Love Online (Truly Yours Digital Editions) (18 page)

Tom

❧

Jess picked shredded tissues from the desk and carpet and tossed them into the wastebasket. She had cried alone on the anniversary of her father’s death. Those tears were valid. But except for cuts and burns, she’d held it together in Flavors for two straight weeks. The Lord had been her strength. He’d gotten her through. She had survived.

If only she hadn’t succumb to the temptation to open Tom’s E-mail.

Jess strode to her room, flicked on the light, and dropped to the edge of her bed. She fell back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling. She didn’t need a glimpse in the mirror to know her face was a swollen mess. But she had to find a way to look presentable for Corinne’s wedding tomorrow.

Turning onto her side, Jess drew her knees to her chest, grabbed her pillow, and stifled another sob. All these years. . .

Why hadn’t she recognized Tom was in love with her? How could she face Tom tomorrow? But as a bridesmaid, there was no getting out of the wedding now.

Jess rolled onto her other side and looked at her gown, hanging outside her closet door.
Silver.
She couldn’t help but choke back a laugh. Corinne had a flare for glitzy. And the slit up the side ended just above her knee. What would Tom think? Oh, what did it matter?

He had loved her from the start, he wrote. And puppy love was sweet. But Tom had never told her as much until she’d said it first. In fact he’d made plans to leave New York, leave her. What kind of love was that? So much love that Tom was going off to the West Coast all the same. And his warning about Frank. . .

Tom need not worry. Being virtually alone for the past two weeks had taught her a spiritual lesson she’d never forget. The Lord had been her comforter and her strength. And finally she’d arrived where her father wanted her to be. She no longer needed to be married, though she still wanted to be. A big difference.

Jess sat up slowly and scrubbed her hands over her face. The question she’d come to despise and fear loomed large in her thoughts again. Was she just like her mom—the woman she never knew, but whose genes and DNA she carried with her wherever she went?

Whenever she’d broached the subject with her father, he was vague, until his sad countenance at the mention of her mother’s name made her stop asking altogether. “Mom had her share of problems, Jess,” he’d say. “But don’t we all?”

“Yes, Daddy, don’t we all?” Even if she married Tom, she’d never know if she’d walk out the door one fine day. Act as crazy as her mother had. The thought made her too afraid to unlock the wooden box her father had kept in his room. He said there were some papers in it and, if anything should happen to him, to open it when she was ready. Ready?

Jess’s gaze shot to her closet. No matter how far back on the shelf she stuffed the box, it was never far enough away from her thoughts. But if she opened it, she might see herself.

She rose from the bed slowly and walked across the floor as if on eggs. She slid open the closet door, ran her gaze up over her wardrobe, and scanned the shelf. Perhaps she wouldn’t find it among the haphazard remnants of her life.

Jess moved aside two shoe boxes full of old cards and letters. And there it stood, almost beckoning her. She swallowed hard, reached high, and grasped it with her fingertips.

Sitting in the armchair, she ran her hand over the dusty wood. “Lord, if I shouldn’t unlock this, give me a sign. If it’s more than I can handle—”

Jess turned and pulled open the nightstand drawer. That’s how she’d know. If she couldn’t find the key, she couldn’t open it tonight. She swished aside a bottle of perfume and some soaps, and her heart did a somersault. “Oh, no, it’s here.”

Her hands shook as she inserted the small key into the lock. What if there were medical papers, stating that her mother had a breakdown? Jess lifted the lid slowly.

She bit her lip as hot tears slipped down her cheeks. She picked up the photo of her smiling mother. It wasn’t the first picture she’d ever seen of her, but certainly the clearest. They looked so much alike.

Jess placed it on the desk. For a box no larger than ten inches across, her father had managed to store quite a bit neatly. She carefully unfolded a yellowed document—her parents’ marriage certificate. Putting that atop her mother’s photo, her breath caught when she saw her name scrawled on an envelope in her father’s handwriting.

Forgetting her fears, she tore open the side, slipped out the lined paper, and heard a
clink
on the floor. Bending, she picked up the antique-looking gold and diamond ring, slipped it on her finger, and began to read.

My dearest daughter, Jessica,

If you’re reading this, I’m already with the Lord in glory. No need to stain your beautiful face with tears. Although as strong as you tried to be for both of us, you’ve always been sensitive. So go ahead and cry if need be. I’m not around to tell you to quit the girly-girl tears. I was only trying to protect you when I said that. But I also know I made a lot of mistakes raising you.

You probably found the ring I enclosed with this letter. It belonged to my mother, your grandma Stewart. You were so young when she passed away, but I wish you would have gotten to know her. You’re so much like her, and you can be proud of that. She was a loving, sensitive woman, although she had a temper at times. Ha. And when she wanted something, there was no stopping her. But besides all that, I’m giving you the ring in hopes that you’ll wear it when you marry Tom.

Jess clutched her blouse, struggling for air.

I can just imagine the shocked look in your beautiful blue eyes. I know I hounded you about a career and being independent. But you accomplished all those things long ago. And if you’re reading this letter for the first time, I know you’re not yet married to Tom. The reason? The same courage it took to open this
box, to read this letter, is what you need to say yes to Tom. Has that big lug asked yet? Ha. If not, he will. I saw it in his eyes the minute he walked in the door, baseball mitt tucked under his arm. I couldn’t hope for a better husband for my precious little girl. That man is head over heels in love with you, Jess. No doubt about it.

“Oh, Daddy, you don’t understand.” Jess’s shoulders shook with a sob.

And now I come to the subject of your mother. I never did want to go over the details with you, Sweetie. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand myself for losing her. But it was all my fault. We were married two years before Angela got pregnant with you. During those years I put your mother through hell on earth. I wasn’t the man you know as “Daddy.” I was out carousing till all hours and doing all sorts of wrong things. Angela put up with me until you were born. And then she couldn’t seem to take anymore. She tried, Jess. She really did. But one Tuesday morning in March, when you were about two months old, she told me she was leaving. I guess I was hung over, because her words didn’t sink in until days then weeks passed.

My mother, bless her soul, came to help. And that’s when I straightened out my act right quick. But it was too late by then. Angela was gone, and till this Christmas Day 2001 I still don’t know where she is or whether she’s dead or alive.

I hope you don’t hate me, darling Jess. You were the light of my life. You’re the reason I started going to church and working two jobs. I knew I had to get it right. That you lost your mother because of me and the things I’d done to push her away. But none of those things will happen with you and Tom! Don’t think I didn’t know what you were really asking when you talked about your mom. But please don’t be afraid. Tom will never give you reason to run. He loves God, and he loves you. And who can blame him? You’re the best and brightest, and you always will be.

Daddy loves you, Jess. Tom loves you too. And most of all God loves you! And you can tell Tom he’d better name your firstborn son after me. I deserve as much for giving him my blessing to marry you.

I’d better end here. I’ve been hiding in my bedroom from you and Tom, but now it’s time to enjoy Christmas.

Love you forever,

Daddy

Holding her father’s letter to her chest, Jess lay on her bed and cried until she fell asleep.

Eighteen

Gazing at the lovely bride sitting across from her in the limo, Jess smiled. “I’m so happy for you, Corinne.” Oh, to say those words and mean them from the bottom of her heart. Finally to be content as the bridesmaid, knowing God was in charge and all was well with her soul.

“Thanks, Jess. But I should’ve thought twice before choosing that gown for you.” Corinne tilted her chin. “You’re going to steal the show.”

Jess shook her head. “Not at all.” She tugged at the shimmering silver material, which fit too snug to her skin for comfort. Somehow she’d actually gained the few pounds she needed to fill out the dress. Tiramisu to the rescue.

“Stop fussing, Jess.” Corinne pushed at her veil as if it were her wild red hair. “I know you’re used to conservative, but you look like a movie star in that thing, and it’s really not revealing.”

“She does look like a movie star.” Brenda, the matron-of-honor, wore something no less sparkling, but it was gold.

Jess laughed. “Oh, stop it, you two. You’re marrying a great guy today, Corinne.” She turned her head. “And you. You don’t need any more attention than what you already get from Mike.”

Brenda’s ivory-skinned face lit with a shy smile. “Now it’s your turn, Jess. You’re the last hold-out.”

“Yes.” Jess switched her gaze to the side window. “It’s my turn.” But being ready to become Tom’s wife—being so in love with Tom her heart hurt—didn’t change what he’d written in his E-mail. He was leaving, despite his claim that he loved her.

“I hear Marilyn’s pregnant again.” Corinne fluffed the lacy material of her gown. “That’s one busy lady.”

“Yep.” Jess rubbed her arms. “I’m freezing in this car.”

“Too much A/C. It’s a beautiful day.” Corinne hit the button on the console, and the electric window slid down. “I want to show off a bit anyway. Nobody can see me through this tinted glass.”

Jess smiled and lifted her face to the sunshine streaming into the car. “Oh, that feels good.”

“Excuse me.” Brenda grabbed her left hand. “Where’d you get this ring?”

Corinne jolted forward in her seat. “Let me see that.” Her green eyes narrowed. “Have you been holding out on us?”

“No, no. It was my grandmother’s.” Jess looked from one face to the other. “I promise.”

“Wow! It’s gorgeous.” Brenda twisted the ring this way and that. The sun reflected into the diamond, sending multicolored hues shooting around the car.

Corinne coughed. “But you’d better get it off
that
finger. All the guys are going to think you’re engaged. Especially one guy.”

The words jabbed her heart and sent flutters to her stomach. “Yes, well, that
one guy
is leaving for San Diego tomorrow. Moving away. As Juan would say, ‘Adios.’ ”

Corinne gasped. Brenda stared, mute.

Jess pushed a smile to her face. “Well, you didn’t expect Tom to wait around for me forever, did you?” What she intended as humor hung in the car, wreaking of sarcasm. Both her friends exchanged glances.

“Hey, just tell him not to go.” A tendril of Corinne’s red hair popped out from under her veil. She closed the window.

“Yes, Corinne’s right. You have to tell him,” Brenda chimed in with conviction.

Jess shook her head. “I haven’t a tenth of the courage of either of you. That’s why—”

“You’re not married to Tom yet.” Corinne flashed an apologetic smile. “Sorry. But in a way I’m not sorry. In fact, I think I’ll dedicate a song to the two of you at the reception.”

Jess’s spine snapped straight. “Don’t you dare, Corinne. I’ll never forgive you.” She gave Brenda a sidelong glance. “And stop smirking, you.”

The sly look on Corinne’s face made her pulse trip. Like a loose cannon, the bride had always been the type to do or say as she pleased. Corinne tilted her head. “Maybe I’ll have them play “Endless Love.” Anyone looking at you two together can see it.”

Jess felt her nails digging harder into her palms. “Honestly. Promise you won’t do that.”

Corinne frowned. “Sorry, Jess—I was only kidding. Really.” She reached across the seat and patted her hand. “I’m not a very good matchmaker at that. I tripped over Rick for five years before it dawned on me that I was in love with him. I’m thankful to the Lord that the feeling was mutual.”

Brenda laughed. “Yeah, Jess, we were kidding.” She cleared her throat. “Still, if you asked Tom not to leave, I’m positively sure he wouldn’t.”

“Well, I’d never ask him any such thing.” Jess settled back against the soft leather seat. Her father’s letter didn’t change what he’d said to her face—she shouldn’t have to chase any man, not even Tom. She’d had to overcome her own demons—fear being the worst of them. But Tom had a few of his own.

The Lord had revealed more truth to her in the past two months than in all her years combined.

Tom would have to make the move this time—and not the move to California.

❧