Authors: Mj Fields
“Tessa they were worried about you. Must be it’s really bugging him or they think you’re doing better.”
“I’m pissed.” She whispered and slammed a door. “Lucas their not prepared for that.”
“Them or you?” I asked softly hoping that would ease the bite the question may leave her with.
“Them, jackass! He won’t be able to do the stairs.”
“Okay, maybe you should ask them what their plan is with that Tessa. Your mom’s a nurse, I’m sure they have considered it.”
“Spill it Links.”
“No way.” I laughed.
“Lucas now.”
“
Their building a ranch near Brody’s place.”
“They’re selling our house?”
I didn’t say a fucking thing.
“Okay that didn’t come out how I planned it to Lucas.”
“Okay.”
“I didn’t mean our house as in yours and mine from a million years ago. I meant because it was on our land, meaning Ross family land.”
I chuckled “Of course that’s what you meant.”
“Shut up.”
“It’s called a Freudian slip.”
“You’re so frustrating.”
“You too, I had to jerk off for fifteen minutes this morning just to get rid of the hard on you left me with.”
I heard her giggle.
“Will you by any chance be in Jersey for a concert in a few days?”
“Stalker.”
“Does that mean yes?”
“Yes
, Lucas.It means yes.”
“Good. Your boy toy needs to see you.”
“Maybe.”
“Make it happen. Love you Baby. Talk to you soon.”
I hung up so she didn’t have to feel bad for not returning the sentiment.
I talked to both the kids on my way to Jersey and Ava was meeting me for dinner before she went to the concert. And get this, Ava said, “Would you come too
, Daddy?”
Could life possibly get any better?
Tessa
“What do you mean you’re coming to the show?”
“My daughter asked me to come to the show with her. What should I have said Baby?”
“Lucas how about no
?”
“Now that would disappoint my girl and you.”
“How would it disappoint me?”
“We’ve never been to a concert
together Baby.”
“We’ve never been to the moon either Lucas but I’m not disappointed. Please don’t do this.”
“Okay I’ll just call Ava and tell her something came up.”
“She’ll be disappointed.”
“And I just fell even more in love with you.”
“Lucas…”
“I mean, what a bitch,” He laughed. “How dare you not want to disappoint my kid?”
“You’re not playing fair Lucas.”
“All is fair in love and football. Speaking of football, Logan’s first game is Saturday against Villanova.”
“He must be so excited.” I tried to act like it didn’t bother me but it did. I wished I could be there for him, both of them. “Is Ashley gonna be there?”
“Sure is. Her and Robert. Can’t wait. Dad and I bought a box and he invited them.”
“What the fuck is wrong with your father?”
He laughed. “I would’ve invited them either way Baby. For Logan. For the last game which, by the way, is November eighth against Duke. Maybe you can all come. And if you’re a good girl, maybe I’ll make you come at the Dome.”
“I’ll see you next week?”
“Unless you want me earlier. I am a man of leisure now you know, which is code for, ‘I’m bored out of my fucking mind’.”
I laughed. “I miss you.”
“How much?” His voice was deeper, huskier.
“Enough.”
Too much
, I thought.
“I can fly too,” he paused for a moment. “Virginia Beach?”
“You can’t,” I laughed.
“Oh Tessa, you have no idea what I would do for you.” His voice was full of hidden intent.
“Lucas, I will see you next week.”
“Sure thing Baby. Now go take a nap. You’ll need it.”
He hung up before I could say anything else.
~
After dinner with Harper, Maddox, Emma, Brody, and the girls, I looked at the clock. It was eight thirty and I was exhausted. I suppose it was because some, not all, of the emotional gloom I had been dealing with lately was slowly disappearing.
“You tired Harper?”
“Exhausted, all the time.” She laughed and rubbed her belly.
“How’s my granddaughter?”
“Perfect. She’s moving. Do you wanna feel?”
Maddox was sitting next to her with ear buds in listening to his playlist for a new set they were doing tomorrow. His hand was on her stomach.
“Do you think he’d mind?” I laughed and Harper smiled.
“Mom, anytime you want to touch my belly
you know you can.” She smiled sadly at me.
I looked at her and was struck with the knowledge that I hadn’t even touched her belly since she had gotten pregnant. I hadn’t made a big enough deal about what was the most precious time in my daughter’s life. I felt my eyes burn.
“Harper, I am so sorry. Oh my God, where have I been for seven months?”
“It’s okay Mom. You’ve been busy.” Her eyes teared as well. “I understand.”
“I don’t. Not one bit. Oh Harper Ann. I…”
“Mom. We lost Dad, my first child, Grandpa Harrison, I got married, we had a memorial service, and you’ve been with us on this tour. You’ve been here.”
“Not enough.” I knelt next to her and held my hand on her stomach and Maddox opened his eyes.
“She’ll be a soccer player,” he laughed and took out his ear buds. “She’s so active all the time.”
Tears began falling and I laughed as I felt my granddaughter kicking. “She’s going to be amazing.”
“Mom…”
“No. No excuses, just the facts. Life was horrible for a while but I’m here now. No going back.”
“He would want that.” Harper smiled and put her hand over mine.
“I know that now.”
“What’s changed?”
“I don’t know. His letters. Time. Realizing that I have too much love to give. I am so excited about her Harper. Just going to warn you both now, I’m going to be taking her a lot.”
“Where?” Maddox sounded uneasy and Harper and I both laughed.
“After a few weeks I will take her to my room so you two can sleep once in a while. If she is cranky I am going to hold her so you can shower or eat or breathe. Mom did that for us. After the boys were born Collin had begged me to go get a haircut with him. Then every few weeks we went to dinner. Just an hour or two for us. You’ll need that.”
“We won’t
, will we Harper?” Maddox’s voice was an entire octave higher with panic.
“I don’t know Maddox what do you think?” She looked at him and he held her stare for a bit.
“Oh, um, yep we will need that once in a while.”
“Not for sex. You can…” I began.
“Uncomfortable.” Maddox whispered.
“Oh please, the amount of times I have accidentally walked in on the two of you?” I laughed and so did they. “We need to plan a baby shower. Decorate a nursery, get everything set. She’ll be here before you know it. If not earlier like you were.”
“Oh no our little one is scheduled on October thirty first. Its Dad’s birthday, she will not deviate from that plan. Right Harper?”
“Mom knows I’m not all that impressed with the date Maddox, no need to rub it in.”
“You never know.” I leaned down and kissed her belly. “I’m going to head back to my room. Goodnight, I love you all.”
~
I showered and threw on a tank top and climbed into bed. I was ready for a good night sleep. I said my prayers as usual and settled in ready to toss and turn. I know Harper would forgive me but I knew how hard it was to forgive myself. I talked to Collin tonight. I woke to my phone and looked at the screen.
“Lucas?”
“Who else?”
“Hi.”
“Were you sleeping Baby?”
“Yes actually.”
“Sorry I know you need your sleep but I happen to be outside your hotel, hanging out on the beach.”
“
Your where?”
“We never dated back then. I know we won’t have a lot of time to do that so I was just hoping maybe you can…I don’t know.”
“Are you embarrassed?” I couldn’t help but smile.
“Baby, just come down. Look to the left of your hotel when you walk out beach side.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” I laughed and hung up.
I ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and tried to make sense of my still damp mop of hair. I grabbed
some shorts and threw them on. And looked for a sweatshirt. I grabbed the first one I saw and snuck out the door.
I used the stairs knowing
that Clive or Serge would be stationed at the end of the hall near the elevator. I was sneaking out. I laughed when I slid down the last three stairs on my ass. Damn flip flops.
I opened the door and ran out. I stopped when I saw Lucas in a white linen top and khaki shorts that hit just above his knees holding a single white flower. I felt the
butterflies dancing around in my belly just like they used to with him. Lucas was beautiful. He was that all American Abercrombie and Fitch looking kind of guy, even at his age. He was six foot two. The only reason I knew that was because Collin was an inch taller than he was. He had dark brown, almost black, hair and blue or green eyes, depending on the color he wore. He was built like a quarterback back then and still was to this day. Square jaw, and flawless masculine features, adorn his face. Leading to his prominent deltoids and very impressive set of abs, and well, let’s just say the defined V wasn’t pointing to anything less impressive than the rest of him. He was rugged looking but not over the top buff, except when he was playing pro ball. He always took care of himself very well. His legs were thick and his ass, even thicker. He exuded confidence and his looks demanded attention. Just like him. Most of the time.
He tilted his head and looked a bit confused. That was the Lucas I always fell for. The softer Lucas who allowed you to see past the natural confidence and into the vulnerable side. I started walking towards him now and smiled. He bit his lip and smiled back. I ran up and fell into his embrace. His big warm hug made me melt. It was always comfortable in his arms. Which at times seemed to make me lose my senses completely.
“There you are. You stopped for a minute. You kind of had me going and not in a good way either.” He leaned down and very softly kissed my lips. He stepped back and looked me up and down slowly. “You alright?”
“Well back there I was checking you out.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh huh. You’re very nice to look at.”
He laughed and took my hand and started leading me into a darker section of the beach.
“Before that I fell down the last three stairs on my butt.”
He stopped and handed me the white rose and then turned me around. He kneeled down with his hands holding my hips and he kissed my butt over and over again. I laughed and then I felt his strong wet tongue running slowly back and forth just inside my waist band.
“Lucas.”
“Better?” His hand ran up my inner thigh and I felt my back arch slightly towards him.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He stood up and took my hand. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
“Where are we going?”
“On a date Tessa.” He chuckled.
I saw a cabana in the distance that was glowing and I smiled.
“It didn’t start that way before and it should have.”
I stopped. “It was supposed to be a mess back then or I wouldn’t have…”
He turned and looked at me. “I don’t regret marrying Ashley. I have two beautiful children because of her. This isn’t about any of that. It’s about righting wrongs. Wrongs, that like it or not, I see clearly now and I want you to know that I am sorry it ever was like that with us. But I wouldn’t go back okay?” I didn’t answer. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes, no, Lucas this is…”
“Going to be a night you’ll never forget if you just trust me now Tessa.”
I nodded and he smiled and turned and walked to the cabana.
He pulled back the curtain. “After you.”
I walked in and sat on the blanket that covered the entire area inside. There were candles, music, strawberries and wine.
He sat next to me, opened the wine, and poured me a glass.
“Thanks.” I laughed and covered my mouth.
He smiled and poured himself one. “Weird?”
“No it’s nice, it’s just not, I don’t know.”
“Us?” He asked.
“Yeah I guess but I’m also feeling. I don’t know. Silly?”
“You aren’t alone. All the way here I was questioning what I was doing. I ordered flowers and went with the normal yellow roses and Gerber daisies I always got for you but then decided I needed to switch it up. Wine, but which kind will she like? Which kind will make her smile? Which kind will get her naked fastest?” He laughed and so did I. “I want this to be the same. The ease that we always had when talking. The laughs, the fun, did I mention the talking?”
“You did.”
“Good because I miss that. I miss that so much.” He held my hand. Do you remember Molly’s shower at the pond? You and I fought; I almost didn’t show up…”
“Of course I do.”
“Do you remember everything about it?”
“The baby?”
“Okay, it had been six months, I remember that. But I didn’t then.”
“It’s
alright; it was a long time ago.”
“Okay fine. But I need you to know when things really changed for me and why. Not an excuse but something I want you to know that I’m fully aware of and will never do again.”
I nodded and swallowed hard.
“I was an ass. Pissed off and wallowing in my own bullshit. You were hurting too and I just kept up my shit because I needed to protect myself. Ben was head up his ass about you then and didn’t even try to hide it. He’s the only guy who had the balls to tell me about myself. He was leaving to attend school overseas because he was in love with you. He couldn’t stand to see what I was doing to you. The girl he knew growing up was a shell of herself. He told me what a fuck up I was. I had felt that all my life growing up with Landon as a father. I knew I would never be any better. I asked you if you wanted to try to have another baby. Just grasping at whatever I could to make you stay with me and I realized the only way I could lose you
, was by hurting you. I knew I was going to lose you then. I fucked you in the pond under the dock with your family on the shore. The kid, who respected your father enough that I tried my damndest to keep my hands off you under his roof, fucked you while they were all ten yards away. It was then I began treating you like a possession. I held too tight knowing I was gonna blow it and a guy like Ben was going to get you. The girl I loved. But then it didn’t matter, all that mattered is that I knew when I fucked up you’d be back. I needed that. It disgusts me now. As much as I didn’t want to hurt you I couldn’t stop because I knew I didn’t deserve you. I wasn’t good enough or deserving enough of your love.”