Read Marie Sexton - Coda 02 - A to Z Online
Authors: Marie Sexton
We were sold out for every show except the one on Thanksgiving Day, and I quickly realized I was going to need to hire more help.
I was grateful when I finally made it home after closing A to Z on Sunday afternoon. I felt like we had barely had a chance to eat or sleep in five days. I knew Angelo would arrive any minute, and Matt and Jared were coming over, too, ostensibly to watch a football game. Angelo and I still weren’t football fans, but we had fun with Matt and Jared.
I was just dialing the phone to order pizza when the doorbell rang. I figured it had to be Matt and Jared, since Ang wouldn’t have bothered to ring the bell. But when I opened the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Tom. I had never expected to see him again. My first thought was to wonder what the hell he was doing there. My second thought was that I was glad Angelo wasn’t there, because I knew he would have lost it.
His smile was the same as always, flirty and sexy. He was wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt that showed off his body. He was still gorgeous. And yet my perception of him had completely changed. Looking at him now, I realized that his blonde hair was dyed. He did have a nice body, but it somehow seemed all out of proportion. It was nothing compared to Matt’s. I knew that Matt not only lifted weights but also did sit-ups every day, ran three times a week, and went mountain biking regularly. I was willing to bet that Tom’s body was built by heavy lifting in the gym and steroids. The tight T-shirt seemed ridiculously contrived, and I suspected even his tan was fake.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
His smile faltered a bit but then was back. “I came to see you.”
“I haven’t missed you at all.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Not my problem.” I started to close the door again. This time he stepped forward, pushing the door open and shoving me backward at the same time as he stepped inside.
I sighed but closed the front door. He followed me into the living room. Geisha, who had been napping on the couch jumped up. Her back arched, and her hair stood on end. She hissed at him and bolted for the door. It was the first time in ten years that I felt like she and I were on the same page.
Tom was watching me expectantly. I wasn’t about to ask him to sit down. I leaned against the back of the couch and said, “Make it fast.”
I could see him struggling to get control of the situation, and I realized he had actually expected me to fall back into his arms just because he had come this far to see me. It only made me stronger in my anger. “Look, baby—”
“Okay,” he said smoothly, “Zach. The thing is, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry things ended the way they did. I was mad, and you were mad. But I thought maybe we could pick up again where we left off. We were good together, weren’t we? You must get lonely up here all by yourself.”
He reached over and grabbed me, put his arms around me, and tried to pull me against him. I was trying to push away from him, when the worst possible scenario came true. The door opened. Jared walked in, with Angelo right behind them. They were both laughing at something until their gaze landed on Tom. And then all hell broke loose.
Angelo’s face went from laughter to rage in a fraction of a heartbeat, and he launched himself at Tom. Tom actually let go of me and stepped behind me, like I might protect him. Luckily Jared was in front of Angelo. He saw what was about to happen and grabbed him. Still, it was immediately obvious that he wouldn’t be able to hold him. Before I could get across the room to them, Matt walked in the door, and I’m sure to him it looked like Angelo and Jared had suddenly and inexplicably broken into a fistfight.
Matt grabbed Angelo from behind, wrapping his big arms around him so that Angelo’s arms were pinned to his side. And if I thought Angelo had been wild before, it was nothing compared to the rage that gripped him then. He was screaming at Matt. “Let go of me right now, Matt! I’m gonna kill that motherfucker! He can’t come into my house!” Matt obviously had underestimated how strong Angelo really was, because Angelo broke partway out of his grip. Jared was still trying to help Matt hold him, and for a minute it seemed like all I could see was fists and elbows and hair. Matt finally managed to get Angelo wrapped up in some kind of neck lock, and he turned and pinned Angelo with his face against the wall. Matt’s lip was bleeding. Jared was next to them, bent over, one hand on his knees and the other on his groin, gasping for air. Every single guy in the world knows what that means and winces in sympathy when he sees it.
Angelo wasn’t fighting anymore, but I could tell that every muscle in his body was tense. He was still poised to break free as soon as Matt loosened his grip. “Let go, Matt. I’m gonna kick his fuckin’ ass for darin’ to walk in my house.”
Matt sighed in exasperation and said in a low voice, “
Think
, Angelo! I’m a cop. If you assault him, I have to arrest you, take you in, and sit there filling out paperwork while he presses charges against you. You’re my friend, Ang. Please don’t put me in that position.”
“Are you going to be cool?”
“Yeah, man. Just let me go.”
As soon as Matt’s grip loosened, Angelo broke free. He turned and shoved Matt away from him hard enough that Matt stumbled backward a step. Then he stalked into the spare bedroom, slamming the door behind him. A second later we all heard the unmistakable sound of something shattering against a wall.
standin’ there. Felt like Coda was our sanctuary. Nothin’ bad could touch us here. Then I walk in the door and see Tom. In my house. Touchin’ Zach.
Always heard that expression, seein’ red. Never knew what it meant ’til today. Don’t actually remember much before Matt got me against the wall. Just rage. Didn’t really want to hide in the spare bedroom, either, but knew I couldn’t stay out there. With him. So I hid after all. Broke Zach’s lamp too. Hope he’s not mad.
Can’t believe Tom came all this way for Zach. ’Cause I know that’s why he’s here—to try and get him back. Never cared ’bout him outside of gettin’ laid, yet now he’s come all the way here to see him. Wastin’ his time. I trust Zach. I know he wouldn’t ever be with Tom again, even if it weren’t for me. But Tom can’t be here. This is our house. Ours. Mine and Zach’s.
Except….
Except that….
It’s not.
So fuckin’ stupid how much it hurts when I realize that. It’s Zach’s house. And if Zach wanted Tom here, wasn’t really much I could say ’bout it. ’Course I know Zach don’t want him here any more than I do. Not the point. Point is, Zach’s been tryin’ so hard to get me to think of this as my home. And the whole time, I been lettin’ that stupid bird in my chest rule my life. Been hurtin’ the one person in the whole world I never want to hurt, just ’cause I’m scared. I hate myself for it.
Zach’s been so patient. Tryin’ to wait me out. Tryin’ to tempt me inside. Like I’m a stray cat that comes ’round, and he just keeps puttin’ out milk, hopin’ one of these nights I’ll decide to come in. Or maybe I really am a bird, like Zach always says. He’s tossin’ out breadcrumbs, leavin’ a trail up to his door. And I been too fuckin’ stupid to just walk through. Thought all this time it was some kind of trap. Guess it is. It has another name, too, though.
My whole life Zach’s the first person who really wanted me. I don’t mean sex. Plenty of people have wanted me for that. But Zach’s the first person who ever just wanted me around. Wanted me at the store, wanted to spend time with me after work, and wanted me to come to Coda with him. Now he wants to give me a real home. Never had one ’til now.
All this time I been thinkin’ ’bout the kinds of love I see— Jared’s contented love, Matt’s amazed love, and Zach’s reverent love. I thought my love had to be one of those. I see now I have my own love. My love is belongin’. ’Cause before Zach I never had a place I belonged at all. Now I know. I belong with him.
Matt was wiping the blood off of his face with his T-shirt. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Crazy little bastard.” I couldn’t tell if he was impressed or annoyed. He looked over at Jared, who was still bent over but was at least breathing normally again. “You okay?” Jared nodded but still didn’t try to stand up.
Behind me Tom laughed derisively. We all looked over at him. He was looking at me. “Zach, come on now. I understand wanting to slum sometimes, but seriously, is that the best you could do?”
“Yes, I would rather play house with Angelo than be your goddamn fuck buddy. There is nothing—absolutely
nothing
—that could change that. I don’t know how I ever stood to let you touch me. Now get the fuck
out!
” I didn’t wait to see what his reaction would be. I had to see Angelo. I turned to Matt. “If he’s not gone in two minutes, arrest him.”
I walked through the door into the spare bedroom, and immediately, Angelo was in my arms. He slammed into me so hard that I might have fallen over backward if the wall hadn’t been there to hold me up. His face was buried in my neck, and his arms were tight around me.
“Don’t apologize to me. I’m not mad about anything. You might want to apologize to Matt and Jared, though. Matt’s bleeding, and you kicked Jared in the nads.”
“I bought it at a yard sale. No big deal.”
“Just made me so fuckin’ mad, seein’ him here.”
“The stupid thing is, I kept thinkin’ how I wanted to kill him for bein’ in my house. But then I realized….” His voice died out, and I felt him shaking, and I knew then that he was crying and not even trying to hide it from me. “It’s not my house, is it, Zach? I’m so fuckin’ stupid, because I felt like it was. I thought it was. But it’s not
my
house at all. It’s
your
house.”
Nothing could have surprised me more than that. It hadn’t even occurred to me. I felt like Angelo had plenty of reason to be pissed about Tom being there, regardless of whose house it was, technically.
I resisted the urge to shout with joy. I told myself not to get my hopes up. It felt a little bit wrong to let him make this decision right now. “Are you sure? Nothing in the world would make me happier, but I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
He moved in a few days later. This time, he even let me help him move, instead of Matt. He took the second bedroom as his own, and I knew without asking that I was not allowed in. I didn’t mind. Several nights a week, he even chose to go to sleep there, rather than with me. But somehow, by morning, he always found his way to my bed. I couldn’t have been happier.
I could tell, though, that something was bothering him. I asked a few times, and he always shrugged me off. I knew better than to push him. It didn’t seem to be about me, and so I waited for him to be ready to tell me.
I didn’t have to wait long. It all became clear the day I came home from work to find him sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He looked scared to death, but he didn’t hesitate. He looked right at me and said, “I need my mom’s number.”
after talkin’ to Matt, it took me a few weeks to make the decision. But I finally decide to do it, and as soon as Zach gets home from work, I ask him for the number. His jaw ’bout hits the floor. I know he thinks it’s outta the blue. Probably seems that way to him. But not to me. Feel like I haven’t stopped thinkin’ ’bout it since that day she knocked on my door back in Denver.
I wasn’t ready back then. It was all so sudden. Caught me completely off guard. And somehow I thought talkin’ to her had to mean I forgave her too. That bothered me. Right or wrong, I’m not ready to forgive her just yet.
I realize, though, after talkin’ to Matt, it’s not like that at all. Just ’cause I call, doesn’t mean I let it all go. It only means that maybe someday I will.