Authors: Sarah Elizabeth Ashley
As I lie there I slowly start to
pull myself together, I feel a little calmer now although I still feel like
shit for what I have done and mentally kick myself over and over again,
you
stupid woman, what the hell have you done?
I don’t think that James would
ever hurt me I really don’t, it was just the way he looked, it scared the hell
out of me.
I hear the front door open and the unmistakable sound of
James’ footsteps running up the stairs. He bursts into my room, arms outstretched,
eyes full of tears.
“Oh Baby. Alex, Alex I love you so fucking much, you silly
girl, I would never, ever hurt you, you have to know that!” I don’t move,
huddled in my towel, feeling absolutely freezing. The bed dips as he eases
himself beside me, his big arms around me tightly. I turn and bury my face in
his shoulder, “I’m sorry!” I sob again, shuddering in his arms, “I’m so sorry,
I’m a stupid cow, I don’t know why, why I did it?”
“Stop, it doesn’t matter now, come on Blossom, it doesn’t
matter, just a blip. Let’s get you tidied up and we can do whatever you want.”
“Anna wants to go to Henry’s.” I tell him between breaths.
“Do you?”
“No, not really.” I sob. “I want to stay here but I’d be
letting Anna down and she’s only been home such a short while.” I don’t want to
be the cause of any more problems.
“She’ll understand. We can always go next week?” He
whispers, kissing the top of my wet head.
“If it’s still there, the clubs in a bad way,” I say through
the tears, “I will be making Nial an offer to buy him out in the next day or
two. If he refuses the club might not be here then!”
“Sssh, no talk of that now. And anyway he’ll accept your
offer, I’m sure he will.” I’m wrapped in The Bossman, the man who has helped me
move on, show me more love and affection than anyone else, ever.
“Let’s stay in,” he says, “I’ll cook us something, or
arrange something anyway.”
He helps me dry and dress before we go downstairs together.
Anna’s sat in the kitchen as we walk through.
“Thank you for coming,” Anna smiles at James, “I don’t know
what went on this morning, but I’m so pleased you’re here. Are you back
together?” She asks, just the slightest of smiles passing her lips.
“We were never really apart!” James says, “Just a little
blip. It happens to all couples and today it happened to us, that’s all.” He
smiles down at me and holds my hand so tightly. “
Nothing’s
going to come
between us, ever!” He kisses me deeply. Anna blushes
“Get a room!” She hisses as she walks past us and into the
hall.
James and I just chuckle, me through my tears, much to her
displeasure.
I sit at the island as James makes a pot of tea, “I am sorry
you know,” He says, “I didn’t mean to be cross or angry, it was just, well I
suppose a
man thing
you know, it’s my job to provide for you and protect
you.”
“I know that’s how you feel,” I mumble, my head down, “maybe
I over-reacted, but your look, well it reminded me so much of him. It scared
me. I’ll talk to my therapist about it, I know I can’t go on the rest of my
life like it, I need to sort myself out. But, James, I can’t be wrapped in
cotton wool either, you know that?” I lift my head, looking at him.
He brings the pot of tea to the island and stands beside me,
putting his arm around my shoulders, “I know, but I love you Alex. We’ll get
through this together, right? You and me against whatever stands in our way,
we’ll smash it together!”
“You’re sure? You could be in for a long ride?” I offer him
the opportunity to cut and run, now, I really do hope he knows what he’s
letting himself in for.
He smiles at me, “Oh shit, what did I say?” He puts his
hands to his mouth, looking horrified. Then he laughs the gesture away
prompting me to laugh with him.
“That’s better Blossom. And yes, nothing would give me
greater pleasure than to be in for a
long ride.”
He wraps his arms
around me and we stand just holding onto each other, my arms wrapped around his
well toned body eventually extracting ourselves from each other and taking our
drinks into the living room just to relax on the sofa. Just enjoying each other’s
company, we don’t talk about today or attempt to analyse what happened, we just
sit. Him holding my hand so very tightly.
I think that Anna must have sensed that it was
safe
to return to the kitchen. I hear her wandering downstairs and through the hall,
“I’m hungry.” She announces as she passes the living room door. “What’s with
all these strawberries? Can I have some?” She shouts from the kitchen
“Help yourself,” James calls back, “they’re good for you!”
I laugh out loud at his comment
and then whisper to him, “Bloody strawberries James. You know I think maybe we
have a problem with strawberries – A strawberry fetish?”
He whispers back, “Yes, I think
it may be a fetish, especially when it comes to you Alexandra Drake,” he leans
further forward against my ear, “just think of all the things I could do, with
you naked, totally laid bare and a punnet of strawberries, maybe some melted
chocolate and a can of cream. I could pour the melted chocolate over your body,
over your breasts, between your legs and then I could trail a strawberry
through it. How about a strawberry…..” He doesn’t finish his sentence as Anna
appears at the living room door. I sigh out loud feeling totally aroused simply
from his words and the brush of his lips against my ear. Anna just looks at us
both, frowning disapprovingly.
“Are we still going out?”
She asks.
“I don’t know. What do you want
to do Alex?” James looks at me.
“I don’t really fancy Henry’s
sweetheart. We can see if Gia and Roberto have a table free at Amici?” I
suggest.
“That’d be good. I’m tired, but
can we go early, I’d like to get an early night if I can.” She pops a
strawberry into her mouth. Oh God, another one with a strawberry fetish, is it
catching?
“I’ll call them now, see if they
can fit us in.” James pulls his phone from his pocket.
The rest of the afternoon passes
quickly and we’re soon on our way to Amici. “You haven’t met Gia and Roberto
yet and they’d love to see you. They’re my real Uncle and Aunt.” I explain to
Anna in the back.
“So what are they to you James?”
Anna asks.
“Nothing. No blood relative at
all. Roberto was my father’s business partner, my dad died when I was eighteen
and they sort of looked after me for a while. They’ve no children of their own,
and well I suppose I’d always known them, they’d always been around and we just
got closer.” James explains.
Anna leans forward between the
two front seats, “Right. So mum’s birth father is Gia’s brother?” She asks.
“No, my father, Ramiro is
Roberto’s brother” I tell her.
“Oh, I see,” I can see the cogs
of her mind spinning at an incredible pace. “When are we going to Birmingham,
to sort an apartment out? I’ve only got few weeks before I need to go. There’s
loads of property details. Have you looked through any of them?”
“No, I haven’t looked yet. But
we can go this week. We’ll have a look at the property particulars when we get
back and make some appointments for Tuesday. We can call the agents on Monday
or tomorrow if they’re open? I could do with meeting up with Shauna in
Birmingham anyway. We could even stay over somewhere, do two days. What do you
think?” I turn my head towards her.
“Fine with me.” Anna agrees as
she sits back.
We’re soon at the little bistro
and even though it’s early the tables downstairs are mostly occupied. Roberto
walks down the centre of the restaurant.
“Alex, James.” His greeting is
warm as usual, his arms outstretched, “I have your usual table for you. This
must be Anna.” He takes my daughters hand and kisses it gently on the back.
“Anna, this is Roberto,” I
introduce them to each other, “he’s your Great Uncle!”
“Hey, less of the
Great
,
it makes me sound too old!” He gives me a stern look. I shrug my shoulders,
he’s her great Uncle, no escaping it.
I hear Gia rambling away at
someone in the kitchen and then she appears down the centre of the restaurant
behind her husband.
“Hello, hello. I’m so pleased
you came,” she opens her arms and gives me such a lovely hug and tweaks James’
cheek. “Anna?” She looks at Anna, “You are so like Ramiro, so like him.” She
throws her hands to her face and mutters away in Italian, shaking her head as
she does.
“Roberto, she’s just like Ramiro
when he was a young man, don’t you think?” She’s so excited that we have
arrived I think.
Anna’s a little dumb-struck and
overwhelmed, she looks confused.
We sit at what is now regarded
as our usual table and study the menu, Roberto arrives with a bottle of red
wine and proceeds to pour for all three of us.
“Please may I have white?” Anna
covers the top of her glass with her hand.
“Of course, not a problem,” Roberto
places a hand on her shoulder, “she really is just like my brother, and I’m
sure a little like my Mother too!”
He wanders off with a shake of
his head muttering and smiling as he goes, I look at Anna, I think she may be a
little uncomfortable with all the attention she is receiving, mostly about who
she does and doesn’t look like!
“Is that where my skin comes
from?” She asks, “From that side of the family?”
“I have no doubt sweetheart, no
doubt at all. Although look at me, I go brown in the summer but that’s it,
white as white most of the time!”
James laughs at us both, he’s
taking it all in as we sit jabbering about this and that. I think Anna is happy
with her newly found family, real family, something that she’s never
experienced as Lewis always ensured we were remote from any relatives.
James suggests he orders for us
all and we agree. He then disappears to the back of the restaurant and into the
kitchen making his excuses as he goes.
Anna and I continue our
discussion about going to Birmingham and apartment hunting, what she expects
from an apartment, which isn’t much considering the handsome budget I’ve set.
She may change her mind when she sees some of the properties. As we reach a
natural lull in our conversation I take a deep drink of the wine that Roberto
has selected and listen to Andrea Bocelli singing
Con te partiro
,
clearly an artist that Gia and Roberto favour as he’s always being played in
the bistro.
James returns after about twenty
minutes and takes his seat, sipping his wine as he sits.
“Where’ve you been?” I ask.
“Just talking to some of the old
staff in the back, that’s all.” He lifts his napkin and places it on his lap.
We talk about our forthcoming
apartment hunting telling James what we have discussed and what Anna expects
from her new apartment when our starters arrive.
“This is good.” Anna says as she
tucks into her Calamari. The food is good, the company is good and I begin to
realise what a catastrophic mistake I made earlier today, if Anna hadn’t of
been there it would have been devastating to both James and me. I was stupid, I
realise that now, totally stupid allowing Lewis to still control my life. He’s
got to go! Maybe he’ll go once the divorce is finalised and I am legally no
longer attached to him. I make another mental note to discuss this with my
therapist.
Once we’ve finished our starters
we consume more wine and before long our mains arrive. Anna tucks in hungrily,
whilst I don’t think I’ll be able to finish mine!
As I sit here in this little
restaurant I realise how happy I am, content – well almost, if you can be
almost
content because there is one thing stopping me moving on. The knots in my
stomach have gone and I no longer feel choked as I did earlier. I just pray to
God that I
can
move on, that my life will change.
The restaurant is now heaving,
every table full, it’s noisy and I struggle to hear what James and Anna are
talking about as they chat about this and that, I’m so pleased they get on so
well together, whilst Anna and her father were close, well sort of close, he
was never really there and the bond that should have been formed between a
daughter and her father never fully, well materialised I suppose.
Once Anna and James have
finished their mains and I’ve admitted defeat our plates are cleared and I am
aware of a tall young man approaching our table, not with desert menu’s but a
silver wine bucket on a stand, in it appears to be a bottle of fizz. He places
it down at the side of our table and leaves. One of the young girls that I
recognise from around the place then appears with a large bowl of strawberries
“You wanted these James?” She says as she places them on the table.
Bloody
strawberries! I tell you, there’s a problem there! Does he need therapy for his
strawberry addiction? Can you be addicted to fruit?
James stands, “Excuse me a
moment.” He says as he walks into the kitchen area. He returns a few minutes
later, I notice the music has stopped the only sound is of people chatting,
cutlery scraping and tapping on plates and bowls and the clinking of glasses.
He walks over to our table and totally unexpectedly drops down on one knee.
Anna throws her hands over her mouth, “Oh mum!” She gasps.
I look around, the restaurant
has gone quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Everyone has stopped eating, there’s
no clattering, the sound of knives and forks against stopped, the kitchen gone
quiet, Gia and Roberto stand in the corner, holding hands, I see Gia’s face,
tears roll down her plump cheeks and then I look at My James, the Bossman who
is knelt before me, he looks up at me and takes my hand.
“Alexandra Drake – Alex. You
know how I feel about you, you complete me. Without you I am only half of what
I can be. I love you with all of my heart, I want to stand by you, protect you,
worship you. I’ll always be here for you, I’ll support you in whatever you do,
walk beside you wherever you go but most of all Alex, I love you for who you
are. Alex will you marry me?”