Loving You (Love Wanted in Texas) (8 page)

Heat surged through me as I moved around the desk and made my way to Grandfather’s office.

“I’m done letting men walk over me. It’s time I was the one in control.”

Pulling the door to my office open, I walked out and headed toward his office.

“As of this moment, I’m starting a new life.”

My father and mother stood in front of me with stunned expressions as I chewed on the corner of my lip.

“What do you mean . . . you quit?” my father asked in a stunned voice.

Rubbing my elbow in a nervous manner, I repeated what I had just said in a wavering voice. “I quit. Granddad wasn’t very pleased, but . . .”

“I could imagine he wouldn’t be very happy about that, Taylor. Why in the world would you leave a perfectly good paying job? Do you know how many college graduates would give their right arm for a job like that?”

My posture stooped and I stood there feeling like a fool. What was I thinking trying to do something like this? One look at my mother and I knew what I had to do. She gave me a weak smile and nodded her head in a show of support.

Standing straight again, I dropped my hands to my hips. “I know what you think, Dad.”

With a huff, he asked, “Do you really?”

“I wasn’t happy there and we both know I was put in a position I was not qualified to do. You want to talk about being in over your head.” I let out a gruff laugh. “Dad . . . I was so over my head I was drowning. Needless to say, it was stressful having to listen to Granddad every single day point out every little thing I did wrong and then expected me to fix it, not having a damn clue what I was doing.”

My mother frowned. “Taylor, don’t use that language; it isn’t you.”

Rolling my eyes, I looked away. “Don’t you roll your eyes at your mother.”

Cutting my gaze over to my father, I shook my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

A concerned expression moved across my parents’ faces. “What do you mean?”

“This!” I said waving my hands about. “I’ve been so sheltered my entire life I feel like I have no life. Ever since I was little, I was told I could do no wrong. Well . . . I’ve done wrong. A few times and there are certain things I regret doing.”

Tears built in my eyes as I thought about the other night.

“Oh dear,” my mother mumbled, pushing away from the counter. “Taylor, if working for your grandfather felt too stressful, then that’s okay. He is supposed to be retired, so why he is up there every day is beyond any of us.”

“Your mother is right, sweetheart. I don’t want you being upset about it. You will easily find another job.”

My hands came up to my mouth as I attempted to hold myself together. “It’s not about the job.”

I quickly turned and ran up the stairs to my room before I lost it completely in front of my parents. Slamming the door behind me, I fell to the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I’d give anything to take back what I did.

Anything.

The light knock at the door caused me to sit up. “Come in.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was my mother.

“May I come in?”

With a slight nod, I motioned for her to come in.

She softly shut the door then walked over and sat on the bed next to me.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really bothering you?”

No longer able to hold it in, tears streamed down my face as my mother pulled me into her arms. The smell of her perfume brought me back to when I was a little girl. Any time I fell and got hurt, she would hold me close to her and I would breathe in her perfume.

“Shh . . . it can’t be that bad. So you quit your job. You’ll find another one.”

I sobbed harder as I tried to fight past my throat closing. “It’s worse than that, Mom. I did something terrible. Something I regret and wish I could take back.”

Pushing me back, she looked me in the eyes. Her eyes filled with worry. “What did you do, sweetheart? You can trust me.”

My lips were pressed tightly together as I shook my head. “You’ll think I’m . . . I can’t believe I did it . . . oh God.”

Dropping my head, my body trembled. “Taylor, you’re starting to scare me. Tell me right now what happened.”

With a quick wipe of my face, I attempted to calm myself down, but all I could see was Jase standing in front of me . . . asking for a second chance and me turning him down.

“Jase came to see me at the office a couple days ago.”

“He did? What did he want?”

After I came back from Paris, I’d told my mother everything about Jase. Even him taking my virginity. The one thing I could always count on was my mother’s support. She was there for me in a time I really needed someone to lean on. Never once judging me. “He wanted to apologize for how things went in Paris and he asked for a second chance.”

With a slight smile, she grabbed my hands and softly said, “Oh, Taylor. Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting? Did you ask him about the girl he left with?”

A swoosh of air escaped from my mouth as I looked away. “He didn’t spend the day with her. He was alone walking around Paris and he said he didn’t mean the things he said; he was just scared.”

She squeezed my hands and leaned in closer with a wide grin. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Sniffling, I nodded my head. “Yes. But something came over me when he was there and I got so mad. All my confused feelings came rushing back seeing him standing there and I told him to leave. He said if I really wanted him gone I had to tell him . . . and I did. I told him to leave and he said if he left he would never bother me again. I let him go.” Again, tears rolled down my face. “I let him walk out the door and I didn’t say a word to him. Mom, I think I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“So you got angry and let your emotions lead your thoughts. We’ve all done it and I’m guessing that is what led to all of this in the first place. Taylor, just call him and tell him you were upset.”

I frantically shook my head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done something terrible and I feel so . . . so guilty. So . . . dirty.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “Wh-what did you do?”

“After I talked to Granddad and quit, I met Mr. Burns for lunch.”

Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “Who is Mr. Burns?”

“Clark. His name is Clark and he is a VP in accounting. He’s about three or four years older than me and he has been flirting with me since I started. We had lunch and I came back to the office and packed up my desk. When I was leaving, I ran into him again and we made plans for dinner.”

Burying my face in my hands, I started crying again while my stomach cramped. Placing her arm around me, my mother held me close to her. “Go on, Taylor.”

I could hear how tense her voice was. “We went to dinner and I asked him back to my apartment and we slept together. I thought if I just had sex with someone else, I’d prove to myself I was over Jase and that I could move on. When he got up and went into the restroom, I cried.”

“Did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”

Gasping, I lifted my head and looked at her. “No! I was the one who asked him to my apartment and flirted endlessly with him. I came on to him and . . . and now . . .” My voice trembled as I wiped my tears away. “And now I’d give anything to have Jase standing in front of me again so I could have a do-over. Oh, Mom. Wh-what did I do? I didn’t want to be with anyone but Jase! Why did I do that? I’m nothing but a whore.”

Her mouth dropped open as she pushed me back at arm’s length. “Do not ever say that again. Please, Taylor. You’re not the first woman to seduce a man and have sex with him. Did you use protection?”

My heart dropped at the idea.

“Yes! Of course I did.”

She closed her eyes and spoke under her breath. “Thank God.”

“What about Jase? I told him to leave when he asked for another chance. He told me he loved me and I never said it back. I’ve lost him forever. And to make matters worse, I went off and slept with another man.”

I’d never felt my heart ache like it was. I was beginning to believe a broken heart was not just a metaphor. The thought of Jase being out of my life forever made me physically sick.

“What you need to do is take a break. You’ve been working too hard and you need some time off to figure out what you want to do. Spend some time with the girls. I know Meagan would love to see you, especially with the twins. Why don’t you go and spend a few days there? I’m sure she could use the help.”

Wiping under my nose, I nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’ve got most of my apartment in Austin packed up and ready to move. A few days with Meagan and the twins is just what I need.”

My mother smiled and nodded. “Everything will be much clearer when you have some time to yourself. You’ll see.”

A part of me instantly felt relieved to have gotten what happened with Jase and Clark off my chest. Being able to share it with my mother and have her offer advice was something I was grateful for. I hoped to have such a relationship like ours someday if I ever had a daughter.

Returning her smile, I agreed. If only I believed everything would be clearer. Nothing would ever be able to erase the memory of Clark’s touch and how I had tried hard not to let it make my skin crawl.

Nothing.

Taylor

I wrapped the blanket closer around me as I watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon. Taking in a deep breath, I let the clean crisp air filter through my nose.

“Arabella and Charlotte are finally both asleep.”

Glancing up, I smiled. “Meg, you’re such an amazing mom.”

“I’m a tired one that’s for sure,” Meagan said as she sank down in the chair next to me. “It’s getting colder out here. The front must be moving in earlier than they thought.”

I nodded and looked back out to the orange and pink sky. “I can’t believe Christmas is in a few days.”

“Yeah, I know. I think we might have gone overboard with presents for the twins. Gray especially.”

I giggled and shook my head. “They’ll never know.”

“So, are we going to make small talk or are you going to tell me what is bothering you. You’ve been in such a funk the last few weeks and I don’t know why.”

“I’m sorry I’m not much company.”

“Tay, if you really think I’m worried about you entertaining me then you are very wrong. I’m worried. The last two days you’ve been walking around like you’ve lost everything.”

My eyes closed as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I have, Meg.”

“Bullshit. Lauren told me she offered you a job. Why haven’t you taken her up on it, or at the very least gone and talked to her and Scott?”

Inhaling a slow breath through my nose, I opened my eyes. “I told her tonight I’d stop by tomorrow and talk to them.”

“Good. You need to stop pouting. So you quit your job and slept with a guy. It’s not like you cheated on anyone. You think you’re the first person to ever have sex and regret it? My God, I could fill your head with tales.”

Her words slowly started to fade as I got lost in the memory of Jase’s eyes as he said goodbye to me. Every time I’d tried to think of Paris an image of Clark would pop into my mind.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yep.”

With a sigh, Meagan asked, “What did I say then?”

“I’m not the only person to have meaningless sex and I need to get over it.”

With a wide smile, she stared at me. “I said a lot more than that. Have you called him? Tried to text him?”

Shrugging, I asked, “What good would it do me? I told him to leave and then I slept with another guy. I’m no better than what I accused him of.”

“Oh, for the love of Pete.” Meagan stood up and glared at me. “Taylor, I never in my life thought I would see the day when you would be sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. You had a brief moment of standing up for yourself and having the balls to live life and now you regret it. Well tough shit. You told him to leave, you sought out another man, fucked him, and woke up the next morning regretting it. Welcome to the real world. Daddy is no longer sheltering you, so get the fuck over it. Now, it’s time to pull those big girl panties up again and stop sulking. You’re either going to call him or you’re going to move on with your life. Either way, you better snap the hell out of it by the time Christmas comes.”