Madness or Purpose (20 page)

It’s nice after a day like today.

I wake up because I’m sweating bullets and I feel Gavin’s lips along my neck. He’s nipping and kissing pulling me from my sleep. As soon as my eyes open his lips are on mine and the urgency of his kiss is maddening. He wants to possess me and claim me.

Everything about his movements tells me he needs this, needs to mark our bond with a physical act. He must have had some nightmare and is freaking out.

Even though I was asleep peacefully, his urgency is transferred to me through every touch and soon I am as crazy with lust as he is. I glimpse his eyes as they flash to solid red and he reaches down and rips the thin camisole from my body. The fabric tears easily and the abrupt change in temperature makes me shiver from head to toe. Gavin’s fingers automatically rub over my cold nipples. As he flicks them and leans down to kiss me again our marks touch and the world goes white. All of my senses go into overdrive and I let Gavin take me as he pleases. He rips off my panties next and slides inside of me. I am sure glad he was tending bar tonight, because I loved that camisole and he’s definitely replacing it!

In his mind I see his nightmare, he fears Dominic and I are too close. He sees images of us together and of me leaving him. I try to convince him with my body that no other man will ever have me. He is rougher than normal and I let him dominate me giving him all the power. Usually I would be against this sort of arrangement for the sheer fact that I’m very capable of pleasing him and I feel it’s better to give pleasure than to take it. The odd thing is I like this jealousy, this fear. He takes control and makes contact with every inch of my body. Every time I think I’m at the brink, he pauses just long enough for me to almost catch my breath and then he begins again. Gavin is definitely reacting according to his emotions, but he is not so out of control that he is lighting things on fire.

To egg him on a bit more I shock him just briefly. I know it isn’t nice to tease and egg him on in such a state, but sometimes a girl just needs it. Gavin finally allows me to finish and he rolls over onto his back. I can hear his labored breathing. As I wait for my eye sight to clear and my breathing to slow I reach down and intertwine my fingers in his.

“You know, that will never happen, Gavin. I find no attraction to any other man. I never have, even before I knew what I was. You have always been my best friend and greatest ally. I will never choose someone over you. I have no feelings for him. You know he has another half as well. He is nice to talk to, but there are qualities he possesses that I do not find appealing. Gavin, without you I would be lost and alone. You are my other half! Don’t worry. Did you enjoy yourself though?”

“When I am asleep, I cannot use logic. It seems as though, I can only feel and then whatever emotions are evoked by my mind dictates my actions. I know it’s all stupid and that nothing would ever happen, but I can’t seem to overpower it and yes, I did enjoy myself, did you?” He asks. “Always,” I answer with a wink and sly smile. Gavin reaches down and pulls the covers up over us.

We sleep until the sun streams through the dirty window and the dog begins to whine from the other room for food. Gavin lets me lay there while he takes care of the dog. I slip into the bathroom to relieve myself and then slip back into the warmth of the covers. Gavin returns shortly after and pulls the curtain over the window. Once he slides under the covers he pulls me into his arms. “I know what you did with Dominic last night. You were thinking about it in your sleep which is why I think I had that nightmare.” I swallow hard and I can feel my face blush a bit with shame that I hadn’t told him or forced myself to come back down into the bar to show him. “I get it. I mean, I understand that you are going to have friends and you weren’t even aware of how you did it. I also understand that he has a lot of knowledge and experience that can help you. I know that you and I are connected, but that your mental capabilities will always outweigh my own.

As you should know, my healing abilities will probably always outweigh yours.”

“Zoe, will you show me what it’s like when you do that “dream walking” thing?” Gavin asks. “Of course, can it wait until we really wake up?” I ask in return. “Sure, now you get over here and I’ll keep you warm.” He replies with a wink as he pulls me in even closer. We lay there in silence for a while and then drift off to sleep for a couple more hours. As we sleep we share our thoughts and dreams and begin to plan how to find my little brother and save him from the evil guardians that I can feel searching him out. We can’t go alone, we need back up so that we can intimidate whomever we come across. I don’t exactly want to use my identity to scare anyone off. I’d rather Gavin and I remain unknown even by my brother until needed. I haven’t gotten the hang of myself yet, and I don’t want any casualties if it can be avoided, and we don’t need anyone doubting us when it is realized by all good and evil Guardians that we have been found. Dominic and Natasha seem to be our best bet at this point. Each shares ability with us and will help us if we ever need it. I guess sometimes even those meant to save us all need a bit of help now and then.

As I sleep I see his eyes staring back at me. He can’t see me, but he’s searching. He cries out but I hear nothing only silence. The contortion of his face tells me he is in great distress and in the depths of his eyes is sadness too great for his youth. His dark hair is messy and dirt streaks his face. Leo’s eyes held a great knowledge for his age. I mean the letter stated that he wrote and made contact what 4

year old could do that? This kid must be a freaking genius and a guardian. My family is a mess and somehow I’d rather it be this way than to continue thinking they didn’t exist and that my mother merely gave birth to me and abandoned me. With the small amount of this world I have begun to see, I now understand the danger my life was in. I wish I could reach out to him and tell him I’m coming for him. I don’t know how. I could try that whole “dream walking” thing, but it may be better if he doesn’t know what I look like. I have no idea who has him or is after him and how invasive they are in his mind.

I can barely keep up my walls I could only imagine how difficult it is for him.

I mean it’s obvious he is trying to contact me, but can I risk exposure to let him know? I know Gavin is seeing him too as we sleep and as our consciousness mingles. What a crappy spot to be in. Fear constricts me and pushes me onward.

I never asked for this. I wish I could wake up and it would all just be a dream. If only I was that kind of lucky.

An Unconscious Cry for Help

I can hear rustling outside.

I hold my breath and curl tighter into my small ball. I’m not large and I’m not loud, but if I slip up they’ll find me and I can’t go back there. I’m just getting my eyesight back and I think the gashes on my back are starting to heal. It feels wonderful not to have an IV in my arm and no electrical treatments. I may only be like 5, but I’m smart enough to know that no living creature should be treated as I have. I may not have the developed language of an adult and I may not be knowledgeable in the ways of society and the earth, but I am something more than merely a child. I know right and wrong and if I’m lucky I know how to hold my breath just long enough that they will give up and move on.

I can concentrate with all the mental strength I can muster up and manage to go into a trance like state where my body temperature lowers and my body functions minimize, sort of like hibernation. I am mentally aware, but at some point I usually lose consciousness and wake up hours later. I used to be able to do it for a longer periods of time and even come out of it on my own, but in the past few months they have been giving me less and less to eat and I just don’t have it in me.

If I can manage it just once more I might buy just enough time to truly escape.

I take a long, deep, quiet breath and close my eyes. I focus on her face and the effect is almost instant. I feel my body shiver and relax in seconds the blackness takes me over and I can only hope that if a higher power truly exists that it grants me another chance at freedom.

As quickly as the darkness falls upon me I feel almost a tingling in my mind, like a flickering light. My brain begins to rummage through snippets of memories. I think I hear voices and see faces. I know I’m not conscious because I see everything through a foggy haze. In my mind, fog is sort of silvery and definitely not normal. I see her smile and her long dark hair falling over her shoulders and her necklace dangling about her neck. I loved the silver amulet upon it. I remember how she used to speak to me, like I was not a small helpless creature, but an intelligent being. Her stories seem like memories shared by some collective consciousness I share with her and the others. Who are these others I wonder? But, really I have no idea how I would ever know. I lose myself in the flashes of a much more peaceful time in my short life.

I wake hours later in the darkness of the hole under the tree. I managed to crawl down inside before they crested the hill with the dogs. I don’t blame the dogs, I never did, and they only do as their dark masters ask of them for fear of their own torture. Their masters are not men, but something similar to what I am. They each resemble men and they are guardians of some kind, but in all their hunger for power and blindness from pain and rage they have forgotten important details of our kind.

The dark guardians demand information from me that I can’t supply or more I would never supply to them. All the answers they seek are within themselves and even as a mere child with practically no education or guidance I know how to access the collective consciousness. I am not well practiced nor do I know exactly how to explain it to another, but the knowledge is not exactly protected either. I guess over centuries of insanity and pain the knowledge has been hidden deep within the brain for many.

Once my eyes adjust I slowly uncurl my body and stretch my short three foot something frame. All the muscles in my body protest and every one of my joints ache. I am careful not to make any unnecessary movements or sounds, just in case someone happens to be around.

It feels as though it is night. I see no visible light from the opening and I can hear owls and other night creatures in the forest. It’s now or never, I guess. I can’t remain in this hole or I’ll starve to death and leaving it may lead me straight into a trap all the same. I close my eyes one more time and concentrate on the outside sounds. I can’t feel any presences other than the animals in the area, but I can’t be sure. I am so new at everything I am never quite sure of anything. I know the ones after me are not the hiking or tracking type, thus the dogs, but I’m not that far from the town they were keeping me in. Here goes nothing.

I army crawl up the short tunnel like hole and as the cool air hits my face I know I’ve got a chance. My eyes are already adjusted to the light and the moon is full and bright. I stay quiet and listen to the sounds around me. A deer looks up from a patch of grass and once it decides I am no threat lowers its head back down to feed.

Since the forest moves around me as it should and not a single animal appears nervous I quickly and quietly move through the forest towards the north where I stashed supplies and I’ll go as far as I can before the sun rises. I think my best bet is to travel by night for a while and hide during the day. I sneak around a few country yards and snag some clothes from low hanging clothes lines and snatch a pair of shoes off a back porch. I know this all seems rather impossible for a child of my age, but as I stated I am more than just a small boy. The longer I am alive the more I seem to be able to access some form of collective knowledge. I can’t put it all in to words, but I can use the information to my advantage.

I once again find a secluded area in the forest and find a small cavern like area to spend the day in. I make sure that the entrance isn’t much larger than I am and I make sure the area looks over grown and hard to get to. I wrap a worn blanket around me and roll up a bundle of clothes as a pillow and quickly drift off to sleep. I awake after a long day of rest just as the sun is setting. I remain in my hiding place until the darkness is full just in case the area I chose to hide away is visible in the light. I snack on some dry bread and other tidbits I was able to snag from trash cans last night behind a gas station. I am far from the city at this point and I plan to keep going in a northern direction until I know I am far from those dark guardians. As I set out tonight I think I shall try and find a better hiding place for a few days to gain some strength and rest up. I’m still having problems seeing and I hurt even after hours and hours of sleeping, grant it, the cold hard ground isn’t much of a cushion.

As I venture from my hiding place I listen carefully as always and feel with all my senses to be sure I am alone. I keep my direction and half way through the night I come upon the edge of a large farm. I make my way along the outskirts being sure not to rouse the cattle or alert any other animals. While I observe the farm animals and look at the layout I notice a barn out at the far northern corner of the land. I see farm cats going in and out of a hole in the back of the barn. I creep closer and see that the whole is plenty big enough for me to get into. It’s not freezing out, but it’s cold and it could snow at anytime. I follow the cats inside and see that they are entering at the back of a large storage area for hay and straw. I notice that the only way to get to where I am is through that hole and no farmer would come in a hole to get hay or straw he would come through the barn door and load up a truck or cart. I make a hollowed out area for myself and stow my pack in another hollowed area.

Once I’m done I sneak back out of the hole. I think I see a half dug out shed or cellar a couple hundred yards from the barn in another direction. When I get to it I notice the door is padlocked, but on the backside there are a few loose boards. I am able to wiggle one loose and slip into the back of the shed. As I feel around find a stair case that leads down and I slowly take the stairs one at a time. I practically scoot on my butt to be sure I don’t fall. When I reach the bottom I see huge set of shelves full of cans and jars. I pull a small flashlight from my pocket and click it on. The beam illuminates a vast array of canned vegetables, pickled products, and even some dried and preserved items. I also notice other things like a stack of flannel shirts in a crate and other things.