Authors: Rachael Brownell
“Are you okay?” Not answering Grant, I take a sip of the double shot of espresso I picked up on the way here and cringe at its bitter taste. “Madison. Talk to me.”
“I’m okay, just a rough night.”
“What does that mean? I left you just before midnight. What happened after that?”
“My past came back to haunt me in my dreams. I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”
I know I’m being vague and dismissive. I’m not trying to hurt his feelings, but I really don’t want to rehash the last few hours of my life. I’m not sure I would be able to handle going through it again without breaking down completely.
“You need to go home and get some sleep.”
“I can’t. I tried.”
“Can’t what? Sleep?”
“Yeah.”
When he doesn’t respond right away, I look up to find Grant deep in thought with a worried expression on his face. I wait for him to say something else, but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns me around and guides me away from our classroom, back to the parking lot.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking you home.”
“I told you I can’t sleep, so what’s the point?”
“Just trust me,” he pleads with me. I do. I trust him. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but whatever it is, I’ll go along with it. I don’t have the energy to fight him.
Leaving my car, Grant drives me back to my apartment. Once we’re inside, he makes me a bed on the couch. I take the hint and lie down. A few minutes later, Grant slides in behind me. Closing my eyes, I allow his warm embrace to lull me to sleep.
When I wake up, the sun is shining brightly through the front windows, momentarily blinding me. Grant’s snoring lightly behind me. The clock on the cable box tells me that it’s after two. My phone on the table is blinking, alerting me to a message. I reach for it, trying not to wake Grant in the process. Thankfully, he doesn’t stir.
I have two missed calls. One from the school and one from my father. I also have two voice messages. I dial in and listen. Mrs. Schroder left me a message, wondering where I am since I didn’t call to let them know that I was going to be absent. No big deal, I think to myself. I’ll give them a call right now and let them know. That’s when I hear her say that she’s going to be calling my father to see if he’s heard from me because she worried.
Shit!
Her message ends and I cringe knowing that my father’s voice is going to be on the next message.
Madison, the school just called me wondering where you are this afternoon. They said that you never showed up for your afternoon classes. I expect for you to call me and let me know of your whereabouts.
He sounds pissed, not concerned. That was about an hour ago. The sooner I call him back, the better this might turn out. Or not. It depends what else Mrs. Schroder mentioned to him while on the phone.
I slide off the couch and into the bathroom so that I don’t disturb Grant. Deep breath in and then out. Dialing my father’s number, I realize that there is no way this is going to turn out well for me. None.
“Madison,” he says as he answers. His voice is firm. He’s trying to hide is anger, but I can hear it loud and clear in the way he says my name. I imagine the vein in his forehead is throbbing right now.
“Sir,” I reply, clearing my throat.
“Where are you? Why are you not at school?”
“I wasn’t feeling well so I decided to go back to bed after my morning class.” I avoid answering his question as to my whereabouts and pray that he doesn’t ask me again.
“I just got home and you’re not here.” Shit! He’s home. That means that we are going to have this conversation right now. When I don’t reply right away, he continues. “Where are you, Madison?”
His anger is rising and so is his voice. I should just tell him, get it over with. I need to face this, head on. I made this decision and I knew I would have to deal with the consequences when he returned. He’s back now and it’s time.
“Madison? Are you in there?” Grant knocks on the door, his voice loud enough to be heard through the door.
“Who was that? Are you at someone’s house? Was that a boy? You better tell me where you are this instant, young lady. I’m coming to pick you up.” The vein is definitely throbbing now if it wasn’t already, and I’m testing his patience the longer I stall.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I holler to Grant before turning my attention back to my father. “I’m at home. My home. Where I live now. You don’t need to come pick me up. In fact, the school didn’t need to call you. I’m no longer your responsibility.”
“The hell you aren’t!” He’s close to losing control. It could be the fact that I’ve never spoken to him like this before. I don’t normally challenge him or his authority. Today that changes.
“I’m sorry Father, but you’re wrong. While you were away I filed for emancipation and a judge granted it. I moved out. I’m no longer your responsibility.” My hands and knees are shaking. I reach for the counter and lower myself to the toilet before my legs give out on me.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but this will never stand. You’re still in high school. You don’t have the means to support yourself.” I expect him to sound confused or even hurt, but he doesn’t. The only emotion present in his tone right now is anger and it’s boiling over.
I hang up on him. I have nothing else to say to him right now, and I’m not going to listen to him belittle me anymore. He doesn’t have a say in my life. This is why I emancipated myself, and with each word he spoke, he confirmed my faith in my decision, putting the final nail in his own coffin.
After taking a moment to calm down and compose myself, I open the bathroom door to find Grant standing on the other side, concern etched on his face. I force myself to smile at him, but his stare doesn’t change. He’s not buying it.
“What happened?”
“I just told my father that I emancipated myself.” I attempt to leave all emotion out of my voice.
“And …” Grant’s voice trails off. I know he wants more of an explanation.
“He reacted like I expected he would. He got angry.”
“I thought you were going to wait to tell him until he was home.”
“He just got home. The school called him looking for me and he called me wondering where I was. Then, he heard your voice and started freaking out on me, so I told him.”
Facts. Only facts right now so I don’t break.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were on the phone. I never would have—”
“I know. It’s not a big deal. My decisions are my own; he doesn’t get a say anymore. He can be pissed off all he wants right now.”
“Yeah, but I just made it worse.”
“I don’t think anything could make it worse. He’s probably out looking for me right now. He implied that he was going to fight my emancipation, but by the time he tries, it won’t matter anyway.”
My phone rings in my hand, startling me, and I drop it to the floor. The ringing stops for a moment before it starts again. I stare at my phone, willing the ringing to end, but make no move to bend over and pick it up. It’s facing down so I have no idea who’s calling, but my gut tells me that it’s my father.
“Want me to answer it?” When I look up and my eyes meet Grant’s, I see that he’s serious.
“No. I’ll just let it go to voicemail, but he’ll probably keep calling until I answer.”
“What makes you think it’s him?” I raise my eyebrow and Grant smiles at me for the first time since waking up. “Okay, fine. It’s probably him.”
Grant’s cell starts ringing in his pocket shortly after mine stops. He pulls it out, quickly sliding his finger across the screen to answer the call. “She’s right here. Hold on.”
I give Grant a curious look as he hands his phone to me. “Hello?”
“Madison! Why weren’t you answering your phone? I was worried about you.”
Libby is screaming into the phone at me. Now I know why Grant didn’t bother saying hello.
“I’m sorry. I thought you were my father calling. I’m fine, Libby. I promise,” I say, attempting to calm her down.
“What the hell happened? Grant said you were tired and that’s it.”
“Because that’s it. I didn’t sleep well last night and almost fell asleep on my way to class this morning, so he brought me home and I took a nap on the couch.”
It takes me another five minutes to calm Libby down, apologizing over and over for causing her to worry. As I’m trying to get her off the phone, she announces that she’s coming over after work and that she needs to talk to me about something. I don’t get a chance to object before she hangs up on me. I don’t want company tonight, but I don’t have a choice in the matter.
After handing Grant his phone back, we curl back up on the couch, turn on the television, and avoid the elephant in the room. I don’t want to talk about my father anymore, I don’t want to tell Grant the details of my dream, and I don’t want to explain to Libby the entire reason why I wasn’t at school today. All I want is to go back to sleep and ignore the world around me for the rest of the day.
“We should go get your car,” Grant whispers in my ear, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I know. Can we wait until after dark, though? If he’s out looking for me, then he’s probably looking for my car. With my luck, I would drive right past him and lead him here.”
“I can get Chester to help me if you want,” Grant suggests.
Thinking it over, it’s the best plan. Plus, I don’t have to leave the apartment that way. Grant leaves a few minutes later, my keys in his hand. He promises to be back with my car in a few hours. He has to go to practice or else his coach will bench him tomorrow. The plan is to pick up Chester after practice and bring my car back here. Since Libby invited herself over, we are going to do dinner again.
After finding a movie to watch on television, I curl up on the couch, immediately aware of Grant’s absence. I felt safe when he was here. Now I feel cold and alone. Closing my eyes, I replay my conversation with my father, imagining the look on his face when I told him the truth. Anger, hatred, and surprise. His face is flush and I can see the vein in his forehead throbbing. The vein in his neck looks like it’s about to burst, too. With no one else around to see him lose control, I can only imagine what happened after I hung up on him.
The sound of knocking on the door wakes me. I must have fallen back asleep, but not for long. Judging by the time, Grant has only been gone for an hour. I can’t imagine he’s back already.
I tiptoe toward the door and look out through the peephole. I don’t see anyone. I wait a few beats, expecting someone to appear but they don’t. Wanting to open the door to find out who was there, I have to talk myself out of it. I know better. My father taught me better. It could be a trap. In fact, it could be him and I’m not going to fall for it.
A quick shower and a fresh change of clothes make a big difference. Libby should be here any minute and Chester and Grant should be shortly behind her. Grant offered to pick up a pizza on the way back, and my stomach growled at the mention of food. There’s nothing in my system right now, except that double shot of espresso from this morning and even that has to be gone by now.
A knock sounds followed by the jiggle of the handle. “Madison. Let me in!”
I open the door to find Libby impatiently waiting on the other side. Her hand is on her hip and she’s giving me a look of irritation.
“What? I live alone. My door should always be locked,” I explain without apologizing for making her wait.
“Whatevs. I need food.” Libby pushes past me and I close and lock the door behind her. “How long before the guys get here?”
“They should be here any time. Grant stopped for pizza.”
“Yum.”
Libby tells me all about what I missed at school, which amounts to nothing, while we wait for the guys. I was prepared for an interrogation about my absence, but it doesn’t come. At least, not before the food arrives.
Chester has to eat and run. He has a test to study for apparently and Grant had to practically beg him to help get my car. Grant’s out the door shortly after him. Only Libby and I are left, and as we start to pick up after dinner, she starts digging deeper into my absence.
“It’s really not a big deal, Libby. I had a nightmare last night and couldn’t go back to sleep.”
“What was it about?”
“I don’t remember.” I can’t look at her as I lie. I know she’s not going to buy it, but I can’t lie directly to her face, so I turn and start washing plates.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Of course.”
“Then why are you lying to me right now? Don’t you trust me?”
“I do, but it’s something that’s really hard for me to talk about.”
“Did you tell Grant?” Libby asks cautiously.
“No. He knows as much as you do.”
Libby picks up the dish towel on the counter and begins drying the plates, letting the conversation drop. Once the dishes are put away, she puts on her coat and heads to the door. As she opens it, she turns back and waves.
“If you wanna talk about it … call me if you want, okay?”
“Thank you. I will.”
Making sure to lock the door behind her, I walk around the apartment, turning off lights and closing the curtains. Looking down on the street below, I watch as cars slowly pass, oblivious to me watching. There are still a few people roaming around, attempting to catch the shops before they close for the night. I love living in the heart of the city.
Saying a little prayer as I get in bed, I close my eyes and will myself to sleep peacefully tonight. I pray for the nightmares to leave me alone and my good memories to shine through. I say hello to Grandma and tell her that I love her. The last thing I remember is asking her to watch over my father, to keep him safe, and to help him understand.
My alarm goes off and I sit up. I feel refreshed as I stretch my arms over my head. I’m ready for my day to start because it’s going to be a great day. I get to watch Grant play tonight, his final game of the regular season. If they win, they go on to play in the state competition.
Full of energy, I get to school early. I’m already at my locker when Libby arrives, surprised to find me waiting on her for a change.
“What time are we meeting up tonight?” I ask as I open my locker and start organizing my bag for the day.
“The game starts at seven,” she replies, leaning against the locker next to mine. “It’s a big game. There’s going to be a ton of people there, and if we want to get good seats, then we should probably get there fairly early.”
“Okay. Wanna meet at my place at five and then we can head over there about six?” I ask, shoving my Trigonometry book in my bag.
“Sounds good. Are you okay if Chester comes with us?”
Really? I look around my locker door and raise my eyebrow at her. “Of course. I assumed he would be.” Libby looks down, moving imaginary dirt around on the floor with the toe of her boot. “What?”
“Well, Megan asked if she could come with us too. I told her I would let her know.”
Megan. The one who wants Grant. The one who spread rumors about him to make herself look better. I’m not sure I want to let her anywhere near him. On the other hand, if I keep her close, then I can keep an eye on her. What’s that saying? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
“Sure. There should be plenty of room for everyone.” Libby’s eyes dart to mine, squinting at me as if she’s trying to read my mind.
“Oookayyyy,” she says, dragging the word out.
“Cool. I’ll see you at lunch.” Walking off, I leave Libby standing next to my locker looking confused.
By the time the day is finally over, I’m ready to see Grant. He sent me a text at lunch, asking if he could swing over after school for a good luck kiss. My heart melted a little as Libby pretended to gag while reading over my shoulder. Megan was pretending to be engaged in a conversation with Angie, but I saw her peering over at us while I loudly told Libby how sweet Grant is to me all the time. I may have played it up a little bit. I may have talked louder than necessary. I just wanted to make sure that Megan got the message loud and clear. Judging by the fact that she left lunch early, I think she understood.
Having her around tonight should be interesting. It’s almost like she’s torturing herself by hanging out with us. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes. I also wouldn’t be hanging on to the notion that someone who was never interested in me to begin with might change their mind.
Grant is waiting for me at my apartment when I arrive. After an hour of good luck kisses, he leaves to get ready for the big game. Good timing on his part. Things were starting to get hot and heavy, and if he hadn’t needed to be somewhere, I may not have let him leave. I saw the look in his eyes when I pulled back and told him he better leave. He was thinking about the same thing I was.
After changing into warmer clothes for the game, I pick up a little while I wait for everyone else to show up. We pile into Libby’s car to head to the stadium as soon as Megan arrives.
By the time we get there, the parking lot is already packed with cars and the stands are starting to fill up fast. The game doesn’t start for almost an hour, but people are ready and waiting. Libby volunteers Chester to run and get us all something warm to drink. When he finally returns, the stands are full and we have to cram together to make room for him. Sitting so close keeps us all warmer. All of us except Megan who is sitting on my right, trying to leave as much space between us as possible.
The game is a blowout. The other team never had a chance. Grant threw for five touchdowns, his personal best in one game, and the team officially moves on to the state competition. Libby and I are standing and hollering as they announce Grant as the MVP for the season. After that, we push our way through the crowd and rush for the car. For what, I’m not sure. We sit in a line of traffic for the next hour as we attempt to make our way out of the parking lot.
Getting there early was a good idea because we had great seats. If we had been a little smarter, we would have parked like we were one of the last to arrive. Instead, we were close to the field which means farthest from the exit. At least it was warm in the car.
“Can you drop me off at home first?” Megan asks as soon as we are on the main road. It’s only the second time I’ve heard her speak tonight.
“Are you sure you don’t want to celebrate with us?” Libby replies, making eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. I nod, letting her know that it’s okay.
“I think I’d rather go home, but thanks,” Megan replies, dismissively.
Feeling like I should personally invite her over, I open my mouth to speak when Libby slams on the brakes and my body flies forward, only to be pulled back by the seatbelt. Squeezing my eyes closed, I hear the crunch of metal and Libby curse at the top of her lungs. When I open my eyes, I’m surprised to see a pair of eyes staring back at me and I scream.