Authors: Melissa Marr
“I know. He’s just hard to please.” She looks a little guilty as she adds, “One of the things I love about your father is that he doesn’t doubt me when I say I can handle something, and he’s always thought you were capable—more so than your grandfather thinks I am even
now
.”
“You knew what to do yesterday when the sicko sent a package to me. You knew to have someone here with me, and you’re trying to make sure I’m safe without being totally trapped at home bored. I know it’s not just my crutches that made you hire Nate.”
My mother nods. “They’ll catch the killer. Detective Grant is good at her job.”
Neither of us mention how long it could be until they
do
catch him or how many people might die before then.
“I’m going to work in the den for a while. Why don’t you go visit with Nate?” She pauses awkwardly and then in a whisper, she asks, “Do I need to worry about what you’re doing with him when we’re not home?”
“Mom!”
“Parents talk, Eva. I’ve heard enough to know that Nate has run wild since his father left.”
My face feels like it’s on fire, but I don’t look away from her.
“Are you still taking your birth control pills?” she asks.
“I am.”
“Good.” She nods. “I’ve never regretted being a mother, but it’s not something to do young. Nathaniel should see his doctor, too. There are a lot more diseases than I knew about when I was your age.”
She leans in and kisses the top of my head. “I’m going to get a bit of work done in the den then. Do you need help into the room?”
I shake my head. I’m perfectly capable on my crutches now, and even if I wasn’t, I don’t know that I could bear walking into the room with my mother and seeing Nate just now. She’s always been very practical about sex. Maybe it’s because she became a mother so young, but she made sure I was on birth control when I started dating Robert seriously, and she gave me such a frank sex talk that I’m surprised I’m not still blushing several years later.
After she leaves the kitchen, I stand and tuck my crutches under my arms. Life after my accident is weirder than I could’ve ever expected. In only a few weeks, everything I thought I knew has changed. When I woke up and saw my face, I thought that my scars would be the biggest challenge. I thought I would have to be okay with Robert ignoring me because no one else would want me. I thought I would have to handle everything on my own because my parents didn’t want to be bothered. I was wrong about so much.
I look at Nate as I thump my way into the media room. It’s comfortable here, all dark wood, black walls and ceiling, and three rows of deep red reclining chairs.
Nate’s sitting on the floor reading the back of a movie. He looks up and grins at me, and then he gestures at the stack of movies on the floor beside him. “Did you want to watch something? We can, but I just wanted an excuse to give you privacy.”
“Sure.” I sit in one of the chairs and prop my foot up. I figure I might as well say something about the conversation with my mother. If not, it’ll bother me until I do, so I blurt, “Mom thinks you should get tested for STDs before we have sex.”
He lowers the movie in his hand. “Say again?”
“Tests,” I repeat, my gaze on the floor, not on him.
When I look up, he’s coming across the room to me. He sits beside me and takes my hand. I don’t see his death when he does. What I do see is the look in his eyes. He’s worried.
“I swear that I won’t ever do anything to hurt you. No lies. No cheating. I can go to the doctor weekly if you want.”
“No,” I say. “I trust you.” I realize as I say it that I
do
trust him. That moment of doubt isn’t about him. It’s about me. I gaze at Nate as he is cueing up the movie. He is beautiful and experienced, and I’m a maze of scars who couldn’t keep her boyfriend
before
these cuts were all over me.
“Nate, just . . . if you decide you don’t want to be with me, you’ll tell me before you go out with anyone else, right? If you decide that the way I look is too—”
“Not going to happen.” He kisses me briefly before continuing, “If I lose my mind and think there could be anyone I like more, I’ll tell you, but it’s not going to happen.”
“Thank you.” I lean my head against his shoulder. “I need to try again. I need to see the people I missed, get them to touch me so I can see their deaths,
and
we need to talk to Reid,” I start.
“After your mom leaves,” Nate finishes. “Let’s just relax for an hour or two. Most of them are probably still in bed.”
He’s right. I
know
he’s right. “Let me text Grace.”
My fingers race as I let her know my tentative plan so far: watch movie with Nate, then see her, then talk to Reid, and then we’ll figure out how to check on the people I missed yesterday. Once that’s sorted out, and I express sympathy to her for the General’s insistence that running is temporarily forbidden, I sit in the dark with my new boyfriend. The movie hasn’t even started when I begin laughing. He’s picked
American Pie
to watch.
“It seemed fitting,” he whispers.
I roll my eyes, but I nestle as close to him as I can in the chairs. That’s the other limitation with this room: I’d rather not have a chair arm between us. We lace our fingers together, and for the moment, it’ll have to be enough.
Judge
M
ADISON REFUSED TO GO
out with me. I called her last night, and she laughed. If she hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be sitting here watching and waiting for her parents to go to work. That’s the challenge, though. I’ve only ever left a message in the dark. Eva knew. She knew this—the daylight and with no time to plan—would be a test of my resolve. I won’t fail her. I have roses—red and white tied together for unity—next to me on the passenger seat.
After the Tremonts leave, I walk up to the door and ring the bell. I stand with my hands behind my back so she doesn’t see my gloves or my water bottle. It’s a refillable one that I can squirt in her mouth so she doesn’t leave her DNA on it. There’s no graceful way to get her to drink the water with GHB, so I’m going to have to force her. A few weeks ago, I practiced holding down a dog and pouring water in its mouth in case I needed to do it. I think the key is keeping the front feet trapped—or in Madison’s case, her arms. I just need to get her in the house first. I can’t do it on the porch.
“What do you want?” Madison folds her arms over her chest.
“Eva,” I admit. It feels good to say it. “I want Eva to be happy, and you want Bouchet, so we can work together.”
She stares at me for a moment before saying, “What makes you think I want Nate?”
“Don’t.” I shake my head. “Just let me in so we can talk, or come with me.”
For a moment, I think she’s going to cooperate. I hope she will, but this is a test that the Lord set. I would have preferred Piper. She would have been easier, but Eva picked Madison as a challenge.
“I can’t, Reid. My parents would lose it if I went out without telling them.” Madison steps back and starts to close the door.
I shove my foot forward and push her back into the house. “I understand.”
Her eyes widen, and she opens her mouth to scream. I slam the palm of my hand into her mouth to keep her quiet and step inside her house. She starts to fall, but I grab her arm—dropping my bottle in the process.
I shove the door closed behind us.
There are tears in her eyes now. It reminds me a little of Amy. “Shhh, come on now. You need to be quiet.”
She’s shaking, and I sweep her feet from under her and push her to the floor. I still have my palm shoved into her mouth, and she’s trying to bite me.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I tell her. “Stop! Maddy,
stop
!”
There’s a wash of guilt as I realize how we’re lying on the floor. My hips are up against hers, and she looks afraid. I realize why, and it makes me feel horrible. “I’m not going to do
that
. Shh!” I push my hand tighter to her mouth. “I told you I want to talk to you. I need you to give Eva a message.”
Madison nods.
“If I pull my hand away and let you up, will you help me?”
She nods again, so I remove my hand slowly. She stares up at me with tears rolling down her cheek and blood on her lips from where I had to shove my hand against her mouth to keep her quiet.
“You’re bleeding.” I lean in and kiss her blood away. “Shhh. I just need your help. Everything will be okay then. I didn’t want to hit you. You shouldn’t have closed the door like that.”
“I’m sorry.” She’s shaking, and her voice sounds rough. She swallows before she asks, “What do you need?”
“I need you to come with me to give Eva a message.”
“I could call her,” Madison offers.
It’s cute how she thinks she can come up with a better plan. I laugh and kiss her nose. “No. I know what I’m doing.” I straighten up so I’m straddling her rather than pressed against her whole body. I grab her right arm and pull it down so it’s pinned under my knee. That’s when I notice my hand. “You tore my glove.”
“I’m sorry.” She starts shaking again. “I didn’t mean to.”
I reach over and grab the water bottle that I dropped. “Here. Take a sip.”
She stares up at me, but her mouth doesn’t open. Her lips stay tightly closed.
“There’s blood in your mouth, Madison. I’m going to give you some water.” I open the bottle with my teeth, biting it and tugging up. “Open your mouth.”
Her hips buck as she tries to shake me off, and her left hand comes up to try to scratch me. She scores her fingernails across the bottom of my throat, and I drop the bottle to grab her wrist.
“Amy was very happy at the end,” I tell Madison. “We’d been together for months. Robert never knew. That’s why she went to him the night Eva got hurt. I told her to tell him that he should break up with Eva. I knew he wouldn’t though. Then Eva would be alone. I thought she’d die when I hit her. I thought I killed her, but the Lord spared her. That’s how I knew that what I was meant to do was work harder to
teach
her.”
Madison sobs, but she stops trying to throw me off her. “Please, let me go. I’m sorry. I don’t want to die.”
“Would you touch me like Amy used to?” I stare down at her. I feel ashamed that I feel excited by the movement of her hips under me, but the only time anyone has ever arched up like that was when we were naked. I think it’s probably normal to be excited. “If I asked you, would you?”
She doesn’t answer. “Would you let me go if I did?”
It’s not a no, but she doesn’t want me. That much is clear. I hoped, but she doesn’t want me. Eva will. Once she knows I did what she asked, she’ll want me. I pick the bottle up and put it on Madison’s mouth.
“Drink the water,” I tell her.
She tries to turn away, so I grab her chin to hold her still. She bucks up again.
“Stop that. You don’t really want to, so
stop
.”
The water is a stream, not so fast that it’ll choke her. It was easier with Amy. She trusted me. Madison doesn’t seem to want to help me. It’ll be okay though. All I need is about fifteen minutes. The GHB is quick acting, and then she won’t resist.
“In a few minutes, we’re going to get up and go to the car, so we can give Eva her message,” I explain. “I’ll help you out to the car so you don’t fall.”
“Please!” Madison smiles up at me. “You’re not a bad guy. I won’t tell anyone you were here. Just go. Leave me here,
please
. I’ll make it up to you. Do . . . do what Amy used to for you.” She sniffles. “I could. Just don’t kill me. Please?”
If she hadn’t waited until she had the medicine, I could’ve let her, but she’ll be unconscious soon. I don’t want that. I shake my head. “I just need you to help me with a message.”
For about twenty minutes, she keeps making offers, promises, but it’s too late. I do kiss her when she asks because she sounds so honest. That’s all. I suspect this was a test, to see if I was worthy of Eva. I wonder if she even told Madison to offer herself to me. Later, I’ll explain to Eva that I was faithful to her. All I did was kiss Madison. It’s probably a little frightening to know you’re going to die but not understand that it’s for a greater cause.
Finally, the medicine kicks in enough that she can’t fight me, so I help Madison to the car and fasten her seat belt. I’m a little nervous that my car was outside so long, but I still take a moment to tuck red and white roses inside the top of her shirt. I’d already cut the thorns off before I came here, so I don’t hurt her.
I don’t like the extra time, but I want the message to be perfect, and it’s not like I ever keep the same car anyway. I get them for a little while, and after each message, I get new ones from my uncle in Durham. He buys junkers, and if I run a few errands for him, he lets me borrow cars. I don’t tell people—mostly because I know that the packages I pick up are drugs, but also because he’s one of the relatives we don’t mention.
I have to drive past the lake the first time because there’s a mom and her kids, but when I loop back, they’ve gone. After I park, I put duct tape over Madison’s mouth. I’m not sure if she’ll scream. Then I gather up the knife I had under my seat and carry it and Madison to the edge of the water. After I lower her to the ground, I use my knife to write: T
O
E
VA
. F
OREVER
. Then, I pull out my phone and take a picture. I don’t send it yet. I want to be with Eva when she sees it.
I leave my phone on the ground, but I keep all of my clothes on as I wade out with Madison.
“Shhh,” I whisper. I kiss the top of her head as I hold her body under the water. She thrashes a little more than Amy did. It makes me a little sad that the only times Madison thrashed in my arms were when she was sad on the floor of her house and now that she’s drowning. I’ll have to talk to Eva about a better plan so I can make the next girl happy before she has to die.
I remind myself that today is about Eva though. We’ll finally be together like husband and wife. I wonder if I should’ve written vows or if she’ll want more traditional ones. We can’t legally marry yet, so maybe we’ll just speak from our hearts tonight.