Love Online (Truly Yours Digital Editions) (16 page)

The waiter arrived with their entrees. Gazing down at the steamy plate of pasta, Jess licked her lips. “Looks yummy, doesn’t it?” She glanced up, glimpsed his sad smile, and her stomach pitched. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Looks yummy.” Picking up his fork, he swirled it into the linguini. His action seemed more a diversionary tactic than his gusto for food. “I love linguini with clam sauce.” He glanced up from his plate. “But yours is still the best.”

“Oh, please, nobody’s beats La Luna’s. But thanks for the compliment.” Jess reached into the basket, broke off a slice of crusty Italian bread from the warm loaf, and laughed.

Tom tipped his head, his eyes dancing with the familiar humor she so loved. “I was just thinking about Jim. . .and the bread. He was such a messy eater. If things had worked out between us, I would’ve had to follow him around with a container of cleaning wipes all the time.”

Laughing, Tom shook his head. “Did Jim scare you off? Or have you made another Love Online date yet?” His broad shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I mean, you really should, Jess. Get your ninety-nine dollars worth at least.”

Feeling her smile disappear, she forked pasta into her mouth. She’d actually intended to tell Tom she’d fallen in love with him. For crying out loud, he was practically pressuring her into dating other men. “Well, I met one really nice guy, but we’ll see where it goes.”

“Mmm.” Tom swallowed his food and took a sip of water. “Why didn’t you make a date?”

Her pulse throbbed harder in her neck, and her face heated. She wanted to strangle TC, but first she would let him know his advice stank. “We want to get to know each other in E-mail a bit longer. We’re sort of counseling each other.”

Tom fell silent. His handsome face suddenly lost any trace of animation. He gave every indication of being disappointed. He couldn’t get rid of her fast enough. This dinner was a sweet gesture of sympathy, but she’d been a burden tonight, crying in the car, reminiscing about her father.

Jess sipped water while she struggled to recover. She had made too much of Tom’s kiss. And if she hadn’t been so lonely and vulnerable, she wouldn’t have magnified the meaning of being in his arms.

She wanted his love so desperately that she’d wished it into being true. “So how about you?” Toying with the food on her plate, she chanced another glance at him. “Getting on well with Linda?” The catch in her voice made her face warm.

Tom loosened the knot in his tie. “Same as you—it’s a wait and see thing.” He set down his fork gently. Jess tilted her chin, preparing for another blow. “I got to thinking this morning. . . .” Tom stared off for a moment. “In fact, during the service it hit me that staying single is always a viable option.”

A cold knot gelled in her stomach.
“You?
You
want to stay single?” Her rapid, shallow breaths made her head spin. She was suddenly dining with a stranger. “I mean, what happened to our quest? And when did you discover you had the gift of permanent celibacy?”

Tom’s brows drew together. “I wasn’t exactly thinking in terms of celibacy, Jess.”

A mild gasp escaped her lips.

“Whoa.” Tom raised both his hands. “I mean, celibacy is part of not being married, of course. I know what the Word says. But staying single is not a fate worse than death either.”

“Maybe not for you.” An icy chill ran up her spine. “But I
want
a husband and children and—”

“A white-picket fence?” Tom grinned, and her heart sank like a rock. “Sorry. I’m not making fun of you, Jess. And I’m not trying to discourage you either. You’ll meet the right guy.” He loaded his fork with pasta—as if he hadn’t just demolished her heart.

She couldn’t drag her gaze from his face. She felt like screaming, “Look at me! What’s wrong with me?” But she clamped her mouth shut. More than anything else, she had an urge to jump to her feet and run for the door. But what would Tom be left to conclude? “Well, if you don’t want to be married, don’t be.”

Tom tapped his napkin to his chin and scrutinized her, his dark eyes narrowed. “I didn’t say that either.”

“Well, what exactly did you say?” She was trembling now.
Lord, help me!
She’d come so close to telling him in the truck she loved him. Too close. A chill raised the hairs on her arms. Her father’s advice against women chasing men had been on the mark. She was thankful Tom had interrupted her little speech. He must’ve sensed what was coming, and this was his gentle way of letting her down easy.

“I’m saying what I’m saying.” Tom shook his head. “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. What are you getting so uptight about?”

“I am
not
uptight!” Jess ground out the words between clenched teeth.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Tom grunted and shook his head.

Jess blinked quickly to dry her eyes and looked across the room, her gaze settling on the gondola mural. They had never taken a sailing trip as Tom promised when he’d given her the porcelain boat. She loved that snowy Valentine’s Day, sitting in the diner, sipping hot cocoa, and exchanging gifts. Theirs were never the typical, romantic gifts of lovers. They’d both known better than to cross that line. And she should’ve known better tonight.

Jess resumed eating. She’d not sulk like a child, laying bare to Tom more of her needy side.

Tom cleared his throat. “By the way, how did it go with Frank today?” The offhanded remark rolled off his tongue without effort. He was obviously being polite, making small talk. It wouldn’t matter to him if she answered or totally changed the subject.

“Oh, we had lunch and talked. He’s an interesting guy once you get to know him.” Tom’s smile slipped a bit, and she reveled in the small triumph. But who was she kidding? It was only his male ego rejecting the thought of Frank and her together. Just like Juan’s ex—not wanting him and not wanting anybody else to have him. The disappointment she read on Tom’s face had everything to do with Frank being his coworker and buddy. The two even made a game of comparing who had bigger muscles.

“Are you in the mood for Central Park tonight?” Tom inched his dish away. “You finished only half your dinner, but I could use the exercise.”

Jess managed a smile. “Sure, why not?”

Yes, her father had been so right. But she’d make the most of this evening. End it on a high note. And if Tom had suspected she wanted more from him, she’d put his fears to rest.

Fifteen

Tom rested his back against the park bench and stared up at the stars. No single male in his right mind would be this close to Jess and not kiss her. Except for a rare passerby and the sound of chattering crickets, they had this corner of the park to themselves. Jess looked more dazzling than he could remember. And as usual—he would do nothing about it.

“It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” Tom ran his gaze over her delicate profile and watched a slow smile curve her lips. Everything in him wanted to blurt out, “I love you.” He clamped his jaw. Wouldn’t that be appropriate? Say it, then fly off to California? To what end? At least if he left things as is, when he returned to New York on business, they’d slip back easily into their comfortable friendship.

“It’s a gorgeous night. Perfect, really.” Tipping her chin, Jess faced him fully. “How could you consider never getting married?” A worry line creased her brow. “Wouldn’t tonight be even more perfect if you were with your one true love?”

Tom felt his heart drop. He clamped his hands behind his head and breathed in the scent of dewy grass. “You’ve always liked that expression.”

“Which expression?” Jess slapped his knee playfully. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Uh-uh. But you’re definitely partial to ‘one true love.’ ”

“Oh, come on—call it what you like then.” Jess fluffed her hair and tilted her chin.

Tom bit back a grin. Every time he thought he had her figured, Jess knocked him for a loop. He would’ve never guessed his simple statement over dinner could get her so riled. Why should she care whether or not he married? Unless she actually felt sorry for him? Shifting, Tom rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s already a perfect night.”

Jess inched closer to him and rested her hand on his forearm. His gut response was to pull away—move far and fast. His arm muscles tightened under her touch. “Wouldn’t it be
more
perfect, I’m saying, if you were with your one true. All right—scratch that expression. Your significant other?” Jess laughed.

“It couldn’t be more perfect than it is right now, Jess.” Tom met her gaze. She was free to draw whatever conclusion she liked, but she didn’t flinch.

Jess licked her sweet, upturned lips and sighed. “Well, I don’t get it. You haven’t answered my question.” She drew back her hand, crossed her arms over her midsection, and looked off into the distance.

He gripped the edge of the wooden bench and shook his head. Of course she didn’t get it. And she never would. Wasn’t that why she started searching for Mr. Right on the Internet in the first place? “Listen, Jess—I meant to tell you. I’m probably—not probably—I’ve been offered a transfer at work, and I’m going to take it.”

Jess stared, lips parted, face flushed. “You’re moving?”

“Right. It’ll be good for my—”

“Career?” Her voice was flat. Fiddling with the chain on her purse, her gaze lowered, her dark lashes hid her eyes from him. “How long have you known?”

Tom raked his fingers through his hair and shrugged. “I got the memo a couple of weeks back.”

“And did you have to take it?” Her gaze snapped to his. A glint of anger seemed to flash in her eyes. “Didn’t they give you a choice?”

“I had the option of staying here.”
But this is killing me.
“I thought of all the reasons not to go, like—”

“Like inheriting your parents’ rent-controlled apartment? Now there’s a rare commodity in Manhattan.”

Tom nodded. “That was one incentive.” He drew another long breath. “But
you
were my biggest incentive to stay.”
And to go.

“Me?” Jess pointed to herself, eyes wide with mock surprise. “Your mathematical mind really factored me in?”

“Is that sarcasm?” Tom snorted a mild laugh. “For your information, our sixteen-year friendship did weigh heavily on my mind.” If only she knew how heavily.

“And you concluded you can actually live without me?” Jess straightened her shoulders and batted her lashes, feigning indignation. “Where are you going?”

Tom brushed back a windblown strand of hair from her cheek. At least he’d leave guilt-free. Her reaction, though shocking, told him he was a lot more dispensable to her than he cared to admit. “San Diego.”

“That far?” Jess nodded slowly. “Well, now you can finally go sailing. Remember the—”

“Boat I gave you? Yeah, I remember.” Tom stood and extended his hand to her. Jess reached out, lacing her fingers with his, and got to her feet. He cleared his throat. “I’ll be here for a couple more weeks. We’ll plan a trip to Atlantic Beach maybe. What do you say?”

“Sure, that would be great.” With her face raised to his, her sweet breath feathered his mouth. He stifled his impulse to plant one long, lingering kiss on her lips and cupped his hands loosely around her wrists.

Jess gave a shaky smile, which disappeared quickly. “I have to tell you something.” Not a hint of playfulness remained in her voice. “But I don’t know if this is bad timing—or what.”

With his gaze still fastened on hers, Tom squared his shoulders. “Do you want to pray on it first?” Struck again by the same feeling that had hit him in the truck, his heart slammed against his ribs. He tightened his hands around her wrists, shoving away hope, yet still hoping. He had stood in this place too many times—waiting for a cue from Jess—a phrase, a look, a smile, anything to hang his heart onto.

“I–I don’t think I need to pray on this.”

Slipping his hands up her arms, he drew her closer. “Then tell me, Jess.” He gave her a mild shake. “I thought we could tell each other anything.”

A pang of guilt hit. Anything—except what he’d been carrying around in his heart all these years.

Sixteen

Tom’s steady gaze burned a wildfire through her. She had to tell him
now
. The thickness in her throat threatened to cut off her air. What would he think? After all these years as friends, Tom says he’s moving and suddenly she says, “I love you”? He might see it as her last-ditch effort to hang onto him.

A tremor started in the pit of her stomach, rattling every nerve ending in her body. “Tom—” Jess closed her eyes, opened them. “It’s what I–I was going to tell you in the truck.”

Tom put more pressure on her arms, sending heat through her skin. “I’m listening, Jess.”

“But you have to promise”—reaching up, she rested both her hands atop his solid shoulders—“you won’t laugh.”

A strand of brown hair fell forward on his forehead. His brows pulled together, emphasizing his dark eyes. The words stuck at the back of her throat. “I’m not laughing, Jess.”

“I know. I know you’re not.” She drew a shaky breath. “Tom. . .what if I’ve. . .well, what if I’ve fallen in love. . .with you?”

Tom’s gaze flashed from her eyes to her lips, making her heart drum harder. Jess lowered her lids, her eyes burning as she fought a tide of emotions, waiting for his response. Waiting. . .

She felt the pressure of Tom’s fingers under her chin as he raised her face to his. “This isn’t one of our guessing games? Is it, Jess?” Tom’s brown-sugar gaze moved over her face slowly, melting her heart.

Her pulse sped up so quickly that she thought she might faint—or die—but she froze. “Do you want it to be? A guessing game?”

A solemn shadow passed over his eyes.

Jess felt herself trembling. “No—no, it’s not a guessing game.”

A hint of a smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Are you saying you’re in love with me, Jess?”

Heat crawled up her neck, shooting into her cheeks, setting her aflame with embarrassment. But it was now or never. Tom was leaving. “Yes, that’s what I’m—”

Her last word was swallowed in his kiss. Drinking in the warmth of his long-awaited kiss, Jess sank into his embrace, clutching his jacket. She’d always belonged in his arms.