Me and Miranda Mullaly (9 page)

My only purpose at the student council meeting today is to schedule when Miranda and I will meet to finalize plans and put on the final touches for the Valentine's Day dance. It's only nine days away and I can't wait.

But nothing works according to plan. As Jonathan Swift
20
wrote, “When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” In this instance, yours truly is the genius, and Mr. Lichtensteiner, Penn Valley's poor excuse for a vice principal, is one of far too many dunces.

The meeting started when Chollie Muller asked for the floor so he could address the student council about a most pressing issue, an issue apparently keeping him up at night. And just as Chollie was to open his speech, he was interrupted by Sam Dolan and a group of ne'er-do-wells and hooligans complaining about toilet paper.

I jumped from my seat and banged my gavel, preparing to protect Miranda, our president. Mr. Porter took Sam and left the auditorium. The rest of the rabble continued to
chant that they wanted toilet paper or death, thus making a farce of Patrick Henry's
21
important speech.

As the mob continued its “demonstration,” I turned to Miranda to confirm our plans for the dance and I could see in her eyes she was demoralized, distraught, and disgusted. This is public education for you. I summoned Knuckles and Moose to stand between Miranda and me and the mob.

By the time Mr. Porter returned, there was toilet paper for everyone. Sam was carried out on the mob's shoulders like a hero, and toilet paper was flying through the air.

Silence descended upon the room when they left. Chollie was still standing at podium, looking as confused as ever.

Mr. Porter looked at his watch.

“I guess that's all the time we have for today.”

Mr. Porter

History Teacher

Penn Valley Middle School

Dear Mr. Porter,

What occurred this afternoon at the student council meeting was beneath the standards of this or any student council. As president of the Penn Valley Middle School student council, I am entrusted by the student body to look after their best interests and propose ideas to improve the school and the learning environment. The outburst at the meeting this afternoon, and your reaction to it, was disappointing.

You may find such occurrences acceptable. You may even find such outrageous behavior funny. I, however, do not.

I hereby resign my position of student council president, effective immediately.

Regards,

Miranda Mullaly

To: Erica

From: Miranda

Date: February 3, 2016 8:43 PM

Subject: What was that?

———————————————————————————

E,

I've decided that I'm finished with the student council. I just wrote a resignation letter to Mr. Porter (which I'll probably have to read to him!).

Anyway, after the toilet paper thing today I've just had enough. And this gives me a perfect chance to get out of the Valentine's dance check-in, which I still hadn't told him I was
not
going to do.

Here's what I won't miss:

• Looking at the dandruff fall from Mr. Porter's hair and beard.
  
• Being in yet another room with Duke Samagura.
  
• Being the only one (besides you!) to work on any of the projects we sometimes get around to doing.
  
• Setting up for dances.
  

Here's what I will miss:

Nothing! Hah!!

See you tomorrow!

M

PS Can't wait for the dance!

12

Sam Dolan

February 11th (almost Valentine's!)

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Suggested Writing
Prompt:
What event are you most looking forward to in
the next year? It could be as far away as
a year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this
occasion so important to you? How can you best prepare
yourself for this event? Explain.

Hey Mr. Minkin,

This is a great question. And there sure are a lot of things I'm looking forward to. I know this is a writing assignment, but I have to write out a list because I have so many exciting things coming up in my near future:

1. The Valentine's Day dance

2. The spring musical

3. Summer break. Hopefully Foxxy won't spend every second with Holly Culver.

4. Starting high school (and not having to see Lichtensteiner every day!)

5. Not having to do writing prompts—only kidding!

Before I get into the dance (which is what I'm most looking forward to) you should also know I'm pretty excited about the musical. Who would've thought it could be so much fun? I've never been into singing and dancing except as a joke, but it really ain't so bad. I even like some of the songs. For being old and all, they have pretty catchy melodies and I can't get them out of my head.

And then there's the number I'm going to do with Miranda Mullaly called “Steam Heat.” We haven't started working on the dance steps but Miss Kerrigan says it's one of the biggest scenes in the whole show. So I got that going for me.

This brings me to the really big event I'm looking forward to: the Valentine's Day dance.

I have it all planned to dance with Miranda
when there's a slow song. I'm kind of bummed that I have to go with my sister, but at least I know I won't be late because Sharon is one of these people who plans everything ahead.

And here's the best part. I know Miranda is excited to go to the dance because she told me yesterday. I haven't been talking to her a lot in the morning because I know how miserable girls are at that time and she probably isn't in the mood to talk. And every time I do get a chance to strike up a conversation, Erica Dickerson comes along and sticks her nose in. But yesterday I saw Miranda all alone at rehearsal and I chatted her up.

For the first time I felt confident about talking to Miranda. Because of Sharon, I now know how to talk properly about the theater. You say “musical” or “show” instead of “play.” And “Steam Heat” is a number and not a scene. And you don't practice like a sport. You rehearse. So I was very excited to talk with Miranda, if you know what I mean.

She was waiting at the side of the stage (stage left if you're a theater person) watching Duke and Sharon go through their dance steps.

Me: Hiya.

Miranda: Hello.

Me: This is really fun, isn't it?

Miranda: Yes.

Me: I'm really glad I'm in the musical this year.

Miranda: Uh huh.

Me: That was some kind of student council meeting last week, wasn't it?

Miranda: It wasn't what I expected, if that's what you mean.

Me: (Pause) I guess life is kind of unpredictable.

(Miranda huffs at this, the way Lichtensteiner does. I quickly change the subject.)

Me: The Valentine's Day dance should be fun, heh?

(Miranda turns to me and smiles.)

Miranda: Oh, I can't wait for the dance.

When you add that I've finished the first
Twilight
book and will have plenty to talk about with Miranda, yeah, you can say I am really looking forward to the dance.

And so is Miranda Mullaly!

Duke Vanderbilt Samagura

11 February 2016

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Suggested Writing Prompt:
What event are
you most looking forward to in the next year? It
could be as far away as a year or as
soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to
you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event?
Explain.

Sir:

Obviously I'm most looking forward to not having to waste my time on your inane writing prompts.

That said, I'm actually looking forward to a few things, which is rare in this emporium of mindlessness known as Penn Valley Middle School.

Let me indulge you.

I am looking forward to
The Pajama Game
.

I am looking forward to leaving Penn Valley.

I was also looking forward to the Valentine's Day dance but now, thanks to Miranda's resignation, I will not be working the door with
her. Now I have to rely on a candy-gram to appropriately express my feelings and set the tone for the dance.

And now I have to work alone with your vapid colleague, Mr. Porter, who will probably bring his bore of a wife.

Chollie Muller

February 11, 2015

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Suggested Writing Prompt:
What event are
you most looking forward to in the next year? It
could be as far away as a year or as
soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to
you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event
? Explain.

Dear Mr. Minkin,

I'm really looking forward to the Valentine's Day dance this Friday.

I'm so lucky I have my awesome big brother to help me, too. We have a whole plan for the night.

You know how they split the gym in half with the partitions so you can either play basketball or dance? Well, last Halloween I played so much basketball I hardly even knew there was a party going on. And I didn't even get any pizza!

But this time there will be no basketball. In fact, Billy has been coaching and preparing me. He has even given me a list of songs to ask the
DJ to play. About halfway into the evening, I'm going to ask him to play “Stairway to Heaven” and then ask Miranda Mullaly to dance with me.

Billy also says not to talk during the song, which is a really good thing because I think I would stutter if I had to talk and dance at the same time.

And then there's a tricky part with the song, because it starts off slow and then speeds up. Billy says to just sway my hips a little during the fast part and everything should be fine.

I'm also looking forward to the pizza at the dance.

And eventually baseball season.

I know this sounds crazy, but I'm sort of looking forward to the play ending. It's crazy because I wanted to be in it so much. But now that I'm in it, I'm practically having a heart attack every day. I only have one stupid line to say and I can't remember it. And I'm really not much of a singer and they want me to sing a line during this “Hernando's Hideaway” thing. And I hardly get to see Miranda Mullaly during the play practices. So it's all sort of a mess.

Anyway, I guess I can just say I'm looking forward to the dance tomorrow night. It's my big chance and with Billy's help, nothing can go wrong.

Miranda Mullaly

February 11, 2016

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Suggested Writing Prompt:
What event are you most looking forward to in the
next year? It could be as far away as a
year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion
so important to you? How can you best prepare yourself
for this event? Explain.

Besides leaving Penn Valley forever, I am, believe it or not, most looking forward to performing in the spring musical. At first, I must admit, I was terribly upset about not getting the lead. When I saw Sharon Dolan's name up on the board I did everything in my power to keep from crying. But now as I watch Duke Samagura order Sharon around, and watch how closely they have to dance together and sing their duets, I actually feel lucky that I didn't get the role.

Gladys isn't too bad a part. I get to sing a lot, and the “Steam Heat” and “Hernando's Hideaway” numbers are great fun, even if I have to dance with Sam Dolan. It's so obvious he's
never danced before, and poor Miss Kerrigan might have a nervous breakdown before it's all over.

I'm also looking forward to the summer. I find out at the end of the month if I'm accepted into the writing program at Penn that I applied to. It seems like the perfect program for me, but it's awfully competitive. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Oh my goodness, I almost forgot. I can't wait for the Valentine's Day dance.