MC: LaPonte-Karr: Book Three (32 page)

He laughs and slaps my back.  “Let’s get you home.  You’ve got some groveling to do.  Make up sex is awesome though.”  I follow him out thinking I’ll be lucky if they let me sleep in the fuckin house.

He dials his phone before he starts his truck.  “I’m on my way with Patches.  I walked in with him and I’m driving him home.  He didn’t talk to anyone else while we were here.  Glad to help Brother.”  He drops the phone on the seat.  “Maybe that gets you in the same room tonight.”  He smiles.  I don’t say a fuckin word.

At the house I thank him and walk in.  I hit the alarm and drag myself into the living room.  They’re on the couch.  The tv is on the news.  I sit right in front of them and explain why I was so pissed about her shirt and what Bob and Rob said.  I tell them I’ll see the therapist tomorrow and keep at it until I’m fixed.  I apologize to Tess for treating her so badly and forcing her into a role she didn’t deserve to be in because of my fucked up mind.  Then I apologize to Rich for fuckin up again causing him to protect Tess from me and my fucked up head.”

Rich looks at Tess.  She gets up and climbs into my lap.  “You scared me today.  I can deal with scared if you promise to talk about what’s really going on.  If you leave, then we don’t know and do just what you did.  We believe what’s in our head forgetting what’s in our hearts.  I love you Patches.  I want this to work, so if you need me at your therapy just say so and I’ll be there.  I’m scared just like you are.  I’m afraid you both will change your minds and not want me anymore.  I can’t change what happened to me.  It will always be there.”

I hug her burying my head in her hair.  “I love you Tess just the way you are.  Thank you.”

She gets up kissing my cheek and bends to Rich.  I don’t hear what she tells him.  I’m so fuckin happy she forgives me after the way I treated her.  When she stands she tells us she’ll see us in bed.

I look at Rich and wait.  He’s watching her go up the stairs, when he doesn’t see her anymore he looks back at me.  He’s pissed.  He has every right to be.  “I’m glad you’re going back to therapy.  I understand your need to push people away for them not to hurt you.  Twice now your fuckin head dictated your actions and forced Tess into slave mode.  Twice you fuckin left me to deal with the fuckin mess you created while you walked the fuck away.  How many times do I have to see the woman I love treated like a piece of shit before I step in and say no more?  How do you expect me to trust you Patches?  I’m afraid of how you talk to her when I’m not around.  What the fuck else can jump into your head and make you act like a fuckin moron to the woman that loves you?  She sat here thinking I would drop her as easily as you did.  Your shit is starting to taint me Patches.  Do you think she’ll forget about the plans she sat here making if I fuckin walked.  You put that doubt in her head.”  He stops.  He has more to say but thank fuck he stops.

What can I say that will make him see I want this to work?  I’m so fuckin scared they’ll walk on me, I didn’t even notice I was the one pushing them away.  “I want to tell you this is the last time I’ll hurt Tess and it be the truth.  I’m going to the therapist to deal with what’s in my head.  I plan on this being forever so telling you it’s the last time would be a lie.  I’m bound to fuck up again.  I will work hard to make sure I never force her into slave mode.  I’ve never yelled at Tess before and don’t plan on it again.  I’m sorry I left you to deal with my shit but I’m so fuckin glad you were here to deal with it.  I sure as fuck couldn’t.  I know what I lost here today.  I’ll work to get it back.  I don’t even know how right now but I’ll earn it back.”

He nods and stands.  I have no fuckin clue if he’s going to punch me out or what.  He walks by and goes up the stairs.  I sit thinking; I wish he would have beat the fuck out of me. 

One week

Rich

Patches comes in and smiles at us.  I got over wanting to punch him in the face a few days ago.  Now I'm just weary of anything new that can pop in his head.  "How was therapy?"  I ask as he bends to kiss Tess.

"It was good.  I think the twice a week is good; it feels like I can throw everything out there right away.  Like ripping off a band aid."  He's still smiling. 

"Good.  I have to say I'm relieved by that."  I tell him honestly.

Tess smiles and leans over to kiss me.  "Thank you."  She says softly against my lips.  I think she's had enough of my stubborn behavior and is happy to see me give him something more than civil words and one word answers.  I'm glad she let me get here myself though.  She stands.  "I'm going with Kate and Ally shopping.  I can get a new bathing suit today."  She stops looking excited and looks down.  What the hell?  I wait her out.  "Should I look for anything specific?"  She asks softly.  Fuckin Patches.

"No!"  I growl out.  "We are NOT picking your fuckin clothes.  Your body, your comfort, your choice."  She nods to me then looks at Patches.

Patches

"I hate that I made you have to ask.  Hopefully this will be the last time you have to.  Don't doubt yourself, buy what you want baby."  I did this.  Fuck.  Rich throws chin.  At least he's happy about that.

He's fishing in his wallet, pulling out a card he hands it to her.  "I forgot to give you this, it's already activated just sign the back."  He kisses her lips telling her there's no limit and have fun.

She smiles adding it to her wallet then kisses my cheek and bounces out the door.  She's so fuckin excited to shop for her own clothes.  I should have thought to get her a card.  "I should call Kate so she knows she doesn't have a limit."

"I talked to Kate a couple of days ago.  Tess probably won't say but she was worried about holes in her jeans and a zipper is broke on shorts or something.  Kate will get her straight."  He puts his cup in the sink.

"Fuck.  Why don’t I know this shit?  I still need to get her a card."  I mumble to myself.

"The card is from an account I had Te Jess set up.  Five percent of what we make is direct deposited into that account for the house.  It started this week.  I told Tess to use it for clothes, to curtains, whatever she needs or wants for the house.  I started it off with ten grand.  Te Jess thinks that's enough for now unless she gets furniture or something like that.  I have a notification being sent to us every month so we can keep up with it.  I don't want her to have to ask for money.  Ever.  I put the information and password to the account in an email to you last week.  I'm only saying that because you've been busy and I see it."  He turns and looks at me.

"Thanks.  I should have thought about that."  Why the fuck am I always playing catch up?

"Here's the thing Patches, after the top fiasco I decided she needs to shop for herself.  She never went school shopping as a kid, never went anywhere because she was homeschooled and hidden.  As an adult she needs to learn about money and what her own style is.  I asked Te Jess and she suggested the house account.  I put enough for her to explore and learn.  I did this on my own because I was pissed.  I sent the information so you'd know and NOT feel slighted.  I didn't do it for any other reason.  You're playing catch up because it's been a busy fuckin week for you.  My week has been slow, I picked up the slack.  When I'm busy I expect you'll do the same for me."  Looking at me he's waiting.

He answered what was in my head.  "The mind thing is starting to freak me the fuck out."

"To tell you the truth I like it in this setting.  I don't think you know how I felt seeing Tess on the fuckin floor or making plans for when I dropped her or seeing you yell at her like she was lower than shit.  Those things haven't gone away by me understanding your reasoning.  They have lessened and will probably go away in time but knowing what's in your fuckin head at any given time helps me get a little closer to not worrying all fuckin day.  I have no fuckin idea why you feel less deserving, less a partner, less of a man.  I know that's getting better for you and I want you to hurry the fuck up with it, but you need to do this at your pace so hopefully I will never have to fuckin deal with it again.  You do more than you see; you're my fuckin Officer on top of that.  Get the fuck over the not good enough shit.  You're the only one who thinks like that."  He's not mad, not talking down to me just matter of fact.

I search for the words.  "Thank you for putting up with all that shit.  I'm working on it.  You've shown me over and over, that you feel that way.  Tess feels that way, it's my head that is fucked.  I am trying, every little thing I miss or forget throws me, it shows me what I'm lacking."

"Patches what the fuck do you think we'd be eating if not for you shopping?  Checking the maid service?  Handling the yard service?  Being a fuckin taxi for Tess?  I feel like I should be doing more too.  It's not something only you suffer from Brother.  Doc was right when he said it takes two of us to deal with all the extra baggage Tess comes with.  I smile doing my part but I know I couldn't do it alone.  Barking orders to a group of Geeks and scheduling Brothers is not even close to handling the kids in fuckin soccer dad mode.  I love my family but I couldn't do what you do day in and day out on top of shuttling Tess.  I'd go fuckin nuts.  Let me handle the things I do.  I'm fuckin ecstatic when I come home and find fuckin beer I didn't have to chase and lug back.  Be happy I made a phone call and opened a fuckin envelope with her card in it.  It's not complicated and it's certainly not a competition.  Otherwise you’ve already won."

"Fuck.  You never talk so much unless you're pissed.  Thanks, it helps to know what you're thinking."

"Don't get used to it.  Tiny is probably on his way now with cases of fuckin tampons.  I told Tess and now you, love is fuckin scary as hell.  Giving someone your trust is not easy; having faith that they'll use it with your best interest at heart is fuckin hard.  You used to trust me that way.  I'd like to get back to that so Tess can feel it too.  I'm going for a ride while Tess is out.  I was going to New Bedford for dinner if you're interested in going."  He smiles for the first time.  "Taking the bike by the water on the way home, I thought Tess would like that."

"Yeah I'll go to dinner.  You looking to be alone now?"

"Nope, just to spend time on my bike on a beautiful day."  I throw him chin.  Nice!

Tess

Kate and Ally pick me and Max up and take me to Nancy’s store.  She says she has some outfits that she ordered for me.  I’m not so sure about this though.  Nancy has barely-there clothes in the window.  Jess meets us and we each take the outfits Nancy pulls and go to the dressing rooms. It’s a light blue linen skirt that sits low on my waist with a matching top.  The back of the top is bare.  There’s a bra built into the shirt and it reaches the waist of the skirt.  It will show my tattoo but everything else is covered.  I love it but I’m not sure about the top.  Patches freaked about the last one I wore with no back.

“Come out Tess.  I want to see it.”  Ally whines.  I step out not sure what to expect.  Kate loves it.  Ally likes the color and Jess likes my tattoo showing.  I waver with it when Kate tells Nancy I’m taking it.  I guess that is settled.  The next outfit is linen shorts with a white see through top over a light blue tank.  I love this one too.  Coming out I smile at Kate and Nancy.

“I knew you were going to be just like Jess with the clothes.  I have two more outfits I picked for you and some shorts you can wear t’s with.”  Nancy says handing me a whole pile of clothes.

“I really just needed a pair of jeans, a bathing suit and some shorts.”  I tell her.

Kate waves her hand at me shooing me into the dressing room.  “You need clothes that you pick out, whatever you’re comfortable with.  Everything you own everyone else picked for you.  Rich said a wardrobe not three things.”  She closes the door on me.  I smile at myself in the mirror they are so sweet.

Six outfits, four shorts and two pair of jeans later we finally leave.  They whisk me to the mall for a bathing suit and shoes.  I have three bathing suits, five shirts, seven t’s, four pants, three skirts, and five pairs of shoes.  When I think we’re finally done they drive around the mall and we go back in to Victoria’s Secret.  I have ten panties and six bras.  I don’t know why I need so many but they feel it is needed for variety.  Since I’ve never been shopping I take their word for it.  Jess explains about shopping sprees being only once a year or so and getting rid of old clothes.  I listen and think my clothes are all good.  When I tell them they laugh.  They are going to help me go through my closet and the clothes they get rid of go to the women in the shelter.  Ally thinks this is funny.  I roll my eyes at her.

Back at the house a bucket of margarita mix is delivered.  Ally goes home and we take our drinks up stairs.  I like shopping with the girls, well at least this part.  We drink and go through the closet laughing at some of the clothes that I’ve never worn.  Kate thinks Kelly would like some of them.  They are a little more daring than I would wear.  Patches and Rich find us on the floor of the closet laughing and throwing shoes around.  They call Steve and Ben or Danny to come get their women.  They do this laughing.  We don’t care, we’re laughing too.

“I love shopping with the girls.  Well mostly I love after shopping with the girls.  Shopping wasn’t much fun but putting the clothes away is a blast!”  The guys laugh at me, Kate says shopping is fun and Jess shakes her head no.

“It’s only fun when it’s for someone else.  It’s no fun shopping for you.  That’s why we need drinks after.  That’s fun!”  She almost falls over and we all laugh.

Rich

Max is sitting outside the closet as if he’s guarding it.  When we walk in he goes to his bed.  I look in and see the women on the floor laughing throwing shoes at each other and missing by a lot.  Oh my fuckin word.  “They’re all drunk.  How much of the bucket did you make?”  I ask Kate.

“The whole thing.  We all had a glass.”  She slurs out.  I smile.

“Did you add the crushed ice to it?”  I already know they didn’t add anything.

“No, was I supposed to?  The Prospect said it was ready mix. That means you just drink it right?”  She asks standing up.  Patches catches her so she doesn’t slam her head against the wall.  We crack up.

“You’re supposed to pour it over a full glass of crushed ice.”  Patches tells her with a big fuckin smile.

“It tasted different than you made but it was still good.”  Tess says pushing off the chair to get up.

Ben comes in with Steve they have the biggest fuckin smiles on.  I wave my hand at the women.  “They got a bucket of ready mix and drank it straight.”

Ben cracks up.  Kate wobbles over to him.  All we can do is smile.  Steve goes to Jess and helps her stand.  I didn’t even see her sit back down.  “Shopping was good?”

“The best but poor Tess needed a drink.”  She says closing her eyes.

Steve lifts her up with a smile.  “Looks it.”  We laugh.  He looks at Tess.  “Glad you had a good after party.”

She looks at him smiling.  “Me too!  Shopping sucks.”  We all bark out a laugh at that.  Fuckin Tess.  Ben lifts Kate and carries her to the door with Steve following.  The women wave and love each other goodbyes.  I can’t stop smiling.

“Not much for shopping huh?”  Patches asks her.

She shakes her head no then stops holding it.  I grab her before she falls.  “They made me try on everything.  But they helped clean out the clothes I don’t wear.  It’s a good thing too; the new stuff wouldn’t have fit.  Nancy said I like Jess’ style so I’m easy to order for.”  She leans against me.  I’m not sure if she’s going to be sick or fall asleep.  I wait her out.  Patches is organizing her closet and emptying bags.  Fuckin Patches and organizing.  I laugh as I lift her up and put her on the bed.  I get her a glass of water and the bathroom trash barrel just in case.

When I come back out she’s sitting up smiling at me.  She’s so fuckin cute.  “I’m really thirsty.”  She drinks the whole fuckin glass right down.

I laugh.  “It looks like it.”

Patches comes out of the closet.  “You got some really nice clothes Tess.”

She nods.  “I picked everything myself.  I like almost all of them.”

We crack up.  “Why did you buy clothes you didn’t like?”  He asks her.

“Peer pressure.”  She says disgusted making us laugh more.  “I don’t really think you care if I have a variety of panties.  Now I have ten new pair.”

“Your panties are very important to us.  Variety is definitely a turn on.”  I tell her trying to be serious.

“Oh, well you’ll be happy then.  I have ten new pair.”  She says happy then flops back and yawns.  I look at Patches.  He takes her shoes off while I get her another glass of water.  She thanks us and turns over.  Patches goes back to the closet and I fill her drawers with her new panties and bras.  Fuck, I can’t wait to see some of these on her.  I finish, fold the bag and go down to clean my bike with the biggest fuckin smile on.  Fuckin Tess drunk in the closet.