Man of La Mancha (5 page)

HOUSEKEEPER

Woe!

(
Her wail makes the
PADRE
wince and recoil toward
ANTONIA
)

ANTONIA

Woe!

(
The
PADRE
winces and recoils in the other direction
)

They’re only thinking of him,
of him

They’re only thinking
of him,

How saintly is their
plaintive plea—

They’re only thinking
of him!

What a comfort, to be
sure

That their motives are
so pure—

As they go thinking and
worrying about him!

(CERVANTES
appears in the lights, ushering forward
THE DUKE
,
now dressed in academic cap and gown
)

CERVANTES
   And now there appears on the scene a man of breeding … intelligence … logic. He is Antonia’s fiancé, Doctor Sansón Carrasco—Bachelor of Science—graduate of the University of Salamanca! (
Drily
) A man who carries his own self-importance as though afraid of breaking it. (
Places
CARRASCO
in one corner of the stage. The quartet immediately starts arguing
. CERVANTES
claps his hands for silence
) I had forgotten that family quarrels have a way of getting out of hand. With so much at stake in the game, let us rearrange the pieces! (
Moving
ANTONIA
to a second corner
) The queen—cunning! (
Moving the
HOUSEKEEPER
to a third corner
) The
castle—formidable! (
Moving the
PADRE
to the fourth corner
) The bishop—charmingly diagonal! (
Sitting center
) And now—the problem of the knight!

ANTONIA
Sansón!

PADRE
   Have you heard?

DR. CARRASCO
   On my way here I was informed by at least ten people. (
To
ANTONIA
) My dear, your uncle is the laughingstock of the entire neighborhood. Padre? What do you know of this?

PADRE
   Only that the good Señor Quijana has been carried away by his imagination.

DR. CARRASCO
   Señor Quijana has lost his mind and is suffering from delusions.

PADRE
   Is there a difference?

DR. CARRASCO
   Exactitude of meaning. I beg to remind you, Padre, that I am a doctor.

ANTONIA
   Please don’t argue, we must
do
something about him!

DR. CARRASCO
   I’m a little more concerned about
us
.

ANTONIA
   What do you mean, us?

DR. CARRASCO
   Our marriage, my dear. There is a certain embarrassment at having a madman in the family. In the eyes of others—

PADRE
   (
Alarmed at this drift
) Oh, come, come, Doctor.

DR. CARRASCO
   I do not relish claiming a lunatic as uncle!

HOUSEKEEPER
   (
Nodding, a sibyl
) The innocent must pay for the sins of the guilty.

PADRE
   Guilty of what? A gentle delusion!

DR. CARRASCO
   How do you know it is gentle? By this time who knows what violence he has committed! He was armed?

HOUSEKEEPER
   With sword and lance.

(CARRASCO
throws up his hands
)

ANTONIA
   (
Voice forlorn, wistful
) Sansón. I had hoped for so much for us. For
you
, really. Everything was to be for you. My uncle’s house … his lands …

PADRE
   (
The devil’s advocate
) True, Doctor. In time they would all be yours. After all, if one is to serve science, one must have the means.

DR. CARRASCO
   (
Outraged
) Are you priest or pawnbroker?

PADRE
   (
Swiftly revising his approach
) What I meant was—consider the challenge.

DR. CARRASCO
Challenge?

PADRE
   Think what cleverness it would take to wean this man from madness. To turn him from his course and persuade him to return home.

(CERVANTES
rises: clever approach
)

DR. CARRASCO
   (
Pondering
) Hmmm … that
is
a challenge.

PADRE
   Impossible.

DR. CARRASCO
   He can’t have gotten far?

PADRE
   No more than a day’s journey!

DR. CARRASCO
   Get ready, Padre. We shall go after him.
(
As they prepare to leave, the
DOCTOR
sings
)

But as we go …
But as we go …
There is one thing that I want the world to know!

PADRE
   (
Singing, aside
)

I feel, with pain,
That once again,
We now will hear a very often heard refrain.

(
They sing in choru
s
)

ANTONIA, HOUSEKEEPER AND DR. CARRASCO

Whatever we may do or say,
We’re only thinking of him.

In our bodies it’s well known
There is not one selfish bone …

(
Lights dim out on them as
CERVANTES
,
isolated in his own light, steps forward
)

CERVANTES
   Let us return now to the inn. To the
kitchen
of the inn. A kitchen, ladies, if you please? Thank you. (
Taking the pots, sniffing as he places them
) Ah yes, tomorrow’s onion stew. Chicken tripes, with … pepper.
Now then! As everyone knows, it is imperative that each knight shall have a lady—for a knight without a lady is like a body without a soul. To whom would he dedicate his conquests? What vision sustain him when he sallies forth to do battle with ogres and with giants? (
He points to the stage area where lights come up on
ALDONZA
,
seated in what is now the kitchen, gobbling her supper
. SANCHO
is seen approaching
.
CERVANTES
hands him a sheet of paper
) Don Quixote, having discovered his lady, sends his faithful squire to her with a missive.

(
The transition is complete;
CERVANTES
exits
)

ALDONZA
   (
To
SANCHO
,
suspiciously
) Missive? What’s a missive?

SANCHO
   A sort of a letter. He warned me to give it only into your hand.

ALDONZA
   (
Darkly
) Let’s see it. (
She takes the rolled sheet from
SANCHO
,
inspects both sides. Sullenly
) I can’t read.

SANCHO
   Neither can I. But my master, foreseeing such a possibility, recited it to me so I could commit it to heart.

ALDONZA
   (
Angrily
) What made him think I couldn’t read?

SANCHO
   Well, as he explained it, noblewomen are so busy with their needlework—

ALDONZA
   
Needlework?

SANCHO
   Embroidering banners for their knights. He said they had no time for study.

ALDONZA
   (
Contemptuously
) What’s it say?

(SANCHO
takes the letter from her, holds it before
him, and closes his eyes. Music: the quotations from the letter are sung. All other lines are spoken
)

SANCHO

“Most lovely sovereign and highborn lady—”

ALDONZA
(
Continuing to gobble her supper
)   Ho.

SANCHO

“The heart of this, thy vassal knight, faints for thy favor.”

ALDONZA
Ha.

SANCHO

“Oh, fairest of the fair, purest of the pure;
Incomparable Dulcinea—”

ALDONZA
   
That
again. My name is Aldonza!

SANCHO
   (
Patiently
) My master calls you Dulcinea.

ALDONZA
   (
Glowering
) Why?

SANCHO
   I don’t know, but I can tell you from experience that knights have their own language for everything, and it’s better not to ask questions because it only gets you into trouble. (
ALDONZA
makes a contemptuous gesture for him to continue
)

“I beg thee grant that I may kiss the nethermost hem of thy garment—”

ALDONZA
   Kiss my
which?

SANCHO
   If you keep interrupting, the whole thing will be gone out of my head!

ALDONZA
   Well, what’s he
want?

SANCHO
   I’m getting to it!

“—And send to me a token of thy fair esteem that I may carry as my standard into battle.”

ALDONZA
   What kind of a token?

SANCHO
   He says generally it’s a silken scarf.

ALDONZA
   Your master’s a crackbrain!

SANCHO
   Oh, no!

ALDONZA
(
Mimicking
) Oh, yes!

SANCHO
   Well, they say one madman makes a hundred and love makes a thousand.

ALDONZA
   What’s that mean?

SANCHO
   I’m not sure.

ALDONZA
   You’re crazy, too! (
A pause
) Well, what are you waiting for?

SANCHO
   (
Patiently
) The token.

ALDONZA
   I’ll give him a token. Here!

(
She flings him the filthy, tattered dishcloth she has been using
)

SANCHO
   (
Examining it in dismay
) But my lady—

ALDONZA
   Don’t you “my lady” me too or I’ll crack you like an egg! (
SANCHO
retreats
) Wait a minute. Come here. Sit.
Sit!
(
She pats the stool and
SANCHO
sits, she beside him on the floor
) Tell me—why do you follow him?

SANCHO
   Well, that’s easy to explain, I … I …

(
The reason seems to elude him
)

ALDONZA
   Why?

SANCHO
   I’m
telling
you. It’s because … because …

ALDONZA
   
Why?

SANCHO
(
Giving up; simply, he sings
)

I like him.

I really like him.

Tear out my fingernails one by one, I like him!

I don’t have

A very good reason.

Since I’ve been with him cuckoonuts have been in season—

But there’s nothing I can do,

Chop me up for onion stew,

Still I’ll yell to the sky,

Though I can’t tell you why,

That I like him!

ALDONZA
   It doesn’t make any sense!

SANCHO
   That’s because you’re not a squire.

ALDONZA
   All right, you’re a squire. How does a squire squire?

SANCHO
   Well, I ride behind him … and he fights. Then I pick him up off the ground …

ALDONZA
   But what do
you
get out of it?

SANCHO
   What do
I
get? Plenty! Why, already I’ve gotten …

ALDONZA
   You’ve gotten nothing! So why do you
do
it?

SANCHO
   (
Sings
)

I like him.

I really like him.

Pluck me naked as a scalded chicken, I like him!

Don’t ask me

For why or wherefore,

’Cause I don’t have a single good “Because” or “Therefore.”

You can barbecue my nose,

Make a giblet of my toes,

Make me freeze, make me fry,

Make me sigh, make me cry,

Still I’ll yell to the sky

Though I can’t tell you why,

That I … like … him!

(
He exits, in his own kind of dignity, leaving
ALDONZA
puzzled and less sure
.

A cross-dim in the lighting, out on the kitchen; up the well stage left where
CERVANTES
is entering with the
MULETEERS
,
prompting them in the next song they are to sing. Night lighting; the mood lyric, sentimental. Satisfied that they are singing it properly,
CERVANTES
exits, and the
MULETEERS
,
lounging about the coping of the well, swell into full harmony to the guitarist’s accompaniment
)