Authors: R.J. Lewis
Heath
I walked into the apartment with a bag of fast food I picked up on our way back. I always ate after a good fight, and the second Allie smelled the food in the air at the drive thru, I could tell she was starving too, so I ordered for both of us. She followed closely behind me, eyes red and raw from all the tears spent on our drive here. I went to the kitchen as she stiffly took a seat on the couch.
The apartment was small with the kitchen facing the tiny living room, but Ryker and I never cared about the size. Rent was affordable, we’d each had our own rooms and that was all that really mattered, especially if it meant having privacy with our women. I liked living simply, and since he got locked away, the clutter had stopped piling up. As a result, the place was always neat and tidy.
I filled the plates up with our burgers and fries, all the while I idly watched her wiping away the waterfall of tears. Her body was tense and unmoving. Probably still absorbing the change in her decision. I went to her and handed her a plate. Then I walked to the balcony door and stared out into the dark sky, barely touching my food. I should have been eating, but my mind was too distracted.
I was all kinds of fucked up. My brain felt like a box of scattered puzzle pieces. One minute I was congratulating myself for talking her out of the abortion, and the next I was wondering what kind of help I could possibly offer her. I didn’t know a damn thing about pregnancy or babies. Hell, I was hardly making it by now on my wage as a low level mechanic at a small car shop.
I pissed away my school years by taking nothing seriously. Didn’t help my dyslexia made learning double what it took an average kid. I was paying for it now, but I never could have foreseen this.
I turned my head to look at her. My lips curved up at the sight of her stuffing the food down her throat like she’d been hungry for days. And just that thought alone wiped that smile off my face.
Pregnant. She was hungry because she had a living thing growing inside of her.
Fuck, the girl was tiny. It was next to impossible imagining her with a giant, round belly. She was so young, but you couldn’t really see it in those fierce blue eyes. She’d always been ahead of her years. She’d lived through a life of chaos: a father that inexplicably took his life away, a religious mother that had given her a hard time, and Ryker’s sentencing after the stupid ass got busted for selling a shitload of crack in an alleyway not too far from here.
And now this.
Fuck.
Immediately I sensed I was entering a territory that was out of my depth, and I suddenly wished Ryker hadn’t gone to prison, hadn’t left me alone to pick up the broken pieces in his girlfriend’s life. This was
their
problem, not mine!
The selfish thoughts ran rampant through me, seeking ways to jump ship from this mess and continue living my bland life. But then her eyes met mine, and the desperation in her face stopped them cold in their tracks, reminding me of my promise to Ryker and the certainty I felt behind my words when I said I’d look out for her.
In some fucked up way this was my fault. I didn’t even know the details and I was already blaming myself. I should have kept a careful eye on Ryker and Allie. I should have made sure Ryker knew what he was doing having sex with a girl two years younger than him and what it might mean for her if he wasn’t careful every damn time. I should have told him the consequences and just how far it could push away someone as pure and good as Allie, because you knew from a mile away she was special. Instead, I got caught up in my own bullshit, my own sob story, and my own struggles.
I failed them.
No. I failed
her
.
Had I been a better brother I’d have made Ryker into a responsible, good man. Not one that randomly decided he wanted to commit crime to live the better life while deceiving us with lies that he wasn’t. To be fair, he hadn’t always been like that. Ryker had been on the straight and narrow before he got involved in the wrong crowd some years ago, dragging Allie with him through the mud. Why she stuck around him for so long, I couldn’t understand. Sticking out like a sore thumb, she had never integrated within his crowd. Even now she looked nothing like the girls in Hedley. She was always in loose clothes, walking the streets during the day with giant headphones on, her heavy backpack sagging to her bum, and a baseball cap on. It was like she yearned to be invisible to everyone but Ryker.
But I saw her.
I’d always seen Allie Wallace, the quiet little soul that sat in the far back of every social situation, clutching her textbooks to her chest, or staring starry-eyed at my little brother. And Ryker was equally as smitten. They seemed to complement each other well, always disappearing into their own little zone when they were around each other. I often envied their closeness, wondering how it felt to be so compatible with another person.
Still. The dickhead pissed it all away. Threw his beautifully odd girlfriend out the window along with his freedom. He knew the fucking risks. He knew the town was getting hot with tension at the level of crime that’d risen the last year with the hard-core gangs taking over the streets. He knew and chose to continue hanging with the wrong people and selling drugs to boot, and as much as I hated to say it, he deserved to be rotting in jail. He needed it, and maybe he’d get out and straighten himself up once and for all.
“I’m going to pay Ryker a visit soon,” I said, breaking the silence.
Her eyes widened. “You’re going to tell him?”
“He deserves to know, Allie. Right?”
She thought about it for a second, and then she nodded miserably. “I know, but he’s not going to accept my decision.”
“That’s why I’m going to see him. I’m sure I can talk sense into him. You’re more than welcome to come along.” I didn’t know if she’d visited him yet. Since he got locked away a month ago after he’d pled guilty, I hadn’t crossed paths with Allie.
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m still angry at him after everything. I can’t do it. I
won’t
do it.”
She looked down at her plate, pushing aside her fries with one. I sensed that anger, and I was very curious about what was going on between them.
“You still with him?” I found myself asking.
She still wouldn’t look up at me, but her cheeks reddened. “I was angry at him after he got arrested. We had a fight and I… broke up with him.”
“For real kind of broken up? Or did you just do that out of anger?”
She squirmed. “I don’t know.”
“Does he know that?”
“He said to wait for him.”
“He must be out of his mind expecting you to wait around for five years.”
“He said if he’s on good behaviour, he might be out much sooner than that. He promised me he’d turn his life around.”
“And you believe him?”
“With his track record for lying, you think I’m stupid enough to believe him? Even after everything, he refuses to admit he was selling. So of course I don’t believe him, but sometimes prison changes people, so I have to think positively.”
I watched her carefully, trying to grasp her emotions for him after everything. “Still,” I muttered. “That’s a long ass wait, Al, change or no change.”
She cringed at the name I called her, and she didn’t yet know I did it because of the reaction she gave me every time.
“You might move on by then,” I added.
“To be honest, I don’t care if I do,” she replied.
“No?”
“Relationships are hard work. The thought of starting over again from scratch with someone else tires me out. I need to focus on this,” she pointed to her belly, “and my school work. Not some guy in prison who hurt me. Not trying to sound harsh, but Ryker messed up things in a way that can’t be fixed with an apology.”
I nodded. Smart girl. Well, not the getting pregnant part, but everything else. I respected her opinion, was quite impressed she wasn’t like those girls defending their guys when they absolutely fucked up.
“You had a good fight, by the way,” she then said, finally looking up at me. Her blue eyes brightened a bit and she smiled. “I didn’t think you’d win it.”
I smirked. “You and everyone else.”
“Big cut?”
Remembering the wad of cash in my pocket, I nodded heartily. “Oh, yeah.”
My income had me barely making it by, but with a fight here and there, the injection of cash was welcome and always brought my debts back down to zero. I’d never lost a fight, and people had no right to have a negative opinion of me the way they did tonight, but then again they’d never seen me up against a guy double my size.
And I was already a big guy. So that said something.
She took the plate into the kitchen and rinsed it in the sink. Then she came back and grabbed her backpack. “Where do you want me to crash?”
I resisted rolling my eyes. “Ryker’s room is still there and ready, Al.”
Another cringe. I resisted chuckling.
“Okay, well, I appreciate this very much, Heath. I’ll um… try and be out of your way. I don’t want to be a stress to you –”
“You’re not going to be a stress,” I interrupted solemnly. “We’re going to get through this. We’ll figure it out, alright?”
She nodded and blinked back tears. “Yeah.”
We stood in silence for a few moments; that trademark awkwardness between us grew by the second.
“Okay, well good night.” She whipped around and left the room, disappearing seconds later into Ryker’s.
I looked at my untouched food, not feeling one shred of hunger, and settled it down on the kitchen counter.
“There’s still food left in the kitchen,” I called out to her on my way down the hall.
“Okay,” she called back.
Standing in the bathroom, I slowly peeled off the tape around both hands. I flexed my fingers and looked up at the mirror. My whole body was sore. I may have knocked Tank out tonight, but he got a few hits in that were damn impressive. I turned my back to the mirror, spotting the deep red, fist-sized marks along my shoulder blades. Damn, this was going to bruise something awful tomorrow.
I was used to pain at this point, so it didn’t bother me. Fighting was a good release for me. Kept my aggression levels low and had me grounded in everyday life.
That and sex.
I produced the money from my pocket and laid it out on the toilet seat. Hundred dollar bills stacked atop of one another in a thick heap reminded me why I did this. Still, no matter how much of a release it was, I didn’t want to be doing it forever.
I had a quick shower, all the while wondering how I was going to contribute to this pregnancy. Maybe fight more? I could use any extra income to help, and that way Allie wouldn’t stress so much about money. I could also cut down on other costs: stop the protein shakes because they were fucking expensive, cut out late nights out with the guys, and halting all car projects I had going on the side as a hobby in the car shop.
I sighed. Lot of cutting out shit, I realized. What the bloody hell would I be doing in my spare time?
Just as I stepped out, I heard a knock on the front door. Checking the time, I cursed. I’d completely forgotten about Trudy. Without dressing, I hurried to the front door, not wanting to get Allie out of her room in case Tru knocked again. I opened the door and immediately slender arms wrapped around me. Soft lips touched mine as she pushed up against me.
“Someone had a shower,” she murmured, bathing me with her flowery scent as she slipped her hands down my bare chest to where the towel sat around my hips.
I pulled back before she could get the towel undone and glanced over my shoulder. “I got company, Tru.”
She dropped her arms to her sides. “What? You knew this was the only night I could get off work –”
“I know, but this was unexpected.”
“What do you mean? Who is it?”
Before I answered, I ran my eyes over her body. She’d gotten dolled up for this, wearing what she knew would impress me. Tight jeans, low cut top and sexy heels that made her legs look like they went on for fucking miles. I resisted groaning. Tru never disappointed me on the nights we fucked.
“Heath?” she pressed, raising her brows.
“Ryker’s girlfriend,” I told her. Well,
maybe
girlfriend. I didn’t understand the “I don’t know” part so much. If you were being technical, they
were
broken up, and all they needed to mend that technicality was a simple discussion with one another, one that I was sure Allie wasn’t ready for anytime soon.