Mazes and Monsters (21 page)

She paused at the chain and felt as if she were choking. She couldn’t go in there alone, not in the dark, not for anyone … she was too afraid. She took another step and ducked under the chain, moving the flashlight up and down and around the now familiar black stone walls.

“Daniel!” she screamed. “Daniel!”

Silence. Maybe he wasn’t in there. She went back outside and ran around in the mud calling his name, but he never answered and she knew he was in the caverns and that she had to go in. Maybe he was hurt, or lost. He’d probably gone in to play some sort of practical joke on the rest of them, put in some scary prop for the next session, and she was sure he had his map. She didn’t have hers; why would she?

“Daniel!”

She ran into the caverns quickly, like someone terrified of water jumping in for the first time.

“Daniel!” Her voice echoed off the vaulted walls as if it were mocking her. Daniel, Daniel …
Yell, Yell.

The darkness of the laundry room flashed through her mind, and she could almost hear the insane whispery breathing of that man. But there was no rapist-murderer here now, only the pitch dark that frightened her so much she felt icy cold and sweating at the same time … and the real dangers of the caverns … and Daniel. The thought of never seeing Daniel again made her start to cry. She suddenly remembered how last Christmas she had thought if you really loved someone you had to be willing to die for him, and she realized she felt that way about Daniel and always had, but she’d been afraid to admit it to herself because she thought he would leave her. I love him, Kate thought.

She walked slowly, cautiously, to the room she remembered contained their lanterns, and with a gasp of relief saw them in the corner. There was the tin box of safety matches too. Kate lit one of the lanterns. It was better than the flashlight, but she was still in the dark and still in danger. She walked through the part of the maze she remembered, more quickly now, avoiding the bottomless pool, calling out Daniel’s name until she was hoarse. Jay Jay had painted all kinds of graffiti on the walls so he wouldn’t get lost, but she had no way of deciphering it. If Daniel’s nearby he has a light with him, she thought, and I’ll see it. She had forgotten to count the lanterns, but she hadn’t seen the large battery-powered campsite lamp anywhere and she realized Daniel had taken it. Maybe the batteries had gone out … when had Jay Jay changed them?

“Daniel!” He’ll hear me, even in the dark, and see my light. Maybe he fell and he’s unconscious, or … No, she wouldn’t let herself think “dead.”

Now there were only the new uncharted places, the maze only Jay Jay knew, and parts no one knew yet at all. She suddenly realized she wasn’t afraid of the dark anymore, hadn’t been for almost five minutes, and was only afraid of what could happen to her if she took a false step. I won! she thought. I conquered the dark! She entered a small passageway and went through it to another room. Her light shone off the ghostly shapes of the stalactites and stalagmites—what were they anyway, petrified water?—and the damp cold walls. Nothing in this room, back again to another … and Kate realized she was lost.

Lost.

At first she ran in circles, frantically, like a panicked animal. Then she forced herself to stop and think. She was crying again, little gasps of grief and fear. Somewhere she could hear the sound of water dripping, and she wondered if that was the earlier room with the bottomless pool in it or another new one. At least sound would be a help. But then she realized that it didn’t matter: the caverns branched off endlessly, repeating their patterns—you could wander here forever and ever and not know the difference. But of course it wouldn’t be forever; it would only be until you were dead.

She remembered something she’d read about being able to live for a month without food, but only two days without water. Was that right? Maybe she should find a pool of water and drink from it. At least that way she wouldn’t die in agony; she’d just faint and slip away.
She didn’t want to die here
! It couldn’t be possible—she had to find her way out.

And yet she knew it was quite possible. All of them had always known that.

Part of a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay went through her mind:

Alone, alone, in a terrible place,

In utter dark without a face,

With only the dripping of the water on the stone,

And the sound of your tears, and the taste of my own.

She thought of the education she had thrown away; the things she hadn’t done or tried to do. Now she never would. She would never know the mysteries of growing older and finding out about life. She would never write her book. She thought about Daniel, how she loved him, and wondered if he could have loved her and if they could have been together if not for tonight. Her parents would be brokenhearted to lose her, and her sister … Who would have dreamed she would be destined to die in a cave?

She kept moving on as she thought all these things, simply because she could never just lie down and wait for it to be over. Small rooms and large ones, tiny passageways … trying to find something familiar. She prayed. It was the first time since she was a little girl and had said her prayers by rote in Sunday school, but they said it was never too late.

And then she realized that when the kerosine in her lantern was gone she would be left alone in total darkness.

“Help!” she screamed. “Help, help, help, help!” The walls mocked her with their echo.
Elp, elp, elp …

She would watch the level of oil in the lantern, keep walking, and find a room to die in.

She kept walking and screaming, her throat sore, shivering now in the dampness, hating the echo that reminded her how helpless she really was. She began to think she was losing her mind. The echo had changed, and now it wasn’t saying “Elp,” but “Hey.”

Hey, hey, hey …

Daniel
!

Kate waved her lamp in wide arcs, shouting his name. “Daniel, it’s me, Kate! Here, I’m here!”

“Stay where you are,” he called. His voice was faint and far away, but she heard him. “Keep calling so I can find you.”

She suddenly felt warm, as if the blood was returning to her numb body. He would find her. She would live. She kept crying out hoarsely, and after what seemed a very long time she saw the reflection of his light against the black glittering wall, and then she saw the light itself. And then she saw him. No one had ever looked so wonderful to her in her life. She flung herself into his arms.

“What are you doing here?” he said.

“Me? What are you doing here?”

“My God,” he said, “you don’t even have a compass.”

“Don’t let go of me,” she said. She burrowed into the safety of his body, his arms around her, her face against the reassuring scratchiness of his sweater. She kept her arms locked around his waist so he wouldn’t stop holding her.

“Why are you here all alone?” he said.

“I came after you, you dummy. I thought you were going to get lost, and then I did.”

“You came after me alone in the dark?” he said, sounding amazed. His voice was soft, and he seemed very touched. “That was …”

“Was what—crazy?”

“Was heroic … and … the most caring thing anyone ever did for me.”

“I love you,” she said. It slipped out before she could stop the words. Now she’d ruined it and he wouldn’t be her friend anymore. She felt the tears start again, and knew she was only making it worse by crying in front of him, making a fool of herself.

He drew back and looked at her, his eyes wide with tenderness and surprise. “I love you,” he said.

He kissed her, and they clung together, kissing. That sensual mouth—she couldn’t believe how good it felt, better than anything she had ever let herself imagine.

“Let’s get out of here,” Daniel said.

He took her hand and led her to the passageway he had just entered. She followed him then, holding her lantern in one hand and the edge of his jacket in the other. She saw he had been marking the walls, and now he stopped quickly to wash off the markings as they left each room, and to recheck his map.

“What are you doing?” Kate asked.

“I’ll tell you later. Let’s just get out. You’ve had enough of this place for one night.”

When they reached the familiar room where the lanterns were stored they put them down and turned out their lights. Now they had their flashlights and Daniel was holding her hand again. Kate felt as if she had been in this place all night. She had no idea what time it was. They ran the last few steps to the safety of the outside world and stood there under the stars, breathing the clear, fresh air.

“I saw your bike,” she said.

“Why don’t I drive your car? I’ll come back to get my bike tomorrow.”

“Let’s put it on my ski rack,” Kate said. “Somebody might steal it, or see it, which would be bad enough.” Why was she being so logical, when all she wanted was for him to make love to her? But she wouldn’t ask him; he’d have to make the first move.

Daniel put his bicycle on top of her car, and then they got in. He tossed his bag of equipment into the backseat. While he drove she leaned back against her seat, too excited to be tired, thinking she might never be tired again. He was so beautiful she couldn’t stop looking at him. He loved her … she was so happy she could hardly believe it.

“I’ll tell you why I was in the caverns,” he said. “Maybe you won’t love me so much anymore.”

“You were burying a body?”

“I was cheating. I wanted to find out what Jay Jay had planned so I could stay ahead of him and win the game.”

“I didn’t think you cared about winning,” Kate said, surprised.

“I didn’t think so either. You know how I always said I wasn’t competitive. Well, it seems I am.” He looked at her. “I risked my life and I cheated, just to win a game. I, the guy who claimed to be a happy dropout, am probably the most competitive person I know. The midnight revelation of the caverns.”

“That’s not so bad,” Kate said.

“What isn’t?”

“Being competitive.”

“I don’t mind finding out I’m competitive,” Daniel said. “I’m sort of glad and relieved. But what about that crazy thing I just did?”

“I know you wouldn’t cheat on something that mattered,” Kate said. “Like an exam or something. This is just a game.”

“But it got to be more.”

“You’re not going to tell Jay Jay, are you?” she said.

“No. He’d be too flattered.” They both laughed. He told her how he had tricked Jay Jay into having a date, and Kate was delighted. She felt stoned: comfortable, happy, safe. The lights of the huge dorms swam before her eyes.

He took his bike off her car and locked it to the iron bike rack in the parking lot. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

“No. Are you?”

“Uh-uh. Do you want a drink?”

“Do you?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. He put his arms around her again and ran his lips across her hair. “Will you stay with me tonight?” he asked. He sounded almost shy. Daniel … shy?

“Yes,” Kate said.

The dorm was quiet when they went up to Daniel’s room, and Kate looked at her watch for the first time and realized with surprise that it was two thirty in the morning. She was glad no one had stopped them to say hello. She just wanted to be alone with him.

His skin was like silk, with firm, smooth muscles moving under it. She had always known he would have a beautiful body. But best of all was the way the two of them made love, as if they had each been starving all this time for the touch of the other; and Kate thought perhaps they had. She wanted to bite him, devour him, and at the same time she felt as if she were melting. The pleasure was so total she had never felt this way before, never even come near it. Don’t stop, she thought, don’t stop, don’t ever stop.

He didn’t seem to want to stop either. They made love all night, over and over, desperately and intensely. There was nothing but the world of their bodies. The waves of feeling left them surprised and insatiable. When they finally did have to stop they still clung together, looking at each other and kissing.

“I love you so much I can’t believe it,” he said.

“I bet I love you more.”

“I bet you don’t.”

“Good,” Kate said. They both laughed with happiness.

“I always thought I was Mr. Spock,” Daniel said quietly. “I thought I had no feelings, like a Venusian. I never thought I could fall in love, even though I really wanted to.”

“You aren’t Mr. Spock,” Kate said. “You’re the Tin Man. You know, from
The Wizard of Oz.
He thought he had no heart and all along he had the biggest, most loving heart of all.”

“I just feel like a totally different person,” he said. “I mean, it’s weird. Before, I felt like I was dead.”

“Raising the dead,” Kate said. “Like in the game.”

“Oh, wow, the game! I’ve mapped it almost as far as Jay Jay got, and I know where the good stuff is, although he’ll probably put in more.”

“Are you going to play it anyway?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am.”

“Well don’t tell me anything,” Kate said. “I want to be surprised. It’s no fun if I know in advance.”

“I just thought of something really disgusting,” Daniel said. “I am destined to be a rich, successful captain of industry. Work in computers and make up games on the side for fun.”

“You don’t sound too depressed about it.”

“I’m a little stunned, but not depressed. It’s my destiny.”

“Good,” Kate said. “Jay Jay and I plan to be famous, so you have to be too.”

“And you and I will always be in love,” Daniel said.

“Oh, I hope so,” Kate said. “Please, let’s.”

“We will.”

She knew it might really be possible. A feeling of peacefulness and bliss came over her, and she kissed him. Then she fell asleep in his arms, so exhausted that for the first time the narrow dormitory bed didn’t seem too small for two people.

The next day neither of them went to classes. They slept until noon and appeared at lunch holding hands. After lunch they went back to Daniel’s room and made love all afternoon. They had to get up for dinner because that night they were scheduled to play the game.