Man of La Mancha (3 page)

CERVANTES
   Your Excellency! What about my defense?

THE GOVERNOR
(
Pausing; puzzled
) But you just pleaded guilty.

CERVANTES
   (
With charm
) Had I said “innocent” you surely would have found me guilty. Since I have admitted guilt, the court is required to hear me out.

THE GOVERNOR
For what purpose?

CERVANTES
   The jury may choose to be lenient.

THE GOVERNOR
(
Thinks, then chuckles appreciatively
) Clever!

THE DUKE
He is trying to gain time!

CERVANTES
   Do you have a scarcity of
that?

THE GOVERNOR
(
To the
PRISONERS
) Any urgent appointments?

(
A groan for answer. He waves
CERVANTES
to continue
)

CERVANTES
   It is true I am guilty of these charges. An idealist? Well, I have never had the courage to believe in nothing. A bad poet? This comes more painfully … still …

(
He makes a wry gesture of acquiescence
)

THE GOVERNOR
(
Skeptically
) Have you finished your defense?

CERVANTES
   Ah, no, scarce begun! If you’ve no objection
I should like to continue in the manner I know best … in the form of a charade—

THE DUKE
Charade?

CERVANTES
   An entertainment, if you will—

THE GOVERNOR
(
Intrigued
) Entertainment!

CERVANTES
   At worst it may beguile your time. And since my cast of characters is large, I call upon all here to enter in, to play whatever roles—

THE DUKE
(
Hotly
) Governor! I should like to protest!

THE GOVERNOR
No, no, let’s hear him out!

CERVANTES
   Then … with your kind permission … may I set the stage? (
THE GOVERNOR
waves assent. The
PRISONERS
shift position to become audience as
CERVANTES
gestures to his
MANSERVANT
,
who scurries, like a well-trained stage-manager, to assist. Music begins, softly, as
CERVANTES
,
seated center, begins a makeup transformation as he speaks
) I shall impersonate a man … enter into my imagination and see him! His name is Alonso Quijana … a country squire, no longer young. Bony and hollow-faced … eyes that burn with the fire of inner vision. Being retired, he has much time for books. He studies them from morn to night, and often through the night as well. And all he reads oppresses him … fills him with indignation at man’s murderous ways toward man. He broods … and broods … and broods—and finally from so much brooding his brains dry up! He lays down the melancholy burden of sanity and conceives the strangest project ever imagined … to become a knight-errant and sally forth into the world to right all wrongs. No longer shall he be plain Alonso
Quijana … but a dauntless knight known as—Don Quixote de La Mancha!!!

(
The
PRISONERS
giggle appreciatively as the transformation of
CERVANTES
into
DON QUIXOTE
takes place before their eyes. The
MANSERVANT
,
who will become
SANCHO PANZA
,
assists with costume elements, props, and so forth
)

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Singing, a little tongue-in-cheek; an actor aware that he’s performing
)

Hear me now, oh thou bleak and unbearable world!
Thou art base and debauched as can be;
And a knight with his banners all bravely unfurled
Now hurls down his gauntlet to thee!

I am I, Don Quixote,
The Lord of La Mancha,
My destiny calls and I go;
And the wild winds of fortune will carry me onward,
Oh whithersoever they blow.

Whithersoever they blow,
Onward to glory I go!

SANCHO

I’m Sancho! Yes, I’m Sancho!
I’ll follow my master till the end.
I’ll tell all the world proudly
I’m his squire! I’m his friend!

DON QUIXOTE

Hear me, heathens and wizards and serpents of sin!
All your dastardly doings are past;
For a holy endeavor is now to begin,
And virtue shall triumph at last!

(
They mount the “horses”—two dancers with
wooden frames attached—and ride away. As they ride, the horses dance a spirited flamenco and
DON QUIXOTE
points out to
SANCHO
the sights along the way. They sing together
)

DON QUIXOTE AND SANCHO

Whithersoever they blow,
Onward to glory we go!

(
At the conclusion of the song, they dismount and
SANCHO
leads the “horses” to the well to drink
)

DON QUIXOTE
   Well, Sancho—how dost thou like adventuring?

SANCHO
   Oh, marvelous, Your Grace. But it’s peculiar—to me this great highway to glory looks exactly like the road to El Toboso where you can buy chickens cheap.

DON QUIXOTE
   Like beauty, my friend, ’tis all in the eyes of the beholder. Only wait and thou shalt see amazing sights.

SANCHO
   What kind?

DON QUIXOTE
   There will be knights and nations, warlocks, wizards … a cavalcade of vast, unending armies!

SANCHO
   They sound dangerous!

DON QUIXOTE
   They
are
dangerous. But one there’ll be who leads them … and he will be most dangerous of all!

SANCHO
   Well, who is he? Who?

DON QUIXOTE
   The Great Enchanter. Beware him, Sancho … for his thoughts are cold and his spirit shriveled. He has eyes like little machines, and where he walks the earth is blighted. But one day I shall meet him face to face … and on that day—!

(
He shakes his lance ferociously
)

SANCHO
   (
Sensibly
) Well, I wouldn’t get upset, Your Grace. As I always say, have patience and shuffle the cards.

DON QUIXOTE
   Do you never run out of proverbs?

SANCHO
   No, Your Grace. I was born with a bellyful of them. I always say—

DON QUIXOTE
(
Looking off as the projected shadows of a great windmill’s sails cross the stage
) Aah-hah!

SANCHO
   What is it?

DON QUIXOTE
   How long since we sallied forth?

SANCHO
   About two minutes?

DON QUIXOTE
   So soon shall I engage in brave, unequal combat!

SANCHO
   Combat? Where?

DON QUIXOTE
   Can’st not see? (
Pointing
) A monstrous giant of infamous repute!

SANCHO
   (
Looking vainly; the “horses” are interested, too
)
What
giant?

DON QUIXOTE

It is that dark and dreaded ogre

By the name of Matagoger!

You can tell him by the four great arms awhirling on his back!

SANCHO
   It’s a windmill.

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Shouting
)

Ho! Feckless giant standing there!

Avast! Avaunt! On guard! Beware!
(
He charges off
)

SANCHO
   No, no, Your Grace, I swear by my wife’s little black mustache, that’s not a giant, it’s only a—(
Offstage a crash; the horses run for cover. To musical accompaniment the combat continues as
SANCHO
dances about, dodging first
QUIXOTE’S
helmet which comes flying back onstage, then the butt of his lance, splayed and splintered. The final crash; and
QUIXOTE
crawls back into view, his sword a corkscrew. A doleful picture, he comes rotting downstage as
SANCHO
hurries to plump himself down and stop him
) Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I say, “Your Grace, that’s a windmill”?

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Hollowly
) The work of my enemy.

SANCHO
   The Enchanter?

DON QUIXOTE
   He changed that giant into a windmill at the last moment. He will take any advantage in order to—(
A pause; an illumination
) Sancho, it comes to me!

SANCHO
   What, Your Grace?

DON QUIXOTE
   How he was able to upset me. It is because I have never properly been dubbed a knight.

SANCHO
   That’s no problem. Just tell me how it’s done and I’ll be glad to take care of this drubbing.

DON QUIXOTE
   Dubbing. Thank you, my friend, but it may only be done by another knight.

SANCHO
   (
Dismayed
)
That’s
a problem. I’ve never
seen
another knight.

DON QUIXOTE
   The lord of some castle would do. Or a king or a duke.

SANCHO
   (
Helping
QUIXOTE
to his feet
) Very well. I’ll keep an eye out for any kings or dukes as we go.

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Looking off
) Ahaaa!

SANCHO
   (
Apprehensively
) Now what?

DON QUIXOTE
   The very place!

SANCHO
   Where?

DON QUIXOTE
There!

SANCHO
   If Your Grace would just give me a hint …?

DON QUIXOTE
   There in the distance. A castle!

SANCHO
   (
Peering vainly
) Castle.

DON QUIXOTE
   Rockbound amidst the crags!

SANCHO
   Crags.

DON QUIXOTE
   And the banners—ah, the brave banners flaunting in the wind!

SANCHO
   Anything on ’em?

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Shielding his eyes
) I see a cat crouching on a field tawny … and beneath it the inscription “Miau”!

SANCHO
   Oh, that’s fine, Your Grace. Maybe this is where you can get yourself drubbed.

DON QUIXOTE
   Dubbed. (
Excitedly
) Blow thy bugle that a dwarf may mount the battlements and announce our coming!

SANCHO
   (
Under the spell, lifts his bugle then hesitates
) But I don’t
see
a castle. I do see something … maybe it’s an inn.

DON QUIXOTE
(
Sadly
) An inn.

SANCHO
   We’d better pass it by, Your Grace. Those roadside places are full of rough men and women.

DON QUIXOTE
   Come. We shall ride straight to the drawbridge of yon castle, and there thy vision may improve!

(
The lights fade to transition lighting as
QUIXOTE
and
SANCHO
drop out of character
.

CERVANTES
   
beckons to the
PRISONERS
who will become
MULETEERS
in the next scene; they and the
SERVANT
proceed to set up the Great Room of an inn as he speaks
)

CERVANTES
   Here is an example of how to the untrained eye one thing may seem to be another. To Sancho, an inn. To Quixote, a castle. To someone else, whatever his mind may make of it. But for the sake of argument, let us grant Sancho
his
vision. An inn … (
He gestures to
THE GOVERNOR—
then to a lady prisoner
) A kindly innkeeper … his less kindly wife … (
He picks out some of the other
PRISONERS
) Rough men—muleteers—fifteen miles on the road today. Rough women—in most particular a woman called—Aldonza!

MULETEERS
(
Making a chant of her name, hanging their tin dishes on the table
) Aldonza, Aldonza, Aldonza!

(
A pan comes sailing in; the men dodge it to prevent being hit.
ALDONZA
enters; a savage, dark alley-cat, survivor if not always victor of many back-fence tussles
)

ALDONZA
   (
With a pot of stew in her hands; roughly
) You want it on the table or over your lousy heads?

(
The
MULETEERS
laugh. She sets down the tureen with a crash, and spits into it
)

ALDONZA
   There, swine. Feed!

(
She starts to distribute goatskins of wine. The
MULETEERS
,
of whom there are seven, are variously called
JOSE, TENORIO, PACO, JUAN, ANSELMO
and
PEDRO
.
The seventh, nameless, is the prisoner with the guitar.
JOSE
is the runt of the gang;
PEDRO
,
the biggest, is its leader
)

JOSE
   (
Amorously
) I brought you something.

ALDONZA
   Keep it till it grows up. (
PACO
whispers in her ear
) Little dogs have big ideas!

JUAN
   Tonight?

ALDONZA
   Payment in advance?

(
He gets on his knees wanting her to pour the wine into his mouth; she pours it onto his head
)