Matt (The Cowboys) (10 page)

“No.”

“Could you learn to trust me?”

More silence. And people said he didn’t talk. “Okay, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. Give me that blanket. It gets cold before morning.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. I trust you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She didn’t sound sure.

“You promise to wake me right away if I touch you?”

“I never met a man like you.”

“You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure hundreds of men want you. I just want something else more.” He’d probably made her angry, but at least she lay down.

“I don’t understand you,” she said.

“You don’t have to. Just remember I’ll do what I must to keep those boys and you won’t go wrong.”

That wasn’t quite the whole truth, but he had to make her believe it was.

Matt lay in bed, all desire for sleep gone. He ought to get up, feed the livestock, and start breakfast, but he didn’t move. He lay in bed with his wife. While she was his wife in name only, he found comfort in her presence. Her warmth reached his body. The soft sound of her breathing soothed him. Her presence banished some of the loneliness that had been his constant companion for so many years.

But that wasn’t his only unexpected discovery. His body had responded to Ellen’s presence. Even more important, he hadn’t experienced any revulsion when he touched her.

He’d never had any trouble imagining a physical relationship with a woman. There had been times when he thought he would explode from the pressure inside him, but any physical contact conjured up memories of terror, pain, and humiliation, and all physical desire vanished. Yet he’d spent half the night in a state of arousal, inflamed by Ellen’s presence rather than terrified by it. He’d wanted to touch her. He still wanted to touch her. He could imagine the softness of her skin, the warmth of her caress.

But he kept his distance. If he didn’t, she would leave, and his chances of adopting Orin would sink out of sight. The boys were more important than his physical needs. He was probably having an atypical reaction, because he’d never been this close to a woman for such a long period of time. Probably the moment he touched her when she was awake, the old revulsion would come down on him with the force of a rockslide. Better to think he had overcome his inhibitions than to prove conclusively that he hadn’t.

Besides, it wouldn’t do any good. Ellen didn’t want him to touch her. She’d clung to the far side of the bed with the tenacity of someone clinging to a cliff. He felt shunned, and he resented it because he didn’t deserve to feel that way. He’d upheld his part of the bargain. He’d kept his distance.

But he didn’t want to. He wanted to—

Matt sat up. There was no point in staying in bed. He would either do something he shouldn’t or be miserable because he didn’t. It was not yet dawn, but he eased himself out of the bed, stood, and pulled the nightshirt over his head. Despite his frustration, he couldn’t help but grin as he realized that for the few seconds it took him to discard his nightshirt and step into his long underwear, he stood naked in the bedroom with his wife. That was something he wouldn’t have thought possible just a couple of days ago.

As he buttoned up, he thought of Ellen standing naked as she discarded her nightgown and reached for her chemise. It had the result of making his arousal more painful than ever. No other woman had had this effect on him. He didn’t understand why Ellen should.

Matt dressed quickly and left the bedroom. He knew his weakness now. By tonight he would have himself under control.

He’d better. He couldn’t go months without sleep.

Ellen decided if every morning was going to be like this, she’d have to take the kids and run for it. Breakfast was becoming a nightmare, and it was everybody’s fault except Matt’s. He never lost his temper, though considering she had lost hers several times, she was in no mood to consider that a virtue.

“This biscuit is hard enough to knock a horse senseless,” Toby complained as he ladled peach jam on a biscuit he’d practically torn to pieces. He knew Ellen had made the biscuits.

“If you don’t like it, don’t eat it,” Matt said.

“I can’t be expected to wrestle wild horses without a decent breakfast.”

“Wake up,” Matt said to Orin, who stared absently before him. “The horses will be here soon.”

“He didn’t get much sleep,” Toby said. “That floor is too hard.”

“I’ll get some more blankets,” Matt said.

“Toby took all the jam,” Noah said. “I wanted more jam.”

“There’s more in the pantry,” Matt said.

“I’ll get it,” Toby said, getting up with a great show of self-sacrifice. “The brat would probably knock one of the jars off the shelf. It would be a shame if he got hit in the head.”

“I’m sure Noah has excellent coordination,” Matt said.

“He wouldn’t if he’d spent half the night trying to get comfortable enough to sleep.”

Tess started to whimper. She always did when people around her were angry or upset.

“That’s enough,” Ellen snapped, her patience finally at an end. “You can have your bedroom back. Noah and Tess will sleep in the loft.”

“Pay no attention,” Matt said. “Toby’s always out of temper in the morning, and Orin always stares into space. Noah and Tess are too small to sleep in the loft.”

“I’m not too small,” Noah protested. “I want to sleep in the loft.”

“You’ll have beds soon,” Matt said.

“A bed won’t make any difference,” Toby declared. “I—”

“It’s time you and Orin made sure everything is ready for the horses.”

They jumped to their feet, put their dishes in the sink, and practically raced out of the kitchen. Matt got up more slowly and took his plate to the sink. “I’ll have a talk with them. I want everybody to be happy.”

Ellen doubted anything could make this family happy. Though she felt sorry for Toby, she was glad he didn’t want to be adopted.

“I know it’s hard to be orphaned and unwanted, but I won’t let Toby attack the children,” Ellen said. “They’re too small to defend themselves. Besides, they didn’t create this situation.”

“Neither did Toby and Orin,” Matt said. “When they start feeling threatened, they forget they’re not the only ones. They’ll adjust. Are you sure you don’t mind cleaning up? The boys and I will help.”

“No. You do the horses. I’ll do the dishes.”

Matt’s smile was almost enough to banish the dark mood of the morning. “You’d better be careful. I might get used to it.”

“I’ll cook and wash up after every meal as long as I don’t have to come near a horse or a cow.”

“You sound like Isabelle.”

“She must be a sensible woman.”

“I’ve got to go,” Matt said. “You want to come with me?” he asked Noah.

“Yeah,” Noah said, jumping up so quickly that he knocked his plate onto the floor.

“Noah’s staying with me,” Ellen said. “You’ll be too busy to watch him.”

“I want to go with Matt.” Noah puckered up, ready to cry.

“Tell you what,” Matt said. “If you help Ellen clean up, I’ll have my brother Will take you with him. Then Ellen won’t have to worry about you.”

Noah looked like he was trying to decide whether to throw a tantrum or accept Matt’s offer.

“If you throw a fit, you’ll stay inside all day,” Ellen said.

Noah’s shoulders sagged. “Okay, but I don’t like you, Ellen.”

Ellen turned toward Matt.

“I’m not sure—”

“He’s got to learn sometime,” Matt said. “You can’t keep him inside forever.”

“But he’s so young.”

“I’m almost six,” Noah said.

“I’ll send Orin to tell you when the horses are close to the house,” Matt said to Noah. “After I break the horses, we’ll see if there’s one good enough for you. Watch them very carefully when they go by to see if there’s one you like.”

Ellen had to bite her tongue to keep from saying something just to irritate Matt. It annoyed her that he remained so calm when she was about to explode. It was like being married to a shadow. You could see him, but you couldn’t get your hands on him. “What do you want me to fix for dinner?”

“Isabelle will be here soon. You can decide together.”

“Why can’t I go?” Noah wailed as soon as the door closed behind Matt.

“You’re too young, and you don’t know anything about being around wild horses.”

“I’m not afraid of no horses.”

“Wild horses are dangerous. They don’t like being put in a corral. They try to get away. Sometimes even big men like Matt get hurt.”

“Orin’s helping.”

“Orin’s been living here for over a year. When you’ve been here that long, you can help, too.” But they wouldn’t be here a year from now. The adoption would have come through, and she’d have her hat shop in San Antonio.

“I think you’re mean.”

“Let’s get breakfast cleared away.”

“Matt would let me help,” Noah said. “I like Matt.” Ellen didn’t respond. She gave Matt credit for trying to include Noah in everything, but he had to remember Noah was a child.

“I like Matt, too,” Tess said. “He told me a story.”

Tess had been so frightened by the flaring tempers, she hadn’t said a word all morning.

“Matt’s very nice,” Ellen said, feeling more out of charity with him than ever.

“Matt likes stories,” Tess said.

“No, he doesn’t,” Noah said. “He just told you one because you’re a scaredycat.” He puffed out his chest. “Men aren’t afraid of the dark.”

Ellen didn’t know if she could stand much more of Matt’s being idolized. He was just a quiet, unflappable man who acted like she didn’t exist. She didn’t want him fawning over her, but she didn’t like being ignored. Men had admired her for so long, she’d taken it for granted. Now she wasn’t getting any attention at all, and that worried her.

The kitchen door burst open. “They’re here!” Orin shouted. “Jake must have brought at least twenty horses.”

Orin’s head disappeared immediately. Noah jumped to his feet and raced to the door.

“Stay on the porch,” Ellen called. “I don’t want you trampled.”

She doubted Noah heard her. Only Tess seemed immune to the magic of wild horses.

“Do I have to go outside?” Tess asked. She’d been content to sit in her own chair during breakfast, but she’d jumped down and clutched onto Ellen the minute Matt and the boys left.

“I have to welcome Mrs. Maxwell. She’ll think it’s rude if I don’t go outside.”

“Why?”

“It’s polite to meet visitors at the door. We can come back inside after that.”

Tess seemed relieved enough to stay with Ellen when she opened the door and stepped out into pandemonium. What seemed a herd of at least a hundred horses filled the space in front of the house. They milled about, neighing, throwing their heads in excitement, striking out with their hooves at anything that came within reach. Ellen pulled Noah out of the way of a piebald mare who appeared ready to take her anger out on him.

“Stay on the porch or go inside,” Ellen ordered.

“I’ve got to see them,” Noah said, trying to pull away. “Matt said I could have one if it was good enough.”

“Then let Matt decide,” Ellen said, keeping her hold on the squirming boy.

She saw Toby and Orin astride their mounts, moving in and out of the herd. She held her breath, but they kept the horses moving toward the corrals beyond the barns. In a few minutes the animals had moved past, and quiet was restored.

“Can I go now?” Noah asked.

“Not until Matt gets the horses in the corral,” Ellen said. “I don’t trust you to keep your distance from their hooves.”

“Ellen!” he wailed.

“You’ve got to be careful of danger if you expect me to let you out of the house. This isn’t Bandera, and those aren’t chickens or pigs.”

“He’s just like every boy I ever knew. He can’t wait to put himself in the path of danger.”

Ellen had been so worried about Noah that she hadn’t noticed a woman had ridden up to the porch. Isabelle Maxwell.

“He doesn’t understand about wild horses,” Ellen said, frantically trying to collect her thoughts.

“Boys never do,” Isabelle said as she threw her leg over the saddle horn and slid to the ground. She advanced toward the porch with a grace at variance with the wilderness setting. “I’m Isabelle Maxwell, Matt’s mama.” She took off her riding gloves, pulled a startled Ellen to her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “And this must be Noah.”

Noah’s attention had been distracted from the horses long enough to realize he was facing a strange woman. He took a step backward.

“I’m your grandmama,” Isabelle said.

Noah nodded and accepted a kiss with what Ellen thought was surprising presence of mind for a five-year-old.

“And this beautiful little girl must be Tess,” Isabelle said. She knelt down and held out her hands. “Come here and let me give you a big kiss. I’m especially fond of little girls.”