Lulu in LA LA Land (2 page)

LULU

(interrupting)

Lex, I don't like blockbuster movies. And I don't have thirty girlfriends.

ALEXIS

OK. Next.

(thinks for a milli-moment)

Got it! Disco dance party. I'll set up an outside dance floor. Fiona has done that tons of times here. I'll score a hot DJ. I'll check out who just did Amanda Sasson's hot shots party last weekend. That DJ rocked.

LULU

I wasn't there.

ALEXIS

Well, everyone who matters was there.

CHIP

I was there.

Chip has been listening in on the conversation as he pushes a long sweeper across the length of the pool's bottom.

ALEXIS

(calls out to Chip)

You were? But you're, well, a little older than the crowd that was there.

CHIP

(in a flat, relaxed tone)

Working extra jobs. Surfing's an expensive habit. Besides cleaning pools, I pass around appetizers for a caterer. Ya know, all that time riding a board, I've got balance. I can hold two trays of soy-encrusted cucumber and pick up dirty plates at the same time.

LULU

Mega yuck! What's soy crusty cucumber like?

CUT!! Gotta tell you something funny about Chip. He's nut-o about eating a strict vegetarian diet. But I swear on a stack of cookbooks that I once saw him on Venice Beach eating a hot dog. I've never mentioned it to anyone, not even him, because, geez peas, what's so awful about a little hot dog here and there…and, besides, I'd never want to embarrass him. Back to: ACTION!!

LULU

(to Alexis)

Doesn't Robbie surf?

(to Chip)

He's her new boyfriend.

ALEXIS

(annoyed)

Can we get back to the party business?

CHIP

How 'bout a pool party? I'll make sure there's not a bee's wing in the water. I'll skim it crystal clear.

ALEXIS

Thanks, Chip, but, no! Pool party is way overdone.

Alexis faces Lulu, up close and personal.

ALEXIS

Lulu, what fab parties have YOU been to lately?

LULU

(voice trails off)

Well, you know…

ALEXIS

No, I don't. That's why I'm asking.

LULU

I don't go to many parties, Lex. Just not invited too much. And it's fine because I wouldn't want to go.

ALEXIS

That's just weird of you.

LULU

Wait, I did just go to the greatest Easter party. Sophia and her mom invited me, and we painted giant chocolate eggs with colored icing.

ALEXIS

'K, halt! Not getting anywhere. Slam on the brakes.

LULU

I have a birthday party planned. Geez peas! Sophia's gonna come and Elana…and Chip!

(calling out to Chip)

You should come too. And, Lex, believe it or not, I want you if you can slide me into your social schedule. And Robbie, if you guys are still going out. And most of all, Mom and Dad, and that's—

ALEXIS

(interrupting)

Your problem! You're NOT, NO WAY going to get Linc and Fiona to a make-your-own-taco birthday dinner. They're too busy. It's gotta be a smashy-flashy party that they WANT to attend. Lulu, you throw parties that are fun for your guests!

Lulu is unable to respond for a minute. Alexis's words sting her ears.

LULU

It's not a make-your-own-taco party! I wanted to make garden-grown, homemade salsa. I wanted to make mini pizzas. I wanted to make mac and cheese from scratch. I wanted—

ALEXIS

Linc and Fiona to come, right?

LULU

(very quietly)

Yes.

ALEXIS

Got it, gal. Gonna take this one over. I'll be your party planner.

RING TONE MUSIC BLARES. It's Alexis's phone. Alexis answers.

ALEXIS

(into phone, animated)

Oooooh, fabby that you called to remind me! I'll get driven right over.

Alexis disconnects and slips her feet into her leopard print slide thong sandals. Her salad's barely touched.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

Nail appointment. Mani-pedi.

Realizing that she's about to make a quick getaway, Alexis musters a tiny stab of kindness for her little sister.

ALEXIS

Wanna come?

Lulu looks at her salsa-damp fingertips. She unconsciously stuffs them through her wildly messy hair, which hasn't been brushed since dashing around this morning.

LULU

Not my thing, Lex, but gracias for asking.

A moment of inspiration flashes over Alexis. It may have come as she watched Lulu spread salsa through her hair or when she worried that her own nails might not be cleaned, buffed, filed, and polished as scheduled.

ALEXIS

It WILL be your thing! Spa party! Fab-u-lous. Nails, hair, massage, waxing, facials. The works. EVERYONE demands, requires, craves beauty treatment. And HELLO?! Where are Linc and Fiona always dashing off to besides the set or the studio? Some grooming appointment, that's what!

LULU

I always thought primping was just part of their work.

ALEXIS

Get with the program, Lu. Everyone in L.A. loves to looks great. It's not a job! It's a duty!

LULU

I don't know anyone who would want to come to that kind of party. Well, except maybe you, Mom, and Dad.

ALEXIS

Guest list. I'm on it. I'll get your school directory and the Harrison family holiday card list and get cracking.

Alexis stands and grabs her purple Chanel purse.

ALEXIS

By the way, HELLLLLO?! You just said it yourself. Your PARENTS would want to go to THIS kind of party.

Alexis turns on her high heels but halts. Both girls smell the odor. Looking under the table, they find Watson, minus his diaper. He's just made a giant poop and is now eating the steaming pile.

Alexis screams in horror.

ALEXIS

I hate that awful dog! What's WRONG with him? He's totally defective.

LULU

(defiant while holding her nose)

I love puggy. Just think of him as the ultimate recycler!

Alexis, totally grossed out, runs away. But before she's out of earshot, Alexis shouts back toward Lulu.

ALEXIS

You better realize if I throw this party for you, you'll be soooo lucky!

INT. ATTIC—LATER THAT SATURDAY AFTERNOON

CUT!! Gotta break in here again to tell you about where I live. The Harrison house seems like a palace that most girls would dream about living in. Just not me. Nothing's fun about living in a place where the rules are: No touching. No scuffing. No running. No moving stuff. No leaving so much as a pencil, seed, or crumb…anywhere.

Our house is GINORMOUS. It's hard to find my family—on the rare occasion that they're home. We have an intercom phone system. I can't remember when Mom or Dad has ever answered it.

Here's what my mother's tooty-snooty decorator put in our house: lots of white and cream furniture. Lots of expensive English and French antique lamps and paintings. Nothing in my house, except in my bedroom, is for sitting with your legs up. Alexis and I are not allowed to keep any of our stuff around. Everything goes up into our rooms or into my attic playroom where nobody goes, except for me and my BFF, Sophia. Who wants to live in a place where you can't put down a glass of chocolate milk? Where I live is more of a museum than a house. Back to: ACTION!!

The attic above Lulu's room has been converted to part playroom, part creative art space. Remnants of Lulu's childhood fill the room: dolls, stuffed animals, wood blocks, a bubble-gum-pink Barbie oven, a plastic orange microscope, and a talking globe. A mobile of fairies hangs from the short ceiling. There's a craft table, two chairs, paints, clay, colored paper, and markers. A flower press sits atop a bookcase loaded with books.

SOPHIA is smaller and thinner than Lulu, even though they are both ten. She looks just like her mother, Eve, who moved to America from Japan when she was eight.

As the girls sort recipe cards into alphabetical order, Watson sleeps in an old baby doll cradle. He's swaddled in a clean diaper.

SOPHIA

My problem with making up recipes is the math. You can handle fractions and cups and liters and centi-milliliters like it's reading a book.

LULU

Cooking's just a science experiment you can eat. That makes the math part fun.

SOPHIA

Lu, I kinda want to make up a recipe by myself.

LULU

Hey, we make up all our recipes together. I always help with the measuring equations.

Sophia picks up a pencil and doodles. She stares at the paper as she talks.

SOPHIA

Truth: It's for YOU! I want to make you a birthday cake. I'm just telling you so you don't make it yourself. It's gonna be one of my presents, OK?

Sophia taps her pencil. Something's on her mind.

SOPHIA

I'm working really hard on the recipe. My mom promised she'd buy the ingredients double so I can bake it one time before I bring it. I…ummmmm…don't want it to be disgusting for your parents.

A thunderbolt strikes Lulu! The Spa Bash, now under Alexis's control, doesn't seem like the kind of party for homemade anything. For weeks, however, Sophia has been helping Lulu plan the invitations, menu, decorations, and party favors.

LULU

Geez peas! That's soooo sweet, but you and your mom shouldn't do all that.

Lulu walks over to the cradle where Watson sleeps and rocks it…faster and faster. Watson opens an eye and growls.

LULU

Really, Soph! Elana and I were gonna maybe kinda do a cake. And, besides, seriously NO presents because you know there's nothing I need! We said…

(now on firmer footing)

We PROMISED when we were, what, like six years old, that we'd never give each other gifts.

Lulu runs out of “Uh-oh, how-do-I-fix-this” energy. She even stops rocking the cradle. It swings to a stop.

SOPHIA

No, Lu. What we swore on a mini-mountain of rose petals was that we'd never BUY each other presents. We always make each other presents. Remember, last Christmas, I knitted you a scarf with all those loose stitches? And you grew me that red and white candy-striped amaryllis bulb? You felt awful because at Christmas there wasn't even a flower bud.

LULU

But that was Christmas.

SOPHIA

And this is a birthday.

LULU

All I'm saying is: being eleven means I am an official tweenager.

SOPHIA

(quietly, now hurt and confused)

I think all you're saying is you don't want me to make your birthday cake.

(thinks a beat)

Is it because it could come out disgusting and your parents won't like it? That's OK, Lu, I want you to have a really good party for them.

Lulu melts inside. Her stomach feels like it will never be hungry again. That's always where her nervous confusion ends up…in her stomach. Lulu rubs her left hand over her belly button, thinking she can somehow calm her swirling insides.

LULU

It's not that. I mean, it's like…well, you know, last year they were in Africa making the
Silver Water
movie? I absolutely, positively, one hundred percent understood why they couldn't be with me. Year before, they were…ummm, well, they were busy that year too.

SOPHIA

My father's never, ever been to my birthday…not even the first one. So, Lu, I get it. I'll do anything to help you make this birthday great so your parents like it.

LULU

Really, you'd help me?

SOPHIA

(laughing)

I'll swear on a mini-mountain of rose and daisy petals. C'mon outside!

Lulu leans over to hug her best buddy and sees that Sophia has been scribbling pictures of fancy-looking cakes with the words, “Happy Birthday, BFF.”