Love You Anyways (3 page)

“You can have the Jersey house Ash. That’s where you run to every other fucking week anyways. That’s where your family is and…”

“I will take this house. I will take from you what you love.”

I pulled her up so she was facing me. “Let me tell you something. You will play real nice or I will share four years of pictures that I have of my wife’s infidelities with the media. Your little boyfriend has higher hopes than State Senate, and you’ll be single handedly crushing them. I have no problem going on talk shows and doing interviews about how crushed I am about it.”

“The world will think you’re a pussy Lucas.”

“No Ash, cause when I’m done here, I have years’ worth of missed pussy to make up for cause I was dumb enough to believe in this marriage shit.”

I let go of her arms and laid down rolling to my side so that my back was to her.
Bitch
!

“I agree Lucas. I was never yours to begin with.”

“Whatever excuses you need to give yourself go right ahead. But you will play nice when it comes to our kids or I will make you pay. They are my only priority now.”

~

I woke up when I heard my phone vibrate. I saw a text message

-911 call me back now…JB

I rubbed my eyes and read it again. What the hell was going on? Jade would never send a message at three in the morning if it wasn’t a real emergency.

I snuck out of my bed and walked down the stairs to my office and sat at my desk and called Jade.

“What’s going on Jade? Is Luke alright?”

“Lucas…Collin was shot.” That was the only thing she said that I understood.

“Links.” Her husband Ryan, my best friend, was on the phone.

“What the hell happened?”

Ryan told me the details and I was shocked. I couldn’t believe what the hell I was hearing.

After a long pause as I listened to him comforting his wife I cleared my throat, “Are Tessa and the kids alright?”

“Physically, yes. CJ was the one who called and told Jade. He’s pretty shaken up but he said his father died and that his brother, sister, and Tessa were okay. We should know more tomorrow.”

I heard a blood curdling scream followed by
, “Daddy!”

“Ryan we’ll talk tomorrow. I think Ava just found out.”

I ran up the stairs to Ava’s room and she was throwing clothes into a suitcase.

“Daddy
! Collin is dead and Harper, oh God Harper, was taken and he tried to save her and now he’s dead and…”

I grabbed her and held her as she sobbed. “Harper, CJ, Matthew, and Tessa
are fine. I just talked to Ryan and him…”

“What is going on?” I looked up and both Logan and Ashley were walking in Ava’s room.

“Collin was killed.”

Ashley’s first reaction will haunt me for the rest of my life. She looked at me as if she had no soul. She was pissed and the smug look on her face made me want to hit her. I looked at Logan and he was studying her face and he too looked confused as to her reaction.

“You okay Mom?”

Ashley nodded and swallowed. She hugged Logan and stared coldly at me over his shoulder.

Chapter 2

Memories

Ava was awake when I walked down the stairs. “I need to see Harper.”

I gave her a hug. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all. “Okay. When they get home I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“Mom wants me to go to Jersey.”

Ashley and Logan walked down the stairs and I noticed they both had overnight bags.

“You going somewhere?”

“To visit my sister.”

“Logan
, you want to stay here or go with Mom?”

“The kids are going with me. I know you’re busy with work or I would’ve asked you to come along.”

“I don’t want to go Mom. I want to be here when Harper comes home.”

“Logan you can stay too.”
I told him.

“Nah, I’ll go with Mom.”

I gave him a hug as he walked by. “Thought we were hitting the gym during your break. Lifting weights, keeping in top physical shape. You have colleges interested and…”

“Leave him alone Lucas he’s on vacation,” Ashley laughed. “Ava you sure you won’t come?”

“I’m sure. She’s my best friend Mom. I thought you’d want to be here for Tessa.” Ava was fighting anger. I could see the storm brewing behind her baby blues.

“I’m sure her family will all be there to help her. We won’t be gone long. I’ll see her then.” Ashley didn’t wait for a response, “Let’s go Logan, you can drive.”

“The roads are shit Ash, you should be driving. I should be driving.” I wasn’t liking this one fucking bit.

“He’s almost eighteen Lucas. How old were you when you were driving to New Jersey alone? I’ll be with him.” Ashley gave Ava a quick hug and out the door she went.

Ava looked at me. “What’s going on Daddy?”

“Apparently she misses her family.”
And your mother has been fucking around for years now
, I wanted to say, but I didn’t. “Do you know when they’re supposed to be in?”

“No.” Ava flopped on the couch and grabbed a pillow.

I hated seeing her like this. Hated seeing her struggle and I couldn’t do anything about it. “You want breakfast baby girl?”

“No Daddy I just want to cry.”

I sat next to her and held her hand. “Then cry.”

She took my arm and put it over her shoulder and snuggled into me like she did when she was a little girl. Hell
, she was still my little girl.

She fell asleep and I decided I was going to go dig through some boxes in the basement. I looked at the shelves that held our memories in plastic totes. I decided I may as well start going through them. If Ash thought she was taking the house I built for my family I would be damn sure to keep some of the memories.

The first box I grabbed off the top shelf, sat it on the floor, and grabbed the other five. Our life, on shelf at a time. I couldn’t believe this shit was happening.

I opened the first tote and it was full of wedding memorabilia. You know all that shit girls have to have. The champagne glasses with your names in pretty script and hearts. I stood up and grabbed a garbage bag off my work bench and threw those bitches in there. Next I grabbed a bag of potpourri wrapped in tulle and ribbons, “Fucking lame.” I threw them in the trash to
o. Invitations, rehearsal dinner programs, wedding programs, and flyers from the Dominican Republic where we went on our honeymoon. A binder for planning every event of our big fucking day.

I threw out every piece of shit memorabilia she had kept except
for the document we had signed, a fake license, one for the bazillion photos that were taken that day. I wanted to super glue that bitch on her forehead. So when she looked in the mirror she saw it and so the senator saw it while he was banging my wife.

The only thing I kept was the photo album and the case of wine without labels on them. The photo album because
, let’s face it, I looked fucking good and the wine because I was gonna get fucking ripped the day I signed those papers.

I shoved them in the tote and grabbed the
bag of lies
and walked up the stairs and out the garage door. I threw it in the garbage and walked back inside. I looked into the family room and saw my little girl was still asleep.

I walked back down the stairs and looked at the shelf. I was on a mission, one that
I was distracted from by the
bag of lies
. I looked at the shelf and decided I should organize them so I went to find a sharpie.

After emptying the second shelf I found what I was looking for. Bingo! I pulled out the pink blanket and held it to my face and smelled it. This blanket was Bingo. Ava had to have it from the time she was about one
. This was the only blanket out of the hundreds that would soothe her, help her sleep, to comfort her at night.

We lost it, once, Ava was having a fit and I was looking through the car after going to Jersey and I was sure it was left behind. She cried, stomped, threw the biggest tantrum I had ever seen. I swear to you she was like the chick from the exorcist. It was midnight and I was tired, Ash was tired, Ava was way over tired and I was outside in the snow digging through bags.

When I found it I was so fucking happy I ran in waving that pink blanket in the air and yelled, “Bingo!”

Ashley looked so reli
eved and Ava immediately stopped her sleepy tantrum. She looked up red eyed and tottled to me putting her little hands in the air, “Bingo Dada.”

I swooped her up and held her as she loved on Bingo, grabbed Ash’s hand, pulled her up and we walked up the stairs, together, as a family. I kissed my wife’s head and smiled. That was a hell of a victory for us.

I looked at Ava and she was out. No million stories to read, no sneaking her in her room after she fell asleep, I just laid her in her bed with Bingo and she looked so damn peaceful.

Ash and I snuck out of her room, tiptoed out of her room so we wouldn’t wake the two and a half foot, twenty pound ruler of our world. She was exhausted, I was exhausted but I was on an adrenaline high. Fucking victory rush, and she looked good. That was the first time my wife let me in the back door. Bingo.

I sat there looking at all the boxes. Boxes full of memories, of family memories, and I closed my eyes. I allowed pain to set in for two minutes, that’s all it could have me for. We were still all here. Alive, breathing, able to figure out a way to live through the hurt, rebuild our lives. Collin Abraham didn’t have that choice.

I walked up the stairs and covered my little girl with Bingo and she didn’t stir. She did smile in her sleep and pull that blanket up to her nose, the silky part, just like she did as a baby.

~

I was in the basement when Ava came down the stairs wrapped in Bingo. I was on the floor knee deep in memories and she sat next to me.

“What are you doing Dad?” Ava called me Daddy when she was upset, or trying to get out of trouble, but right now I was Dad.

“I was trying to find Bingo for you.” I tore my eyes off the pile before me and looked at her and smiled. “Did it help?”

She nodded, “Yeah, but I thought we sent this to Aunt Ally when she was pregnant?”

“Yeah, apparently she sent it back,” I winked.

“So you lied to me?” Ava raised her eyebrows trying to act surprised.

“Not lied, no, never.”

She laughed, “Then what do you call it?”

I leaned back against the bench
, looked at her, and smiled. “As your father I thought it was in your best interest to not walk into the third grade with a blanket. Didn’t want you to get picked on.” She laughed. “So I devised a plan.”

“You devised a plan huh?”

“Sure did. Very strategic and well thought out plan. When I mentioned to you that you’re Aunt was having a baby and really needed a blanket you weren’t as receptive to the idea as I thought you’d be.”

“I loved Bingo, still do.”

“I know but sometimes you just gotta move on.”

“I know.” She looked at the pile of sports awards in front of me and laughed.

“Okay fine, maybe you just have to shelf it.”

“So you shelved Bingo.”

“I did. I wanted to make sure you could someday have it again if you wanted.” I reached over and tugged at Bingo, “You came to me three days later and handed her over. Tears in your eyes and a smile on your face you said to me, ‘Okay Daddy we can send it. Maybe her baby can love it now. I can’t take care of it all the time maybe the baby will love it like I used to.’ I swear you almost brought a grown man to his knees. But it was a great life lesson.”

“How’s that?”

“If you no longer have the time for something you love, maybe someone else can love it better.” She leaned against me. “Ava, Harper, is going to be okay. She has that Rock Star boy and you. She will hurt but she’ll be okay.”

“I can’t imagine lo
sing you.”

“You won’t baby girl. Not yet anyway.”

“Why didn’t Collin wait for the police? Why didn’t he…”

“I would have done the same for you. I would have risked my life to save you without a second thought. No way in hell could anyone have stopped me from trying to protect what I
loved. I admire him so much for what he did. He’s a damn good man.”

“Maybe I should give her Bingo.”

We sat there silently for a long time.

“You wanna go out to lunch with your Daddy
, Ava girl?”

“No. Maybe we can order in.” She leaned over and started going through the pile.

We were actually having a good time looking through all the boxes. She was finally smiling and asking a bunch of questions. Ava decided I should keep all of the junk but maybe in digital form.

She took pictures of everything and we were going to download them and put them on a disk. Clear out the clutter, I had said. Organize the memories, she smiled.

“Grandma K kept all of this stuff?” She laughed when she held up the blanket of all the t-shirts made into a quilt.

“Kept well huh?” I didn’t want to tell her my mother didn’t keep shit. I did. And I didn’t want to tell her the quilt was a graduation present from my first love, Tessa Ross.

“This is so cool.” She stood and flung open the quilt and sat on it. “Give me that bin.”

Ava was tearing through all the bins and having a great time. She kept my pile of ball caps, all the white ones, and football jersey’s.

She opened another bin and grabbed the photo album, one of all my senior year highlights, another thing Tessa had given me.

She smiled when she saw Tommy and me shirtless in front of my pool.

“Damn Dad, you were hot stuff.”

“Yeah, some things don’t change huh?” I laughed.

“Oh my God! Is that Luke’s Dad?”

“Sure is. Tommy, my best bud from as far back as I could remember.”

“So Jade was doing him then?”

“Ava,” I warned.

“Okay are you gonna keep trying to convince me the stork is real too?”

“Hell yes I am.” We both laughed.

“Luke looks just like him.”

“Luke is a spitting image of his father.”

She turned the pages until she came to the obituary. Tommy had died in a car accident our senior year in high school not knowing that his girlfriend, Jade, was pregnant.

“Does it still hurt Daddy?” I nodded. “How did you get through all of that?”

“Leaned on friends.”

“Tessa?”

Holy shit. This was awkward, almost as bad as the sex talk with Logan, that I’m pretty sure was a little late.

“I also found out J
ade was pregnant then. Hell she didn’t even know.”

“How did you feel when she and Ryan hooked up?”

“Well they didn’t just hook up Ava, they got married. He stepped up to the plate and took care of both her and Luke. Loved them so much. Ryan is a damn good man, father, husband, and friend.”

“Jade says you did too.”

“I did what Tommy would have done for me.”

“Do you miss him Daddy?”

“Every single day.” It was true. You don’t just forget about someone who meant so much to you, regardless of time or change.

“What did you do right after you lost him? What do you remember the most that got you through it?”

Shit, got to love this question. I looked at her and I’m sure she saw the wheels turning.

“I want to know what to do for Harper.”

“Gotcha. Be there when she needs you Ava. That’s it, that’s all anyone can do.”

“Okay.”

I lugged up three totes full of papers and was about to go into the garage when I looked out the window and decided if I let that stuff sit I’d probably be dragging it back in the house.

Hard to let go of the Glory Days.

“Hey Ava?”

“Yeah Daddy?” She walked up the stairs with a bin.

“How about we order pizza and have a bonfire tonight?”