Masquerade (Masquerade #1) (10 page)

Chapter Fifteen

It’s time for my therapist appointment. I have Aunt Karen picking Lucy up today. She was thrilled to do it, she said. I’m glad to have her in my life.

I walk in the office to sign in and take a seat. As soon as I sit, Dr. Green comes to get me, and we walk back to her office. We both sit before she turns to talk to me.

“How has everything been?”

“I’m here. It’s not been great actually. I had another bad dream the other night,” I sigh.

“Did you write it down?”

“I did.” I pull a sheet of paper out of my purse and begin to read it to her.

              I was dating a boy that had lived next door to me. I can’t remember what he looked like because I never saw his face. I was head over heels in love with him. I walked up to his house one day to go and see him, and he was gone. Nobody was in the house. It was eerie. It was like nobody had ever lived in that house before. I walked back home in tears. I couldn’t understand what was going on because when I got back to my house, nobody was there either. It was like everyone had disappeared. I got into my car and started driving.

              Next thing I know, I am in the same garden I have dreamed about before. This time, the guy doesn’t get me though. He chases me but never can catch me. I hide in the bushes and hear him yelling for me. He walks past where I am hidden. Then that is when I hear another male voice. This voice sounds like one I have heard before. I stay hidden then, and the familiar voice yells at the other man to leave me alone.

              Then I am transported to the site of the wreck. I am standing over my lifeless body, crying. I scream for her to wake up, but she won’t budge. Then I see a baby off in the distance wailing. I go to pick up the baby to only have her disappear when I pick her up. I keep seeing pictures and a birth certificate floating around me.

“That’s when I woke up.”

“Let me ask you this, Julia. Did you go through the boxes?”

“I did. I figured that is where the pictures and birth certificate came from because I found Lucy’s. I also found some pictures of her being born, along with pictures of me when I was a teenager.”

“Could be. I think your dream is made up of what happened with you yesterday, meaning your being nostalgic with finding things that are trying to trigger your memory. The biggest thing from the dream I want to really get into is the man chasing you and the other male voice. I want to try something with you today. I want you to lie back and relax.”

I nod my head and lay back to get comfortable on the couch.

She begins talking softly. “Close your eyes, and I want you to steady your breathing. Breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth.”

I start the breathing techniques and feel myself falling almost into a slumber-like state, but I am still conscience of everything going on around me.

“Julia, let’s talk about this dream. Can you tell me anything about the boy next door?”

“He loves me. I gave him my virginity along with my heart.”

“Do you remember his name?”

“I think it started with a ‘J,’ but I’m not sure.”

“That’s a good start. You are doing great. Just keep relaxed. What about this man that was chasing you. Do you think you may have heard him before?”

“I think. I see it but can’t completely make it out.”

“Who was he then?”

That is when my eyes fly open, and I jump off the couch. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit.”

Dr. Green is on her feet, coaxing me down. “It’s okay, Julia. Sit down and take some breaths.”

I sit down, breathing slowly. “I think I remember everything.”

“Tell me what you remember.”

“There was a boy next door. I have the feeling of love for him. I still can’t see his face though. One day I went back to his house to find him gone. I remember I got in my car and drove to his parents’ house in Atlanta.” I start shaking because I can see it all so clearly now.

“Deep breathes. Take your time, Julia.”

“The first male’s voice in my dream was the boy’s dad. I remember he yelled at me, telling me how I ruined his son’s life, and he wanted me gone. He also said I would never see the boy again. That is when I left. I was on the phone with my mom while I was driving. She was yelling at me, telling me how stupid I was to chase him. She was scared this would happen.”

Dr. Green hands me some tissues. I wipe my eyes and continue. “That is when I started losing control of the car. I over-corrected myself, and the car flipped.”

“Is that all you remember?”

“No. My mom was also pissed at me because I had told her I was pregnant.”

“Did your parents or the doctors tell you what may have happened to the baby?”

I felt the blood leave my face. I was feeling sick to my stomach. I stood up and pulled my shirt up to look at the scar on my stomach.

“Fuck. Lucy is mine.” I sit back down only to fall over onto the couch. I must have blackened out because I hear someone calling my name.

“Julia. Julia, can you hear me?”

“Huh?”

“I called Chris to come and pick you up. You passed out for an hour. I am also giving you a prescription for some pills to help you sleep. I want you back here tomorrow, so we can continue to sort all of this out.”

I can’t talk. I just shake my head. She walks me out to the waiting area where I see Chris standing at the receptionist’s desk. He looks mad but concerned.

“Dr. Green, thank you for calling me.”

She shakes his hand and hands him the prescription. “Just make sure she takes these to help her sleep tonight. She is going to need them.”

“I will make sure of it.”

He grabs me, helping me walk to the car. He stops by the drug store to get my medicine filled for me. We grab some food and go home.

Walking into the house, I ask, “Where is Lucy?”

“Your aunt is going to keep her for the night, so you can rest. Can you answer a question for me?”

“I don’t know if I want to, but go ahead and ask.”

“How long have you been seeing a therapist, and why haven’t you told me.”

“This was my second time, and I was scared to.”

“Why were you scared to?”

I feel exasperated. “I don’t know. I just wanted to try and figure out some things that happened.” Turning my head, I mumble, “I think I have bit more off than I can chew.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened in there today?”

“Not really.”

“So you can talk to a stranger, but you can’t talk to me. What the hell, Julia? I thought you loved me.”

“I—I—I— do, but I just can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

He is furious. I can’t do this now. My brain is on overload. I get up to walk off, and that is when he grabs my wrist.

“You aren’t going anywhere. I deserve to have answers.”

The look in his face is familiar. It is the same look that the asshole in my dreams has. All I can do is stare at him.

“You better fucking talk to me, Julia.”

Chapter Sixteen

With adrenaline coursing through my body, I get the strength to pull my wrist free from his tight grasp. I start backing away from him in a state of shock of how my life is falling to pieces right in front of my eyes.

Chris starts walking towards me screaming, “Why the fuck won’t you talk to me? What the hell is going on with you? Is it something I did?” He falls to his knees, grabbing me by the waist with his arms around me pleading. “Please, tell me.”

A few tears fall down my face. “I had to go. I needed answers.”

“What kind of answers?”

“Answers about my dreams. Answers to what really happened in that wreck. I just need answers dammit.”

“Why is this so important to you? Why do want to relive all of that?”

Getting out of his grasp, I walk over to the couch and sit on the edge. “I feel like I am living a life that isn’t truly mine, like I am hiding from something that I need to know.”

“Julia,” he says, getting up and walking over to the couch to sit down beside me. “I can’t believe that this therapist wants to do all of this. Isn’t there something else that can be done?”

I turn in the seat to look him in the eyes. “Chris, there isn’t anything else that can be done. Why the hell are you so against this? You’re supposed to support me remember?”

He sighs. “Jules, I don’t want you to get hurt. You have a great life with great people in it. With your parents gone, you should be thinking about what would be best for Lucy, not worrying over something you may never remember completely.”

I stand up pissed. “You don’t know a damn thing about what I remember or don’t remember. You never want to fucking discuss it, and I need someone to talk to.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. Sit down, and let’s discuss it then.”

“Fine you want to discuss this. Then let’s discuss. First of all, my dreams are so real I feel like I am already reliving the worst part of my life as it is. Second of all, I have a fucking right to try and remember what happened, and third, Lucy is mine,” I say, still standing.

“Okay. You haven’t been mentioning having dreams besides when I wake you up from nightmares. You’re correct. You do have a right to know. I know Lucy is yours. She is your sister.”

I walk towards the door, grabbing my purse and keys. “You don’t get it, do you? She is my child. I gave birth to her.”

I walk out of the apartment and slam the door behind me. I need to get away from him for a little bit to calm down. I jump in my car and just start to drive.

I end up at a park. I get out, find a bench, and sit down beside a huge oak tree. I look up at the sky, and it is filled with light purple rays as the sun begins to set. I stare at it in awe of its beauty.

Sitting there, my mind goes back to the fact that Lucy is my daughter and not my sister. How the hell did this happen? I mean, I know how it happened, but why did my parents lie about it? Where is Lucy’s dad? I know who her dad is, but I don’t really know who he is. I can only still remember bits and pieces of our relationship.

I put my head in my hands and break down. My body tremors while I let it all out. I say out loud, “All I wanted was some answers, and I’m still left with more questions.”

I feel someone sit down beside me. I turn my head to see Chris sliding closer to me. He wraps his arms around me. “Just let it all out, baby.”

I cry until I can’t produce anymore tears. My head is laying on his chest when I finally open my eyes to see it is pitch black outside. I sit up and wipe my eyes. I barely let a smile touch my lips as I look at him.

“We will get through this. You know that, right?”

I nod my head yes.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I felt like I was left out or that you couldn’t trust me enough to talk to me about what was truly going on. I was being selfish.”

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t take your feelings into consideration, and I should have.”

“No, baby. Don’t be sorry. I understand now why you want answers, especially finding out that Lucy is your daughter. Do you know exactly when that happened?”

I shake my head. “I don’t have a clue. It had to have been when I was in a coma, I would think, but I’m not sure.”

He stands and pulls me up with him, bringing me close to his body. “Let’s do this together. I want to be there for you.”

“Thank you.” I say, snuggling closer to him. “What are we to tell Lucy?”

“I’m not sure yet. Let’s just take this one day at a time. We will find more out before we tell her anything. There is no reason to upset her without knowing everything.”

“You’re right.”

He pulls back from me. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“How about we go pick Lucy up, grab some food, then go back home to relax.”

I stand on my tip toes and kiss him sweetly. “Sounds like a plan.”

I leave my car at the park and drive back to the apartment in Chris’. On the ride over to Aunt Karen’s to get Lucy, it is quiet. Chris holds my hand, rubbing my thumb with his.

We walk in the house to hear Lucy and Aunt Karen playing. When walk into the living room, they both look up at us with smiles, although Aunt Karen’s smile slowly disappears.

“Lucy, why don’t you run upstairs and play for a little bit. I need to talk to Julia.”

Lucy walks over to me and gives me a hug then Chris and takes off upstairs.

“Alright, honey. Talk to me. I know something is wrong.”

Sighing, I pull a piece of paper out of my purse. “Well, for starters, look at this birth certificate I found.”

She starts reading it when she says, “You found your sister’s birth certificate.”

“Yeah, but keep reading.”

She reads down to the end when she gets to the parent’s names. “Sweetie, this says you’re her mother.” I shake my head. “I don’t understand?”

“You remember how after my accident, I never remembered anything?” She nods her head yes. “Well, I have gained some memories back.”

Her face lights up with concern. “Tell me then, what do you remember? She leaps out of her chair, engulfing me in a hug. “Oh, baby. I am so sorry. I never knew of any of this. I only knew what they have always told me.”

“Aunt Karen, it’s not your fault by any means. I just have so many more questions now. I think I have more now than I did before. How am I supposed to tell her all of this?”

“We will figure something out. Me, you, and Chris will find a way to make this right again.”

She grabs me, engulfs me in a hug, pets my hair, and tells me it will all be okay. I nod my head, knowing she means well, but I am still pissed and confused.

She lets me go, and I give her a weak smile. “I guess we need to be going.”

“Okay, honey. If you need anything, all you have to do is call me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I walk towards the stairs and yell for Lucy to come on.

She comes bouncing downstairs, says goodbye to Aunt Karen, and we make our way out to the car.

After getting home, I bathe Lucy, looking at her in a different light than I used to. She really does look like me. She looks up at me, and her smile makes my heart melt.

I get her out and tucked in for bed. Chris and I both read her a bedtime story. She falls fast asleep before we get done with the story like usual.

I decide to take a hot shower to see if it will help me relax before going to bed. It does little to take anything off my mind. I take my medicine Dr. Green gave me in hopes of going to sleep.

I climb into bed with waiting arms from Chris. He turns me so that I am on my side and molded against his body. He feels warm and safe. I smile a genuine smile for the first time tonight.

“I love you.”

I rub his arms. “I love you too.”

“Jules, I meant to ask you earlier, but where did you get that necklace?”

I pull it up, looking at it. “I found it today.”

“Oh, okay.” He rubs my arms. “Get some sleep, baby.”

I cuddle closer to him, and my eyes start getting heavy. I close them to fall into a deep sleep until the dreams come. I wake up, still wrapped in Chris, sweating. I wiggle my way out to get to the bathroom to clean up some. I look in the mirror at my reflection. The dream replays in my mind.

I hear a baby crying then a woman talking to the baby, trying to soothe it. It sounds like my mom.

“It’s okay, sweet baby. Your mom may not know who you are, but one day she will. Right now, we just need her to get better before letting her know the whole story of how you got here.”

The baby yawns.

“You look just like your mother. Although, you have your dad’s eyes. I know you don’t understand anything going on right now, but just always know that you are loved.”

That is when I wake up. I don’t remember ever seeing faces, but I know it had to have been my mother talking Lucy. I shake my head then decide I need to get more sleep.

I crawl back into bed and try to get comfortable. I toss and turn the rest of the night. When I do sleep, I have the same nightmare as before. The man from my dreams haunts me, telling me that I am no good for his boy, that I am a slut and a whore.

Will I ever find peace?