Authors: Jenna Kay
I am where you are.
Those five words should have made me feel better, but they didn't. Instead I felt more alone and more confused than ever, leaving me a hollow shell of my former self.
If understanding did not show up soon, I would be getting fitted for a straight jacket sooner than I previously thought.
Chapter Seven
A shift in the weather began to change Garlandton, the residents of the sleepy town happily receiving Fall with open arms. The leaves on the trees were mixtures of yellows, reds, oranges, and browns. Sunflowers were in full bloom, making the normally drab town a bit brighter. Churches held their annual bake sales and fundraisers, while the town council was busy planning Fall festivals and concerts, in hopes of bringing a little tourism to this desolate part of south Georgia.
Usually I'm excited this time of year, because Fall is my favorite season. But this year is different. This year I've got too many obscured thoughts running in different directions inside my mind, wrecking my brain.
Six weeks had passed, and it was now the middle of October.
Six weeks...and no sign of Sam.
Six weeks...and the tattoos were still on my hands, tattoos that nobody but me could see.
The morning I had taken my gloves off, which just happened to be the same morning I'd put them on, was charred into my memory. I had taken them off because there was no point in drawing attention to my hands when there was nothing special going on.
After showing (or trying to show) Kora the tattoos and realizing she couldn't see them left me fighting for my sanity. Every morning I would wake up, and first thing, look at my hands. Every morning disappointment consumed me, my sanity slipping a little more, any rational thoughts I'd had disappearing into a cold, gray mist.
Then my thoughts would take another path, going back to where this whole mess began. The real reason to why I'd started questioning if I was living in the real world: Sam.
Where was he? The last time I'd seen him was in the oak tree outside my classroom window, sitting on the highest branch. The last time I'd heard his voice was inside my head, as he sat on the tree branch.
Be patient and don't be afraid. You will understand soon.
Yeah, obviously not soon enough.
First of all, Sam being able to speak directly into my head was freaking weird. Second of all, Sam appearing and disappearing right in front of my eyes was freaking weird.
And third of all...where in the heck was he?
I am where you are.
Yeah. Right. Whatever.
If he was where I was, I think I would have known it. Maybe like being able to see him with my own eyes. With each passing day, I'd wait, wishing Sam would show up and help me make sense of my life, and to tell me what else was coming. For reasons I couldn't explain, I had this overwhelming feeling that something big was about to happen, and that Sam knew what it was.
To my discouragement, Sam never showed. As I had predicted, my patience was wearing down to a thin line, and I felt weighed down like a ton of bricks had been strapped to my back.
Also to add to my offbeat, complicated mess of a life, Kora decided to launch a relationship with shy farm-boy Kevin just days after dumping Nick. What made me the most nervous about the whole crazy situation was how easily Kora was able to wipe Nick completely out of her memory, like they'd never been involved with one another.
Okay, yeah, so the whole Kora/Kevin/Nick scene didn't affect my life directly, but I would have been a lousy bestie if I hadn't worry over her making a huge mistake by diving into a whole new relationship. But none of it was my business because it was their lives. And really, I shouldn't worry so much about Kora moving on too fast because Kevin was a church boy who never drank, smoked, or had sex. Kora on the other hand did...it...all.
Oh, yeah, speaking of sex and relationships, there's the topic of Brenton and me. As we spent more time together, alone, it was becoming evident that we were about to cross the point of no return. I hated to say it, but we were becoming a little like Casey and Janey, the way they act like they can't keep their hands off each other.
That's exactly how I was feeling around Brenton—I wanted, no,
needed
his hands on me every time we were together, and I was sure he needed my hands on him. When we were together everything seemed so happy and bright, and being with him made all my problems dissolve, the biggest problem being my tattooed hands. For just a little awhile I forgot everything but me and him.
Of course with all my problems, questions, worries, insecurities, and my sanity hanging in the balance, I had learned to live behind a mask of perfection, acting as if everything in my life was normal and peachy.
Yeah. Peachy as a pile of crap.
So now, on this beautiful Friday afternoon, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my Brenton and daydreaming on things to come, until Kora sat down, breaking me from my extremely hopeful reverie (AKA dirty thoughts involving Brenton). Yeah, I was turning into a gutter head!
“Ugh! They call this food? It looks like rat barf.” Kora dropped her tray of food onto the table, plopping down in the seat across from me, sitting next to her beau, Kevin. “I'd rather open up a can of dog food.”
Everyday that was the start of our lunch conversations, about how nasty and inedible the school food was. Most days I brought my own lunch, but today I had woken too late to prepare it. Luckily it was Friday, the day they changed out all the wilted and mushy crap from the salad bar. Kora never ate salads, so today she had to choose between a cheeseburger and some kind of helper. She had chosen the helper, which did have a throw-up appearance.
“The dog food was in between the cow tongues and pickled pigs feet,” Brenton commented, slyly resting his hand on my knee.
“Come on, guys,” I said, placing my hand on top of his. “The food isn't that bad.” I was a terrible liar.
Kora sneered. “Clarity, I'd eat my own puke before I'd eat this garbage.” She pushed her tray to the side, and then leaned her elbows on the table.
I groaned, my brows creasing. “That's so...
eeeewwww.
” I pushed my salad away, suddenly losing my appetite.
“Wow,” remarked Kevin, giving Kora a disgusted look. “Yeah, gonna agree with Clarity on that one, babe.” Six weeks as a couple and they were already at the “babe” stage of their relationship.
Brenton looked at Kora thoughtfully. “Kora, just a question,” he paused to swallow his food. “Have you ever eaten your own puke?”
“What? Like, on a dare or somethin'?”
“OK, OK, OK,” I intervened, throwing a hand in the air. My stomach was knotted with queasiness. “Please stop talking about puke and eating it.” I rubbed my belly, trying to stop it from rolling.
“Yeah, Kora,” Brenton spat out, his expression aghast. “I mean, really! We're eating lunch here, geez!”
I laughed at him as he glared at Kora open-mouthed, rolling his eyes.
“What?” Kora slammed her hands on the table. “You're the one who started it, ya jerk!”
Brenton laughed and shook his head. “Hey, hey. Just foolin' ya.” He looked at me and winked.
“One day your mouth is gonna get a poppin',” I told him, only half-joking.
He leaned forward, touching my nose with his. “As long as it's you doing the poppin'.” He smiled lasciviously, causing a shudder to flow down my spine.
“Oh, gross,” Kora lamented, her eyes sliding to Kevin. “Someone needs to tell them to get a room, right?”
Kevin, showing his shy-boy side, turned as bright red as the sun. I lolled my head to the side, shooting her an evil look.
“Anyway,” Kora continued, “if you guys are done
nosing
each other, Kevin and I are goin' bowling tonight, you guys interested?” Kora eyed me eagerly.
“What, like a double?” I instantly regretted the question when I saw the look on Kora's face.
She shook her head. “No, like, DUH!” she retorted cattily, crossing her eyes. “Of course like a double, ya moron! So, y'all in or out?”
I looked at Brenton and saw that he was smiling. Of course he wanted to go bowling. He had no idea that I'd planned to invite him into my house...
alone
. That was the biggest thought in my brain all day, getting that sexy, incredible guy into my bed, but my plan was quickly dissolving when he smiled over at Kevin and Kora.
“Sure,” he said, answering for the both of us. “We'll go. Alright with you, Clare?”
I shrugged, trying to appear indifferent about the whole thing. “Yeah, sure.”
“Great!” Kora expressed with a smile as bright as the sun. “We'll meet you guys there around seven.”
“It's a date,” I said warily.
I looked to Brenton and he was engaged in a conversation with Kevin, talking about their best bowling scores. Not wanting to bring them down, I bit my lip from saying anything. I knew who had the best score out of this foursome—me.
Growing up, bowling had been one of my favorite past times. Bowling with my dad. He had been an excellent bowler, being on several leagues, winning many championships. I had one of his trophies stashed away deep in my closet. He'd taught me all of his tricks to being an accomplished bowler.
Changing my thoughts over from scoring in bowling to scoring with Brenton, my mind began creating a new plan. Bowling may take one to two hours, and then he'd take me home, giving me a chance to invite him in. A.C. would be at work, not getting off until the morning, and from there I would play it by ear.
Man, I was starting to sound like Kora and Janey, all slutty and promiscuous. Maybe I would accomplish something tonight, erasing the big “V” from my hands forever.
* * * *
Later that evening, as I waited for my knight in shining armor, I busied myself with looking as sexy as possible. I flat-ironed my hair, applied make-up, and put on a tight red shirt that put my girls on display. The jeans I wore fit me perfectly in all the right spots, showing off my curves. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I couldn't help but smile. Not to sound vain or anything, but I looked thoroughly hot. If this body didn't get Brenton in the sack then nothing would.
Leaning into the mirror to brush a fly-away strand of hair from my face, my eyes caught sight of my palm, causing a shiver to course through my body. I frowned as I looked down at the crosses and wings on my hands. I still had no idea why they were there or how they got there in the first place, but I'd made up my mind that I wasn't going to worry a second about them tonight. Whatever they were, they were not going to ruin my life or my fun. Nobody else could see them, so why worry anyway? I wasn't even going to worry about Sam, the mysterious boy with glowing blue eyes. I hadn't seen him for weeks now so maybe he was gone forever. Nope. Not going to worry.
Tonight was going to be awesome—
extremely
awesome.
Hopping down the stairs, on my way to the kitchen for a bottle of water, I was surprised to see A.C. sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.
“Hey,” I said as I retrieved a water from the fridge. “What ya doin' here? I thought you had to work.” At least I had hoped she was working, because if not my new plan was about to go bust.
She looked up from the paper, a tiresome smile harboring her lips. “My shift starts at eight.” She eyed me from head to toe. “Wow, you look amazing! What's the occasion?”
I plopped in the seat across from her. “Nothing much. Just going bowling.” I took a swig of water.
A.C. was just ten years older than me, but looking at her now you would think she was older. Her brown hair was pulled into a tight ponytail and she had bags under her eyes. She worked nonstop—she had the stamina of a cheetah. I knew eventually all the work she was doing would nip her in the butt, forcing her to chill.
She leaned back in her chair, her gaze still on my chest, entranced. “You are so blessed to have a rack like that.” She sighed. She was barely an “A” cup.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, so I've been told.” I took another swallow of water. “Hey, maybe Dougie could by ya a pair for your birthday. Then you'd always have perky love-jugs.”
She had been dating a fellow hospital employee for more than a year now, which was pretty long with her track record, which consisted of failed relationships and multiple one night stands.
She scowled. “Ha, Ha, Ha. You are so funny,” she shot back humorlessly. I watched as she stood up from the table and walked to the sink, pouring her coffee down the drain. “Oh, I almost forgot—this came in the mail today.” She flicked a manila envelope across the table.
“What is it?” I asked, picking it up.
“It looks like something from New York State. An acceptance letter, maybe?” She arched her brows, grinning widely.
I scanned the envelope. Yeah, I bet it was my acceptance letter. My GPA had been way above what the school expected of its future students.
Instead of opening it, I tossed it back down onto the table. So what if I'd gotten in? Would I be strong enough or brave enough to leave my friends, A.C., Brenton?
No. I wasn't going to think about it tonight—didn't want to think about it—or talk about it. I knew the smart thing was to go ahead and prepare for my future, but being a teenager was all I wanted to worry about at the moment. In my little world that was the most important part of my life—being seventeen and having a good time. A.C. clearly wanted to talk about it, because the disappointment that covered her face like a veil was evident.