Authors: Lucy Francis
Nate’s latest letter vanished from Victoria’s thoughts once her skis hit fresh powder at Park City Mountain. The scent of pine and aspen infused the thin, brisk air, and she didn’t feel the cold as she spent a few hours speeding down the runs and laughing with her friends.
Curran lit up on the slopes, racing with Robby and teasing her. He was a far better skier than she was, but she’d never cared for moguls or black diamond runs anyway. Fear wasn’t fun. She loved the freedom of a wide, fast run like Temptation and Carbide Cut, where she tucked low over her skis and all but took flight.
They broke for a late lunch at Mid-Mountain Lodge, a meal full of laughter and undisguised flirting between Kelli and Jamie. Curran seemed to ignore it, but she noted his tension in the stiff way he held himself and his subdued laughter. Clearly, the combination of his sister and his friend didn’t sit well with him, though she couldn’t fathom why. They seemed so happy together, and Jamie appeared to be equally enamored of Rob, who climbed all over him and talked him to death.
Finally, when the meal was over and Rob was yawning, Curran said, “Time for hitting the bowls. Anyone want to join me?” He looked pointedly at Jamie.
Kelli said, “You boys go on ahead and do your crazy rough skiing. I think Rob needs a break. How about it, Victoria? Want to hang out and have coffee while the boys go tempt fate and broken bones?”
Victoria took the hint. Curran clearly wanted to talk to Jamie alone. “I’d like that, Kelli. If we move fast, there’s a spot over by the fireplace we can claim.”
“Good. Robby can settle on the coats and take a nap.”
“Mom, I’m not a baby. I don’t need a nap, but I can sit and play my game.”
The fatigue on the boy’s face belied his claim, but Kelli nodded. “Fine, no nap then. But you will plant yourself beside me and take it easy. Clear?”
“Yes, Mother.”
Victoria stifled a laugh at the resignation hanging in the boy’s tone.
Curran kissed her on the cheek then lifted his parka from the back of his chair. “Right then, ready to give it a go, mate?”
Jamie sighed. “Why do you do this, Curran? We’re going to get up there, you’ll want to put money on it, and then I’ll kick your ass.”
“I’m a gambling man, Mickelson. I’ll take that chance.”
The men left, and Kelli and Victoria moved to a more comfortable spot by the fire, Kelli half dragging Rob as he concentrated on his game.
Victoria’s muscles turned to jelly, sitting in a soft, cushiony chair before the fire. She’d skied harder than normal today to keep up with Curran, and between the workout and her lack of decent sleep last night, she now realized just how tired her body was.
Kelli sipped her coffee. She was a pretty woman, and when Jamie was around, she positively shone.
“How long have you known Jamie?” Victoria asked.
Kelli broke into a grin and set her coffee cup on the hearth. “I met him a few years back, but I didn’t get to know him really well until this last year. Curran’s known him forever, though. They attended UCLA together.”
“He seems like a nice guy.”
“I could go on about his qualities forever, but I don’t want to bore you.”
After chatting for a while, Victoria glanced over at Rob. “Oh, Kelli, look. He conked out.”
Rob’s game hung in his limp fingers as he lay on their coats near the fireplace. Kelli reached over and smoothed his pale hair.
The motion hit Victoria hard. Was her child’s mother as gentle? “He’s a sweetheart. Is he always as well-behaved as he’s been today?”
Kelli laughed softly. “I wish. He has days when I dearly wish Jonas could be trusted with him, because I’d send him on his merry way for a week. He’s a very typical little boy.”
Outside of counselors, Victoria hadn’t talked to another abused woman. She’d never wanted to. “Kelli, can I ask you a personal question?”
The woman’s smile put her more at ease. “Ask away.”
Part of her desperately wanted to know what it was like to raise a child fathered by an abusive man. Did seeing his father in him ever bother Kelli? Her voice caught on the edge of her question. How could she ask such a thing? She switched to a slightly less delicate topic. “What happened with your husband? Did he always hurt you?”
Kelli raised an eyebrow, but her expression was unreadable. “Interesting question.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, it’s just…I’ve never really talked to another woman who—” She broke off as Kelli’s eyes widened and her mouth sagged open.
“Victoria, were you in a violent relationship?”
“Didn’t Curran tell you?”
Kelli shook her head. “No, Curran is intensely private when it comes to relationships. He didn’t tell me anything. Wow.” She hugged her arms around her knees and sighed. “We were married for three years before anything ever happened. They were great years. In fact, when I look at Robby, I see the better parts of Jonas.”
Were there any better parts of Nate she could have seen in their child? She couldn’t seem to remember any, aside from his great looks. “What changed?”
Kelli gave a smile touched with sadness. “He lost his job. The bank was going to foreclose on the house before he found another, and Curran bailed us out. He hated taking money from my brother, thought it made him less of a man. He started drinking heavily. One day, he slapped me and shoved me against a wall. He felt terrible later, but once the door was opened, it never quite closed again. It was easier for him to do it the next time he was drunk and angry. And after a while, he was drunk and angry all the time.”
Victoria nodded. So she had good times she could remember when she looked at her child. A well of sadness tried to open inside her, but she locked the lid on it. She knew better than to revisit her own choice. Adoption was the very best thing she could have done at the time. Hindsight sometimes clouded the clarity, the surety with which she’d made her decision.
Kelli’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. “Do you mind my asking what happened?”
She shared a kinship with Kelli, a bond of sisterhood born in pain. She’d never shared her experience with a friend, only with counselors. Even her parents, not that they cared, heard the skeleton version. Now, the words poured out of her.
“I started dating Nate five years ago. He was a successful attorney, I was a struggling writer. He pampered me and I fell hook, line and sinker. My roommates drove me nuts, and when he invited me to move in with him, I jumped at the chance.”
“When did it start?”
“He was subtle at first. He’d tell me to change my outfit because I didn’t look good in what I’d chosen. He convinced me to bleach my hair because he preferred blondes.”
“What a bastard.”
“Yeah, and if anyone tried that now, I’d give them explicit directions to Hell. But he worked on me so gradually, I just sort of believed him. He’d pick my meals at restaurants so I wouldn’t gain weight. He started leaving me home from social events because I wasn’t intelligent enough to follow his law friends’ conversations.”
“I don’t know if anyone has told you this, Victoria, but emotional and mental abuse is every bit as bad as the physical kind.”
She smiled weakly. “I know. Thanks for that.”
“How did you finally get away from him?”
“I decided either I was better than he said I was, or I might as well just die and get it over with. I chose to believe I was better, and I told him I was leaving. He went ballistic, beat me badly enough to put me in the hospital. I testified against him in criminal proceedings, and he’s still a year away from his first parole hearing.”
“Good onya, Victoria,” Kelli said, her eyes bright with support and understanding. “He’s right where he belongs.”
“Yeah. For now.”
After a moment, Kelli said, “Tell me, does your experience make it harder to let yourself go with Curran? Are you more defensive?”
“Sometimes.”
Kelli sighed, laid her head back on the chair. “Starting a new relationship is so hard. I adore Jamie, and he is the polar opposite of Jonas. Still, I find it difficult to let down my defenses, even when I know he would never hurt me.”
“You feel scars you’d forgotten you had.” And the ones she hadn’t forgotten grew raw again.
“Exactly. Jamie’s so great with me, though. I’m not expecting it to go anywhere, really, but it is wonderful for now.”
Victoria didn’t dare question what future she might have with Curran. The fact that he showed up this morning to take her skiing was a minor miracle in her book. Trying to envision a happy ending was foolish at best. She’d take every day as it came, and soak in all the wonderful moments to sustain her when it all ended.
* * * *
Jamie turned his skis and stopped on the open snowfield near the lodge. He winced as he rubbed his thigh. “Curran, if I do any more moguls today, my legs are going to give out on me.”
Curran cut to a stop nearby, sending a tail of snow into the air. He slipped his goggles off, leaving them hanging around his neck. “Wuss.”
“Hey, now, is it my fault you get to play ski bum every day and I have to sit in an office and rule your empire?”
Curran snorted. “Yeah, I know just how much you hate being in charge, mate.”
“I could get used to it. You’d better hurry back before I redecorate your office.”
“Very funny.” Curran used the end of his pole to release his boot bindings, then stepped off his skis. He thrust the poles into the snow and leaned down to lift his skis and slide them together for carrying. “Well, Jamie, now that you’ve had plenty of time to ponder, stop avoiding the question. What are your intentions toward my sister?”
Jamie released his own bindings. “What am I supposed to say, Curran? Anything I say outside of ‘I’m going to marry her’ will probably be wrong. Hell, saying I’ll marry her is probably not what you want to hear, either.”
He stared at his best friend. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
Jamie slid his skis together before turning narrowed eyes on him. “It means I’m well aware you don’t think I’m good enough for Kelli.”
Where had he gotten that idea? “Mate, I think you’d be great for my sister. If you’re serious. If you’re toying with her, then I want you on the next plane to Los Angeles.”
Jamie hefted his skis onto his right shoulder and took a few steps towards the lodge before glancing back. “How can I tell you what my intentions are when I don’t even know?”
Curran picked up his own skis and joined his friend on the walk to the lodge stairs. “Do you love her?”
The question jolted him the way Curran hoped it would. Jamie went stock still, his frown and furrowed brow a reflection of his internal war. “Don’t ask me that, bud, okay? I can’t answer it yet.”
He widened the crack in Jamie’s armor. “Can’t, or won’t? I know you loved Alexa, Jamie, but she’s been gone for eight years. Do you honestly think she’d want you to live the rest of your life alone?”
He knew he’d hit the nerve too hard when his friend tensed, then rounded on him. “Tell me something, why do you presume to lecture me about love and relationships when you have the worst track record I’ve seen and you’ve never been in love?”
“What makes you think I’ve never been in love?” Now why did he say that? The conversation had somehow turned around on him. He had to get it righted, refocused on Jamie.
Jamie stalked across the snow and leaned his skis against the rack by the stairs. “Because the loss of a woman has never turned you inside out and left you to dry, that’s why. You take it all in stride. Even with Amanda. All she did was seriously bruise your pride. She didn’t break your heart.”
Curran set his skis against the rack and wrapped a cable lock around them. Thinking about Amanda still pissed him off. “That was a damned public bruising. Let’s not forget the picture of her half dressed and wrapped around her other boyfriend at Aqua. Half a dozen entertainment shows and every tabloid in the market splashed that one around. And let’s not talk about what showed up on the internet.”
“She was bad news from the start, Curran. You should have never hooked up with her.”
“Hindsight’s perfect.”
“And you should’ve never let her chase you out of your life.”
Curran blew out a deep breath, pulled off his glove and rubbed his hand across his eyes. “I didn’t choose this life because of Amanda. But she showed me I’d never find a long-term relationship. Not there. Not with the women in my circle.”
“Is Victoria long-term?”
He weighed that for a moment. She was pretty, smart, kind. She also had enormous strength and kept him on his toes. Falling in love with her took no effort at all…and it was a direction he wasn’t prepared to go. He swore and pushed her image away from his mind’s eye. This discussion wasn’t supposed to be about him. “I don’t know.”
“Well, figure it out, and if she is, marry her, have a nice honeymoon, and get your ass back to work.”
Marry Victoria? He hadn’t even come close to crossing that line of thought yet, nor did he want to. “Jamie, how many times are we going to have this conversation? Retired. Need me to spell it for you?”
Jamie shook his head. “Answer me this. Have you sold your condo in L.A.?”