Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) (20 page)

Tired of walking the same circuit around the room, I’m snooping through Lucas’s bedside drawers when the door is flung open. Tossing the old photos I was flipping through onto the bed, I jump to my feet, fear clawing its way into my throat. I calm and sit back on the bed when I realize that it’s Lucas who’s barged into his room, only to have it spike again when I meet his eyes.

They’re feral, glazed, and hard.

He slams the door shut behind him as he stalks into the room.

Coming to a stop in front of me, he regards me. Tangible rage shoots from his eyes, an undercurrent of sorrow surrounding him as well. I reach out a hand to him, hoping to soothe whatever has upset him, but he takes a step back from me.

I let my hand drop, his rejection burning.

“I thought you were a good person. I was falling in love with you, you knew that. Not any fucking more, though. My feelings are dead. I won’t go through this shit again.”

My heart stops at his words.

Sheer agony laces his tone.

I’m dumbfounded—why would he say something so hurtful?

“What do you mean, Lucas? I
am
a good person,” I speak up in my defense.

“A good person doesn’t kill a baby without telling the father.”

Bloody Maddi and her big mouth!

How dare she tell him after I explicitly demanded that she keep quiet?

My temper flashes, and I rise to my feet in indignation.

“So Maddi opened her big mouth?” I ask him hotly. “I hate to break it to you, but this is my body. My career. My choice. We aren’t
together
, so you don’t get a say. For crying out loud, the bloody condom broke. It’s an accident! I don’t want a child, and this sure as hell isn’t a fit environment to raise one in. As if I’m going to bring a child into your violent world.”

I wince when I’ve finished yelling my arguments at him.

Hurt floods his expression. He pushes past me to sit on his bed.

Lowering his head into his hands, he rests his elbows on his knees, and stares at the floor.

It’s a nasty habit of mine to hit him with my true thoughts without my life-long filter.

I wouldn’t dare speak to anyone else the way I speak to him. I thought that was a good thing in the beginning, but the way I constantly hurt him has me rethinking it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that—”

“Yeah, ya did,” he interrupts my apology, lifting his head and glaring at me with eyes that flash his anger. “But you’re wrong on both accounts.”

I square my shoulders, ready for his verbal attack.

“Firstly, if I’m the father, I sure as fuck get a say. And I say that we at least discuss our options.” I’m left shaking my head at his presumptuousness as he continues. “And secondly, this lifestyle is a fit environment for children. I was raised in this environment, you snobby bitch. So were most of my family and friends, and we are good people. We look after our own, and not one of us would dream of killing an innocent child, accident or not, just because it might interfere with our precious career.”

“Fuck you, Lucas. The people in your shitty Club break the law every damn day.
You
kill people, for Christ’s sake. Don’t pull the good people card with me. I may be a snobby bitch, but I’m well within my rights to have a perfectly legal abortion without telling you. I want to keep my career, and I don’t want to be tied to this club for the rest of my life. A club that I was kidnapped because of, in case you’ve already forgotten.”

“I haven’t fucking forgotten, Juliette, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But it pisses me off that you’re just thinking about yourself, like usual.”

“I’m not,” I argue. I know this affects him as well. That’s why I was dealing with the problem without involving him. “We barely know each other. We can’t have a child together—”

“Just go home,” Lucas demands, cutting me off.

His rage fills the room again, sucking the air out of the atmosphere.

“I’ll ask one of the Prospects to drive you. I don’t have the time to make you understand how fucking unfair you’re being right now. I’ve got other shit to deal with. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the hospital before you start work.”

Rising to his feet, he wraps one hand around the top of my arm and pulls me toward the door. Wrenching my arm from his hold, I make my own way out the door, and into the hallway.

As we head for the front bar, I stay quiet. I’m shocked and hurt that he can’t see my point of view.

Honestly, this wasn’t how I imagined our reunion would go when he asked me to wait for him earlier today. I’d expected some grovelling for what happened, and many heartfelt apologies on his Club’s behalf. Maybe even a final fuck before we cut our losses, if that’s what I’d decided after talking to him. I definitely hadn’t expected a huge argument about my potential pregnancy and my desire to have a termination.

Walking into the loud bar, I’m ambushed first by Lucas’s parents, who offer their congratulations on our baby, and then by the rest of his Club. They all crowd around us, slapping Lucas on the back and picking me up in bear hugs. His mother has tears in her eyes, and even Conan’s eyes are suspiciously bright.

A foreign sensation overwhelms me, and I feel like crying when I recognize what it is.

This is what having a loving family feels like. My own family would never greet the news of an unexpected pregnancy with such welcoming arms. News like this would become an occasion marred by comments about how I’m ruining my life, wrecking my career, following in my birth mother’s footsteps, and that I’m repaying them for all they’ve done for me by bringing shame to the Patrice name by having a bastard.

Thoughts of my family immediately dampen my growing enthusiasm, my reasons for not wanting to continue with this pregnancy returning to the forefront of my mind.

Any happiness that was left dies, when I spot Maddi and Mad Dog standing back from the celebrations. They don’t look happy for us.

I eyeball Maddi angrily, but she dismisses me with a bitchier than usual eye roll, concentrating her gaze instead on Lucas. Her eyes are full of sympathy and worry, her lips curling in a small smile when he acknowledges her with a sorrow-filled wink.

“That’s enough, people. Nothing’s certain yet, so calm the fuck down.” Mad Dog steps forward, breaking up the gathering. “Let them through.”

“Thank you,” I whisper as he follows Lucas and me outside.

He bestows a curt nod in my direction, his hand holding Maddi’s as we walk toward the parking area.

After her dismissal, I’ve decided that I’m pretending Maddi doesn’t exist.

As far as I’m concerned she’s broken girl code tonight; a grievous offense that’s punishable by deathly silence for now until eternity. All she’s done is cause unnecessary trouble between the pair of us for no reason. Lucas knowing I’m pregnant isn’t going to change my mind.

“Can you drop her home, Mad Dog?” Lucas asks, his flat voice breaking through my heated thoughts of revenge.

“What about the other shit?”

“It’ll wait. Gotta round up Beast first. We’ll do it when you get back.”

I feel as if they’re talking in a foreign language over my head.

Maddi, of course, is nodding away as if she understands what they’re talking about.

“Won’t hurt those fuckers to hang around for a while anyway.” Mad Dog smiles.

His smile is full of nasty, violent undertones that send a shiver down my spine.

“Yeah, we can drive her home for you. Can’t we?” He turns to Maddi as he agrees, but I cut off her response. I do
not
want to be stuck in a car with her.

“Why can’t you take me, Lucas? I’m sure Mad Dog has better things to do?”

“I need some fucking space, that’s why. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t bloody well do
anything
until then.” His curt words wound me.

I stare at his broad back as he walks away from me without giving me the chance to argue.

We all stare after him, the silence becoming awkward and strained. My stomach churns, with agitation and worry, not the usual queasiness I’ve come to expect.

I need to get out of here.

With waves of animosity rolling off her, Maddi continues ignoring me as she presses a kiss on Mad Dog’s lips. “I’ll look after him. You take JJ home. Hurry back, hot stuff.”

She slaps him on the ass before she walks away, sashaying her hips in an over-exaggerated catwalk stride that makes Mad Dog chuckle loudly.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Angel.”

“I’m hoping so—” She laughs as she closes the door behind her.

I truly hate her at this moment.

***

S
ilence is a powerful tool.

My father is a master of using it to break people down. He wields it like a sword, cutting through your confidence in your own decision-making and your ability to withstand his demands, saying more with silence than he typically does with words. I thought I’d grown pretty immune to its effects after a lifetime of dealing with him.

Ten minutes trapped in a silent car with Mad Dog, however, and I’m ready to throw myself out of the moving vehicle to escape his potent, unvoiced disapproval of me.

“Who told the Club that I might be pregnant?”

I don’t know why I chose that question to break the suffocating silence.

Antagonizing this scary man doesn’t seem like the most sensible course of action.

Flicking the indicator off as he completes his lane change, the silence drags on until he turns to me and regards me with stony eyes.

“Mama C overheard Lainey trying to calm Timber down after she told him. We tried to stop her telling anyone else, but the woman was too fucking excited.”

I sniff at the mention of Maddi. If she’d kept her mouth shut, she wouldn’t have needed to calm him down.

Although his apparently negative reaction confuses me. If he’s upset about having a baby, why doesn’t he just let me deal with it instead of demanding we discuss our options?

“So he doesn’t want it either?” I ask the question out loud, not expecting an answer from Mad Dog, more so addressing the universe.

“Why would you say that?”

Mad Dog pulls into the guest parking at my condo. I was too far in my own head to realize that I hadn’t given him directions to my house.

“How do you know where I live?”

He only shrugs in response, ignoring me as we exit the car, trailing behind me as I traverse the garden path that leads to my front door.

When I get there, I remember that I don’t have keys to get in.

I didn’t exactly leave willingly last night.

“Let me.” Mad Dog motions for me to step back. I don’t see how he does it, but seconds later my front door swings open, and he motions me inside. “Wait here. I’ll check everything’s clear.”

“Whatever,” I mumble at his back as he heads into the dark depths of my house.

Minutes later my entire home is lit up, every light brightening the place.

Walking into the living room, I’m surprised to see a new coffee table.

The room smells of fresh paint as well.

“What happened?”

“Timber lost his shit when he found out you were missing. He fucked up some of your stuff, but he made sure the Prospects fixed it for you. He also got them to fix the back window that was broken. I think he expected you to spend the night with him because he’s got Kid coming tomorrow to install an alarm system that he can monitor from the Club for you.”

Dismay runs through me at his words.

I can’t believe Lucas went to all this effort for me. I want to ring him and thank him, but at the same time I want to stay as far away from him as I can. The care he’s taken to put my home back together overwhelms me, driving home his points about being a good person, and his Club being a suitable environment for raising a child.

I begin to grasp how much they would love and care for our baby, considering this is the lengths they go to for me—a near stranger—just because I’m important to Lucas.

“There’s also a new phone on your dining table.” Mad Dog pulls me from my daydreams of Lucas playing with a baby girl, as his parents and I watch on. “Timber had a Prospect get you a new one. He made sure you kept the same number.”

I nod and head for the kitchen.

Sure enough, there’s a new phone on the table. It’s protected by a blinged-out, bright purple cover that’s better than my original, much-beloved, but battered one.

Picking it up and turning it over in my hands, I laugh at how perfect the phone and cover are. I couldn’t have picked better myself. Lucas organized the exact phone I’ve been talking about upgrading to in the near future.

“Dane wasn’t impressed with his instructions to find a purple phone cover, but he did it.” Mad Dog laughs when he tells me about the reaction of the cocky Prospect ordered to get me a phone. I can imagine his unhappy response, having seen him strutting around the club like he’s the man.

“He wants the baby, JJ. Something fucking fierce.”

I flinch at his words. He doesn’t pull any punches.

I don’t want to discuss this with Mad Dog.

Turning my back on him, I throw the phone back onto the dining table, and head for the living room. Lowering myself into my comfy recliner, I switch on my TV.

Sound fills the room, and I increase the volume until it’s loud enough to make conversation uncomfortable.

Here’s hoping Mad Dog can take a hint.

“Thanks for driving me home. You can go now.”

I’m beginning to learn that Mad Dog does what he wants.

Rather than leaving as I requested, he perches on my couch, pulling the remote from my hand, and lowering the sound. After that, he stares at me until I’m squirming under the intensity.

“I don’t know you. You don’t know me. But I believe you care for Timber almost as much as I do.”

I inhale a sharp breath at his declaration, keeping my eyes fixed on the screen even though I’m blind to what’s occurring in front of me.

“He’s been down this road before. It nearly broke him last time. You fuck him over this time, and I’m afraid we won’t be able to salvage a fucking thing. We barely stopped him from imploding back then.”