“Don’t fucking apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Her false cheer dissolved. “Then why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
After a few chilly minutes, she stood and reached for his breakfast tray.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to set this out for you.”
“Don’t bother. Leave it. I’m not hungry.” He finally looked at her. “You know, maybe you should go today. Go to the office or something. You’re here every day. You need to get back to normal.”
“I can’t do that until I get you home. I want you home.”
“There’s probably a shit load of stuff to do at the office. You’ll be buried when you get back.”
“No, that’s okay, it’s—”
“Go.” He looked away, focused on the TV again. Conversation over.
She tried to beat back the fear in her gut before it consumed her. When it was obvious he wasn’t speaking to her anymore, she slowly picked up her tote bag and leaned in to kiss him good-bye. He didn’t turn away, but he didn’t look at her either.
“I love you, Tommy.”
“Love you, too.” But his voice sounded chilly, hard.
She managed to hold back her tears until she reached the elevator.
When the nurse walked in ten minutes later, she noticed Thomas hadn’t touched his breakfast. “Not hungry?”
“I don’t have a lot of strength in my arms this morning. I need some help, please.” He was tired of Nevvie and everyone having to wait on him hand and foot, tired of the pitying looks in their eyes every time they saw there was something he couldn’t do.
At least the staff was paid to take care of people. He shouldn’t have to put his family through it.
“I’ll get an aide in here to help you.”
“Thanks.”
He’d tried to get the cover off himself minutes before Nevvie arrived and realized it was a bad morning, barely able to lift his arms off the bed. If he tried to eat while she was there, she’d see how fucking weak he was. Then she’d never leave, she’d stay, hovering over him all day, trying to help.
And he’d feel even more fucking guilty.
Despite his stomach growling from the smell of the food going cold, he refused to let Nevvie see him helpless.
He hated that he hurt her feelings, but he hated even more the helpless feeling. Hell, Adam could feed himself better on a good day than he could sometimes.
* * * *
Later that evening, with Tyler and Adam at home with Peggy, Nevvie told them she was going to the grocery store but instead she drove to the hospital. As she approached his room she heard voices inside, Tommy talking to someone.
She felt a little relieved. He almost sounded normal, like he was in a good mood.
Forcing a smile she didn’t feel, she walked in. A nurse’s aide was helping him eat. Mentally she stumbled over that, but hoped the smile held. “Hey, handsome.” She leaned in and kissed him.
It was as if a mask dropped over his face. “Hi.”
“Want me to help you with that?”
“No.”
Nevvie stepped back as if he’d slapped her. “Tommy, I don’t mind.”
“I’m almost done. You should go home and rest. Don’t bother coming back tonight. You need to stay home and get some sleep.”
He wasn’t almost done. In fact, it looked like he’d just started eating. “I’m okay. I want to spend time with you.”
He finally looked at her. “Go home. Go take care of Tyler. He needs you. I’m fine.”
Nevvie thought her heart would stop, pain flaring deep in her soul. She didn’t want him to see her cry. “Okay. Have a good night.” She was actually glad she had to go to the store. It would give her time to stop crying, to get herself cleaned up so Tyler didn’t see.
* * * *
The nurse’s aide watched Nevvie walk out. “Ouch.”
Thomas set his jaw. “She’s wasted too much time on me as it is.”
“Doesn’t seem like she thinks it’s wasted time.” The older woman, Marge, fed him another spoonful of mashed potatoes. The physical therapist had stopped by earlier, assured him that sometimes intermittent weakness this soon was normal, especially after two weeks in a coma and a traumatic brain injury.
He still could barely lift his arms that day, had needed help with lunch, too.
Needed help to even wipe his fucking ass. Nevvie already had one baby at home, she didn’t need two to take care of.
“She doesn’t need me dragging her down.”
“Shouldn’t that be her decision?”
“She doesn’t think straight when it comes to me. Tyler needs her more right now. He’s got his shit together. I’m just a fuckup. One fucking decision and I ruined a bunch of lives. I’m the last person she needs in her life.”
“Sounds like you’ve got yourself a raging pity party going there.” Marge shoved another spoonful of potatoes into his mouth before he could answer.
* * * *
Five days later, the doctors discharged him. Nevvie didn’t spend another night at the hospital with him, and Tyler’s attempts to talk to her about it only seemed to upset her. For once, he let the subject drop. Since he wasn’t cleared to drive yet, he couldn’t go visit alone and try to pry the truth out of Thomas.
Or pound some sense into him.
Peggy stayed at home with Tyler and Adam while Eddie went with Nevvie to the hospital to bring Thomas home. Eddie stayed in the room with him while she made several trips to the car to load all his things.
“What’s going on with you?” Eddie asked.
Thomas sat in a wheelchair, his new crutches propped between his legs. He also had a walker that he had to use on the really bad days, but much of the time now he could get by with the crutches. At least one thing he could manage. “I’m in pain.”
“What did you say to Nevvie?” Eddie quietly asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“She’s been upset the past few days. It happened after she came to visit you. She won’t talk about it. Tyler can’t even get it out of her. I’m your friend. Talk to me if you can’t talk to them, but talk, dammit.”
Thomas inwardly swore. Just call him King Caca, because everything he touched turned to shit. “I’m fine. I’m just in a lot of fucking pain. I’m sorry I’m not Mr. Congeniality right now.”
Eddie shut up. When Nevvie reappeared it looked like she’d pasted a smile on her face. “Okay! We’re all set, all we need is the paperwork and we can spring you.”
Thomas watched TV. “Yay. Yippee.”
Her forced cheerfulness didn’t help his mood, either. “Can I get you anything while we’re—”
“No. I’m fine.”
He noticed Eddie and Nevvie exchanged a look. Eddie stood. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom. I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes.” He left.
Thomas closed his eyes. “Well that was fucking subtle.”
She sat on the bed. “What did I do? I’m sorry, I was just trying to be playful the other day.” Her eyes welled up. “Please, tell me what I did to make you mad at me.”
Fuck.
“I’m
not
mad at you.” He finally looked at her. He wanted to kill himself over how miserable she looked. She’d busted her ass for his worthless hide, and here he was treating her like shit. He took a deep breath. “Seriously. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
She walked into the bathroom and he heard her blow her nose. A moment later she returned. “Please let me take care of you.”
He reached out and she took his hand. He softened his voice. “I love you. I don’t deserve someone as good as you.”
She stroked his cheek. He needed a shave and he was overdue for a haircut. “I love you, and you guys stood by me. Why wouldn’t I stand by you?”
* * * *
Tyler and Peggy walked outside when Nevvie drove up. Eddie rode in the backseat and pried himself out to help Thomas get out of the front seat. Nevvie unloaded the folding wheelchair and brought it around for him.
Thomas struggled for a moment with his crutches, then finally allowed them to help him sit in the wheelchair. “Thank you,” he said.
Inside, his mood and attitude softened. They’d prepared a welcome home party, including cake. It’d been over a month since he’d been home, and yet it weirdly felt like he’d just left the other day, a strange disorientation.
He forced a smile he didn’t feel, said the words he knew they wanted to hear, but later that evening when he realized he was nearing collapse he laid down on the couch and asked Nevvie to bring him some pillows. Peggy had already gone to bed after putting Adam down.
“Don’t you want to come to bed, Tommy?” Nevvie asked. Tyler stood behind her, looking hopeful.
Great, more guilt.
“I can get up and down better from the couch for now.” At least it was partially the truth.
Nevvie walked back to the bedroom to get the pillows. Thomas tried to ignore Tyler’s sad expression when he sat on the couch next to him.
“I was so worried about you, love,” Tyler whispered.
Thomas wouldn’t look at him. “I’m okay. I’m sorry I’ve fucked everything up.”
“Thomas, it was an accident! You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I should have been here for you, for her.” He didn’t react when Tyler slipped his arm around him.
“We love you.”
Thomas shrugged Tyler’s arm off. “You need to go to bed, get some rest.” He didn’t watch as Tyler finally stood and left.
Nevvie returned a moment later with his pillows and a light blanket. From her red eyes, he knew she’d been crying. She helped him lie down and stood there for a moment, watching him.
“What?”
“I’m just so glad to have you home, Tommy. You have no idea.” She leaned in and kissed him before going to bed.
Thomas channel surfed. His mind wouldn’t shut down. He was home, should be happy to be here, and yet he felt even worse. Now Nevvie would have to spend even more time taking care of him, and Tyler would be worried, too.
He must have drifted at some point. When he awoke later, he felt something warm resting against his upper arm and realized it was Nevvie’s head. She was asleep, sitting on the floor next to the couch.
Choking back a sob, he carefully reached over and touched her hair, stroked it. He didn’t deserve her. When he finally composed himself he gently prodded her shoulder. She sat up with a start, rubbing her eyes.
“Go back to bed, sugar,” he whispered.
“I keep waking up. I was worried about you.”
He stroked her cheek. “I’m okay. I’ll yell if I need you.”
She finally broke down crying, buried her head against him. “I missed you so much.”
He nuzzled his face against the top of her head. “I missed you too, babe. But you need to go to bed. You need to sleep.”
“I want to sleep with you.”
“Once my leg’s a little better I’ll move back to bed. You go sleep.”
She finally did after kissing him. He wondered what was wrong with him that he felt not just emotionally, but physically dead. Normally a long, sweet kiss from her or Tyler would give him a hard-on and have him panting after them.
His cock felt as dead as his heart.
He watched her walk toward the bedroom as the realization struck him.
Dead.
That’s exactly how he felt.
He rolled onto his back to watch TV for a while.
* * * *
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Nevvie knew getting Thomas home wouldn’t be the final end of their journey, but she thought things would take a seismic shift back toward normalcy.
How wrong could she be?
At least Thomas was under the same roof with them again, even if after two weeks he constantly rebuffed their attempts to get him back into their bed or even allow them to show him anything other than the most basic affection.
Peggy and Karen finally returned home to Savannah at Nevvie’s insistence. She hoped maybe having the house to themselves might allow Tommy to loosen up a little.
Nothing.
They finally got him approved for home physical therapy visits, but until they started, Eddie helped her shuttle Thomas to his appointments. Thomas was always grumpy and foul-tempered after. Nevvie struggled to maintain her forced good mood, but admitted there were days she wanted to smack him.
She knew he hurt, knew he was in pain and frustrated that his progress wasn’t as fast as he wanted. Tyler’s recovery went perfectly, with his mood even sweeter than normal, if that was possible. While she felt guilty for her selfishness, she longed to have her sweet Tommy back, her playful husband, even if just for a day.
The new version acted like a stranger in nearly every way, and Nevvie felt like he was slipping away from them.
* * * *
One afternoon a week later, Nevvie curled against Tyler in their bed, stroking his chest, her fingers lightly tracing his scars. That morning, his doctor had cleared him to return to sexual activities.
“I want you to make love to me. I want you inside me.”
He rolled on top of her. “It’s what I want too, love. We shouldn’t do that today.”
“Why not?”
“For one, because we only have a short time right now until Eddie brings Adam home. Two, because you’re not back on the Pill yet and it’s not a safe time of the month for you, and frankly, I don’t think I have enough self-control to stop in time. And three, because Thomas is asleep. If he wakes up and needs us I’d rather not explain what we were doing and risk hurting his feelings. He’s in a foul enough mood as it is. The three of us need to talk about all of this.”
She studied his eyes. “I want another baby,” she said.
He kissed her. “Is it time for you and I to have this discussion?”
She nodded.
He stroked her cheek. “You and I both know Adam is most likely my son. I want our next child to be Thomas’ and I think you do, too.”
She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to go months without you making love to me.” And at the rate they were going, she wouldn’t be making love to Thomas either, if they couldn’t get him back into bed with them.
“We can use condoms, sweetheart. Arrange it so he doesn’t know what we’re doing. You know as well as I do how he would get if he thinks we’re planning behind his back. He’s a ‘let things happen as they will’ kind of chap. He would be happy regardless of who is the father, but you and I are on the same page, as it were.”