There were so many things she wanted to ask him. But there had already been too many revelations on these kitchen bar stools.
“Come on. Let's go outside. Take a walk on the beach before it gets dark.”
Without waiting for his agreement, she headed out the door and down the steep set of stairs that led down to the sand. Her body, her brain, felt tingly, jumpy. Like with every word out of her mouth, with every revelation she hadn't intended to reveal, she was changing into someone else.
And suddenly she knew for sure that the woman she'd been last night and the woman she'd be when she left this cabin would be very different people. Thanks to Luke.
At first she didn't hear his footsteps on the stairs behind her. She was nearly at the bottom before they came.
Clearly, he was having a hard time. With her, obviously. But what else was bothering him so much?
It was exactly what she intended to find out. Her feet bare, she walked through dry sand to where it was dark and cold and wet.
For being such a city girl, she had always loved nature. In fact, she rarely worked out in a gym, preferring to go for a hike or an open-water swim.
A wave came in and as the water frothed over her feet, she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.
“Cold?”
“Come here and feel it for yourself.”
When he didn't walk into the surf, she held out an arm to him. “Don't worry, I'l keep you safe.”
She realized the hugeness of what she'd said as his eyes bore into her, as serious as she'd ever seen him. She tried to open her mouth to make a joke that would minimize it, but nothing came.
Because she'd meant it. She would keep him safe. Because she'd meant it. She would keep him safe. If he would let her.
Final y, he came forward and took her hand. And the incredible thing was, even after al of the amazing things he'd done to her body, his simply holding her hand was the most wonderful thing of al .
Together, they stood at the edge of the surf in perfect silence, holding hands. Janica worked to memorize every sensation. The slightly rough skin of his palm against hers. The smel of salt water and redwood trees. The sun fading behind wispy clouds. How numb her feet were.
“I can't feel my toes anymore.”
She was glad to hear him chuckle. “Me either.”
Not letting go of his hand, she said, “Let's walk some circulation back into them.”
Perhaps if she'd been someone else, the perfectly sweet, biddable woman that Luke thought he belonged with, she would have simply been content to enjoy his company out on the sunset beach.
But since there wasn't a chance of that, she said, “Do you like being a doctor?”
His hand tightened on hers at his surprise at her question. “Of course I do.”
“What else do you like?”
Another tightening. “There isn't a lot of time for anything else.”
Okay, she could see she wasn't going to get very far with this line of questioning. Maybe another tack.
“Why did you become a doctor?”
“What is this? Twenty questions?”
“I just realized that even though we've known each other for so long, we don't know much about each other, do we?”
Except for how perfectly our bodies fit together.
“No,” he said slowly, “I don't suppose we do.”
But when he didn't answer her previous question, she said, “Was it because of your mom?”
He tried to pul his hand away. But she refused to let him get away that easily. Just as she'd refused to let him say what they were doing could never be more than sex. Even if it was probably the truth when everything was said and done.
Because there was no denying that what went on in the middle of the night in her apartment, what happened between them in the cocoon of a cabin in Big Sur, had absolutely nothing to do with the real world. But just because it was fact, didn't mean she had to like it.
And it didn't mean she wasn't going to fight it with everything she had.
“When we were back in the cabin, you told me you wanted to listen. I want to do the same for you.” When he remained silent, she said, “I never real y knew my parents. But you were ten years old when your mom—”
“Dammit, Janica, I don't want to talk about it.”
He wrenched his hand out of hers and turned away to head back toward the cabin.
Her heart broke for him, for al the pain he'd kept bottled up inside for so long. And even though she knew she should let him go, leave him alone like he wanted, she simply couldn't walk away from him. Cal ing out to him over the waves, she said, “I only have one more question, Luke, and then I promise I'l go.”
Thank God, he stopped, turned back to her, his face carved in granite.
“You already know I love you. What else do I need to do to get you to trust me?”
* * *
Jesus. No one but Janica would stand there and ask him that. No one would dare.
Then again, he'd never let anyone in this close. It had never even been a possibility until now.
Until Janica.
They stood there, facing each other in silence long enough that the sun moved completely below the water line.
It wasn't until he could barely make out her face and form in the darkness that he final y admitted, “I don't know.” His heart was pounding so hard he could hardly say, “But I do know I don't want you to go.”
And then she was moving across the sand into his arms and saying against his lips, “Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.”
Her mouth was soft and sweet. Just like, he was continual y surprised to find out, she was. So sweet.
So soft.
So warm.
“Let's go back upstairs to the cabin so you can fal asleep in my arms again,” she whispered, her breath warm against his earlobe.
But when they'd made it back up the stairs, sleep was the last thing on his mind. Al he wanted was to be with her again, to lose himself in the comfort and joy of her body.
“I need you,” he said, knowing how raw his statement was, but utterly unable to keep that truth from her. But there was no victory in her eyes at his admission of need. Just love.
“I know you do. And I need you too.”
This time, there was no rush. Neither of them was going anywhere else. And there was no anger, either.
“I want to love you, Janica.”
Again she said, “I know you do,” and something about the way she responded made him suddenly realize what he'd said. How it sounded.
Like he wasn't just talking about physical lovemaking. Like he was talking about his heart.
Was he?
The impossible question fel away as she began to strip off his clothes and he reached for hers. Moonlight was streaming in through the windows, il uminating her incredible body.
How could he ever go back from her? How could he ever move on without her? How would another woman ever match up to her?
“I don't know how you're doing it,” he found himself saying.
“Doing what?” she asked, her hands continuing to make short work of his clothes.
He tried to figure out how to put it into words, into something that made sense when nothing made sense anymore. “Changing everything.” Even the things he hadn't thought needed changing. “So fast.”
“You're doing it too, Luke.” She reached out and placed her palm flat over his heart. “Changing me. I've never said I love you to anyone else. But with you, I can't seem to stop.”
Her words rushed through him, her love pushing up against every wal he'd ever built. It was instinctive for his brain to push back, to tel him to take a step back. And he would. He had to. For both of their sakes. Because he stil believed what he'd said in the kitchen, that the two of them were too different to ever truly be together.
But he couldn't walk away from her now. Not yet. Not when his need was so much stronger than his sense. It had been exciting to take her on the couch, the living room floor, but right now he needed to love her properly, in a bed.
He scooped her up to take her to the bedroom and she said, “We'l get sand in the sheets.”
Looking down at her, wanting her more with every second, he said, “Then I guess we'd better get cleaned up first.”
He made a detour into the shower, stepping onto the ocean blue tile with her stil in his arms. She reached out and turned the water on, laughing when it came down over them, cold at first, then warmer. He kissed her, also laughing as the water soaked them, loving how playful she was.
When was the last time he'd been playful at al ? With anyone?
“You know,” she said with a wicked little gleam in her eyes, “now that we're here, I think we should make the most of it.”
“I completely agree,” he said, and then a second later, he was shifting her in his arms so that her legs were around his waist and her arms were around his shoulders. He backed her up against the wal of the shower and kissed her with al the emotion he neither understood, nor could put words to.
He’d taken her so roughly in the living room on the couch with virtual y no foreplay. She'd been ready for him then, but this time he swore he was going to take his time with her body. Make sure she had her fil of pleasure before he took his.
But, of course, she had other plans. Because before he could even so much as move his mouth from her lips to her breasts, she was shifting her weight on him, settling her hot pussy lips over the crown of his cock.
“I want to make this good for you,” he told her, but she was already sinking down on his cock, taking him in, stretching around him slowly, inch by inch.
“This is good for me. So good.”
Knowing he couldn't change her mind even if he wanted to, he gladly went with it, thrusting up into her in the next breath. She took him ful y, even though he knew she had to be sore.
“I wanted to be gentle with you this time.”
“You are.”
He found himself not breathing, not moving, just staring into her eyes. She was staring too and he had a feeling she was seeing down deep into his soul, past the successful surgeon al the way to the real man inside. A man that he wasn't sure he real y knew.
“I've never been with anyone like you.”
On a little smirk, so cute, so sexy, she replied, “I blow everyone else out of the water, don't I?”
He laughed then, how could he not? She was great. He'd never liked a woman more.
A point that was only brought home when she said,
“Enough with gentle. Fuck my brains out, Luke.”
He brought his mouth down hard on hers at the exact moment that he pul ed back and thrust deep again. Protecting her head and back from the tile with his hands, together they pounded into each other, driving higher and higher for what they were both wanting. Needing.
He felt her pubic bone grinding against his, worked like hel to hold himself off until he began to feel her slick inner muscles clench and tighten around his cock. And then he heard her whisper, “I love you so much,” and there was no hope left for him but to let his own climax spiral out with hers, wrapped tightly in not only her body, but also her boundless love.
Janica woke up in Luke's arms, sunlight streaming in his bedroom window, his lean muscles pressed against hers, his heart beating strong and steady beneath her palm. She shifted against him, loving the play of his body on hers, his hair tickling her smooth skin, the fact that everywhere she was soft, he was hard.
She knew right when he woke up by the way his heart beat faster beneath her hand. She pressed a kiss into his chest before whispering, “Good morning.”
His arms tightened around her, and then he was pul ing her up his body to kiss her. Just as she had every other time he had pressed his lips to hers, she lost herself in his kiss, gave herself over completely to him, and let down al of her barriers. And then, he was rol ing them over so that her back was flat against the mattress and he was levered over her, staring down at her with those sinful y hot eyes of his.
She instinctively opened herself up to him, and he moved right into place, the thick head of his cock pushing against her already wet lower lips. In the next heartbeat he was sheathed completely inside of her and she gasped at the hot, heavy weight of him fil ing her so perfectly.
Holding himself completely stil above her, he continued to stare at her.
“I can't get enough of you.”
Again, he wasn't talking about love, and rational y she knew that maybe it would never be anything more than sex for him. But in that moment with her legs wrapped around his hips, her hands gripping his broad shoulders, his heat consuming her, it simply didn't matter.
“Love me, Luke.”
His eyes darkened at her words, but before she could take them back or change them or turn them into anything other than what they obviously were, he started moving. His long, hard, ruthless strokes of pleasure inside of her left no room for anything but an al -consuming rush of ecstasy. The feel of Luke's hands and mouth and cock, his murmurs of praise about how beautiful she was, about how good she felt wrapped around him, al came together like an ocean tide that was pul ing her deeper into dangerous waters. She felt herself start to go under a split second before he did, her muscles clenching him so tightly as he pushed even deeper inside her heat.
And al the while, even as she felt him spurt hot and thick into her, even as she cried out his name, his eyes never left hers. It was beautiful, watching him come, the play of pleasure moving across his face, knowing how good she was making him feel.
Minutes later as they lay damp and panting side by side on the bed, he turned his head to her. “You probably need to get back to work in the City, don't you.”
“Probably,” she agreed.
It was incredibly gratifying to watch disappointment move across his face. And maybe, she thought to herself, even a little mean of her to do that to him. If only to confirm that he'd miss her when she left.
“But I was thinking I could just make some cal s instead.” She smiled. “I want to stay here with you.”
For as long as they could possibly keep the “real”
world at bay.
“You don't—”