Marrying Kate (6 page)

Her dress had caused her untold amounts of worry over the past few days. Kate had wanted something nice that didn’t look too wedding-ish. No white satin gown with lace and ribbons for her. For some reason it just didn’t feel right to even consider that kind of dress. Instead she’d searched high and low for an elegant, yet simple dress. She’d finally found it in a small bridal boutique where the saleswoman had hastened to assure her it was just perfect for a second marriage. Kate hadn’t bothered to correct her.

It had cleaned out her
savings, but as she stared in the mirror, Kate decided it had been well worth the money. The dress, in a soft cream color, fit her figure perfectly. Probably the only thing she owned at the moment that wasn’t big on her. It had a sweetheart neckline and long sleeves that tapered in at her wrists. The dress was fitted and the straight skirt ended just at her knees.

"You look pretty, Auntie Kate," a soft voice said from the doorway.

Kate turned to see Amelia and Candy with their heads poked around the door. She waved them in. "Let me see you two in your new dresses."

They twirled around so she could see the dresses from all angles. "You look perfect!"

"Uncle Jared wanted to know if you’re almost ready," Amelia asked.

"I am. Just have to put my shoes on."

"Okay, we’ll tell him." The girls danced out of the room leaving Kate alone with her thoughts once more.

A knock sounded on the door a minute later. "Who is it?"

"Just me, Auntie Kate," Bry called out. "I have something for you."

Kate opened the door for him and watched in amazement as he came in holding a large bouquet of flowers.

"These are from Uncle Jared. He says you’re supposed to carry them." Bry held them out to her. "There’s a card too."

Kate took them from her beaming nephew. She slipped the card out and read the words written in Jared’s bold hand.

Hoping this happy day is just the first of many to come. See you at the church. Jared

A tear threatened to spill onto her cheek and ruin her makeup. Kate dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She appreciated Jared’s effort to make this a special day. It was a happy day for her but Kate couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t as happy a day for Jared. She was marrying someone she loved, he wasn’t.

Kate quickly caught herself. Now was not the time to be thinking thoughts like that. She slipped her feet into her shoes, then took Bry’s hand and headed down to the waiting car. Mrs. Harris had already left with the girls and Jared. She had graciously agreed to come and help with the children while Kate got ready. She was also going to stand up as a witness. Marcus was their other witness
, and he was the one who drove Kate and Bry to the church.

Outside the doors of the sanctuary, Kate pressed a hand to her stomach. She hadn’t eaten anything that morning and still her stomach felt queasy. Bry stood next to her, ramrod straight, taking his role of escort very seriously. It saddened Kate that her own father wasn’t there to give her away. He had proudly escorted Jen down the aisle at her wedding
, but now that role fell to his grandson.

"Let’s go, Auntie." Bry tugged her hand as the doors opened. The pianist began to play the wedding march when they appeared in the doorway.

Kate kept her
gaze pinned on the cross at the front of the church. She so wanted to look at Jared and see his eyes glowing with love for her but knew that wasn’t going to be the case.

Finally, two pews from the front, Kate looked at him. There wasn’t love in his eyes
, but there was a gentleness and for the moment, it was enough.

The service passed in a blur and Kate hoped she gave the appropriate responses. She was acutely aware of the fact that their vows contained not a
single word about love for each other. She knew they had agreed to not have love as part of their vows since Jared had felt that it would be wrong to vow something they didn’t feel. But in her heart, Kate vowed to love Jared all her life.

Once the service was over they went to an upscale restaurant where Jared had reserved a room just for the family and their
handful of guests. After their wedding brunch, Jared, Kate and the kids returned to the house.

They all spent the afternoon in the master suite packing away Steve and Jen’s things. It was an emotional time
, but a good time too. The kids shared the memories they had of their parents. Jared told stories about when he and Steve had been young boys. Even Kate had a few stories to share about Jen. It was a healing time for them all.

When they had packed away the last of Steve and Jen's things, Jared moved his stuff in. After it was all done, Kate stood just inside the doorway of the room feeling as out of place now that it was Jared’s room as she had when it had been Jen and Steve’s. Would she ever belong?

They ate the cold dinner Mrs. Harris had prepared earlier, insisting that no bride should have to cook on her wedding day. Kate was sure they all breathed a sigh of relief at not having to eat her
attempt at cooking.

After such an exciting day, the kids all went down with
out argument. Kate wanted to drag out the bedtime, her nerves taunt at the thought of being alone with Jared. Even after Jared had gone downstairs she still lingered until the last child was asleep.

As she walked down the stairs Kate saw rain dripping down the large window and paused to watch it. The rain they had predicted had finally arrived. She shivered and ran her hands up and down her arms. The temperature must be dropping too.

Kate finally ventured into the family room where she found Jared. He sat next to the fire, a bunch of papers in his lap. He looked up as she entered the room.

"Come sit down." He motioned to the chair across from him. "The fire feels great now that it’s finally decided to rain."

Not sure what to expect, Kate sat down in the chair and stared into the fireplace. Jared had turned his attention back to the papers.

A million thoughts tumbled through her mind, not the least of which was her wedding night. Kate had made a decision, she just didn’t know how Jared was going to react.

"
Kate, would you mind explaining something to me?" Jared’s voice broke into her thoughts, drawing her attention from the flickering flames.

She turned and met Jared’s piercing blue gaze. "What do you want to know?"

"Exactly how have you and the kids been surviving these past six months? Marcus turned all the financial papers over to me today. You haven’t touched any of the money."

"It wasn’t left to me. And your estate was left to the children as well."

"But you could have accessed it for the care of the children. What have you done for money especially since you haven’t been working?"

Kate looked back at the fire. "I used my savings and when that ran out
and it looked like this was to be a more permanent home, I sold my condo in Seattle."

Jared said nothing at first so Kate glanced at him. When their gazes met, he asked, "How much do you have left?"

Kate remembered her promise to be honest with him so she was. "After buying my dress for today I probably have about twenty-five dollars in the bank. This house is not a cheap place to live. I’m just glad that Steve and Jen had insurance to pay off the mortgage so I didn’t have to worry about monthly payments on that."

"I can’t believe you spent all your savings! What were you planning to do when it ran out?" Jared asked.

"I had hoped to somehow be able to work from home." She lifted her chin. "I would have found some way to support the kids. They never would have gone hungry."

"I know that," Jared said gently. "I just can’t believe what you’ve sacrificed for them."

"No sacrifice would have been too great to keep the children with me. I would have done anything."

"Including marrying me," Jared pointed out.

"Yes, including marrying you. To lose their parents at such a young age is a tragedy. They deserve so much more and I think we can give them that. Together."

"I agree with you. I think we made the right decision. I feel at peace about it."

Kate fell silent and Jared turned his attention back to the papers. They sat together for a while longer before Kate finally stood. "I think I’m going to go up to my room."

"Good night," Jared said, but didn’t stand to give her a kiss or even to hold her hands like he had a few nights ago.

With a heavy, worried heart, Kate climbed the stairs. She had made her decision but what if Jared rejected it? Rejected her?

In her room, Kate sat on the edge of her bed and opened her Bible. She had bookmarked the page and over the past few days had spent much time reading the verses and praying over them. When thoughts of the intimate side of their marriage worried her, Kate had prayed for wisdom and believed the Lord led her to
the verses in I Corinthians 7. Struggling for peace about her decision, Kate read them again.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
 
 
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 

Kate knew in her heart that it had been God’s way of telling her that on their wedding night, she should be with her husband. But would Jared agree? What if he didn’t find her attractive? Panic beat in her chest. She knew he had admired Jen
, and she was nothing like her. She still hadn’t gained any weight, in fact she had probably lost another pound or two in the past few days. There were no luscious curves beneath her clothes.

"God, give me peace. Help me to do the right thing. Give me strength to go to Jared, and even more strength if he rejects me."

Kate didn’t bother with an "amen" knowing she’d be adding to the prayer throughout the evening. She got up, took a quick shower and changed into the white satin nightgown she had purchased for her wedding night. Not sure how to do her hair, she finally decided to leave it down even though she’d have to hassle tangles in the morning. It felt like a protective blanket as it fell down around her shoulders almost to the middle of her back.

She hesitated before putting a dab of perfume on her wrists then stood before the mirror wishing she didn’t look so scared. The intimacy itself didn't scare Kate. Something told her Jared would be gentle, if he wanted her at all. That was what scared her.

What if his wanting to wait had more to do with him not wanting to be intimate with her right away? Kate had so much she wanted to give him, but what good was it to give, if the person being given to didn’t want what was given in the first place? Kate knew she was near panic when her own thoughts stopped making sense.

Give and trust me for the rest, my child
. The words echoed in her head.

Kate closed her eyes. "I’m sorry for doubting, for questioning
what You’ve given me peace about."

Flicking off the light, Kate left the bathroom without looking at her reflection again. She also turned off her bedroom light and then sat down on the floor near the doorway to wait for Jared to come upstairs. From her vantage point she’d be able to see him when he went into the master suite. Then she would go to him.

For close to half an hour Kate sat on the floor, praying because it was the only way to keep her panic at bay. She heard movement and lifted her head in time to see Jared enter the suite and close the door behind him. The time had come.

She waited another five minutes then grasping the doorknob, Kate pulled herself up and stood for a moment, afraid to step for fear her legs wouldn’t support her. "Give me strength, Lord. Give me strength."

Taking a deep breath, Kate left the sanctuary of her room and began to walk down the hall. Never had the hall seemed so long, and yet when she reached the door of the suite, it had never seemed so short.

Kate pressed a trembling hand to her stomach. She was afraid she was going to be sick. The thought of the man she loved rejecting her was too horrible to contemplate and yet by knocking on his door, she opened herself up to that very possibility.

She smoothed her hands over her hips and touched her hair to make sure it wasn’t all fly-away. Then she knocked. And waited. She heard no movement from inside. Had he fallen asleep already? She lifted her hand again and knocked. When again there was no answer, Kate turned to leave.
I tried, Lord. Maybe tomorrow night.

"
Kate?" Jared’s voice came from behind her.

Kate froze momentarily before turning to face him. He stood in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist. He’d been in the shower. His hair was damp and there were still drops of water on his chest. She stared for a long moment at the crisscross of scars on his chest, no doubt a result of his accident. Blushing, Kate dragged her gaze from his chest to his face. She didn’t want to meet his gaze
, but she wasn’t sure she should keep staring at his chest either.

"
Kate?" he prompted again, his voice low and gentle. "Did you want something?"

Give me strength, Lord.
"Can I talk to you?"