Memory's Wake Omnibus: The Complete Illustrated YA Fantasy Series (62 page)

“Memory?” Eloryn’s voice reached her. “What are you doing?”

Eloryn, Roen, Clara, and Will ran up into the room, and the sight of them almost made Memory slip and fall. Her heart thundered and feet tingled until she steadied herself.

What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?

Memory simply looked at Will, confused.

“Will?” Memory asked. She sounded inebriated and didn’t know if it was her voice or hearing that was faulty. The whole world seemed to swim in her senses. “I thought you left me.”

Will edged toward her. “Why would I leave?”

Because of all the horrible things I said, and do, and am.

Will shook his head as though she’d said the words aloud.
Did I?

“Mina took me away. I didn’t go through the door.”

A small fire of jealousy lit in Memory, a spark of passion in a body she’d thought had already lost all life. “You stayed for her.”

“Mem, please get down. What are you doing?” Eloryn pleaded.

Clara just watched with her hand over her mouth.

Memory couldn’t look them in the eyes, so she looked down at the ground so far below. “I’m removing a problem.”

“You’re not a problem.” Roen said, moving closer to her. “You’ve done so much good, inspired so much good, in me, in Eloryn, in Avall.”

Clara nodded. “And the lives of the poor in the city. I’ve never seen such caring.”

“You’re both wrong. I’m a bad person. I don’t belong – not here, not anywhere. Any good you’ve seen me do? Fake. I’m just trying to fit in but all that isn’t the real me. The kids at the shelter only like me because I give them money. Why do you think you like me, Roen? It’s because I look like
Eloryn. Clara’s only around because looking after me is her job. The Council just wants to study me. Dylan was just following orders.” Memory ran her hands up through her hair, tugging at the purple strands. “The real me? I hurt people. I… kill people.
My soul is broken
. I might as well die. I know I murdered someone, and that was before Thayl’s ritual stole my soul. How much of a monster does that make me now?”

Eloryn seemed confused. “Your soul isn’t broken, Mem.” She smiled like that solved everything. “If it were, I would have known when I joined spirits with you. How do you think that was even possible? Thayl was wrong – he never understood magic. He just assumed the power he stole was your soul. It was just magic he stole, just pure magic tangled with your memories. Not your soul.”

Memory’s shoulders fell. She felt thin as paper. “This is what I am
with
a soul?”
No
.

If this was all there was to her – the complete package – her actions were always hers. The way people reacted to her, the wrongness of her, she had nothing to blame but herself. There were no excuses, no get-out clauses. No getting better.

Memory’s legs gave way beneath her. Her skirt billowing out behind her like a parachute trying to hold her in place. She could hear footsteps like thunder behind her as she fell into the wind.

Hands clutched at her, but she was already falling.

She could still feel arms around her and opened her eyes. The ground rushed up toward her, and dark brown hair blew into her face. Will tangled his limbs around her, trying to protect her from the fall, as though his own body would be shield enough to save her. His ice blue eyes remained fixed on her face.

Will. My Will.

Adrenaline flamed through Memory’s limbs, making her gasp. The deadly ground flew at them. She ripped a hole into the Veil. The two of them fell through.

Will landed first, still holding Memory above him. They crashed down hard on the stack of old mattresses. The top three mattresses split and burst on impact, spraying dust and downy feathers into the air.

The stuffing fell around them like snow, and Memory cried out as she tried to sit up. Her hand stung like fingers were broken. Will lay still beneath her, and she put her good hand on his chest, trying to stir him. The second she touched him, he opened his eyes and pulled himself up, dragging her into his lap and holding so tight her bruised limbs ached more.

“You’re an idiot to think I’d leave you. I would always be with you, if I could.” Will’s voice trembled, stopped and started, like each sentence was a struggle. “You make me so angry, but… but I could just die I love you so much. I’ve always wanted to be with you, when things are good or bad, no matter what color your hair is or where we are. My home is where you are.”

Memory clung back to Will, sobbing. The only person who knew her, that knew Hope and Memory, before and after, good and bad, and still accepted her.

He whispered into her neck. “I know you’re hurting. It would be insane if you weren’t after everything you’ve been through. There’s no quick fix, but I’ll be there for you. And you will be there for me, too, like you always have. You can’t take yourself away from me.”

And if he could accept her as is, maybe someday she could too.

“Will, I got my memories back. I remember it all. Everything.”

He shifted back to look into her eyes, searching. “Are you… okay?”

Memory giggled softly, shaking her head. She pointed to the balcony. “See exhibit A.”

“You will be. You will be okay.” Will brought her back into his arms.

Roen, Eloryn, and Clara stood watching them. Roen held Eloryn as she stared at Memory, crying. Memory tilted her head back as a welcoming gesture and they came to join the embrace.

Memory let the warmth of her friends bodies soak into her, bringing her back to life.

She’d failed them by refusing to believe they could care for her. She knew how wrong she’d been when she could feel it now in every tear that fell on her.

Even Hope, in her own way, cared so much.

Memory shook her head.
Hope.

“Hope,” she whispered then spoke louder through the muffle of her friend’s embrace. “Then who is Hope?”

Eloryn, Will, Roen, and Clara let her go.

Memory wobbled her way off the mattresses, her legs shaky and sore. “Hope, come out. I know you’re out there!”

Clara looked at the others, confused. “Aren’t you Hope?”

“No, there’s another me. I didn’t tell you all because she said she was made from my broken soul, and I didn’t want you to know. But if that’s not true…” Memory looked around the circular room. “Then who are you? What are you?”

She didn’t appear. Memory groaned in frustration.

“Is Hope who you’ve been talking to?” Roen asked. He and Eloryn looked at each other with clear concern.

“Don’t tell me she isn’t real, that I really have been crazy all along.” Memory squeezed her hand into a fist. The cut across the palm still stung. “It can’t be. A hallucination couldn’t have cast the spell to bring my memories back. She knew things, about my past, before I did. Game’s up, Hope, come out!”

A movement flashed in the corner of Memory’s eye. Hope stepped out from behind the stack of paintings. Memory’s friends gasped, and she sighed in relief that they were seeing her too.

“You spoiled everything,” Hope pouted. “It was just meant to be you and me, but now they all know, things will have to change.”

“You’re not me, not made of my soul, so what are you?” Memory demanded.

Hope picked her way through the unwanted furniture in the room. She lifted her palms upward, the vision of innocence. “Hey, I only knew what you knew, right? Maybe I’m just made up of your memories after all?”

“Don’t bullshit me. The things you told me to do, that isn’t me. It never was.”

“What, you really wouldn’t do this?” Hope cocked her head to the side. “Cuir aerlaith, briseadh cloich, séid goath.”

Hope’s words of magic bent the air around them, flinging a gust of wind that pushed Eloryn toward the open balcony windows.

“What are you doing?” Memory screamed. Eloryn was yelling her own magic words, but nothing seemed to stop the gale forcing her to the edge. She looked to Memory for help.

“I’m doing what you should have done. Such a shame your sister would die from a tragic accident.” A few more words from Hope, and the balcony Eloryn slid toward crumbled away. Eloryn fell to her knees, clutching at the ground, trying to hold herself still. Roen ran to grab her and was caught in the rush of air himself.

“Ah yes, unfortunately this time, there are also witnesses that will have to go.” With a look from Hope, the air seemed to wrap Clara and Will, pushing them the same way. Clara shrieked, crying.

The sound of the wind rushed through Memory like a river. Memory roared over it. “Stop it!” She let her magic loose, forcing a bolt to strike Hope.

The wind stilled. Memory’s friends scrambled for stability.

Hope didn’t even sound human when she screamed back. The whole tower rumbled, and the stones beneath Eloryn’s feet fell away. Clara pulled her across onto a solid piece of ground then looked surprised at herself. She barely had a moment before the floor under them started breaking away.

Memory threw more magic at Hope. Even with the new control she’d found, it was all she could do. Each burst of magic knocked Hope back, disrupting her for just a moment. Memory wanted to Veil door her friends to safety but was worried if she let up her assault on Hope for even a second it would be too long.

Memory pummeled Hope back across the room, but it barely seemed to distract her.

Memory yelled. “Stop this!”

The floor kept crumbling on its own, too little left of its structure to stay intact. Furniture and old frames slid into the gaping pit. The stones under Memory dropped away. She almost fell backwards into the spreading hole. Will grabbed her and dragged her to solid ground at the edge of the room.

A wooden beam dislodged itself from a wall, throwing itself across at her friends. Memory managed to deflect it, but it still clipped Roen on the back when he stepped to block it from hitting the girls.

Memory gritted her teeth, staring at her twisted twin. “Why are you doing this? I didn’t give you permission, I didn’t…”

Hope had said she’d do it for her, if she’d just give the word. She should have known then, should have realized.

Hope only showed up after Thayl had died. Appearing at will, manipulating her, wanting debts and bargains and asking permission to harm those she loved. Just like Providence. Just like…