Memory's Wake Omnibus: The Complete Illustrated YA Fantasy Series (65 page)

Memory stared at the group before her. People she trusted. Memory and Eloryn caught everyone up on what had happened with Hayes while they waited for Erec and Peirs to arrive, and for Bedevere to create a Veil door to bring Lanval in. Memory already regretted giving up her magic. The traditional Veil door behest was pages long, and Bedevere’s droning of the words quickly became tedious when Memory knew how fast she could open one.

She turned her back on his progress so she could address the others. They had seated themselves along the temporary table in the Round Room and all faced her where she stood. She cleared her throat. “The very first thing we need to do is establish some proper leadership in Avall, the government Hayes neglected to set up. I know I’m queen and Maellan blood and whatever, but I’m only seventeen for chrissakes. It’s time for some adults to be doing the adult things. But how am I supposed to choose who makes up that government? Who do I trust? As Lory pointed out, I don’t know one Avall noble from another. But you do,” Memory said, acknowledging Isabeth and Brannon. “Between you and Lanval, you know the bloodlines, the individuals, the who, what and where. I trust you to make the right decisions. Bedevere will have the Council start Veil-dooring people in ASAP, nobles from each region, heck, even non-nobles as far as I’m concerned as long as they can do the job. I’m so sorry to hold you back from returning to your home, but could you do this for me?”

Isabeth looked to her husband. “We will do our best, although you know we’ve been removed from politics for many years. Still, in just the short time we’ve returned to court, it has been very easy to judge the character of those around us based on how they treat our return. Lanval has been well connected both within Thayl’s circles and without, and will be valuable indeed in making these decisions. You are right to ask for him.”

Memory nodded firmly and smiled at Erec and Peirs who waited at the entrance. She waved them in.

Peirs had a sly half grin on his face, stretching the sandy freckled skin, as he kneeled in front of Memory. “Your Majesty. The position suits you well. As does the new hair color.”

“Quit it.” Memory swung a foot playfully at him. “Can I make a no kneeling rule?”

Peirs remained kneeling and became solemn. “You are worth kneeling for even if it means breaking the rules. You will be a fine queen.”

A swell of pride and worry clogged Memory’s throat. She had so much to live up to. “Just a title so far. Speaking of titles, I want you back as captain of the guard. I need you, Erec, and the people you trust out there removing Hayes’s loyalists from positions of power in the military. Right away, please. We need everyone to know things have changed before any more damage is done.”

Peirs stood and he and his brother bowed and turned to leave. Memory grabbed him by the arm. “Any news of Maeve and the kids? How are they doing?”

Peirs shook his head. “I lost contact with them when they were found by the militia and forced to move again.”

Memory frowned, but patted Peirs on the shoulder and let him leave. She turned back to the others. Beside her on the table was a small tray of her favorite foods. Memory knew they were from Clara, but hadn’t even noticed her come in and leave them there. Her stomach grumbled. She smiled inside at how Clara mothered her and predicted her needs. Bedevere continued to read his behest and Isabeth and Brannon were already writing notes on who they wanted to see as candidates for the government.

Eloryn had a pained look on her face. “There’s one more thing we will be required to do.”

“What?” Memory asked. Her brain was starting to get fuzzy. She was too tired and had already put so much effort into trying to do things right and get everything under control. What had she missed?

“There will need to be a public announcement about the change in rule.”

Memory winced. “But do we really have to? There’s enough confusion and disrespect going around because of our age and how we came back, and now we go and play swapsies for who is queen. Can’t we just, you know?” Memory mimed picking up a mat and sweeping under it. “I’ll just pretend like I’m you and nothing has changed. No one will have to know, right?”

Eloryn fought a smile. “I somehow think people would notice, even if we change your hair again. There will be no harm from this announcement. The people of Avall love you. You are their hero. When they think of me, they think only of my connection to Hayes and everything he did. When they think of you they think of the person who defeated Thayl, who has shown such courage, compassion and ingenuity in helping the homeless and fighting for equality.”

Memory groaned. “Fine. Okay. I’ll make an announcement. Just enough with the compliments. And I’m not all that popular. I haven’t been making any friends amongst the noble crowd with my efforts.”

Roen leaned back in his chair and shrugged. “Some of your efforts challenge their traditions. But a tradition is only that until you don’t do it anymore. People will learn, and grow, and it will be for the better.”

The full impact of being who she was started settling on Memory. She had that power now, to make great changes to this world. She desperately wanted to use that power well, and realized how many plans and dreams she had to improve the land for the people she now ruled. A smile spread slowly on her lips. “Maybe it is time to break some traditions.”

A faint glow of morning light had begun to show through the glass ceiling of the Round Room by the time Memory had reestablished enough stability to leave affairs in her advisors’ hands.

Eloryn and Roen walked Memory back to her room, arms linked and shuffling along together. Clara had returned as well. Memory wasn’t sure when. She blinked often, trying to keep her eyes open. Exhaustion had set in, aching in her temples and burning her muscles where adrenaline had been keeping her going since the tower collapse. Since she’d tried to take her own life. It all seemed like a distant dream.

Memory wanted to go to the Ivy Room, or what was left of it, to try and find Will, to see if he’d come back yet.

When she explained where she wanted to go, Eloryn just shook her head.

“He will come to you when he can,” she said.

Will he?
Memory still wasn’t sure what their relationship was, or of how Will felt about her. He’d said he loved her, loved her so much he chased her off a balcony.
How could he? How could anyone love me that much?
Doubt settled like an uneasy sickness in her, its voice sounding like the voice of Hope. Not just the dark manipulations of the creature that had pretended to be her, but the voice of her past self, a self that was now part of her again. With her memories returned, Memory knew she used to be the kind of person who had no love for herself, and no concept that anyone could love her. Even she could see how much she had changed since coming to Avall, but the old, painful feelings remained. She was too tired then to process the discord of her past memories conflicting with her new identity. It wasn’t long ago that her affection for herself was so low she’d almost ended her life, but the spark of life remained, and she could feel it now wanting to grow. She didn’t want to doubt any more that anyone could love her. She wanted to allow herself to be loved and accept that she could be loved.

Memory’s heart rushed and she bit her lip hard at the thought that overwhelmed her.
I don’t just want anyone to love me. I want Will to love me.

Eloryn and Roen had escorted Memory all the way to her bedroom before she blinked her vision clear again and saw where she was. Clara turned the bed down for her, fluffing the pillows more than a few times each as though she’d become stuck in some sort of loop.

Memory shook her head and her vision and speech blurred. “Can’t sleep yet. Still have talking about to do, about Provi-Hope.”

Roen locked Memory’s bedroom bi-fold doors into their fully open position. Yawning, he undid his top shirt button and slumped down into an armchair in the adjoining sitting room. “You can’t even talk straight anymore. You need to rest. Don’t you think we’ve done enough for one day?”

Eloryn picked up a purple velvet cushion from the lounge and curled up in an armchair beside Roen’s, cuddling the cushion under her chin like a teddy bear. “We’ll be right here.”

Memory was about to tell them to go back to their rooms and sleep themselves, but knew exactly why her friends were here, and why they weren’t giving her any privacy.

I tried to kill myself.
The thought now felt surreal to Memory. She ached when wondering how it made her friends feel, to have almost lost her that way.

She smiled at how protective they were. If they weren’t a reason to keep living, she didn’t know what was. So many of the negative thoughts she’d been having had been whispered to her by Hope, and now she knew that Hope was just an imposter, everything seemed different, and better. Sunrise had broken fully and the new day looked glorious through Memory’s bedroom window. She kept smiling as her head hit the pillow and she instantly passed out.

When her eyelids rolled open again it was still daylight. Memory felt disoriented, with no idea how much time had passed. She was groggy, and so hungry it could have been a week later. At the end of her bed, Will sat cross-legged, staring through the diamond glass of the closed balcony windows.

He came back.
Memory’s heart back-flipped.

Will had found a shirt somewhere, warm grey with a wide poet’s collar, but his feet were still bare. Memory moved to sit up and he turned to her. His eyebrows were low over his light blue eyes, his dark hair a wild mess the way she liked it.

He put a finger to his lips. Memory looked behind him. The doors between her bedroom and sitting room were still open, and she saw Roen and Eloryn, heads bowed, both fast asleep in their chairs.

“As much as I feel like I did, I’m guessing I haven’t slept for a century. What time is it? What day is it?” Memory whispered. She sat up on her pillow, leaning against the headboard while she stretched her arms up and arched her back.

“Afternoon. Same day.” Will’s voice was also hushed. Even in a murmur it was a beautiful voice, always deep and strong, reminding Memory of how he used to sing when he was a boy. With all her past returned to her, the man that sat in front of her was now also so much the boy she used to know. Always ready to hide his fear to show off for her, take up her dares and challenges, and get into trouble with her. She’d been unkind to him back then, in the way a big sister would be to a weakly younger brother. The way he used to look up to her, idolize her, made Memory blush now. She felt their roles had been reversed. Will was her constant point of reference, always patient and loyal. She wanted to be like him; be with him.

Will shifted uncomfortably and Memory realized she’d been staring at him for way too long.

“I’m sorry I left with Mina,” he said.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill myself. Boom. I win the Sorry Game.”

Will’s smile was more of a frown.

“Too soon? Yeah, you’re right. Sorry… and that’s a Sorry Game DOUBLE VICTORY!” Memory whispered a crackling sound like applauding crowds.

Will gave her a patient look.

Memory gave him a cheesy grin in return. “Fine. Moving right along. What happened with Mina? I wasn’t a big fan of her jealous girlfae act,” Memory said.

“It’s not as simple as that.”

Swallowing away her embarrassment, Memory asked, “Do you… love her?”

Will remained quiet for some time, too long for the answer to be a clear no. “She saved my life, just like you did. But Mina doesn't do things selflessly.”