pass by Divine’s new joint to see what type of pussy they got there tonight!”

“A’ight! Driver, to Sunset south, please!” I thought we were supposed to be headed to some party but was down for the ride, my buzz had settled in and I was easy.

As we pulled up to Cobalt I saw a line stretching from around the corner. The marquee read “
Welcome to Hollywood! Happy Birthday, Divine
.” The guys started howling and giving me dap. All I could murmur was, “Oh, shit. Y’all got me, man.”

We pulled up front where there were photographers and a bellman who greeted us at the door with glasses of Dom Perignon and Ace of Spades. Wop and a couple of other dudes grabbed whole bottles. When I walked through the doors every
one yelled
happy birthday
. They flew the D.J. in from the Big Apple; a big dawg pitbull. There was a montage of pictures of me projected on one of the walls. The waitresses were all dressed in corsets and daisy-dukes with high heels. There was a cage hanging from the ceiling in one of the corners with women in see-through plastic costumes dancing erotically with each other.

The sounds were off the chain. I had people I hadn’t seen in years come up and show me love. The place was so packed that I didn’t think a quarter of the people outside would be able to get in. The NBA, NFL, and MBL were in the house. There were a couple of my Hollywood friends, rappers, R&B singers and even local government figures in the building. The level of celebrity in the room was
bananas! It made me realize how solid my connections were.

Tara was there, too
, with a pregnant belly and all. She didn’t play the role of wifey but I’m sure she fed off the fact that most people assumed she still was. I saw a few friends from the BK and Chi-town. I chatted with as many as I could. Another thing I noticed was so many of my former lovers and friends. That was crazy. I thought of Rayna but figured she probably didn’t know about it. I idly wondered if she would have enjoyed it. She was so low key, so I wasn’t too sure. I knew I’d possibly see her later so I decided to live in the moment. I was so high off surprise.

After being there
nearly an hour I ran across Petey and howled, “You got me, Ock! I know this was all you,” while giving him dap.

“Why it gotta be on me, huhn?” he said with a big ass smile on his face.

“I just wanna say thanks, man. This was a much needed surprise…much love to you, my ace. That’s from here, man,” I said pounding my chest referring to my heart.

“Anything for my number one…only ‘da best
,” he said screaming over the crowd.

We split up and I continued mingling. Eventually I ended up by Tara. She waved for me to come over. It was a happy occasion so I did. She said happy birthday in my ear and smiled. I thanked her and kept it moving. I could tell she wanted more because she came out to celebrate me. That night was my night…
I didn’t give a fuck
. Photographers were everywhere taking pictures. It seemed like every three minutes one was calling my name asking me to smile. The others took shots with no warning.

An hour or so into the party the D.J. asked me to take the stage. I
threaded my way there through the crowd. I noticed Mark climbing the steps and joining me up there. He had a few words to share. I wasn’t ready for an emotional rant.

He said, “Jacobs…Azmir…Divine…whatever you’re calling yourself these days. Tonight we salute you on your birthday
and your impressive passage into a new socioeconomic status. You’ve conquered the streets then moved on to marketing and now you’ve added corporate America to your resume.” He then turned toward the audience and continued, “Who else do we know that has, at their party, about half the guests drug dealers, an old college professor, members of government, rappers like Jay Z, Common, Kanye, Lil’ Jon, Snoop, Dre, Nelly, and the like, members of the National Basketball Association, National Football League, two professional boxers, several comedians and actors? I mean, really! Only one man can have all of this and be a friend of mine. We salute Mr. Azmir Divine Jacobs!”

The place went crazy. I was so touched that I let his ass live on that drug dealer comment. I didn’t want to confirm his suspicions. But I’m sure my goons wanted to snipe his ass right where he stood.

As he left the stage, almost on cue the D.J. played a Hov cut. The photographers started flashing their cameras in my face. The bright lights were killing my buzzed eyes. This chick…a dancer came out of nowhere wearing big shades and a tan trench coat over lots of gold. She was spinning toward the other side of the stage where Jay was.
Where did he come from?
I was hoping this wasn’t Jay’s girl performing the way that they do at shows, but for me. She’s dope as hell, but I wasn’t with that shit!

I heard Jay on the mic say, “
It ain’t for everybody!
” The beat dropped hard. The woman came back toward me handing me a camera. She carried a familiar scent. She mouthed, “
Take my picture
,” and had this striking look on her face. It wasn’t Jay’s girl—
it was my girl—Rayna
! My mouth flew open just as she said, “
Let’s not even talk about it. Let’s go!
” The word surprise doesn’t even describe the emotion I felt. That’s when it hit me. I was getting my own private dance from Ms. Brimm.

These dudes
are crazy for thinking this shit up!
I thought, even through my drunken gaze.

She
tossed her shades and swung off her coat. The number she wore hugged her body perfectly. I felt my erection come on. The little gold coochie panty-shorts and bra to match with the stilettos had me going. She swayed her hips and gyrated around me like I had never seen. The crowd was all the way live with her performance. She moved perfectly with the beat and teased me lip syncing “
I see your face. You wanna touch it…
” At one point in the dance, she threw her leg over my shoulder and invited me to smell her. I was so aroused it hurt.

Every time the song called out the word “
lights
” there were about a hundred flashes hitting us. Although she didn’t attempt to lip sync the song there were a few lines she emphasized by mouthing. At the end of the song, her movements sped up and she ended it on the floor crawling to me acting out the lyrics like a beautiful analogy. But it was a bit of sexual suggestion mixed with the message of the song. She looked me dead in the eyes so seductively. As she did this, Jay added a few closing lines to the track as Rayna was sprawled out on the floor reaching out to me in an act of desperation. She mouthed the last ‘oh-o-o-oh’s’ of the song. 

I don’t know if it was the liquor or the true allure of this woman but by the end of the song
, she had captured me. Others in the room must have noticed it because I found Jay at the other end of the stage laughing hysterically. I heard others laughing, too, which led me to snap out of the trance I was in. When I did, Rayna was standing in front of me laughing with humility. She was trying to hug me as a sign of professional showmanship. I could tell she noticed I was entranced. I reached down and hugged her for a while...but wanted to do more. She kept it cool so I did the same.

I started following her ass off the stage
until I felt someone jab me playfully. I turned around to find it was Jay who was still laughing heartily along with the crowd. He handed me the mic and walked off stage still heavily amused. I tried regaining my composure.

I attempted to clean it up by saying, “Damn, Hov, I
now know how you feel on stage!” while gawking toward the area of the stage where Rayna made her exit. “I don’t know how you can watch all that
AND
perform, my nigga! Daaaaaamn!” I growled looking at him. Still laughing, he shrugged his shoulders in agreement with me.

I gave a few words of thanks and left the stage
feeling too out of it to spend time revealing my gratitude. I was talking with a few people when I felt someone tug my jacket. Before I could fully turn around Rayna had thrown her arms around me and hugged me tightly from behind. I turned around with a silly smile on my face.

She shrieked, “Did you like it?”

“You couldn’t tell?” Rayna stood there cheesing. I asked did she come alone and she told me that her choreographer, Jimmie and girls, Michelle and Britni had accompanied her.

“Please wave at Jimmie who made me swear to tell you that all the hard work and long hours of the choreography was well worth it once he saw the expression on your face when I came out
and
your reaction to the number once it was over. He won’t leave until you acknowledge him,” Rayna cried like a child relaying a message from a parent.

She pointed him out and I nodded and raised my drink, giving him affirmation of my approval. He had his hands full with what I assumed was her stage costume. He waved back and winked his eye at me. Again, the liquor forgave and excused everything that night.

It was dinnertime in VIP. I sat at a booth with Rayna, her people, Petey, his wife, Kid, Wop, Chanell and a few other heads. The party planner, Lisa, came over to inform me that they’d hired a well scored chef and she believed I’d be enjoying my meal that evening. The waiters brought out lobsters, steaks, and an assortment of seafood. They held no punches with the menu. While chowing down, an adjacent VIP booth caught my attention. There I saw Tara and two of her girlfriends. She was staring me down. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why she had come.

Back at the table
, there were explosions of laughter and an abundance of jokes as usual. Everyone gave Rayna her props on her dope performance. Well, everyone except Syn. She just kept quiet while we we’re on that topic. Rayna humbly accepted the compliments. My goons clowned me on my reaction to her without missing a beat. It was all good, though. Not too long after, the emcee announced the night’s performer, my man, Mos Def.

“Ohhhhhh!” I cheered caught up in the moment. He performed several of his classic hits and he closed with a few of his latest joints. I was blown away. It became a freestyle fest after that. Common grabbed the mic and Kanye followed up. It didn’t last long enough for me but it was off the chain!

Rayna announced in my ear that she had to go take care of a few things before getting up with me later. I grew apprehensive. “Brimm, baby, I really don’t know what time I’ll be done with Petey and the guys. You want me to find out?” I asked.

“No, don’t worry. I told you that I’ll wait until you’re done
,” she assured with an infectious smile.

“But I don’t wan
t to have you waiting,” I said very concerned. I was tempted to ask her to stay with me and we’d have a better shot at ending the night earlier together rather than apart.

“Listen, Kim
isn’t trying to hear Petey being out all night; not even with you. I’ll be fine. Just call when you’re done,” she said then she kissed me on the cheek and gave me a sexy wink of the eye.

As she turned to walk away
, I couldn’t resist tapping her on the ass. She turned around, batted her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Damn
…I can’t wait to taste that ass!
Michelle was right on her heels, but not before tapping me on the shoulder.

“Oh goodnight, Michelle
,” I bid. She didn’t look like the healthy Michelle from the boardroom months ago but seeing her here proved that she was in good condition and for that, I was happy.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. And I’m sure your private performance surprised you…?” Michelle asked grinning.

“Hell yeah. I was pleasantly surprised. She did her thing?”

“Happy birthday, Azmir and many, many more”
.

“Thanks, Michelle. I’m happy to have shared it with you
,” I said while reaching down to hug her. After our embrace she followed after Rayna.

I stayed at the party for
about another hour and a half. I greeted guests, heard spontaneous performances, and even collected quite a few gifts. To my surprise, Tara stayed for a while. When she and her crew were about to leave they came over. Her girls made small talk with me. One of them, Sheila, even tried to throw in, “Azmir, I guess the next time I’ll be seeing you is at the shower…” She left the comment opened for a response to which, I said, “It was really nice of you ladies to come out to celebrate my birthday with me and my peoples. I hope you get home safely. Take care, Tara.” And with that I walked off. I could tell Tara was about to say something but I took all that I could stand of her and her pretentious friends. I never liked that Sheila either.

Petey came over while I was
speaking with a few friends from Chi-town and said it was time to go. I looked at my watch that read about two fifteen a.m. I didn’t ask any questions. I wrapped up the conversation by thanking them for coming and then politely excused myself. On the way to the door everybody and their mother was trying to get my attention but Petey yelled frenetically to the goons surrounding me telling them that we had to go and to keep me moving. Thank goodness for that because I would’ve never gotten out of there in good timing.