Madness or Love (Be With Me Book 1) (8 page)

His eyes shifted for a fraction, and
then the lightning bolt of the last night flashed, brightening the room. Her
face became an open window to her soul—fear, worry, love, compassion, sadness,
desire, and insecurity mingled into one. He took the distance between them in
two long strides and kissed her forehead, making her heart jump. His lips
lingered over her flushed skin for a second longer, and then he pulled away.

“Why wouldn’t we be okay?” he asked, and
left the apartment and the barefoot goddess with the turquoise eyes.

Victoria couldn’t move. He was gone,
not forever, but his absence made her feel empty. She watched the closed door
and prayed he would burst back in, sweep her off her feet, kiss every inch of
her body, and make love to her, but the door remained closed, and the truth was
she was grateful. She had been crazy to think they could be an item. Long
distance relationships never ended well, and she wanted more than one passionate
night and the following awkward good bye in the morning. Ian was her friend, an
important part of her life, and she could not think of losing him. Her heart
screamed, but she made a decision and vowed never to put their friendship at
risk again. A final memory of Ian’s hands on her face crossed her mind, and she
shoved her love in the deepest and darkest drawer of her soul.

The days trickled by slowly, and while Victoria truly
believed she had won over her attraction, the reality was different. Ian had
called twice since the beginning of the promo tour, and she had managed to hide
the ache in her heart behind a friendly humor. He hadn’t said anything out of
order; there had been no awkward silence or misplaced words. Their dynamic didn’t
show that The Night had ever happened. Their friendship was intact. She wished
she could say the same for her heart. Talking to him on the phone was easy
enough; she could pretend he was just the friend she met a year ago. His unique
ability to make her laugh healed all the pain inside her, if only for a
fraction. Reading through his texts all alone in the middle of the night
presented her with a different challenge. She read the lines over and over
again, analyzing every word until her brain refused to obey. It was unclear to
her why she punished herself. The truth—she couldn’t forget Ian’s face that
night nor the passion in his eyes. Deep down, she wanted him, though her brain
told her it was impossible. She hoped the distance between them would help her
forget, erase all the love. She was wrong.

Victoria sat on the leather lime-colored chair at
Crazy Bear and stared blankly at her silent phone on the glass table. The
chatter in the bar mixed with the dance music, but she was a deaf, frozen,
beautiful creature, suspended in time. Life moved in slow motion around her,
and she had one single thought on her mind—the phone.

“Vicky?” Kim frowned at her sister.

Victoria blinked and snapped back from her numb state.
“Yes?” she said, and turned to face her sister.

The ginger-haired woman had the same enchanting green
eyes as hers, and right now, they were piercing her.

“Stop with the serial-killer look, would you?”
Victoria forced a smile.

“You’re not listening to me,” Kim complained.

“That’s not true.”

“Really? What was the last thing I said?”

Victoria closed her eyes briefly. Her sister could be
such a pain in the ass, but right now, she had a point. “Tony, the DJ,” she
said, aware of her desperate shot in the dark.

“You are the worst sister ever.” Kim sighed in
exasperation. “That was fifteen minutes ago.” She pouted and folded her arms.

Victoria smiled at her younger sister. Kim had been
using the same tactic since she was six. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I am the
worst sister ever.” The warmth in Victoria’s eyes melted the ice.

“Never mind.” Her sister leaned closer. The sudden
mood change wasn’t a surprise. Kim was a tornado with fiery curls, young,
fearless, independent, crazy, open-minded, bright, and carefree. And if
Victoria possessed a spark of all that, Kim had the whole blazing fire in her.

“Now,” she said seriously, “will you tell me what’s
wrong with you?”

Victoria’s eyes shifted. “I don’t know what you mean.”

I mean,” her sister started like talking to a toddler,
“the last time I saw you, you looked truly happy and full of life. Now,” she
paused, “you look lost. Is it your hotel project?”

“No.” Victoria turned away in a desperate attempt to
hide her inner pain.

“It’s a man, isn’t it?” Kim asked quietly, and then
her eyes sparkled, full of curiosity. “Tell me all about him!”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Oh, then it is about a man. Go on! Talk!”

“There is nothing to talk about. He’s just a friend.”
Was she trying to convince Kim or herself?

“But you’re clearly into him,” Kim persisted.  

“You know what people say—curiosity killed the cat.”
Victoria forced a smile.

“Ha, ha. You won’t get away so easily. I’m your
sister. You can tell me.” Kim’s face was transformed by the glowing love in her
green eyes. Maybe it was time Victoria confide in someone. Ian had been her
most private secret. She had kept him, and their friendship, far away from
prying eyes. She had wanted to keep their bubble of happiness forever. But then
love had messed everything up. Now she felt the weight on her shoulders and
couldn’t hide the longing in her eyes. If she couldn’t trust her own sister,
who could she trust?

“It’s complicated,” she breathed out.

“It always is.”

“No, I mean he’s a friend, the best male one I’ve ever
had. It’s wrong.”

“Really? I’m not buying this.” Kim paused. “Is he
married?”

“No, Kim.”

“What then? Girlfriend? Kids?”

Victoria just shook her head in denial.

“Is he gay?”

“That’s it, Kim. This conversation is over.”

“You can keep me guessing or you can tell me. And I’m
not done.”

Victoria glanced over to her phone, and the black
display made her heart sink. Ian had been back home for two days, and not a
single beep had come in her direction. There were days when she hated the hold
he had over her. Did she open the Pandora’s Box with their almost-kiss?

“Vicky, talk to me! If this guy has hurt you, I’ll
break his nose. I promise you!” Kim’s eyes flashed dangerously.

“No,” Victoria murmured, “but thanks. The thing is he
lives far away, and we can’t see each other much.”

“So he has a sexy accent. Cool. And where is ‘far
away’?”

“The States.”

“Okay, I see you think the distance might be a
problem. What else?”

Victoria hesitated. Talking about Ian, about her love,
made the emptiness in her heart real. “We are from different worlds.” She could
clearly see her sister’s face if she told her who the man was. Sometimes even
she couldn’t believe Ian was a part of her ordinary life.

Kim frowned. “I see . . . an alien.” She took a
breath. “Come on, Vicky, it can’t be that bad.”

“You don’t understand.”

“True, but only because you’re hiding something. How
am I supposed to help you if I don’t have all the pieces?”

Victoria glanced once more at the black display and,
with a sigh, focused on her sister. “All you need to know is the distance is
not the only problem. His job, his lifestyle—there are so many things that could
tear us apart. And,” she hesitated, “he doesn’t want me.”

Both women fell silent.

“Did you kiss him?” Kim asked quietly.

“No . . . almost. I got carried away the last time we
were together. It won’t happen again.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to hurt our friendship.”

“If you believe this relationship is hopeless, move
on.”

I wish I could
, Victoria thought. Kim had been
capable of brushing off all problems with an ease that Victoria had envied many
times.

“This is making you sad. I have the perfect cure for
you.” Kim’s eyes lit up with excitement.

Victoria moved nervously in her chair. The
conversation had begun to weigh on her.

“You need to go on a date, and I know the perfect guy
for you.”

Victoria’s eyes widened in horror. “No, no, no! The
last time you set me up with a boy things went horribly wrong, and I ended up
in the A&E.”

Kim waved her hand. “You’re still mad about that? We
were kids. I can promise you Thomas won’t ask you to collect frogs in the
nearby lake.”

Victoria smiled, remembering the awful date she’d had
with Derek. Kim had insisted, and Victoria couldn’t say no to the sweet,
wide-eyed girl. But then, after frog hunting, she’d fallen and broken her arm.
That afternoon in the hospital, Kim had cried quietly, sitting next to her. How
could she be mad at her baby sister? But Kim always started with overwhelming
enthusiasm, only to crash full speed. The quality Victoria was jealous about
was Kim’s ability to wave a hand, forget the failure, swallow up the
disappointment, and move on.

“I still think that’s a bad idea, frogs or no frogs.”

“You’ll love him. He’s quite a catch, you know. I have
always wanted to go out with a sexy pediatrician.”

“Then do it. Why force me?”

“I can’t. He has eyes only for you. You two met once.”

“I can’t remember.” Victoria was painfully aware of why;
she had eyes for one man, too.

“Never mind. He’s been asking me for your number every
time I see him.” Kim rummaged in her bag. “I’ll call him right now.”

“Wait!” Victoria glanced at her silent phone for the
hundredth time. She hated the feeling in her stomach—betrayal. Why did she feel
like she was about to do something wrong? Ian wasn’t her boyfriend. She
deserved a little happiness, didn’t she? “Fine,” she said finally. “I can’t
promise you I’ll enjoy it, though.”

“At least try!” Kim urged, and dialed Thomas’s number.

* * *

Victoria had been wrong; she was enjoying her date
with the “sexy pediatrician.” Thomas had picked a wonderful, charming French
restaurant in Soho, and they were sitting at a small table near the window,
enjoying the tranquility of the place compared to the busy Saturday-night
streets of the neighborhood. Thomas was a real threat to any woman, a tall,
dark-haired, masculine male with deep-brown, doe-like eyes, and a low,
compassionate voice. He was a solid rock, a shoulder to lean on, reliable,
sensual, and he was all hers. He could be her knight in shiny armor; she just
needed to say the word.

The practical part of her could see all of Thomas’s
advantages, but one tiny, pee-sized thought, branded in her mind, didn’t go
away—Ian. Victoria felt happy that night, relaxed, and adored seeing
admiration, respect, and clear attraction in the eyes of the man in front of
her. She had promised Kim, and she was really trying to get a grip on her love
life to see the possibilities around her. She pushed the nagging thought deeper
and smiled at Thomas, who was telling a story from his childhood.

“And he made me stay in that closet for hours, hoping
that we’d find a hidden door to a magical world. Of course, that lasted till
our parents found us and grounded us for a week.” He leaned back. “I hope I
haven’t bored you.”

“No,” Victoria said hastily. “I know how siblings can
be a pain in the ass. Kim is definitely one.”

“I’m grateful she convinced you to go out with me. I’m
having a great time,” he said sincerely.

“Me too.” Victoria looked at him calmly.

“I can see that,” he replied. “You look different tonight.”

“Different how?” she asked, surprised.

“The first time we met, at that party you don’t
recall, you looked distant, like a marble statue. Your walls were so high I
didn’t believe I would ever be able to reach you. You were smiling, but I could
only feel the cold. Tonight you’re, to me at least, like the welcoming warmth
by the fireside.”

Victoria thought about his words and couldn’t agree
more. Ever since she had met Ian, her attitude toward the opposite sex had
changed. A sudden realization hit her hard—she wasn’t available. Ian had
imprisoned her heart, and ever since the first time she’d laid her eyes on him,
she was his. The tiny thought of guilt in the back of her mind swelled. She
sighed inwardly. The whole evening had been one big fat lie. It was true it had
been mixed with the irresistible aroma of French cuisine, the crisp taste of
wine, a playful conversation, and the warmth of the doe-like eyes belonging to
the gentle man in front of her—but a lie nevertheless. For a brief moment, she
had forgotten that her heart was connected to another. She had believed the
lie.

Victoria searched for the right words, but at the
exact moment she opened her mouth, her phone rang. A simple “Ian” brightened up
the display, and her heart jumped involuntarily. Her finger hesitated over the
accept button. Her eyes met Thomas’s.