Meg at Sixteen (15 page)

“All right,” Meg said. She thought of the conversation she'd had with Aunt Grace, and in spite of herself, she asked, “Nicky, who taught you the difference between right and wrong?”

“You did,” Nick replied.

Meg nodded. That was what Aunt Grace couldn't understand, how much Nick had already taught her, and how much she had in turn taught Nick. “We have to make a plan,” she said. “We have to work out our future. Aunt Grace says tomorrow we're going to decide how to teach me to respect my elders. She brought up gratitude again.”

“Has she been keeping you locked up?” Nick asked. “I saw Clark yesterday, and he said he thought things were easing up.”

“They have been,” Meg said. “A lot depends on the next few days. But even if I behave myself, I'm still going to be sent to England in August, and I may not get back to the States for two years.”

“Better that than the sanitarium,” Nick said.

“You sound like Aunt Grace,” Meg said. “The lesser of two evils is still evil, Nicky.”

“You still want to get married?” Nick asked.

“Please,” Meg said. “We could run off tonight, and they'd never find us.”

“Not tonight,” Nick replied. “We're taking too big a risk just being here together. They're bound to check up on you tonight.”

“Tomorrow night, then,” Meg said. “Soon, Nicky. It's our only chance.”

“Daytime is better than night,” Nick said. “If you behave yourself tomorrow, act penitent, then your aunt will be sure to let you go to church on Sunday.”

“I'll never be able to escape on Sunday,” Meg said. “Aunt Grace will practically chain me to her all day.”

“And you'll keep on behaving yourself,” Nick said. “You'll show her how much the report upset you, how you've realized what I'm really like. You've started that already, haven't you? You haven't been leaping to my defense, or anything.”

“I don't think so,” Meg said. “I've been too scared to do much of anything today. I was so afraid I'd never see you again.”

“Don't ever be scared of that,” Nick said. “I don't know how we're going to arrange things, Daisy. I don't know how it's all going to work out. But one way or another, we'll be together. I'm going to marry you, and I'm never going to spend a night apart from you. I need you too much. Without you, I'm nothing.”

“I know,” Meg said. “I'm nothing without you. That's what frightens me so.”

Nick kissed her. “You're everything,” he said. “You're strong and brave and beautiful. If you ever feel frightened or alone, tell yourself that, that you're strong and brave and beautiful. Will you do that for me?”

“I'm strong and brave and beautiful,” Meg said. It sounded better coming from Nick. “I wish there were words I could teach you. But you already know you're smart and handsome and loving.”

“No,” Nick said. “I didn't know I was loving.”

“Now you know,” Meg said, and she laughed with triumph. She had given Nick something of value, something no one could ever take away from him. She still owed him so much, but at least part of the debt had been paid off. “So Sunday I'm penitent. Does that mean we can get married on Monday?”

“We'd better aim for Tuesday instead,” Nick said. “We'll need Clark's cooperation. I hate to rely on him, but he seems to be the only friend you have that Grace will trust you with.”

“Clark isn't going to like it,” Meg said.

“I know,” Nick replied. “But he loves you, and I think you can count on him. Besides, without him, we don't have a chance. You'll see Clark on Sunday at church. Make a date with him for Tuesday. Talk to Grace about it first, get clearance from her, and if she says yes, then ask Clark.”

“What if she says no?” Meg asked.

“We still have four weeks before you'll leave for England,” Nick said. “We don't have to rush things.”

“Yes we do,” Meg declared. “If I don't get out of that house soon, I probably will go mad.” She realized uncomfortably that she wasn't joking, and wondered if Nicky understood that as well.

“It will work out,” he said. “We'll try for Tuesday.”

Meg thought for a moment. “No, Thursday,” she said. “Thursday will be better. The staff has Thursdays off, so there are fewer people to check up on me. And it gives me more time to convince Aunt Grace.”

“Can you manage until Thursday?” Nick asked.

Meg nodded. “If I know we're really getting married then, I can,” she said. “Promise me, Nicky. Promise me we're getting married.”

“Thursday,” he said. “By Friday you'll be Mrs. Nick Sebastian. By Friday we'll be together for the rest of our lives.”

“Then I can hold out until Thursday,” Meg said. “All right. Thursday morning, I go out with Clark. We'll tell Grace we're going to have lunch together, and she shouldn't expect us back until supper. That should work out well. Aunt Grace always lunches out on Thursdays, and then we have a light supper, so it makes sense that Clark and I would stay out as well. Only as soon as Clark and I leave, we'll meet you, and you and I will leave Eastgate. Maybe I can take some money with me. Aunt Grace usually has some money lying around in her bedroom. She likes to leave it there as temptation for the servants.”

“No money,” Nick said. “Just whatever's in your pocketbook. Things are risky enough without theft charges.”

“Then how will we manage?” Meg asked. “We'll need transportation to wherever we're going.”

“I have the money for that,” Nick replied.

“If you have money, then why are you staying in a boardinghouse?” Meg asked.

“I have enough money to get me through Princeton,” Nick said. “Enough for clothes and food as long as I'm careful. Nobody expects me to be rich there, but I can't seem like a bum either. But if I'm not going back to Princeton, then I certainly have the funds to pay for bus tickets for both of us, and a couple of nights at a hotel somewhere as our honeymoon, and then an apartment for us until I can get a job.”

“I'll get the job,” Meg said. “You have to complete your education.”

“I'm not spending the rest of my life with a high-school dropout,” Nick said. “I'll work, you'll finish school. I can take night classes somewhere. Don't worry. We'll both end up with as many degrees as we want.”

“So we take a bus,” Meg said. She'd argue with Nick about his education some other time. “And we get married, and then we disappear. I don't care where we live, just as long as we're together.”

“Neither do I,” Nick said. “Maybe we'll stick a pin in a map and find our home that way.”

“Home,” Meg said.

Nick smiled. “I know,” he said. “It is an amazing word.”

“I'll make you a beautiful home,” Meg promised him. “I'll make you a home you'll always be happy in.”

“You have to get back,” Nick said. “If Grace finds out you're gone, we'll both be in big trouble.”

“I know,” Meg said. “I love you so much, Nicky.”

“I love you, Daisy,” he said. “Mrs. Nick Sebastian. Now let's get you to your room.”

“Kiss me first,” she said, and he did.

“Mrs. Nick Sebastian,” Meg whispered to herself as she and Nick hugged for one last time. “Mrs. Nick Sebastian.” Those three words held a universe of promise for her, a universe she'd enter into in less than a week.

C
HAPTER
E
LEVEN

Meg awoke the next morning to find her bedroom door unlocked. After showering off any remaining sand from the night before, and dressing, she went downstairs and had breakfast with Aunt Grace.

“How did you sleep?” Grace asked as she finished her second cup of coffee. It was a more personal question than Meg was accustomed to.

“Not very well,” Meg replied. “I had a lot to think about.”

“And did you reach any conclusions?” Aunt Grace asked.

Meg thought of all the conclusions she had reached and tried not to smile. “I hope I didn't disturb you,” she said. “I woke up a couple of times and reread the report. I'm sorry I turned the light back on.”

“It's understandable given the circumstances,” Aunt Grace said. “I'm sure you won't make a habit of it. Keeping late hours is most unhealthy for a girl your age.”

Meg nodded. “I felt compelled to read it again and again,” she said.

“Ordinarily, one should not give in to compulsion,” Aunt Grace declared. “But these were unusual circumstances. Did you feel the need to read it again this morning?”

Did everything have to be a land mine with Aunt Grace? “Not this morning,” Meg said. “Not after three A.M., really. It was then that I realized just how much I owed you, how kind and generous you've been to me.”

“And what led you to that conclusion?” Aunt Grace asked.

Bald-faced lying, Meg wanted to reply. Even the truth, that she did feel a touch of gratitude when she compared her childhood to Nick's, wouldn't do as an answer. “I really thought I loved him,” she said, not even willing to mention Nick's name to Grace. “And thanks to you and your willingness to hire those detectives, I discovered that all I loved was a pack of lies.”

Aunt Grace nodded. She clearly expected more.

“I'm very young,” Meg said, choosing her words carefully, aiming for that level of groveling that Aunt Grace would find most appealing. “I think sometimes that I know what's best for me, but that's just foolishness. Foolishness I hope I'll outgrow, especially with your guidance. Without an aunt, without a guardian, like you, protecting me, teaching me, I might make all kinds of reckless mistakes. The reckless mistakes of youth.”

“Yes?” Aunt Grace said. She appeared insatiable.

“And I suppose I've inherited my parents' reckless natures as well,” Meg said. She hated Aunt Grace then with a clarity that startled even her. “What I always thought of as being adventuresome was really being irresponsible.” She offered a thousand silent apologies to the memory of her beautiful, perfect parents.

“You've given this matter a great deal of thought,” Aunt Grace said. “And I am impressed with how well you worded those thoughts. None of the mumbling I've gotten accustomed to from you. I'm pleased to see this new spirit in you, Margaret. It bodes well for your future.”

“Thank you, Aunt Grace,” Meg said.

“Very well,” Aunt Grace said. “From now on, there will be no need for us to discuss Mr. Sebastian again. I don't doubt that there will be moments you'll think of him, romance is like that, but your life is on its proper course once again, and you will not stray from it.”

“No, Aunt Grace,” Meg said.

“However, you still have many acts you must atone for,” Aunt Grace stated. “Come with me to the morning room, and we'll discuss there what must be done next.”

Meg left her half-finished breakfast and followed her aunt into the room where less than twenty-four hours before they'd all sat around reading the detective's report. Aunt Grace sat on her customary chair, and indicated to Meg that she should sit on the same chair Nick had used. It comforted Meg to remember him there.

Aunt Grace closed the door, which meant that she didn't care for the servants overhearing. Meg marveled that Grace could think there were still some secrets worth preserving after the past few days.

“Your remorse appears genuine,” Aunt Grace said. “Of course it might simply be inspired by fear of your future.”

“I am afraid,” Meg replied. She was, too, although the idea of Thursday was keeping her strong enough to be dishonest.

“I spoke to Marcus yesterday,” Aunt Grace said. “Naturally he wanted to know what your response was to the report. I intend to speak to him today as well, and inform him of our conversation.”

Meg nodded.

“I was concerned about your crying,” Aunt Grace declared. “I thought you had succumbed to hysteria, and might be better off in a more peaceful surrounding. But Marcus said that his wife and daughters frequently wept over the most trivial matters, and unless you continued to cry, it was probably not a sign of constitutional weakness.”

“I'm sorry if I worried you, Aunt Grace,” Meg said. Had she been that close to the sanitarium and not even realized it?

“You're mumbling again, Margaret,” Aunt Grace said. “No wonder your appeal is only to men of the lower classes. You must learn to speak clearly if you wish any sort of social success.”

Meg felt herself shriveling inside. I am strong and brave and beautiful, she told herself, but without Nick in the room, she didn't believe it.

“Marcus and I remain uncertain what the nature of your punishment should be,” Aunt Grace told Meg. “Marcus has a very kind heart, you know, and he feels that if you have indeed learned your lesson, there is no need for undue harshness on our parts.”

Meg nodded. She didn't dare cry again, but it was hard to look at Aunt Grace and not start weeping.

“Raise your head, Margaret,” Aunt Grace said. “I expect you to look at me while I'm speaking to you.”

“Yes, Aunt Grace,” Meg replied. Nicky loves me, she told herself. On Thursday we'll be married.

“I have two tasks for you this morning,” Aunt Grace declared. “How you perform them will go a long way in determining what the next few weeks will be like.”

“Yes, Aunt Grace,” Meg said.

“They are both in the forms of apologies,” Aunt Grace said. “First, you are to write a letter of remorse and appreciation to Marcus. It is the very least that you owe him. You will write it here, and I'll read it as soon as you are finished.”

Meg nodded. “That's a good idea,” she said. “Thank you.”

“Then we are expected at the Bradford cottage,” Aunt Grace said. “Where you will apologize to Mr. Bradford for the rude manner with which you addressed him last Sunday.”