Authors: Elizabeth Roderick
Riel had to sign a mound of paperwork, and her tears kept splotching the ink.
“You’re not going to miss us that much, are you?” the woman at the desk drawled.
Riel didn’t respond, sniffing and drying her tears on her wrist.
The woman rolled her eyes and slid a piece of paper over the counter. “This is the information regarding your probation office. You have to report there at nine o’clock tomorrow morning, or they’ll put a bench warrant out for you. So if you miss us that much, you can just come right back.”
Riel stared at the sheet of paper blankly. Some women did just that: came right back, especially the ones with girlfriends. As a newly released prisoner, Riel wouldn’t be allowed to visit or even write to Marissa. They’d made plans to meet up again when Marissa got out, but the realization, which Riel had been denying for months, suddenly crept in full force: it probably wasn’t going to happen.
Riel bit back a fresh wave of grief.
Make yourself a new life.
But how? It didn’t even seem like she had the raw material to start with. She’d worked hard to get her GED while in prison, but Isaias had made sure she had no real work experience and no friends. Would he even allow her to get a job or her own apartment? Or would it be the same shit as before she’d been arrested?
She wiped her eyes again and took the sheet of paper about probation, following another guard down a hallway.
The guard gave Riel a bundle of street clothes her sister Lizette had brought in: a pair of jeans, her favorite red shirt. She smiled looking at them as the guard locked her in a holding cell to change. The clothes were like old friends she’d almost forgotten about. Lizette had also brought in brand new hipster panties and a cute, purple lace pushup bra. Riel put the underwear on and looked down at her body, running a finger along the cleft between her breasts. It was good to have something on besides granny underwear, to feel sexy again. Riel imagined the look on Marissa’s face if her girlfriend could see her now. Marissa would put her hands inside her bra and pull her breasts free, take each nipple in her mouth, slowly slide the panties down around her ankles.
Riel sniffed and rubbed her swollen eyes, angrily pushing the thought aside.
She got dressed. The jeans were too big; they slipped down to the middle of her hips. The food had been horrible, and she’d also spent a lot of time in the gym letting off steam, so she’d been one of the few women who ended up losing weight in prison.
She sat down on the hard, wooden bench to wait. The cell was cold and windowless. She hugged her knees and watched the fluorescent lights flicker. It felt weird to be dressed in regular clothes again. She kept scratching her boobs, itchy from the lace of the bra. Every few moments, she’d remember she was about to get out and her blood would pound in her ears.
The wait seemed interminable. Her mind kept rolling over what was waiting for her on the outside, and who she was leaving behind on the inside.
Maybe I
should
come back,
she thought, but then she remembered Nora. She imagined an entire life spent within drab concrete walls, harassed by guards, immersed in petty prison drama as she slowly grew older and her life on the outside dwindled to a distant memory. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders.
I’m going to make it somehow
.
Isaias can’t stop me.
She had waited so long, so immersed in her thoughts, that it startled her when she heard the lock click and the door open. “Gabriella Hernandez?”
Riel sat up straighter. “That’s me.”
The guard looked up from his clipboard, his gaze immediately wandering down to her cleavage. He gave her a look she didn’t like, which she’d seen on guards’ faces all too often over the past fourteen months. That look said she wasn’t really human. He could do anything he wanted with her, and no one would ever know or care. Each one of those looks had collected like sludge in the bottom of her soul. Would the feeling ever go away now that she was free?
The guard jerked his chin at her. “Come on, Hernandez.”
He took her through a warren of bare, echoing hallways. Another guard buzzed them through a locked door, and they went out into a bright waiting room.
Sunlight streamed through the windows, making Riel blink. A tall, thin silhouette resolved itself into her sister Lizette, who was a short, slim woman with straight brown hair falling down to her butt. She had a baby in one arm—Riel’s new niece, Corinne, three months old. Riel had never met her, only seen pictures. Lizette’s three-year-old daughter Jessica clung to her mother’s leg, watching Riel with wide, brown eyes.
Next to her sister, his beefy arms crossed over his broad chest, was Lizette’s husband Isaias.
Their eyes met, and Riel’s stomach clenched, bile rising into her throat. A look passed between them, a faint smile curving Isaias’ lips.
Riel tore her gaze from him and rushed up to her sister, giving her an awkward hug while trying to avoid stepping on Jessica or crushing the baby. “Lizette, oh my God.”
“I’m so happy you’re finally out, Riel.”
Riel looked up into her sister’s face. She was smiling her beautiful smile, but her brown eyes were dull and ringed in dark circles. A wave of pity tugged Riel into its riptide. Being married to Isaias couldn’t be easy.
Riel tickled the baby’s chin. Dark hair curled over the tiny girl’s forehead, and her huge, brown eyes were fringed with long, black lashes. She gave Riel a toothless grin.
“Can I hold her? Oh, she’s beautiful,” Riel said.
“Of course.”
Riel took the baby into her arms. Corinne blinked at her, then leaned forward to suck on her chin.
Riel giggled. “Not my chin!”
Isaias shifted on his feet, sniffing. “Let’s get out of this shithole. It gives me the creeps.”
Riel’s smile faded, and she pressed her lips together to stifle an annoyed retort. She handed the baby back to Lizette. “Okay, let’s go.”
They walked out the front doors into the sunlight, the balmy spring breeze catching Riel’s long hair. She felt suddenly dizzy.
I’m free
.
She climbed into the backseat of the extended-cab pickup and helped her sister strap the kids in.
“Olivia’s going to be so happy to see you,” Lizette said. “She stayed home with Mama Maria to help get ready for the party.”
“Party?” Riel asked.
“Your welcome home party,” Lizette said, climbing in the front seat.
Riel grinned. “Thank you.” She caught Isaias studying her over the back of his seat, and her happiness evaporated.
It was about a twenty minute drive to Lizette and Isaias’ house in Portland. Traffic surrounded them in a solid, roaring stream, the houses and businesses crowding thick alongside the freeway. Isaias had some rock band on the stereo, and Lizette chattered about the party—who was coming, how they’d stayed up half the night making
tamales
and cake. The baby squawked and Jessica kicked her legs and cried that she wanted cake
now
. It was overwhelming; so noisy and normal after the snide gossip and rough banter of the other prisoners; after the stale air, bleak lighting, and press of drab prison walls, Riel felt out of place. But she gathered up her voice and spoke over the noise.
“Do you know…will Evan be there at the party?”
Isaias shot her a cruel smirk, and Lizette’s bright smile faltered. “I don’t know,” she said. “I sent him an invitation, but I haven’t talked to him.”
Riel’s heart sank, and she could barely listen to her sister as Lizette launched into a recitation of all the family gossip since she’d been gone. She was obviously trying to lift Riel’s mood, but it wasn’t working.
What do you care if Evan comes?
He never wrote.
He forgot about you as soon as they locked you up.
She and Evan had never truly been boyfriend and girlfriend, but part of her had hoped they were close enough that he’d at least send her a letter now and again. That maybe he’d thought about her as much as she’d thought about him.
She hugged her knees and sighed.
Make yourself a new life.
Well, she’d have to start from scratch. She’d forget about Evan, forget about Marissa, and make an entirely new world for herself. That was, if Isaias let her. Something in the way he looked at her made her suspect he had other plans.
They pulled off I-5 and wove through the streets of the suburban neighborhood where Lizette and Isaias lived. Riel was surprised at how unchanged it all was. There was the Thai restaurant where she’d had her first date with James Clayton, when she was fifteen. At the next intersection was the nail salon where she and Lizette used to go to have mani-pedis. And there was the Plaid Pantry where Isaias had her meet her first customer, back when he’d just had her flinging grams and eight balls.
She had changed so much in her fourteen months in custody, but in her absence the world had gone on like always.
They pulled into the tree-lined driveway of Lizette and Isaias’ two-story house. Olivia, Riel’s oldest niece, came running barefoot out the front door and over the manicured lawn, a little Pomeranian bounding at her heels. Isaias’ mother, Maria, stood in the doorway, the thin, brown skin of her brow gathered into deep wrinkles.
Olivia skipped up to Riel as she got out of the truck and flung herself into Riel’s arms. “Auntie Riel,” she said.
Riel clasped her arms tight around the little girl. “Olivia! I missed you so much.” The dog ran circles around them, yapping, his tongue hanging out.
Olivia took Riel’s hand and started tugging her toward the house. “I’m so glad you’re finally back. We got cake and a
piñata
. And I drew you a picture.”
Riel let herself be pulled. Her eyes nervously met Maria’s, who stood regarding her thoughtfully. Riel’s heart thumped, wondering what the woman would say to her, if Maria would blame her for getting herself busted and costing so much money and trouble. But instead, Maria broke into a wide smile, her gold incisor glinting in the sun.
“Welcome home, Gabriella,” she said. “It’s good to have you back.”
Riel let out an inaudible sigh of relief, smiling back. “Thank you, Mama Maria.”
If Mama Maria wasn’t mad, maybe she had a fighting chance.
Riel had forgotten how warm and clean and beautiful the house was. There were vases of daffodils on the wing tables, and the mantle above the gas fireplace was lined with family photographs. It was so different from the cold prison walls that it made her dizzy.
She took off her shoes so she could feel the deep carpets and cold tile on her bare feet. She wandered around the house as Olivia chattered and showed her every drawing she’d done and toy she’d acquired since Riel had gone away.
The doorbell rang, and Riel couldn’t keep her gaze from darting over as Lizette pulled the door open. She was hoping to see a tall man with dark, curly hair and bright green eyes, to see the teasing smile she’d missed so much. But it wasn’t Evan. It was a short, stocky man with a kind, round face: Isaias’ little brother, Andres. His girlfriend, Ashley, came in behind him.
Andres hugged Lizette. Then his gaze fell on Riel, and he grinned and strode over to her, clasping her warmly in his short arms. It struck her, as it did every time, how unlike his brother he was.
“Oh, man, it’s so good to see you,” he said. “You look great. Prison really agreed with you.” He laughed, and Riel snorted.
He handed her the gift bag he was carrying and looked her up and down. “Seriously, it looks like you’ve been working out.”
“Yeah, I started working out.” She grinned and flexed her arms. Andres squeezed her biceps.
“Ooh, nice guns, Rielita.”
Ashley looked on with her arms crossed, then stepped over, giving Riel a quick, stiff hug. “Hi, Riel. Did you learn your lesson, finally? You going to stay out of trouble?”
Riel’s jaw ached from smiling. “Yeah, I learned my lesson.”
“Well? What are you going to do with yourself now?” Ashley smiled too brightly, her sharp nose slightly wrinkled.
“I got my GED when I was in there,” Riel said. “I’d like to go to college and get a degree in psychology.” It was something she’d discussed with her prison counselor. It would be so nice, to have an education, a real job. A life of her own.
Ashley shook her blonde curls and rolled her blue eyes just slightly, shooting poison through Riel’s hopeful feeling. “Do you really think they’ll, like, give you a job now that you’re an ex-con? I don’t know if they’ll even let you into college. My cousin’s boyfriend couldn’t so much as get a job at McDonalds because he failed the background check, and that was just for a DUI, not for dealing hardcore drugs.”
Andres watched Riel’s chin sag, and gave her a consoling look. “Yeah,” he said, raising his eyebrows at Ashley, “but your cousin’s boyfriend is a dipshit, man. Riel is awesome and smart.” He tousled Riel’s hair and smiled, his round cheeks dimpling. He put his hand on Ashley’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go say hi to my mom.”