Authors: Jenna Kay
Oh well. Not my problem.
I continued stocking shelves until closing time—no one else entered the store. After clocking out and heading home, I made up my mind that there was nothing I should worry about. I pushed out all the confusion I held inside my head.
People can take care of themselves. They can handle their on problems.
I wanted so badly to believe my own thoughts, but deep down I knew that they were all lies.
I was lying to myself.
* * * *
Rain hits me hard against my face as I run, dodging tree limbs as I pass. I was pumping my legs as hard as they would go, and my heart was beating so fast I thought that at any moment it would burst out of my chest. The ground felt mushy under my bare feet, the sky continuing to unload heavy amounts of water onto the earth. Trepidation scores through my veins as a deep sadness begins devouring my soul. Tears fall down my face like waterfalls, and I release a loud sob that echoes throughout the dense woods.
I can hear someone chasing after me, and I know that whoever it is has done something terribly wrong—I can feel it.
Pain. Sadness. Guilt. Confusion.
Whoever is running after me has caused so much destruction, so much misery and chaos, that my whole life, my whole world has completely come undone.
I suddenly come to a clearing, halting my steps before running off into empty air. A drop-off about thirty feet down greets me, telling me there is no escape from my pursuer. Looking down, I notice a creek, its waters flowing fiercely, the storm succeeding in deepening its depths.
I sense someone standing behind me. Slowly I turn around to face them. I can't see who it is for the darkness has completely swallowed them, hiding them in a trench of blackness. All I can see is something shine where a person's hand would be, some kind of object I can't explain. Since I had stopped running, I finally notice that my hands are burning so furiously that I bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep from screaming.
Lightening strikes a nearby tree, and the force is so great that the ground trembles under our feet. The rain is pouring even harder now, stinging my eyes. I can barely see in front of me.
“What have you done?” I scream at the one standing in front of me, the shiny object shaking in their hand. I know that something horrible has just taken place. I can feel it, like someone's life force has been dimmed forever.
Then, before I even know what's happening, I'm falling off the ledge and into the rocky creek below.
I woke up before I could hit the ground, screaming at the top of my lungs. My window was wide open and I could hear a raging storm beating roughly against the house. My ears were popping and my clothes were stuck against my skin due to heavy perspiration. My hands continued to burn but I didn't bother looking at them—I already knew that they were glowing.
“Clarity, what's wrong?”
A.C., dressed in her flannel pajamas, busted into my room, a look of shock mixed with fear masking her face. Flipping my light switch on, she rushed over to me and embraced me, rocking me back and forth like I was a terrified child. Unable to contain myself, I cried, hugging her with all the strength I had left.
A few minutes passed before I got myself under control. I laid back on my pillows; my eyes staring at the ceiling while A.C. pushed wet strands of hair out of my face. She grabbed my blankets that I had thrown off me from the floor and covered me, then swiftly walked over to my window and closed it—I still had no idea how or why it had been opened. She stood in front of the window, quietly looking out at the stormy weather. Glancing over at her, I could see that her whole body was a massive tremble.
“A.C.?” I whispered shakily.
She jumped, as if my voice had just interrupted a deep thought. Walking over to my bed she sat down on the edge, a look of concern flickering in her eyes.
“Are you alright?” she questioned, her eyes blood shot from working too much and lack of sleep.
I nodded. “Yeah. It was just a bad dream.”
She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then quickly shut it. Leaning over she kissed my forehead and smiled.
“You know I love ya, and you know you can talk to me about anything.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
She stared deeply into my eyes. “Is there something I should know?”
I stared back into her sleepy brown eyes, eyes that regarding me with love.
“It was just a dream. No biggie,” I told her after a few clicking moments passed. I rolled over and closed my eyes.
She stood up and sighed. “I'll be in my room if you need me,” she said reassuringly, turning off my light and closing my door.
Curling up into a fetal position, burying my face in my pillow, I listened to the wind and rain battering the outside world. My hands had stopped burning after a few minutes, but I could feel a familiar presence in the room as a hint of lavender perfumed the air.
Sam
.
“I know you're here,” I said against my pillow, not bothering to lift my head.
Expecting to hear his voice, I instead received a long silence, which let me know that he was honoring my wish of him leaving me alone. I rolled over onto my back and stared once again at the ceiling. Hot tears stung my eyes, and I felt a sob threatening to burst out of me.
“I know you're here,” I repeated, swallowing back the sob, “and I know you're my guardian angel, but you just better give up on me. I'll never be what He wants me to be.”
Sam spoke softly, his words cutting deeply into my heart.
“I love you too much to give up.”
I pinched my eyes closed, letting my tears descend slowly down my cheeks.
Didn't God get it? Didn't God see that I just wanted to be normal?
I didn't ask to be different—it wasn't my fault if I let God down. It wasn't my fault if I let Sam down. It wasn't my fault if I let the other Seers in the world down.
“I didn't ask for this,” I said through clenched teeth, “and I don't want it.”
Pulling the blankets over my head, I tried to hide from my reality; I tried to hide from the whole outside world. The storm outside eventually stilled, and the familiar presence disappeared along with it. The lavender scent was the last to go, fading slowly from the air until it was completely gone.
I. Was. Alone.
Chapter Eighteen
“A.C., hurry up!” I cried out, catching sight of my digital clock. Brenton would be arriving at any minute to pick me up for the Thanksgiving dance and A.C. was still putting the finishing touches to my hair.
“Take a pill, Clare!” she bristled back. “Patience is a virtue—you should learn to practice it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I tapped my high-heeled foot impatiently against the floor. I was so anxious to see what A.C. was doing to me. She had turned my chair away from the mirror so I couldn't see my reflection, and that had been almost two hours ago!
“Can I at least see what I look like before he gets here?” I was getting more and more antsy as the seconds passed by.
Another few seconds later, A.C. took a step back from me and proclaimed, “Done!”
“Finally!” I retorted, turning around in the chair.
A whole minute went by in silence before I realized that the person in the mirror was me. I couldn't help but stare at myself in amazement. My hair was half-up, half-down, with loose curls flowing down my back. Whatever eyeshadow she had used was smoky in shade, making my brown eyes sparkle even more than usual. My lips were the fullest I'd ever seen them, a glossy pink making them shine. All the work she'd done with my hair and face went together perfectly with my dress. I looked like an entirely different person.
A.C. frowned when I did not say anything.
“Is it too much?”
“No—I love it.”
She smiled, then suddenly exclaimed, “Oh! There's one more thing.” I watched as she picked up the sunflower necklace Brenton had surprised me with the night before. “This is the finishing touch.” She clasped the dainty gold chain around my neck, and then studied my reflection with a bit of rarity.
“What?”
“Nothin',” she replied, adding, “It's just that you look a lot like your Mama.”
I smiled at her. “What about Daddy?”
She scrunched her face.
“Not so much in looks but more in the attitude department.”
I laughed a sad laugh. “I miss them, A.C.”
“Me too, hon.”
“A.C.?”
“Yeah?”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you for fixin' my hair and doin' my make-up. Thank you for...everything.”
She gave me a knowing smile.
“My pleasure, kiddo,” she said, hugging me.
I felt a little uncomfortable being so open, having a moment with her and sharing my feelings. It had been a long time since we'd had a sharing moment like that—actually we had never had a sharing moment. Ever. She had been brave for taking me in after the death of my parents, and she had tried real hard to play the role of a parent, but no matter how hard she tried, she knew they were irreplaceable. So after awhile she became more of a friend than parent, which was OK with me because she was way too young to be a mother figure. She partied, dated, stayed out all hours of the night, not including the nights she worked.
The doorbell rang and we broke apart quickly.
“He's here!” I squealed, sounding like a boy-crazed freak.
“Relax. I'll answer the door and send him on up.” She winked at me as she closed my door.
While A.C. bounced down the stairs to let my prince in, I again caught sight of my reflection, still disbelieving that the girl looking back at me was me. I felt anxious, excited, happy, and dread, all at the same time. After all, this was mine and Brenton's first dance. Was he as nervous as I was? What would he think of my very girly transformation? I glanced down at my palms, letting my thoughts drift from Brenton to Sam.
Was Sam here right now, feeling my emotions? I could not help thinking about what he would think or say about me being dressed up like a princess, knowing that I was the total opposite of a princess—that was more Janey's territory.
Then my thoughts surprised me by taking a deep, wide turn:
What would Mama and Daddy think?
A light knock on the door jolted me from my thoughts. Taking one last look at my very different but beauteous reflection, I stood up carefully to not step on the hem of my dress, and opened my door. Brenton's smiling face greeted me.
“Hey gor—
wow
,” he said, his eyes drinking me in. “You look absolutely—
wow
.”
I giggled involuntary. “You look as charming as ever.”
He was wearing dark khakis, a black dress shirt, and a black silk tie. He held a clear plastic box in his hand. It was a wrist corsage adorned with a mixture of wild flowers and a couple of small sunflower buds.
“My mom made this,” he announced as he took it out of the box. He took my left hand and slid it on my wrist. “Is this, um, right?”
“Don't ask me—this is my first dance, too.”
He laughed nervously. “Do you like it?”
I beamed up at him.
“I love it,” I whispered.
A blush slowly spread across his face, his dimpled smile shining. Walking down the staircase together, he held on to my elbow so I wouldn't slip with my high-heeled shoes on—I was still trying to learn to use them. A.C. waited at the bottom of the stairs, wearing her hospital scrubs, ready to go to work. A satisfied grin was plastered proudly on her face.
“Ya'll look great!” she gushed, pulling out her digital camera.
After a few minutes of picture taking, we finally walked out the door and headed to his truck. I expected Brenton to open the passenger side door for me, but instead he turned around to face me and leaned back on it. I began to wonder what he was up to when he took off his tie, grinning from ear-to-ear with a facetious expression set upon his handsome face.
“What are you doin'?” I questioned skeptically, staring at the tie in his hand.
“I'm gonna blindfold ya.”
“Why?”
“It's a surprise.”
“Ya know, surprises can be so overrated.”
“You'll love this surprise,” he assured me, taking the tie and covering my eyes. Then he helped me up into his truck and secured my seat belt.
On the way to...wherever we were going, we held hands and listened to love songs on the radio. I hated not being able to see where he was taking us, and I had not one clue what he had planned, but what could I do? Brenton was being a hopeless romantic and I was not going to complain about that. Most girls would kill to be in my position. Every nerve in my body was turned on with excitement and anticipation, both growing to their ultimate limits.
Eventually we came to a stop.
“We're here,” he breathed in my ear, his lips brushing against my cheek. A shiver ripped through me.