Authors: Marianna Roberg
"That's great, Em. But..." Jaina wasn't entirely sure why she was so eager to end the phone call with her sister. It was great news, but... Colin could be there any moment. Stupid, she knew. "Did you happen to check to see what time it is here? Not that I mind."
"It's 3 PM here. So it's like 1 in the afternoon there. Why, are you working?"
"It's 10 AM," Jaina replied.
"So? You're awake."
"And no, I'm not working today. It's Sunday."
"Good point," Emily said mildly.
Jaina rolled her shoulders. "Okay, I
was
asleep, but I've been up for about twenty minutes..."
Cheerfully, her sister said, "Oh, well, 10 is late enough!"
Feeling guilty for her reluctance to talk to her sister, Jaina said, "But that's great news."
Oblivious to Jaina's struggle, Emily said, "Thanks. So what's new with you?"
"I'm... learning to ride a bike."
"Really?" Emily was shocked. "Who's teaching you? Jasa knows better."
It was then that Jaina realized why she was so uncomfortable. She didn't want Emily finding out about her feelings for Colin, and making fun of her. "His name's Colin."
"Colin?! As in guy-you're-obsessed-with Colin?"
"I'm not obsessed!" she responded automatically, wondering if Emily already knew.
"Um, sweetie, do I need to remind you about your theme on your computer? Or the little Hedridan teddy bear?"
Mentally smacking herself, Jaina said, "Well, okay, but he hasn't seen it."
"Or the giant poster?" Emily continued. Jaina didn't mention that the only reason Colin hadn't seen
that
was because it was on the back of her door. "Sure. For your sake I hope he doesn't."
"The issue here is NOT my supposed obsession," Jaina said defensively.
"What is the issue?" Emily asked.
"I'm learning something."
"Learning? Learning what?"
Jaina rolled her eyes and prompted, "Bike."
"So what's the issue?"
Sometimes, Jaina hated how much Emily remembered. She could remember
anything
.
"Jaya..." Emily was speaking slowly. "He's gay, sweetie."
Jaina closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the wall. Yes, Emily knew. "That's not proven."
"Go have fun with the Hedridan shaped dildo instead of pining."
Jaina's mouth dropped open. She was too shocked to reply.
"There is no reason to believe otherwise," Emily continued.
She finally got her tongue free from paralysis. "Except for the fact that I've been hanging out with him for over a month, and I've never heard him mention a boyfriend."
"He's a private person, I don't think he'd divulge all of his life secrets in a month," her sister said reasonably, voice sounding tiny through the phone.
Jaina was suddenly very aware of just how far away her little sister was. "And I've never seen any sign of someone else there when I visit his house."
Emily spoke as if explaining something to a child. "So, not everyone lives with their significant others."
Stubbornly, Jaina said, "Well ... that's true, but... You'd think I'd maybe have met someone if they existed. I give Colin cooking lessons three nights a week, and we go biking twice a week..."
"Five days?"
"Um. Yes."
"You spend five days a week with this guy plus you work with him? No wonder you fell for him!"
Jaina counted to ten, resisting the urge to reach through the phone and strangle her sibling.
"Sweetie, what you need is to get laid," Emily went on. "Go out clubbing, surround yourself with handsome guys."
"What I need is for Jasa to quit looking at Colin like he's going to jump on him or something," Jaina said belligerently.
Emily sighed. "He's in overprotective mode? Dude, he needs help. The man is
gay
. Tell Jasa to freak off."
Laughing, her sister replied, "No, Jason looks like Colin is going to jump on
him
."
Em giggled in disbelief. Then she started cackling. "Jasa isn't even cute! Lame-ass. Seriously... Try some happy fun time with Hedridan-dildo, it could just be a physical thing."
"I think that's enough sisterly input from you," Jaina said.
The doorbell rang. Immensely relieved, Jaina said cheerfully, "Plus, Colin just got here, I've gotta go."
"No, it's never enough," Emily was saying. "Fine, run to Gay Boy. Get me an autograph!"
"Hypocrite," Jaina chided playfully.
"Yes. But it's cool when I do it."
Jaina spotted Teniel coming down the stairs. "Gotta go. Here, talk to Teniel."
"OK, bye!"
Jaina handed the phone to Teniel and dashed out the door.
Teniel watched with bemusement, as Emily, on the other end, said, "Teniel, her gay-dar is so off, isn't it?"
"It seems that way," h
er sister-in-law said.
"Poor girl," Emily sighed. "Gampy would say to beat the sense into her. I give you all rights."
Teniel laughed, and carried the phone up to Jason
.
♥♥♥
Colin gestured to a small park. "Let's take a break over there."
Jaina nodded,
She carefully peddled over, but almost fell over when she tried to stop. Laughing, Colin grabbed her. "You still need help."
"I do, I really do. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be in control of anything that moves."
"Nonsense. You're doing fine."
"Right. Which is why I just about turfed it." She chuckled and shook her head. "Now what are we doing?"
"Let's walk the bikes on that path," he said, nodding to a path through the trees.
"Okay." Jaina fell into step beside him.
After several minutes, she said, "I have a confession to make."
He looked over, blue eyes curious. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. See... back when we met, I tried to hate you."
"
Me
? Why?"
Feeling intensely stupid for bringing it up, Jaina blushed. "Um. It's complicated. And it kinda starts with my ex-fiancé."
"That Jack guy?"
"Yeah. Have I told you why we broke up?"
Colin shook his head.
"I was gonna move in with him. I showed up a day early... and found him in bed with... another man." She swallowed. "And I've heard..."
"That I'm gay."
Jaina nodded. "I'm sorry. It's just..."
"I understand. Really, I do."
She stopped. "I've offended you."
"No, you haven't." Colin studied her face. "Why are you telling me this?"
She looked down. "What I was saying is, I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't. You wouldn't let me. And it's..."
Jaina sighed. "I'll shut up now."
"It's fine. Actually, that wasn't a surprise. Your not liking me."
"It's not that. I like you."
"Well,
now
you do." He watched as she scuffed the toe of her sneaker on the ground. Her body language screamed that there was something she wanted to say, but couldn't.
Jaina could have kicked herself. She shook her head. "Forget I brought this up."
She pushed her bike forward, fighting a fierce flush. She couldn't believe she'd even brought it up. What had she been intending, to confess her undying love for a gay man? "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she muttered under her breath.
Colin caught her, his hand on her shoulder. He'd left his bike leaning against a tree some distance back. "Jay-"
Jaina whirled around, brown braid whipping around to smack her in the face. "Why do I always fall for the gay ones?" she demanded.
His bike helmet fell from his hand as his mouth dropped open and his eyes bugged. Jaina sighed miserably, feeling as if her face were about to melt off, it was so hot. She dreaded the next few words that were likely to come out of his mouth.
But when they emerged, it was the last thing she'd expected.
Colin took a deep breath. "I have a confession, too."
She looked up, green eyes questioning.
"I'm not gay."
Chapter Twelve
After staring at Colin for several moments in incomprehension, Jaina jumped on her bike and pedaled away as fast as she could.
Her brain refused to take in what he'd said. It would mean he'd been lying to her for months now. But why would he reveal the truth to her now, of all times?
He didn't follow her home. Jaina left her bicycle in the garage and went into the backyard, where she sat for several hours, by herself, until Teniel came outside.
"Jaina? Is something wrong?"
Jaina straightened, hastily wiping tears from her cheeks. "No, I'm fine."
It was obvious Teniel didn't believe her. "You're sitting in the cold, crying. You're not okay. What happened?"
What could she say? Her best friend was a liar? If he was telling the truth, and he wasn't gay... he didn't want her. He'd had plenty of opportunities to tell her, to make some sort of move. If it was obvious to Angela how she felt, surely it was obvious to him, too. Especially after her self-incriminating outburst in the park.
She didn't know what was worse, his being gay, or his not being gay and not wanting her anyway.
"I'm fine," she repeated. "I'd just like to be alone for a while."
Teniel didn't want to leave Jaina outside by herself, but knew that pushing wouldn't help. "Okay. Dinner's in an hour."
She nodded wordlessly. Teniel went back in the house.
Jaina put her head on her knees and cried
.
♥♥♥
When Jaina ran into Colin the next morning, she did an abrupt about-face and ducked into the makeup trailer. To her mortification, he followed.
"Jaina. You're avoiding me."
"Thank you, Counselor Troi." She tried to slip past him, out the door.
He put
an arm up to bar the way. "Look, I know I should have told you earlier-"
She pointed at him. "Yes, you should have! You should have been honest with me!"
Colin ran a hand through his short, spiky hair. "I wasn't planning on it becoming an issue. Do you realize that you're the first person I've told since the rumor started?"
Turning her back on him, she concentrated on putting a CD into her player. She angrily stabbed the "random" and "play" buttons.
Colin moved beside her. "Jaina. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would make a difference."
"A difference in
what
?" she demanded. Without giving him a chance to reply, she continued, "You've seen me practically naked!"
"I didn't mean to walk in on you! I've told you that repeatedly! And anyway, you're the one who assumed I'm gay. I never said I was."
"Until yesterday, you never said you weren't!"
He stared intently at her, as if trying to read her mind. "Would things be any different if I had said it earlier?"
"What difference would you want?" she responded. Jaina help up a hand. "I don't want to talk about this right now, Colin. I have work I need to do."
"So we're back to not speaking? That's very mature, Jaina." Frustrated, he stalked out
.
♥♥♥
The next two weeks were made awkward by Jaina not speaking to Colin, and his repeated attempts to talk to her. She rushed him through his makeup and shoved him out the door.
One afternoon, Colin was sitting dejectedly at the "bar" in Porkie's, when Jacob sat next to him.
"You and Jaina aren't speaking to each other," the older man observed. "Did you quarrel?"
"Yeah," Colin sighed. "And she won't let me apologize."
Jacob was a little surprised. "It looked to me like the two of you were the best of friends."
The younger man gave him a rather bitter smile. "That's
what I thought."
"Well, give her time. She'll cool down and listen eventually." Jacob stood up. He gave Colin one of those enigmatic smiles frequently used by his character. "Just give it time.
"
♥♥♥
Jaina was just finishing Marlene Baxter's makeup when Colin came in. She maintained a pleasant smile until Marlene was out of the trailer.
"What do you want, Colin?"
His eyes raked over her appearance. Hair curled, makeup expertly applied, hiding faint blue circles. Obviously, she hadn't been getting enough sleep lately. She wore black jeans, black ankle boots, and a sage green chenille sweater, one of those soft ones that begged to be touched. A sage green rock wrapped in gold-colored wire hung around her neck.