Marrying Kate (7 page)

"Sure, just let me get changed." Jared stepped back into the bedroom, leaving Kate standing in the hallway.

Kate felt foolish and suddenly wanted to flee to her room. Here she stood attired in wedding night finery, and Jared was going to get dressed. She looked down at herself. Was her figure so bad that even this alluring nightgown couldn’t make her attractive? Could he not see what she was there for? Or would he play ignorant because he didn’t want what she had to offer?

I’m sorry, Lord. I can’t do this
. Kate turned, picked up the skirt of her nightgown and ran to her room. Without turning on the lights she tore the nightgown off and flung it into the trash can beside her bed. She grabbed her old sweats and T-shirt from under her pillow and dragged them on. Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks by the time she sat on the edge of her bed, fully dressed. Her hair floated down around her face, mocking her. If there had been a pair of scissors handy, Kate would have cut it all off. For a moment, with the nightgown and her hair all soft and silky around her, she’d felt attractive, but it had been a delusion.

With jerky movements, Kate braided her hair and fastened it at the end before tossing it over her shoulder. With nothing more to occupy her hands, Kate moved to sit on the window seat. She stared out at the full moon shining down. How was she ever going to face Jared in the morning? He was smart enough to realize why she’d been standing at his door dressed in that nightgown. Why hadn’t she been smart enough to realize that he wouldn’t want her?

She hung onto her emotions by a tenuous thread. It was so close to snapping at that moment. So many emotions pu
shed against her control and it was all she could do to hang onto them. A tear slipped down her cheek. Kate brushed it away with a rough hand. She wouldn’t cry. She’d had her moment of foolishness and now it was time to put it behind her. She had to leave behind the dreams she’d been hanging on to and work on making a stable home for the children. They needed her to be strong, not weeping or drifting about with her head in the clouds over some dream that couldn’t possibly come true.

"
Kate?"

Kate froze. His voice sounded so near. She turned her head and saw him standing a scant three feet away. He’d moved so silently she hadn’t even heard the door open or his approach.

"What are you doing here?" Kate asked before she could stop herself.

"You said you wanted to talk to me." He was dressed now like her, in sweats and a T-shirt.

Kate turned to look back out the window. "I changed my mind. It wasn’t anything important."

The light next to the bed snapped on. "I think it was or you wouldn’t have come to my..."

Kate turned to see why he’d stopped talking. She saw Jared staring at the crumpled satin in the
trash can and wished she’d thrown it under the bed instead.

He looked up and caught her gaze, sadness in his eyes. "Ah Katie, I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I
?"

Kate dredged up what was left of her pride. She wasn’t going to make a fool of herself twice in one evening. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

Jared reached down and pulled the gown from the trash. It slid through his fingers, looking so pristine against the tan of his hands. "Did you buy this just for tonight? You looked beautiful."

Kate was sure her mind was playing tricks on her. Beautiful? Not in this lifetime. She was many things, smart, dependable, hardworking, patient but not beautiful…never beautiful.

"Why did you leave,
Kate? I told you I was just going to get changed. I mean, I was standing there in a towel and little else. I didn't want to assume anything. For all I know, you might always sleep in beautiful white lingerie." The corner of his mouth lifted in a lopsided smile and his blue eyes glowed warmly.

A flicker of hope burst to life in Kate’s heart. Was it possible that he hadn’t rejected her?

"Can we start over, Katie?" Jared asked, his gaze serious. "Can you tell me why you came to my room tonight?"

"If you don’t--" Kate began but Jared interrupted her.

"I do know. I just need to know why. After what we’d talked about
earlier, I figured you would want to wait. I need to know why you decided tonight was the night."

Kate gazed out at the stars for a couple of minutes and then decided to risk it all one more time that night. "I was asking the Lord for wisdom with regards to our relationship and then I came across a verse in the Bible about husbands and wives not keeping themselves from each other. I knew that was the Lord’s way of telling me that I needed to be a true wife to you. In every sense of the word. It would have happened eventually, if I understood you correctly the other night." Then Kate used the logic he’d used earlier on her concerning their getting married right away. "Would waiting make that big a difference? Would I discover something that would keep me from giving myself to you?"

"No, I don’t think so," Jared told her, a small smile lifted one corner of his mouth. He obviously recognized her tactic.

"I didn’t think so either. That’s why I came to your room tonight
, but I’ll understand if that’s not what you want."

Jared gave her a long look. "It is what I want. Will you come to my room again?" He held out the nightgown. Kate stood and took it from him. "I’ll be waiting for you." Jared turned and left the room as silently as he had entered.

Kate clutched the dress to her chest, hope pounding through her. Then, realizing that time was ticking on, she reversed her actions of earlier, stripping off her sweats and T-shirt and putting the beautiful gown back on again. She set her hair free from its braid and smoothed it over her shoulders.

Walking the hall this time, Kate’s heart pounded with anticipation, not fear. She sent up a prayer of thanks just before she knocked on the door. This time there was no waiting. The door swung open and Jared stood before her. He still wore his sweatpants but his chest was bare once again.

Kate stepped towards him, into the room. He took her hand and lifted it to his lips, shutting the door behind her. Then he took her into his arms.
 

Chapter Four

Jared woke slowly the next morning. He lay on his stomach facing the window through which streamed bright rays of sunlight. He turned his head, knowing even as he did that the bed beside him would be empty. Touching the sheets he found them cold. She’d been gone for a while. Jared was a bit disappointed but not surprised.

A glance at his watch told him it was almost nine o’clock. He hadn’t slept that late in ages. Jared rolled over, stretched, then swung his feet over the edge of the bed and sat up.

Jared stayed there for a few minutes going through everything that had happened over the past few days.
If someone had told him a week ago that he’d not only be guardian to four kids but also husband to his sister-in-law’s sister, he would have laughed himself silly. Thankfully he was pretty good at adapting to changing circumstances, to thinking on his feet.

And last night had been a prime example of that. When he’d heard the soft knock on his door he’d assumed it was one of the kids. Nothing could have shocked him more than seeing Kate standing there in a beautiful white gown, her hair loose around her shoulders. So afraid of misreading the situation, he’d managed to screw it up anyway. But thankfully they’d managed to sort things out and become husband and wife in the truest sense of the word.

Jared had tried not to think too much about the fact that marriage to this woman was something he never would have chosen himself. The decision had been made for him
, and he wouldn’t waste time wishing for something that could never be. What he shared with Kate would never be the glorious love Steve and Jen had had, but they would build a stable home for the children. Kate didn’t have any of the other qualities he had wanted in a wife, but she did love the children and that was what mattered the most now.

He might not love her
, but Jared found he had a newfound respect for her and the sacrifices she had made for the sake of the kids. A cold, selfish woman would never have made those choices or even cared what happened to four orphaned children. She might not be the type of mother Jen had been, but Jared knew Kate would love them without reservation.

All in all, Jared figured things would work out fine, at least in his personal life. His professional career was another matter and something he had to check into soon. Jared frowned as he stood and made his way to the bathroom. A sense of unease had been pricking at him for days now
, and he needed to do something about it soon.

When Jared stepped out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later he was surprised to see the bed made. The clothes that had been lying on the floor were gone. Kate had obviously stopped by while he was showering. She was certainly trying her best to be a better housekeeper. He wondered how long it would last and how long it would be before they
ended up hiring a housekeeper.

Jared dressed quickly in a
pair of pants and shirt that was suitable for church and headed downstairs to join Kate. She was in the kitchen with the kids, trying to maneuver them upstairs to get ready to go. The kids greeted him enthusiastically as they passed him on their way up the stairs.

"Morning," Jared said, aware that Kate watched him with
reserve. "What’s for breakfast?"

As he drew near, Kate busied herself getting Dani out of the high chair. "There’s cereal and I managed
not to burn all the toast this morning. It’s on the table."

"Sounds good." Jared paused on his way to the table wondering if he should greet Kate with a
kiss, but from the way the tension radiated off her he decided not to. Best not to push things. Kate needed to find her comfort level in the relationship, and Jared would adapt.

"I’m going to get Dani and myself ready for church. We usually leave at ten."

Jared nodded and watched her leave the room, Dani perched on one hip. She’d abandoned the nightgown once again and wore a pair of baggy sweats and a large T-shirt. She looked as different as night and day from the woman who’d stood at his door the night before. There were many sides to this woman, Jared realized and wondered if she’d ever let him get to know them all.

They made it through church without mishap
, and then Jared insisted on taking them all out for dinner. Anything to keep Kate from having to cook a major meal.

"Is something wrong with your dinner,
Kate?" Jared asked when he saw she’d hardly touched the food on her plate.

Kate looked at him in surprise. "No, it’s delicious. I’m just not very hungry."

"You need to eat more," Jared insisted. "You’re too thin."

A deep blush spread across Kate’s face and she avoided looking at him. Jared knew instantly that he’d handled that wrong. He’d dug himself a hole and jumped right on it. Now, how did he get out?

"I’m sorry,
Kate, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. You just look so fragile. Like a strong puff of wind could blow you away. You’re not trying to lose weight, are you?"

Kate shook her head. "No. I’ve always been thin
, but these last few months have been hard, and then there’s my cooking." She gave him a shy smile, and Jared knew she was accepting his apology.

*****

Monday morning arrived with dark clouds and rain. Kate hoped it wasn’t a foretelling of what lay ahead. They hadn’t mentioned anything to the kids about the hearing that day, but Kate was sure they sensed the tension. Even Jared was more tense than she’d ever seen him before with shoulders rigid and jaw clenched.

When they had gone to bed the night before Kate had longed to talk to him. To voice the fears inside of her
, but Jared hadn’t wanted to talk. He’d fallen asleep and left Kate alone to battle her fears. What would happen if they lost custody? Was their marriage over? Kate didn’t want to think about that.

She quickly finished dressing and headed downstairs. Mrs. Harris had arrived to watch Dani while they were at the hearing. She and Jared were talking when Kate walked into the kitchen.

"I guess it’s time we left," Jared commented when he saw her. "Might as well get this over with."

Marcus met them at the courthouse and soon it was their turn. Jared’s parents were there and once again, Kate was struck by their coldness. They held themselves aloof and their expressions were icy as their gazes swept over the gathering of people.

It wasn’t surprising that the first shot fired in the hearing was regarding their marriage. When asked about it, Jared stood, buttoning his suit coat and addressed the judge.

"Your Honor, my parents’ lawyer is correct. This marriage is not one based on love
…at least not for each other. This marriage is based on a mutual love for four orphaned children and the desire to give them a stable home life. Kate and I may not love each other in a romantic sort of way, but I truly admire and respect her. She has made some tough choices in the past few months without a thought to her own well-being.

"I have no desire to deceive the court and that is why we are being honest in stating the circumstances of this marriage. This marriage is for good. Neither of us
believes in divorce and will be working together to solve any problems that arise to face us as a couple and as a family. It is our hope to one day possibly add to the family with children of our own.