Memoirs of a Girl Wolf (15 page)

I didn’t have to wait long for a date because after school on the Friday of homecoming, he took my hand as we left the building and walked toward his truck. He had a surprise. I was excited and barely noticed the cheerleaders ahead of us talking loudly about the dance that night that I would not be attending even though Reign had asked me. I told him it was mainly because of my curfew, but actually I didn’t care to go to the dance or waste my Friday night among that crowd of people.

Once I buckled myself into the passenger seat, he handed me a black bandanna to cover my eyes with. Laughing, I did as instructed. I had lived in Petoskey my whole life. There wasn’t really anything that could surprise me even with my eyes shut, but the gesture was sweet and he seemed so proud of himself for whatever he had planned. Once I realized it was a date and we weren’t going in the direction of home, my heart dropped a little just because I had fantasized an ideal outing in my mind. One where I had an outfit planned and was picked up at my house, not one where I was still in my school outfit: converse, frayed jeans, and a blue sweatshirt. My hair was pulled back in a sloppy bun and I hadn’t bothered putting on makeup that morning because I wanted ten minutes of extra sleep instead. I could only imagine how I looked and for our first real date too.

“What?” he asked me as he turned down the music.

“I can’t see anything,” I said.

I could feel the truck come to a bumpy stop and then I heard him change the gear into park then the door opened and shut and I was alone in the cab for a few seconds until a burst of cold air flooded over me as the door next to me opened.

“We’re here,” he said as he slipped the bandanna off my head then smoothed my hair back for me.

I opened my eyes and saw the familiar pink and purple striped sign of the frozen yogurt café. He held out his hand and taking hold of it I jumped from the truck, laughing. It was a good surprise. He led us into the empty café where a perky college student wearing a white smock took our order. After he paid, I led him back outside. I didn’t want to sit in the café at a wobbly table because I preferred a more private and intimate setting. We walked a little ways up the block until we came to a stop at a little black iron bench.  Literally, no one was around. Not even a car driving down the street. The whole town was at the homecoming game, most likely.

It was a sunny fall day and from where we sat we could see the lake across the street from us. After the game the main restaurants down town would fill up with groups of students going to the dance, but at the moment there was a peaceful, restlessness that settled in the streets and wrapped around us in a tight hold.

He reached over and took a bite of my frozen yogurt. I playfully scolded him, but our laughter was abruptly interrupted by a phone call which he apologized for taking. He walked a little away from the bench and turned his back to me so that I couldn’t hear. I wasn’t trying to listen, but I wish I had because when he returned his demeanor had changed. He sat straight and rigid, and then leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He had an insolent look in his eye and grew silent as he stared at me.

“Everything okay?” I finally asked after moments of tense awkwardness.

“Yeah,” He snapped but then releasing a deep sigh he shook his head in his hands and said, “I’m sorry. It’s my dad.”

I paid attention to my neon pink plastic spoon, licking it carefully as I waited silently for him to explain.

“He wants to take me hunting, but I’ve told him a million times I don’t want to hunt. I don’t want to learn tracking or how to make bullets or any of that,” he said.

“Maybe he just wants to spend time with you,” I said.

He wasn’t looking at me anymore instead his head was turned to the right and his eyes were focused on the rocking waves of the lake near us. He mumbled, “No, it’s not that,” but he said it in such a tone that I picked up that it was something between them that I not only wouldn’t understand, but couldn’t.

“Let’s walk,” I said, standing. I tossed my empty bowl of gelato into the metal trash bin behind me then walked around the iron bench and reached for his hand. I pulled him into a standing position and together we walked up the sidewalk into the center of downtown and along a cement path toward the white wooden gazebo garnished in beautiful fall lowers.

We sat on a wooden bench in the gazebo and listened to the marching band in the distance practice the school’s fight song. The air was growing a little colder. I knew that meant we’d have to leave soon to get me home in time for curfew. There was still a calmness in the atmosphere and I realized it was due to the perception that he and I were completely alone. It felt as if we were the only two people in the whole town, in all of existence. I scooted closer to him on the bench and looking up at him I leaned a little closer hoping he would see what I saw about that moment. It was the perfect moment to pull me closer to him and kiss me for the first time. I leaned closer, but he turned his head away and groaned. Completely oblivious, he stood and walked to the steps of the gazebo where he placed his hand on the railing as he leaned against it for support and hung his head.

“There’s something else,” he said with regret.

The perfect afternoon was slipping away. The bands out of tune wail increased as did the dark clouds in the gloomy sky while the air turned icy and left damp kisses on my pink face. My heart sank and my blood ran cold.

“What,” I found myself finally saying after what felt like a long time of tense silence.

He turned back toward me and crossed his arms all the warmth from his face was gone. I was near tears and unsure if I would be able to prevent my eyes from watering. He hadn’t said anything to give me any indication of crying, but the look in his eyes was enough to break my heart and I was certain that was what he was planning on doing.

“My dad, he doesn’t really support this,” Reign said, pointing at me then him in one sweep of his hand which ended in his golden hair as he nervously ran his fingers over his head.

“Oh,” I said, quietly as the air sucked out of me. I didn’t understand. Didn’t support us? Well first I was delighted to hear that there was an “us”, but then I was hurt and confused. I had never met his dad.

I forced myself to stand from the cold, splintered bench though I felt stuck to it. As if my limbs were made of lead, I slowly picked up my feet and walked forward. I came to a stop next to him and instead of reaching for his hand I shoved my hands in the pocket of my sweatshirt.

“It’s getting dark,” I said and walked past him down the steps of the gazebo and toward the truck. I continued walking a little ahead of him.

“Mickey,” he called to me from behind.

I turned and walked backward. “My mom will be mad if I’m not home soon,” I said with a forced smile.

I was silent on the drive home. Most of the ride I spent staring into my cellphone while he glanced back and forth between me and the road. When he turned down the music to say something, I turned it back up to silence him. I didn’t want to talk. What was the point? I just wanted to be home.

When we turned down the dirt road that would take us to the lane that led to my house, he turned off the radio all together.

“Mickey—“

I immediately pressed my phone to my ear and pretended that Mom was calling. I had a fake conversation until the truck came to a stop in front of my house. My heart was crumbling as I was certain he had just broken up with me, if that was possible we weren’t exactly official yet, and my emotions were so heightened at the moment that my main goal was to get into the house and alone where I could break down into a mess of tears that were waiting to be released, but I knew if he tried to talk to me I would break down sooner. I made my departure from the truck as fast as possible.

“Thanks for the frozen yogurt. I’ll see you at school sometime,” I mumbled and then threw open the red door and jumping to the hard ground, I quickly walked toward the front of my house. I was so concentrated on not crying that I didn’t hear him get out of the truck and run up behind me. He grabbed on to my elbow to stop me.

I came to a stop and faced him, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. I stared at a wet yellow leaf under his muddy brown boot. “What?” I asked.

“Are you mad? I mean I get why you are, but don’t be mad,” he said with concern.

“You broke up with me,” I said, my voice cracked.

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t,” he said with imploring urgency. “My dad just told me to be careful around you.”

“Careful?”

“He probably knows how much I like you. He’s just looking out for me, but you didn’t let me finish,” he said. He took hold of my hand and with his other hand he raised my chin and looked into my eyes.

“Oh, okay finish,” I said, rubbing my lips together. I could feel my cheeks turn pink, I was a little embarrassed maybe I did let my emotions get the best of me.

“I wanted you to know because eventually I’m gonna introduce you to him and I want you to be prepared in case he doesn’t come across real friendly, but I’d never let my dad stand in the way of us being together,” he said.

I breathed in deeply, relieved. My heart picked back up and I felt light as air again as all the bad emotions evaporated and left me only with a warm good feeling. His dad was still disconcerting, but he wasn’t something I had to think about or figure out right then. What was important was that for the second time that night Reign said “us”.

“Okay,” I said with a nod.

“Okay,” he repeated.

He moved closer to me and as I raised my head a little higher. I parted my lips prepared for him to grab hold of me and pull me near him for our first kiss. He seemed to be moving closer and closer, but then he stuck out his hand.

“So good night,” he said, awkwardly.

I looked down at his trembling hand with a little disappointment as I took hold of his hand.

“Goodnight,” I said as I shook his hand up and down and then I turned from where we stood and walked up to my house at a much slower pace and because I knew he was still standing behind me watching me, I came to a stop as I opened the front door, dipped my head and turned back only for a second and smiled. He placed a hand over his heart, dramatically, and acted as if my smile had knocked him over as he stumbled backward and slowly retreated to his truck to drive home.

When I got into the house Mom called to me from the kitchen that we would eat in twenty minutes. Hearing her voice reminded me about her own reservations about me dating Reign. She had told me that Viktor never liked Reign’s family and evidently Reign’s dad didn’t like us either. Reign and I were unfortunately too young to remember our families ever interacting and too innocent to be told my either parent why the families didn’t like one another, but we were also fortunate because we didn’t care about the past. Their past was not our past and instead we only cared about the present and the present was our future.

At dinner I kept to myself in my pleasant daze. All I could think about was Reign. I ate on automatic and mumbled answers to Moms questions without realizing it. With my head supported in my hand I sat slumped in my chair, though I felt as if I was not tethered to the ground. I felt like I was floating above the table like a balloon on a string. My eyes stayed glued on the white house which was becoming harder to detect the darker the night sky grew, but then a bright yellow light went on in the house and I smiled thinking that it was his room, though I still wasn’t positive about that, but it was nice to pretend that he was there in the upstairs looking out the window at me.

“Earth to Mickey,” Mom said from across the table.

I didn’t respond fast enough and soon both Josh and Eric were throwing their balled up napkins at me.

“What?” I asked, scowling at my little brothers.

“You looked out of it. Feeling alright?” Mom asked, biting her bottom lip with concern.

“She’s in loooooooooooove,” Eric sang.

Mom’s eyebrows rose as she turned her head to look at me. “With whom?”

Josh started making kissing noises with his lips puckered.

“They’re just being annoying,” I said, glaring at my brother.

“Well, not with the neighbor kid at least, right?” she asked, picking up a bowl of mashed potatoes and scooping a helping on to her plate with a spoon.

“No, not the neighbor boy,” I mumbled just as the yellow light in the white house went out.

17

The next morning, I woke from an intense sleep. The sun was already high in the sky and spilled into my room across the wooden floor boards and cascaded over me on the bed. I pushed my hair back away from my face and rose out of the comfort of my bed and slipped my grey slippers on before retreating down the stairs and toward the kitchen where I heard Mom making breakfast.

She was still in her pajamas and purple coffee stained robe the tight sleeves of which were rolled up to her elbows as she flipped sizzling bacon in an iron skillet at the stove. Rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand, she danced a little to the music streaming from the stereo unknowing that I had entered the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes, embarrassed, but I also watched her with some admiration at her self-assurance and confidence. Mom was never one to apologize for who she was and she always exuded comfort for being her individual self. I was jealous of this because, until recently, it seemed like I had lived my whole life constantly afraid of what others were thinking or saying about me, but now that I was worse than invisible at school I had realized it didn’t matter. Besides, I had entered a new realm that of bliss and only Reign and I existed in that realm.