Malcolm (Book 1, The Redemption Series) (21 page)

“Yes,” Malcolm admits. “I’ve known that for some time now. I’ve accepted it. But, I feel happier with her as just a friend than I have ever felt with anyone else. You know what her death will do to me. If I had the luxury of becoming human now, I would. But, since Brand is human, I feel like I need to remain the way I am to watch over her and the kids. No,” Malcolm says resolutely, “the day Lilly passes from this world into Heaven is the day I want you to make me human so I can eventually die too.”

Night turns into day again.

Malcolm is standing on top of a half built structure looking down at a man leaning against an exposed post, staring at a mountain in the distance. Malcolm phases to the man.

The man turns his head to look at Malcolm, but he doesn’t seem surprised by his sudden appearance. Malcolm has visited Aiden quite a bit in the last few months. He even helped Aiden design the house he’s building. It’s a home Malcolm knows Aiden plans to share with Caylin one day. A home where they can raise their children and build a life together.

“How did it go?” Aiden asks.

Malcolm grins.

“She loved it,” Malcolm says, “but I’m sure she would have loved it even more if I had strapped you to the hood of the car instead of a big red bow.”

Aiden smiles shyly and chuckles. He turns his head to look back at the mountain.

“I’m not ready,” Aiden admits. I can feel the pride Malcolm has in Aiden in that moment. “She deserves to have all of me, and I’m just now beginning to regain who I was before the curse.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation,” Malcolm says, crossing his arm over his chest, “I wouldn’t let you near her anyway, not yet at least.”

“I’ve never felt this kind of love before,” Aiden confesses. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Caylin. She could ask me for the world, and I would find a way to give it to her. Have you ever felt this way about anyone?”

“All the time.”

Aiden looks at Malcolm.

“Lilly?” Aiden asks knowingly.

“I’ve given her everything I can,” Malcolm tells him, “everything she’ll let me.”

“You’re stronger than I’ve ever given you credit for,” Aiden tells him. “I’ve always thought of you as selfish and conceited. And you are…”

Malcolm looks over at Aiden and sees the other man’s smile.

“But,” Aiden continues, “when it comes to Lilly and her family, I think you’re the most generous and humble person I know.”

“Two words I never thought anyone would use to describe me,” Malcolm admits, but is secretly proud to hear.

“When the time is right,” Aiden says in all seriousness, “I will be that for Caylin too. I want you to know that I’ll protect her with my life and never do anything to hurt her.”

“I feel that I’ve made it abundantly clear what will happen if you do hurt her,” Malcolm says ominously.

“You’ll never have to worry about that,” Aiden assures him with such certainty Malcolm can find no reason not to believe him. “Hurting her would kill me faster than you could.”

The scene changes again and Malcolm is lying in a bed with his back propped up against some pillows. I know this takes place after the first hellhound attack Malcolm suffered. He’s in excruciating physical pain but somehow finds a way to hide it from Lilly. He doesn’t want her to worry anymore about him than she already does.

“Here, drink this,” Lilly tells him, handing him a glass filled with tea.

Malcolm has to force himself to drink it, but he does because he knows it will make Lilly feel better.

“Thank you, dearest,” he tells her as he hands the glass back to her.

“Do you want some more?” Lilly asks, looking like she needs to do something, anything to help Malcolm.

“No, not right now,” he says, trying to sound stronger than he is but not quite making it.

Caylin walks over to the side of the bed.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

“A little tired,” Malcolm tells her. “I’ll be fine though. Don’t worry about me.”

“Any…pain?” A blonde haired man asks and from Malcolm’s memories I know the man is Mason.

“There’s some,” Malcolm admits, “But not as much as there was at first. Whatever you did seems to have alleviated the vast majority of it.”

Both Caylin and Mason narrow their eyes on Malcolm, and he knows they can sense he wasn’t telling the whole truth. It’s then I realize my sixth sense in being able to tell when someone is lying to me was inherited.

Malcolm tells them about a fight he had with one of the seven princes, Baal, and how the hellhound found an opening during the fight to bite him on the leg.

“Are you hungry?” Lilly asks afterwards. “You need to keep up your strength.”

Malcolm looks into Lilly’s worried brown eyes and hates that he’s the one who has made her so sad. She’s been acting strange ever since she and Caylin got back from their trip to Heaven. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he can tell she’s hiding something from him.

“If it would make you feel better,” Malcolm tells her, “I will eat whatever you bring me.”

“Ok,” Lilly says, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

Malcolm watches her phase and secretly hopes Lilly doesn’t try to cook something for him herself. He knows that she’s so worried about him she might lose her common sense. Lilly is talented in many things, but cooking is apparently not one of them.

Caylin sits down on the spot her mother just vacated. She leans in to give Malcolm a hug. Malcolm hears her gasp when she touches him and instantly knows she used a bracelet that once belonged to Jess on him. He knows that she’s felt the pain he’s in, but he’s grateful in the knowledge that she can’t distinguish from the physical pain he feels from the hellhound bite and the emotional pain he’s lived with since the day Lilly and Brand were married.

Malcolm gently presses his lips to one of Caylin’s ears and whispers, “Don’t tell anyone.”

Caylin holds onto him even tighter as if silently telling him she’s fully aware that the pain he feels in that moment will never go away.

With each passing year, Malcolm watches Lilly and her family grow. And with each passing year, he watches as more and more wrinkles line her face and sees her body weaken due to the passage of time. He’s never considered time his enemy, but now he considers it his nemesis because it’s slowly taking the person he loves away from him. There is no battle he can fight to save her, and there is no miracle cure to return her to her youth. All he can do is watch and pray that his father will keep to his promise that after Lilly’s death He’ll make Malcolm human so he too can pass from this Earth in time.

In the next memory, Malcolm is sitting on a porch swing with a frail, much older Lilly wrapped securely in a wool blanket sitting on his lap. Her head is leaned against his shoulder as they look out across a blue lake to a distant mountain side. I know they’re at the home Malcolm built Lilly all those years ago. It’s the place she’s chosen to die.

“Malcolm,” Lilly says in a weak voice.

Malcolm looks down at the woman he loves, holding back the pain he feels as he looks at her, knowing he will lose her soon.

“Yes, dearest?”

“I have to ask you to do something for me.”

Malcolm sees the tears in Lilly’s eyes and knows what’s coming.

He’s known it for a long time now but hoped through the years that they might find a way around it.

“You know I would do anything for you,” he tells her, brushing a stray gray hair off her cheek.

“I need you to stay alive,” she tells him. “I need you protect my family until the girl from the vision is born. She’ll need your help.”

In his heart, Malcolm knew this would be the price he would have to pay for loving someone he was never supposed to. In a way, he felt like God was punishing him all over again for such a sin. No one knew how long it would be before the girl who was supposed to take the seven seals back from the princes of Hell would be born. But, just the fact that she lived in a city built in the clouds told Malcolm it would be more years that he wanted to think about.

“I don’t want to live that long without you, dearest,” Malcolm tells her, secretly hoping she won’t make him promise to stay on Earth after she’s gone.

A single tear rolls down one of Lilly’s wrinkled cheek. Malcolm leans in and kisses the path of her tear away, wiping away all evidence of its existence.

“You must,” Lilly says in a sob.

Malcolm holds her closer to him as she cries. His heart feels like it will collapse in on itself but he knows what he has to do.

“Then I promise you I will,” he says to her, even though he would rather die in that moment than live without her in his life. “I will protect them all and help the girl when she’s born.”

The scene switches to one inside the house.

Lilly is lying in a bed and Brand is sitting beside her holding her hand. The room is filled with Lilly’s children, their children, and their children’s children.

Malcolm stands in the background and simply watches because he knows there is nothing he can do to stop what’s about to happen. For one of the few times in his life he feels completely helpless. Death isn’t an adversary he can fight against. It’s simply the natural progression of a human life and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Lilly stares up at Brand with the same love and devotion I saw on her face on her wedding day.

“Thank you,” she tells him. “Thank you for giving me such a beautiful life.”

Brand reaches out with his free hand, caressing one side of her face.

“This isn’t the end for us,” he assures her.

Lilly nods her head, letting him know she understands that they’ll eventually be reunited in Heaven.

“And I’ll be waiting there for you when it’s your time to come to me.”

“I have a feeling it won’t be a long wait,” Brand says, his voice breaking. “I don’t think my heart can beat for very long without you near it.”

She smiles lovingly at him just before she closes her eyes like she’s about to go to sleep. I can hear one last shuddering breath come from her parted lips marking her passage from this world into the next.

Malcolm feels someone staring at him and looks away from Lilly to meet Caylin’s gaze.

Of anyone in the room, she knows the pain he feels. She knows that he will have to live with the loss of Lilly for many years to come.

Malcolm phases away from the room, knowing he won’t be able to hide the pain he feels over the loss of Lilly for very much longer, especially not from Caylin.

He goes to the beach where they spent that day before her marriage to Brand. It’s night time and a multitude of stars fill the sky.

Malcolm falls to his knees holding his head in his hands. His pain is beyond the relief tears would bring. It’s an agony that rips him apart at the seams, and he doesn’t feel like he’ll ever be whole again, at least not while he remains on Earth. He continues to kneel on the sugar white sand, filled with such unimaginable pain I simply can’t stand it anymore.

I feel myself separate from Malcolm. I stand beside him and place my hand on his bowed head, hoping to bring him out of the torture his memories are causing him and back to reality. A reality I can make better if only he would let me.

As soon as he feels my touch, his head snaps up. He stares at me like he doesn’t know who I am, but then the memory of me seems to flood back into his mind.

“What are you doing here?” he demands, standing to his feet in one swift motion, towering over me. “You shouldn’t be here!”

I shake my head. “I’m not even sure where here is.”

“You had no right to see my memories of her!” He roars, as the ground beneath my feet begins to tremble and the stars fall from the sky in quick succession.

“I’m s-s-sorry,” I stammer, feeling frightened of Malcolm for the first time since we met. “I didn’t mean to. I just fell asleep and found myself here in your memories.”

Malcolm grabs me by the tops of my arms and squeezes hard as he shoves his face right in front of mine.

“You will never replace her!” He says, his features twisted into a mask of rage. “I don’t care what you feel for me. I don’t care what you might think is supposed to happen between us. I don’t care what mind games my father is trying to play. Lilly is the woman I gave my heart to, and you’re simply a cheap imitation of who she was. You will never mean as much to me as she does. Now, get out of my head!”

Malcolm shoves me back so hard I begin to fall, but I never reach the ground.

I wake up.

“Get away from me.”

I lift my head from Malcolm’s chest and look at his face.

He still looks drained from the recent hellhound attack, but the total and utter disgust in his eyes as he looks at me isn’t tempered by his weakened state.

“Get away from me
now
,” he orders with more vehemence.

I want to say I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly sure what I should be sorry for. How was I able to slip into his dreams and share his memories? I don’t understand what just happened, but Malcolm doesn’t look like he’s in any mood to explain things to me.