More hot sex with Luke wasn't going to be enough. Not for her.
Even if he was acting like sex was the only thing he wanted from her.
She had to know that at least a smal part of his heart was involved first. And if it turned out that it wasn't, wel then she was going to have to do the hardest thing imaginable—she was going to have to walk away from Luke. And his incredible lovemaking.
And any chance at al of a future togeth-
Damn it.
She needed to stop doing that. Needed to stop imagining that there was even the slightest chance that he could fal for her.
Stil , even if he was never going to fal in love with her, she couldn't have sex with him again if there wasn't a chance at their being friends after everything was over. After this craziness had final y come to its inevitable end.
Her heart felt like someone had been kicking it with steel-toed boots as she said, “You don't like me.”
She read his surprise at her abrupt statement loud and clear. It wasn't what she planned to say, but now that she had, she couldn't hide from the truth of it.
“I like fucking you.”
Oh. Wow.
That hurt.
But what had she expected him to say?
Oh no, Janica.
I absolutely adore you.
As if.
“I loved fucking you too,” she said softly, working like hel to mask her careening emotions. But she couldn't. She could feel her cheeks fal ing, her mouth starting to shake despite her attempts at control. “So that's al this is?”
A deep, dark anguish flashed across his face. And then, instead of answering, instead of breaking her heart the rest of the way, instead of grinding it completely to dust, he moved closer, caressed her cheek with one of his large hands.
She blinked up at Luke, knowing she should leave, tel ing herself to leave, but then his mouth was on hers and it was such a gentle, sweet kiss that she simply melted into him.
Thank god. She didn't have to leave him.
* * *
He wasn't alone.
Janica had dropped everything in her life to come here to be with him. She'd given her body to him, then given him her heart too, and even after he'd walked out on her the night before without one kind word, she'd gone to the hospital to find him anyway.
He didn't need a flashing bil board to see that she how much she cared about him.
And in return, he was hurting her. Over and over again, he was lashing out at her, making sure to let her know that she was nothing but a fuck toy to him. When the truth was she was anything but.
When the truth was that he didn't want her to go. When the truth was that even after only ten minutes together in the cabin, he knew if Janica left, he'd feel the echoes of her everywhere he looked for the next four weeks.
Maybe even for the rest of his life.
The power of these realizations had him reeling. Her mouth was soft beneath his. Last night their kisses had been rough, caught up in the delirium of their passion. Now, he had the time to learn the curve of her lips, the sweep of her tongue, to find out how much she liked it when he dipped into the corners where her lips met.
Barely pul ing back from her mouth, he whispered, “I like you. So much more than you know.”
Now she was the one kissing him. “Then take me back to bed, Luke.”
He wasn't going to lie, he had enjoyed playing out the dominant-submissive fantasy last night, but those roles weren't who either of them real y were. If he could have, he would have told her how sorry he was, but his emotions were stil too tangled up, too mangled for the words to come.
He'd have to tel her another way.
He lightly stroked her short, silky hair. “You're beautiful.”
“So are you.”
The sun was streaming into the cabin's windows as they held each other, and then, she was stepping out of his arms, reaching around to undo the clasp at the back of her bra.
It fel to the ground and he final y got to see her beautiful breasts in the light of day.
He was temporarily paralyzed by his desire for her. A smal smile playing on her lips, she hooked her thumbs into the sides of her panties and slowly shimmied them off.
“I'm naked now. Just the way you said you wanted me.”
Was her playful spin on his angry, hard words her way of saying she forgave him? Please, he would give anything to have her forgive him. To have her know that he didn't mean any of the harsh things he'd said. That he wished he could take back al of the harsh things he'd done.
“Now it's your turn,” she said, breaking into his thoughts.
As if it were the most normal thing in the world, she sat down on the couch and crossed her legs, completely naked as she looked up at him and waited for him to comply with her request.
He'd never been with a woman who was so
comfortable with her body. With herself, period. His cock, already hard from their kiss and her striptease, twitched in response to her command. He moved to undo his belt, but she shook her head.
“Shirt off first.”
His entire adult life, Luke had been in control. Whatever he needed, whatever he wanted at the hospital, al he had to do was ask and it was delivered to him. For the first time, it wasn't his show. Sure, he was bigger, stronger than Janica. He could take over in an instant, pick up her smal body and pul her over him. But that wasn't what this was about. Right now, he needed to not only give her back what he'd taken from her the night before when he'd been completely out of control, he needed to give her the most important thing of al .
His trust.
The question was, could he do it?
There was so much going on in that head of his. Too much.
“Sex doesn't have to be this complicated, Luke,” she said softly.
Wanting to help him, she reached for his hands and pul ed him down to his knees in front of her. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pressed her lips to his forehead, to his cheekbones, to his chin.
Saving the best for last, she pressed her lips to his mouth. Al the while, emotion was building up from way down deep in her bel y, from the center of her heart, and even though she knew what was coming, even though she knew she shouldn't say it again, she simply couldn't stop herself.
“I love you.”
She could feel his breath against her lips, his heart beating against her chest. And then he was kissing her again, and she was pul ing off his T-shirt and unzipping his jeans.
His erection was hard and thick and hot against her naked skin.
“Take me, Luke.”
In one slow thrust he sheathed himself inside her and she gasped at how ful , how complete she felt. Her pussy lips were stil sensitive from their lovemaking the night before, but instead of pain she felt the deepest pleasure she'd ever known. Without even a thin layer of latex between them, she felt truly connected to him. As connected as he'd let her get.
Luke was sitting back on his shins cradling her body above his. His tongue played with hers, his hands cupped the curve of her ass, the light dusting of hair on his chest tickling her erect nipples as she rocked against him.
Part of her wanted to stay like this forever, but the other part that desperately wanted to ride his hard shaft until they were both crying out in pleasure couldn't be ignored. Using the muscles in her legs, she lifted herself off of his long shaft until only the tip of his head stil remained inside, then sank down on him again, as far she could go.
He pul ed back from their kiss and captured her gaze.
“Janica.”
She couldn't read his expression, apart from the clear desire he felt for her.
She could feel tears coming again. Dammit, why was she crying every single time they had sex? Why couldn't she just concentrate on how good it felt? On the fact that every one of her sexual fantasies about Luke was coming true?
Ducking her head so that he wouldn't see—even though he already knew she loved him and real y, what more was there to give to him?—she was surprised to feel the back of his hand beneath her chin tilting her face back up.
“How can you love me?”
His words were a raw whisper. She was surprised by the depth of pain beneath them, by the fact that he didn't seem to know just how wonderful he real y was. Their bodies stil entwined in the most elemental of ways, she raised her hands to his face to run her fingertips over his lips, his jaw, his eyebrows. “Wel , you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen, for one.”
But when he frowned, she knew now wasn't the time for teasing, for easy lines she could feed to any guy.
“I love you because you're good.”
Lost in her emotions, she unconsciously shifted her weight on him and as his thick shaft somehow slid in even deeper, on a gasp of pleasure she said, “I love you because you're honest.”
Her nerves endings were on fire, not just at the tips of her breasts, not just between her legs, but also the ones inside her chest, where everything she felt for Luke began and ended.
“I love you because you always took care of my sister and I always knew she was safe with you.”
The tears were fal ing now, along with spirals of incredible pleasure which were rippling al across her skin. There was nothing she could do to stop either of them.
“I love you, Luke,” she final y whispered in a voice that shook from the powerful sensations taking her over, body and soul, “because of everything you do and everything you are.”
She even loved him despite the fact that she knew he would never love her back, despite the fact that his eyes were dark and unreadable as he listened to her reasons for loving him.
Hating her endless, stupid tears, she fought desperately for control. Wanting to do something, anything to try and guard what was left of her heart, she shifted her weight on his lap to take him deeper.
“And I absolutely love your cock.”
The next thing she knew he'd shifted them so that her hips were right at the edge of the couch. Again and again he drove into her, harder and deeper with each thrust. One of his hands fondled her breasts while the other moved to her clit. Al it took was the slightest pressure of his thumb on the hard nub between her legs and she was crying out as a shockingly powerful orgasm took her over, one that almost seemed to radiate out from her heart, rather than her pussy. She heard him say, “You're amazing, sweetheart” as she was coming down from her climax. And although it wasn't even close to the same thing as being in love with her, at least it was something.
At least he'd cal ed her sweetheart.
She could see how tightly clenched his jaw was, how much effort it had cost him not to come with her. She wished he had, wished he had completely lost control, wanted to know that she could do that to him. He ground out the words, “I need to pul out.”
“No, you don't.” If he left her now, she'd feel so empty.
“I'm on the pil . And I'm safe. I swear I'm safe.”
Physical y at least.
Because the truth was that she'd just put her own heart in the most dangerous position imaginable. Even for how huge he already was, she felt him grow bigger at her words, thicker, harder.
“Fuck, Janica, I'm gonna come.”
His rough words, said with such heat, sent a new rush of arousal flooding through her. It wasn't going to be the first time she'd had multiple orgasms.
But she was pretty damn sure it was about to be the very best.
“So am I.” She pul ed his mouth down to hers and whispered, “Again,” before she kissed him
passionately.
And then, he was fucking her fast and hard and she was fucking him right back, their bodies slamming together. Slick skin sliding against slick skin. Mouths biting, sucking. Hands grabbing, pul ing. She felt the first shot of his hot ejaculate against the very back of her vagina and she groaned at the extreme pleasure of taking al of him, his very essence, inside of her. Her body reacted with a flood of moisture in the tightening of her inner muscles around his huge shaft, milking him.
Loving him.
* * *
He never wanted to let her go.
Luke started at his unconscious thought. What the hel was he thinking?
Of course he was going to let her go. Just as soon as he'd worked the craziness out of his system, just as soon as he'd had his fil of her heat, her warmth, she'd return back to her normal life. And he'd return to his. Things would go back to the way they were supposed to be.
The harsh reality of his thoughts made him suddenly realize his knees were kil ing him on the hardwood floor. Moving slowly – not wanting to let her go, damn it
- he maneuvered them both onto the couch, lying back and pul ing her body over his like a blanket. Her head settled in at the crook of his shoulder and they lay there together, both catching their breath.
And despite reminding himself that this lapse with his sexy-as-hel sister-in-law was going to have to come to an end in the very near future, over and over, his brain replayed what she'd said.
I love you because you're good.
I love you because you're honest.
I love you, Luke, because of everything you do and
everything you are.
The most amazing thing of al was that she could say those things to him when he wasn't being fair to her. When he wasn't being good. Or honest.
Al his life, he'd had a role to play. His brother, Travis, had been the dog. The player. So Luke had taken the opposite side. He'd been the good guy. The honest guy. The safe guy.
It wasn't until last night with Janica that he'd stopped being al those things, that he'd let himself explore the man hiding beneath the layers, beneath the driven surgeon who never let anyone down.
Jesus, he was letting Janica down. He knew he was, with the way he kept using her body, with the way he kept pushing and shoving at her, not just physical y, but emotional y.
And stil , she thought she loved him.
He stil didn't see it. Couldn't possibly understand why. How.
Didn't even begin to comprehend why his chest felt so tight every time she was close. Every time he looked at her, or touched her. Every time she said “I love you.”