Lustful Gaze (London Loves #6) (12 page)

“I needed to practise on someone I trusted,” Harry said.

Edward opened his mouth to say he could’ve practised on
him
. But that would’ve sounded like a line. He breathed and tried to get a grip on his own arousal – it’d been incredible to watch the gorgeous Harry do
that
to Paul – who was pretty gorgeous himself. 

Edward smirked. “You’re such a show-off.”

Harry chuckled. “It wasn’t my intention to be.”

Edward grabbed his joint from behind his ear and fiddled with it. He wished he could take a couple of drags to calm his nervous desire – but he respected Paul’s smoking ban – and he certainly didn’t want to get slung out of this lovely home. He tried to extinguish the growing flame in his heart – and his underpants – for the beautiful man who was so casually sitting beside him.

Harry was staring over at Scott and Paul as they kissed on the bed.

“I know how you feel,” Edward whispered. “Sucks, huh?”

“What?”

“You feel used? Cast off? Like, you did that for them, but now you’re being ignored. It happens to me all the time. They love you while you’re sucking them off, but then they just wanna get back to their normal life.”

“You’ve done
that
for Scott and Paul?”

“What, no! My clients. You know what I do…
did
for a living.”

“Oh. No, it’s okay. They don’t owe me anything. I’m glad they enjoyed it. It’s the least I can do.”

“Yeah, right, okay.”

Harry shifted on the sofa as if he planned to leave, which sent panic through Edward’s heart. He needed to keep him here – he wasn’t ready to lose him yet. Small talk… Come on, Edward.

“Just to warn you,” Edward said, “you’ll need to be careful in Brighton. You’re gonna get a lot of male attention.”

Harry leaned back into the lip-shaped sofa. “Well, that’s good. I know what to do now. It’s actually quite easy. Did you see how quickly it happened?”

Edward chuckled kindly. “Don’t give yourself all the credit! I think
Scott
might’ve played a part in that.”

“Oh, yeah, sure I know. But I’ll be fine in Brighton. I feel much more confident with the physical stuff now.”

“Well, that’s great. But… what about your heart?”

“What about my heart?”

“You’ll need to protect that just as much as your physical body.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m just saying, don’t fall in love, okay?

Harry scoffed. “I’m Indian – we don’t do that.”

This news surged through Edward like a cluster bomb. “What? Of course you do.”

“Love comes for us
after
marriage. But it’s not the fleeting love of movies. It’s a firm foundation of respect during a lifetime together.”

“Well that sounds like bullshit.”

Harry chuckled. “You seem to say that a lot about my Indian customs.”

“I’m just sayin’…”

They shared a playful smirk.

Edward fiddled with his joint. “So are your parents gonna pick someone out for you to marry?”

“Yep. Because they know best. Or so they say.”

“Wait a minute, they think
they
know who you should marry better than you do?”

Harry seemed resigned. “You wouldn’t understand, Edward.”

“Maybe not. But I do understand that you shouldn’t be marrying a woman. How the hell are you ever gonna take care of
her
sexual needs? Or are you gonna ask a couple of gay women if you can sit in – and
join
in – with them?”

Dread seeped over Harry’s perfect face. “I hadn’t even thought about that side of things. I honestly have no idea how to please a woman.”

“Well, you’d better get learning. And what if she doesn’t like you? I guess
her
parents know best too, right? It sounds like legalised rape to me. Here’s my daughter; do what you want with her – even if you’re actually a fucking homo.”

Harry winced. “It’s not ideal, is it?”

“Not really.”

The atmosphere shifted uncomfortably and Edward realised Harry was thinking of leaving again. “Hey, you wanna come and smoke this with me? Outside?”

“Is that cannabis?”

“Yeah. Don’t tell me, your caste aren’t allowed to smoke pot either, huh?”

Harry chuckled mischievously. “Actually, I think we can. But I should go.”

“Okay. Well, I guess you got what you came for.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. Edward smirked.

They both looked over to the bed and saw that Scott and Paul had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. Harry stood up and gazed at that them like a parent watching his sleeping children. Then he grabbed a blanket from the stiletto-shaped chair and draped it over them. Edward’s heart filled with affection – Harry was a great guy as well as hot and handsome. It wasn’t fair what had been planned for him. Especially not as Edward wanted him so badly.

Edward stood up “I’ll come with you so I can go outside and smoke my joint.”

“Okay.”

Edward opened the bedroom door and gestured for Harry to walk out to the dimly-lit hallway. He followed him to the front door, then Harry stopped and turned on the doormat.

“Well, Edward, I’m sure I’ll see you before I leave for university.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Harry turned and opened the door. Then he turned back and inhaled to say something, but he faltered. Edward was desperate to ask him out for a drink, but it was pointless. Even if Harry did like him – which was highly unlikely – it could never work. Harry was a prince compared to him. Would he ever consider a relationship with a rent boy?
Former
rent boy. Of course not.

They gazed shyly into each other’s eyes. Forces beyond his control propelled Edward to lean forward and kiss Harry on the cheek. His skin was smooth and warm.

“You did well tonight,” Edward said. “I’m sure the next guy you… well, your
first
guy won’t be disappointed.”

“Thank you, Edward.”

Harry reached up and squeezed him on the shoulder, sending tingles down his arm. Then, to Edward’s joyful amazement, Harry leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Stars of elation exploded in Edward’s brain. His heart soared, melting with the universe. He opened his mouth to ask what
that
was for, but Harry interjected.

“Goodnight, Edward. Hope to see you again soon.”

Harry raised a suggestive eyebrow, then he walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.

Edward stared at nothing in shock for a moment, wondering whether to run after Harry and take the kiss further. But his shaking legs wouldn’t allow him to take another step. So instead, he leaned his joy-filled body against the door, grinning and relishing the feeling of floating above reality.

Edward had been here once before, but never this intensely. He tried to yank himself back to a more sensible mind-set – knowing this was ridiculous – but his thoughts surged back to Harry – refusing to let him go. Excitement flashed through his prickling bones.

“Oh no,” he said. “Don’t fall for
him
– not the guy who’s been promised to a
woman
.”

He stood up straight and stared at himself in the ornate hall mirror. He grinned at his reflection. “Too late. Already fallen.”

His brow crumpled with sadness at the love he could never have. But then he smiled. There
was
a place he could have Harry – as much and as often as he pleased. He swaggered off to the spare room – his bedroom – then he flopped onto the bed, where he stuck his hand down his pants, and sunk into a fantasy world, hoping that love would triumph in the end.

The next day over breakfast, Paul announced to Edward that they were taking the morning off work.

“Why?”

“I’ve booked you an appointment to see my doctor.”

Edward’s experience of healthcare thus far had always been of the state-funded variety. But this private medical experience was like stepping into an alternative universe. The Harley Street building was grand and imposing – the entrance reminded Edward of a suave hotel, like the Savoy. The checkerboard steps led to a pair of foreboding black wooden doors that reminded Edward of Doctor Who’s Tardis.

Paul pressed the gold doorbell, and a smartly-dressed young woman opened the door, smiling serenely. “Hello, Mr Taylor. Come in!”

“Thanks – I really appreciate you squeezing us in today.”

“Oh, you’re very welcome.”

They stepped into the echoey hall. “This is Edward,” Paul said.

The woman gazed kindly at him. “Ah yes, hello, Edward. Today you’re being tested for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV, and syphilis. Please take a seat. The doctor will be out soon.”

Edward unglued his feet and wandered through an archway towards the waiting room – which was more like the lounge of an aging aristocrat, with its shiny floorboards, leather sofas, and magazine-strewn coffee table. Edward glanced at the magazines as he traipsed past –
Home and Country
,
Good Housekeeping
, and
Horse and Groom
. Probably he’d pass on the light reading for now.

He flopped down onto the hard squeaky leather and tried to get comfortable. Paul sat with him and busied himself with some work on his ipad. Luckily, the doctor didn’t keep Edward waiting long. She was a gruff middle-aged woman, without a maternal bone in her body – as Edward found out by spending the next two hours with her in her oppressive office. It reminded him of the head-teacher’s office at his old high school, where he often got sent as a teen for being disruptive –
after
finishing his schoolwork before everyone else.

The doctor didn’t make any attempts to make him feel comfortable – when she instructed him to relax and unclench, he was unable to oblige without forcing his eyes shut and floating off to a happier place. It was all so mechanical. First she gave him a plastic pot to pee in for a urine test, then she took a cheek swab and asked him to spit into another plastic pot for a saliva test. Then he was asked to lie down on the bed naked so she could do an anal swab… He was sure none of this was necessary, but rather she wanted to make sure he practised safe sex in the future. Then, just when he thought he might be free, there was the blood test – involving a very long needle. And a finger prick test for HIV. And she saved the best for last by groping his testicles as she sat in front of his prodded-and-poked body.

“Relax!” she barked.

“It’s quite difficult. My bollocks are in your hand.”

“Oh, tosh. This is merely a routine genital examination.”

“Right. Well, I hope they’ve passed.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

She freed Edward’s testicles and removed her glasses. “Everything seems okay here. Get dressed and sit in the waiting room. We’ll be out with the results as soon as possible.”

Edward plodded back to join Paul, who was sitting on the leather sofa, still typing on his ipad. There was an empty sandwich wrapper on the seat beside him, and a thumbed-through copy of
The Guardian
.

“Okay?” Paul asked, wincing at Edward’s discomfort.

Edward flopped down to join him. “That’s not something I’d like to experience again in a hurry.”

“It’s for the best.”

“I know – thank you for organising it.”

“Well, I want you to have normal relationships whenever you’re ready, so it’s important to get these things sorted now.”

“It is.” Edward wondered who’d be his next man. Was this really the end of his life as a sex worker? Would he ever meet anyone as wonderful as Harry? He tried to suppress his grin, but he couldn’t, and the unrequited love he felt for Harry burst through, eradicating his doctor-induced frustration.

He giggled involuntarily.

“You’re in a good mood,” Paul said. 

Edward shrugged. “It’s always nice to find out you haven’t got chlamydia, right.”

“Oh, did they tell you that one straight away?”

“Yep. I’m chlamydia-free. One down, three to go.”

They shared a tender smile. Paul lowered his voice. “Last night was interesting, wasn’t it!”

Edward beamed. “You sure are one lucky guy.”

“I know. Scott’s everything to me.”

“Oh, I meant…”

Edward looked away. He could feel his cheeks blushing, making him feel awkward.

“Ah, I see,” Paul said. “You’ve got the hots for a certain young man, have you?”

Edward fought to control his smile. “Maybe. But I’m not stupid enough to think he’d be interested in me.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s… and I’m… Nah. Anyway he’s going to uni soon.
And
he’s gotta marry a woman.”

“Yeah, Scott told me about that. Poor guy.”

Edward leaned closer. “Paul, don’t tell anyone, but Harry kissed me when he left last night.”

Paul’s smiling mouth dropped open. “Well that means something surely!”

“I dunno. I know where his lips had
been
just prior to that kiss!”

Paul sniggered. “That was different. He’d wanted to get some practise in.”

“Maybe he just wanted kissing practise, too.”

“Hmm… well, how did he kiss you? You don’t have to show me – just tell me!”

“He kissed me once on the lips.” Edward held his hand at face height and kissed it. “Like a goodnight kiss.”

“Well, you don’t need practise to do that. But you do need a motivation. I don’t wanna get your hopes up, because I’ve no idea if he likes you, but why don’t you ask him out?”

“Don’t be stupid, Paul.”

“Go on. You can have the rest of the day off. Go to the art gallery and ask him to come for a walk with you. It’s a beautiful day. Go somewhere private and have a chat.”

“I dunno… Where would we go?”

Paul shrugged. “How about Hampstead Heath? What’s the worst he can do? Say no. But at least you’ll know you asked, right?”

Edward’s chest fizzled with optimism. “Alright. I’ll do it. Seize the moment, huh?”

“Exactly.”

Paul opened his mouth to add something else, but the doctor strode out of her office and approached them like a Stormtrooper. She plonked herself down next to Edward on the sofa.

Edward held his breath…

Her stern face broke into a smile.  “All results came back negative. Here are some leaflets on safe sex. Make sure you study them well. I don’t want to see you back here. Right?”