Marian Keyes - Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married (40 page)

Karen would kill me, I realized. I was as good as dead. How could I do this? I asked myself in shock.

But how could I not?

All these thoughts rushed through my head, and then out the other side as I became overwhelmed with desire for him.

Every now and then a little voice would say, Do you know who this is? This is Daniel, in case you hadn't noticed. And have you noticed where you are? Yes, exactly, you're in your mother's good room. On Father Colm's couch. lucy sullivan is getting married / 479

I was shaking because I was so attracted to him. I wanted to have sex with him there and then, on Father Colm's couch, with Dad in the next room. I didn't care.

And all he was doing was kissing me. Kissing and caressing me in totally chaste places. I didn't know whether to be impressed or annoyed that he wasn't trying to grope me, that he hadn't tipped me back on the couch and inched his hand up my skirt.

Finally he pulled away from me and said, "Lucy, you don't know how long I've waited to do this."

I had to hand it to him--he was good. He sounded intense and passionate. He looked great. His pupils were dilated. His eyes were nearly black and his hair was all messy and sexy, very different from its normal well- groomed look. The expression on his face was the best--he looked like a man in love, or in lust, at the very least.

No wonder so many women fell for him.

"Yes, Daniel," I said, in a shaky voice, trying to smile, "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"I'm serious, Lucy," he said in a serious voice with serious undertones, looking at me seriously.

"So am I," I said lightly.

Sanity, such as it was, had started its reluctant return to my wayward head. Although my whole body still shook with unsated desire.

I looked at him, wanting to believe him, knowing I couldn't.

We sat beside each other, close but separate, him looking sad, me looking sad, me still in his arms, having overstayed my welcome but loath to leave.

"Please, Lucy," he said, and put both hands on my face, holding it as gently and carefully as if my head was a brimming bucket of sulfuric acid.

Then the door opened. Dad shambled in. Even though Daniel and I sprang apart with the high-jump ability of

spring lambs, he still saw what was in progress and looked shocked and annoyed.

"Good God," he roared. "You're all doing it! It's like Sodom and Begorrah around here."

64 My life changed very quickly in the following days. Suddenly I had a new home, or an old one, depending on how you looked at it. I was keen to hand in the notice on my apartment immediately, eager to begin my new life, anxious to show how committed I was to it.

Someone had to move in to take care of Dad. I was the obvious candidate.

If Chris or Peter had offered to, I would still have insisted on doing it myself. Not that they did offer, the lazy bastards. They were both appalled at the prospect. It wasn't as if they'd have been any good at it either--my mother had done everything for both of them since the day they were born, so they hardly knew how to run a bath, never mind run a house. It was a miracle that they'd ever even learned how to tie their own shoes. Not that I was much better myself at housekeeping, but I knew I'd manage somehow. I would learn how to cook fish fingers, I thought passionately, it would be a labor of love.

Everyone tried to talk me out of going back to live in Uxbridge. Karen and Charlotte didn't want me to leave--and not just because of the hassle of having to find a suitable new roommate either. lucy sullivan is getting married / 481

"But there's nothing wrong with your dad," said Karen, puzzled. "Lots of men are on their own. Why do you have to go and actually live with him? Can't you just visit him every couple of days, you know, get a neighbor to look in on him, get your brothers to take turns, that kind of thing?"

I couldn't explain why to Karen. I felt that nothing less than the whole hog would do. I had to do it right. I would move back and take care of Dad, as he'd never been taken care of before, as he should always have been. I was glad, glad to have him to myself, that it would be just the two of us. I was bitter and angry with my mother for her fickleness, but it was nothing more than I expected from her. I was relieved that, finally, she was out of the picture.

"But how awful for you, moving back home to live with your parents," said Charlotte, sounding horrified. "Parent, I mean," she added quickly. "Think about it, Lucy--when will you be able to have sex with boys? Won't you be afraid of your dad bursting in and catching you at it, telling you that you can't do that kind of thing under his roof?

"And will he tell you what time you must get home by?" she chattered on, not noticing me squirm. "And say `You're not going out in that' and `You look like a prostitute with all that makeup' and things like that?" she exclaimed. "You're bonkers!"

Charlotte's problem was that she had made her escape from her familial home too recently. The memory of being under her father's thumb was very fresh in her mind. She still reveled in her new-found freedom. On the days that she wasn't suicidal with guilt about it, that was.

"Or what if your dad gets a new girlfriend?" she demanded. "Won't it be disgusting if you burst in and catch him having sex?"

"But..." I tried to interrupt. The idea of poor Dad 482 / marian keyes

having a girlfriend was laughable. Almost as funny as the idea of me having a boyfriend.

A boyfriend was not in the cards. Daniel's kiss had been a one-off. A never-to-be-repeated, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Hurry now, while stocks last.

After Dad had caught us, he glared at us both for a little while. We cringed, as befitted us, under his disapproving look. Then he withdrew from the room and Daniel and I rearranged ourselves. I waited for my heartbeat to slow down and my breathing to return to normal. Daniel waited for his erection to subside and his gait to return to normal (I found that out some time later).

We sat side by side on the couch, a vision of mute sheepishness.

I wanted to die.

It was all so awful.

Kissing Daniel! Kissing Daniel. Kissing Daniel. And getting caught by Dad--the mortification! There was a part of me that would always be fourteen.

I was in a state of shock anyway, what with Mum having left Dad. And, in a way, I was beyond being shocked by Daniel's kissing me.

It was too weird to think about.

I didn't know why he'd had such an effect on me--I decided I was probably feeling vulnerable because of the disintegration of the familial unit.

And as for Daniel's motive, well, who knows? He was a man, I was a woman (well, sort of, more of a girl, really, I felt). Basically, I had been there.

Everything was topsy-turvy. I'd had enough upheaval for one day and I wanted Daniel and me to be back to normal. And the best way to do that was to act normal. So I insulted him.

"You took advantage of me," I grumbled.

"Did I?" he asked in surprise.

"You stupid bastard," I added, just for insurance.

"Yes," I said. "You knew I was upset about poor Dad. And then you insult me by feeding me your usual smoothie lines and kiss me."

"Sorry," he said, sounding horrified. "That wasn't my intention...."

"Forget it." I sighed self-righteously. "Let's just forget it. But don't let it happen again."

Mean of me, I know. It takes two to tango, etc., etc., but I had enough on my mind, without wondering if I liked Daniel that way.

I wouldn't think about it, I decided. I was good at not thinking about unpleasant things. At the time, I didn't know just how good I was.

After about ten minutes, Daniel shamefully slunk off. Dad stood at the front door, almost shaking his fist after him and watched until he was sure Daniel was gone. We hadn't even given him a valedictory cup of tea. My mother would turn in her grave.

I wished.

65 Daniel came to Uxbridge to see me a couple of nights after the great shame- fest. I was so embarrassed and confused that I would have been quite happy never to have seen him again, but he had pestered me.

First he called me at work the day afterward and asked me to meet him for lunch. I told him I didn't want to. 484 / marian keyes

"Please, Lucy," he said.

"Why?" I asked. "Oh no."

"Oh no, what?"

"If you say we have to talk, I'll kill you," I said.

Megan, Meredia and Jed nearly gave themselves whiplash looking up with interest.

"Actually, we do have to talk," said Daniel. "About your apartment."

My apartment? "What about it?" I was surprised.

"Just let me talk to you."

It was obviously an excuse, but I decided to go along with it.

"Come out to the house tomorrow night," I finally agreed.

To my alarm, I felt warm and glad at the thought of seeing him. A stop would have to be put to that.

"I'll come and meet you after work," he offered.

"Oh no!" I said quickly. There was no way I could bear an entire train journey with him. I would spontaneously combust from unspoken embar- rassment.

When I hung up the phone, Megan, Meredia and Jed descended on me like vultures.

"Who was it?"

"Was it Gus?"

"What's going on?"

"Are you together again?" they had clamored.

I was frighteningly nervous as I waited at home for Daniel to arrive.

My head raced with the pros and cons--well, actually the cons and cons--of it all. Kissing Daniel had been a big mistake. Any further liaisons of this kind would be careless in the extreme.

Okay, so I felt as if I was incredibly attracted to him, but I knew that I wasn't really. The shock of my mother lucy sullivan is getting married / 485

leaving my father had addled my emotions and I just thought I did. Daniel's kissing me had been the product of an unusual set of circumstances.

Let's look at it dispassionately, I thought, as I frantically brushed my hair. Dad watched me benignly. He wouldn't be quite so benign when he realized who I was brushing my hair for.

On the one hand, I thought dramatically, there was me. Confused, vul- nerable, needy, a child from a freshly broken home, ready to love the first person who showed her affection.

On the other hand, there was Daniel--a man who was used to a lot of sex, and who hadn't had it in a couple of days. So naturally he wasn't choosy about who he interfered with. I had been there. He had interfered with me.

See. Not choosy.

And Daniel was a man who loved a challenge. What Karen had screeched at me on Sunday night had confirmed what I had always known. Daniel probably just went after me because I was the only girl in town who didn't have a crush on him.

But I would not succumb, I thought grimly.

For once I would resist the impulse to self-destruct. I would not love Daniel. I would be different.

As soon as I opened the front door to him, my resolution to not be attrac- ted to him wavered, then dissolved.

"Hello," I said to the knot of his tie.

He bent to kiss me and a roar came from the kitchen.

"Hey you!" yelled Dad. "Leave my daughter alone!"

Daniel backed off hurriedly. I felt like a starving person who'd had a bag of chips waved under her nose and then whisked away.

"Come in," I invited the collar of his shirt.

I was horribly awkward. As I led him through the hall, 486 / marian keyes

I banged my hipbone on the telephone table and then had to pretend it didn't hurt. I didn't want him to offer to kiss it better. Because I might have let him.

"Take off your coat." I stared his breast-pocket in the eye.

I was disgusted by the effect he was having on me. It was obvious that I was way out of my depth, only temporarily, of course. Only because my parents had split up. But all the same I had to protect myself.

I decided that I wouldn't be alone with him and, after he left that evening, I wouldn't see him again, ever. Well, maybe not ever, but for a while at least. Until I was back to normal, whatever that was.

As part of my cunning plan, I forced Daniel into the kitchen, where Dad sat glaring.

"Hello, Mr. Sullivan," Daniel said nervously.

"Haven't you a lot of nerve?" growled Dad. "Coming back here after you treating my home like a...like a...like a hoor house."

"Shush, Dad." I was mortified. "It won't happen again." Thankfully, he shut up.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" I asked Daniel's shoulder.

"When are we getting the crispy pancakes?" Dad interrupted rudely.

"What crispy pancakes?"

"We always have crispy pancakes on a Wednesday."

"But today's Thursday."

"Is it? Well, when are we getting the stew?"

"Do you always have stew on Thursdays?"

He looked at me mournfully.

"Sorry, Dad, I'll get into a routine next week. Can you make do with a pizza for this evening?"

"A pizza that you call for?" He suddenly perked up.

"Yes." What other types were there? I wondered. lucy sullivan is getting married / 487

"Not one from the freezer?" The look of hope on his face was heart- rending.

"God, no."

"Great," he said with glee. "And can we get beer?"

"Of course."

I suspected that he was fulfilling a lifelong ambition. My mother would have frowned on such extravagance.

When I called the pizza company, Dad insisted on speaking personally to the man who made the pizzas to discuss what toppings he should have.

"What are anchovies? Go on, sure I'll have a couple. What are capers? Sure, you might as well fling a few on." I had to admire Daniel's patience, although I still couldn't look him in the eye.

When the pizzas and beer arrived, the three of us sat around the kitchen table. As soon as the food was eaten, Dad recommenced glaring at Daniel. The tension was dreadful.

Dad wouldn't look directly at Daniel. He stared viciously at him whenever Daniel was looking at something else, but looked away quickly whenever Daniel flicked a glance at him. Daniel suspected that Dad was giving him dirty looks, so then he started to try and catch Dad at it. One microsecond he'd be idly drinking his beer, then, in a blur, he'd whip his head around to where Dad was staring at him. Then, in another blur, Dad whipped his head away and slurped his beer with a face as innocent as an angel's.

It went on for hours. At least, that was how it felt.

The atmosphere was so loaded that, when we finished the beer, we started, with gusto, on the whiskey.

The few times that Dad turned away to shout insults at a politician on the television, Daniel made all kinds of energetic gestures with his face and head, winking and jerking his head toward the door, indicating that we should 488 / marian keyes

exit by it and go to another room. Probably the living room, for a repeat performance.

I ignored him.

But finally Dad decided to go to bed.

We were all quite drunk by then.

"Are you going to be here all night?" he demanded to Daniel.

"No," said Daniel.

"Well, off with you, so," he said, standing up.

"Would you mind if I had a word with Lucy in private, Mr. Sullivan?" Daniel asked.

"Mind? Mind!" Dad sputtered. "After the way you two were carrying on the other night, you can be damn sure that I mind."

"I'm sorry about that," said Daniel humbly. "And I can assure you it won't happen again."

"Do you promise?" Dad asked sternly.

"I promise," said Daniel solemnly.

"All right, then," said Dad.

"Thanks," said Daniel.

"Now, I'm trusting the two of you, mind," said Dad, waggling his finger at us. "No high jinks, right?"

"None," promised Daniel. "Not a jink of any level, low, medium or high."

Dad shot him a suspicious glare. Daniel put on his ultra-earnest, you- can-trust-me-with-your-daughter-Mr.-Sullivan face. Not quite convinced, Dad shuffled off to bed.

Of course, I expected Daniel to try and jump me the minute the door closed after Dad. I was put out when he didn't. All evening, I had been looking forward to fighting him off and calling him a pervert. But he con- fused me by tenderly taking my hand and speaking gently.

"Lucy," he said. "I want to talk to you about something important." lucy sullivan is getting married / 489

"Oh yes," I said sarcastically. "About my"--little snigger--"apartment."

I knew a pretext as well as the next woman.

"Yes," he said. "I hope you don't think I'm interfering--actually I know you'll think I'm interfering--but please don't take your name off the lease just yet."

That floored me--I hadn't really expected him to want to talk about my living arrangements.

"But why not?" I asked him.

"All I'm saying is, don't rush into something that you can't get out of," he said.

"I'm not," I said.

"You are," he said. The nerve of him. "You're too upset at the moment to make a rational decision."

"No, I'm not," I said as my eyes filled with tears.

"Yes, you are," he said. "Just look at you."

Maybe he had a point, but I couldn't give in without a fight. I gulped a mouthful of whiskey. "But what sense does it make?" I asked him, "to live with my dad and pay rent on a flat?"

"But you may not want to stay with your father after a while," he sugges- ted.

"Don't be silly," I said.

"Well, your mother may come back. She might make up with your dad," he said.

That thought filled me with alarm. "Unlikely," I blustered.

"Well, what about when you go into town and you've missed the last train home and you don't want to spend a thousand pounds on a taxi back to Uxbridge? Wouldn't it be sensible to have a little pied-�-terre in Ladbroke Grove?" he suggested.

"But Daniel," I said desperately, "there won't be any 490 / marian keyes

nights out on the town anymore. That part of my life is over. More whis- key?"

"Yes please. Lucy, I'm very worried about you," he said, putting on his concerned face.

"Don't be," I said, annoyed and frustrated. "And don't give me that cute face, I'm not one of your...your...women. You obviously don't realize the seriousness of what's happened to my family. My mother has left my father and I have responsibilities."

"People's mothers leave people's fathers every day of the week," said Daniel. "And the fathers cope. They don't need their daughters to give up everything and act as if they've entered a nunnery."

"Daniel, I want to do this, it's not a sacrifice. I have to do it, I have no choice in it. I don't care if I can't go out and have fun anymore. Besides I wasn't having fun anyway." I was nearly in tears at the idea of such goodness, such daughterly devotion.

"Please, Lucy, just wait a month or so." He didn't look as moved as I felt.

"Oh, all right then," I agreed.

"Is that a promise?" he asked.

"I suppose it is."

And then I caught Daniel's eye. Christ, he was good-looking! I nearly knocked over my glass.

I was impatient for the molesting to begin. I was so sure that he'd ar- ranged to see me just so he could try to kiss me that I was damned if he was leaving without trying.