Mercy's Angels Box Set (17 page)

              Eli bounced about excitedly in Annie’s lap as we navigated the icy streets to the center of town. Annie seemed just as excited and she looked beautiful. She wore a vibrant red coat and matching hat and scarf. I glanced down at my own dark grey coat and the ratty old black skull cap that I twisted nervously in my hands. I looked ordinary, I looked less than ordinary I looked homeless.  Jax had been bugging me for days to come out to this town celebration with him. I, of course, was more than reluctant. Christmas just reminded me of my father’s death and being in that frame of mind along with the embarrassment over my clothes and the fact that I was about to be tossed in with a large crowd, it was all making me feel a little ill. In fact, I was sure if I looked in the mirror I would be green. Oh god. I grabbed my stomach and twisted the center mirror away from Jax to look at my pale face. It wasn’t green, but I definitely didn’t have the cheerful glow and relaxed look like Annie.

              “You look beautiful angel,” Jax murmured.

              “She’s scared,” Eli piped up. Damn kid didn’t have an off switch. He was like beacon for truth which usually meant embarrassment for either one or all of the people surrounding him.

              “From the mouths of babes,” chuckled Annie.

              “I feel sick. Do I look green?” I asked nobody in particular, pinching my cheeks in an effort to put some color into them. Jax pulled the mirror away from me and shook his head.

              “You’re not green angel.”

              “Come on Ella, if I can do this you can do it.” I so easily forgot Annie’s nightmares were still so fresh for her. She ran from the violence of her husband only four months ago. Four short months and she managed to hold her head high and mask her face with an air of strength and resilience. I knew she did it for Eli, she was as good for him as he was for her. Annie and I shared our nightmares only two nights ago. I told her my father died, but did not go into specifics. It was the wrong time of the year to be opening that wound. I told her about Marcus, the beatings, the cutting and when I finally escaped. In exchange for the imparting of my demons, she told me about hers. Annie’s husband Phillip was diagnosed with schizophrenia nearly five years ago and was refusing to take his medication. During episodes he became disorganized and frantic and eventually violent. It was hard for Annie to leave her husband because she loved him very much, but the degeneration of his behavior eventually began to wear their relationship thin. When Phillip began hitting Annie, she felt betrayed in the worst possible way. Annie had no family and their circle of friends had disappeared when Phillip’s illness appeared. Looking over at her now, she looked so comfortable, so carefree. She hid her fear well, unlike me who felt like a fragile ice sculpture ready to fracture.

              Jax had trouble finding somewhere to park his pickup and we ended up right outside Benny’s. I looked longingly through the windows. It looked warm and quiet in there.

“Maybe I can just wait for you guys here,” I suggested.  Jax grabbed my hand and all but dragged me down the two blocks into town. As we drew closer, the crowds became thicker and my anxiety grew worse. I concentrated on Jax’s big hand in mine. It was a lifeline that kept me connected to some resemblance of sanity. Large outdoor heaters scattered the footpaths of the short strip mall, along with country fair hot food stalls. Music played from a make shift stage set up beside the very obvious and beautiful Christmas tree. It was enormous and the leaves were scattered with light flecks of snow. Another dump of the white stuff like they had had the night I arrived in Claymont and the entire thing would disappear under it. Large gaudy decorations had been hung and on top sat a large gold star. I shivered as I stood and took it all in. It wasn’t the cold that chilled me though, it was the memories that Christmas decorations bought with it. I tried to tell myself I hated them, but I didn’t. I had always loved Christmas, the decorations, the music and goodwill that came with that time of the year.  It just made me miss my dad more.

              “Ahhhhh finally, I’ve been looking everywhere for you two,” exclaimed Rebecca. I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped from my lips. Her hair and makeup was styled in her usual pinup girl façade, her legs encased in skin tight black lycra pants with a pair of sexy knee high boots. However in a total contradiction to Rebecca’s usual style she was wearing the most hideous green knitted jersey with giant fluffy antlers attached to the front. A pair of gaudy dangling Santa earrings that flashed at regular intervals finished the ensemble. She shook her finger at me.

              “Don’t you dare laugh. I have one of these babies sitting at home with your name on it.” She pointed at the sweater and I shook my head in mock horror.

              “Over my dead body.” Rebecca glanced at Jax who seemed as horrified as I was by Rebecca’s festive attire.

              “So Jax,” she sung. “Bet you’ve been wondering about my Clitoria.” Jax shook his head and laughed.

              “Not even once.”

              I was nudged sideways by a rowdy teen who appeared more than a little tanked. Jax pulled me in to the safety of his warm hard body. This is where I wanted to be, if I could live here I would. This is where I felt no fear, where my body responded to his in a most natural way. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him until the outside world disappeared. I wanted, no, I needed him to kiss me again and touch me the way a woman was meant to be touched by a man and the fact that since the kiss on Annie’s couch he had handled me far too virtuously made me want to scream with frustration. I knew he was trying to do the honorable thing and take it slow, but something inside my body had been ignited by that kiss. Something inside me had been awakened and I suddenly felt like a starved woman craving a thirst for a tall, silver eyed blonde.

              “Jesus Christ Rebecca, what the fuck are you wearing?” Charlie slapped Jax on the back and gave me a cheeky wink as he turned to take in Rebecca’s loud outfit.

              Rebecca scowled and I was intrigued. Rebecca wasn’t the type to care what others thought of her wardrobe, but the look she gave Charlie now could only be described as unfriendly, in fact it bordered on icy.

              “I wonder if you’ve got those sexy little red panties on under that. You know, the one’s with the little bows on the sides?” Charlie seemed to wonder out loud as his scorching gaze ran a path up and down Rebecca’s body. A furious blush settled on Rebecca’s cheeks and I was officially gob smacked. Jax’s curious glance from Charlie to Rebecca confirmed he was just as surprised.

              “Well, you’ll just have to keep wondering because there is no way in hell you will ever get another sample.” Rebecca said dismissively. Charlie grinned.

“Sample? Betty Boo I did a whole lot more than sample.” Rebecca’s fists curled, her scowl deepened and Jax moved to intercede.

              “You know kids, I’m not sure Annie’s going to be able to comfortably explain this conversation to Eli and as intrigued as I am, perhaps now is not the time or the place.” Rebecca cast Eli a quick glance. His innocent little eyes watched her thoughtfully but then moved to something else happening over by the tree, dismissing the entire scene as easy as that.

                            “Well, that was unexpected.” Jax chuckled as he moved back to my side while Rebecca and Charlie did their best to ignore each other.

              “Hey, I need to find a bathroom for Eli,” whispered Annie.

              “Ohhhh, me too. You guys made me leave in such a hurry I didn’t get a chance to go before we left.” I was suddenly jumping around uncomfortably.

              “If we didn’t get you out the door that minute you would never had left. You would have ended up locking yourself in the bathroom.” Annie murmured. Yeah, she was right.

“I’ll get the key to Bouquets, I’m sure Rebecca won’t mind if we sneak in there.” Jax was reluctant to let me go on my own, but at that moment I felt it was something I needed to do. No one else was out here having a panic attack about being in a crowd and I certainly didn’t want to have to hold Jax’s hand every time I needed to use a bathroom.

              “It’s nice in here,” said Annie, inhaling the floral scent. “Warm.”

              “I think I could sleep in here,” I admitted. I kept expecting Annie to ask me about Jax. We may have talked about our past, but for some reason I felt hesitant discussing my present and future. Annie had quickly adopted the rule of the street, your problems are your own and asking questions was a no no. People talked when they were ready and I was glad for Annie’s lack of questions and prying. We knew what we needed to know about each other, outside that we were just happy to have each other’s friendship. Annie was sweet, kind and generous, a perfect mother. In that moment I found myself wishing my mother had of been more like her. I wondered how mom was doing, no doubt living the life she had always dreamed, money, diamonds, pretty clothes, first class flights to the most exotic locations. She had it all, but I wondered if she was truly happy.

              “That blonde Barbie who was at the shelter a few weeks back is out there,” murmured Annie from the window of the shop as I came out of the bathroom. I tiptoed my way through the dimly lit shop and glanced out the window, easily spotting Selena. She was of course the perfectly groomed, animated bombshell with a ridiculous entourage of friends following her around like lost sheep.

              “She is the reason I hated school so much,” Annie muttered. I quietly chuckled, observing Selena as she laughed her way amongst the crowd, completely carefree. School for me was like a vague blur. I know there were cliques, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the geeks, the drama club and the list went on. If anything I probably floated between the stoners and the depressed emo crowd. I hated school too, but likely for different reasons then Annie. I was constantly hiding bruises and one very fragile heart. My stomach dropped when Selena seemed to turn and settle her ugly hostile eyes on me before glancing toward Jax who strolled with purpose towards Bouquets, Rebecca and Charlie at his back. Her snide and discreet smile in my direction confirmed she obviously remembered me from the shelter. It was like a car wreck that I just couldn’t bring myself to look away from. Selena sang his name as she approached him and ran her hands up his arms in a familiar gesture that had my heart racing and stomach rolling. Annie cast me a nervous glance then scooped to pick Eli up.

              “Come on, let’s get out there.” Annie suggested. I couldn’t move though. I watched Jax like a hawk might watch its prey. Watching for every subtle movement, his hands, the tilt of his head. Most of all I watched his eyes. Charlie and Rebecca looked nervous as they watched me watching him from outside the window. Jax took a hand from his pocket and rubbed his neck in agitation. He looked uncomfortable and pissed, I could deal with that. He shook his head a couple of times and Selena seemed to be pleading with him, her hands rubbing his arms and eventually sitting restfully on his chest. Jax didn’t try to move them and that fueled the jealousy that currently burnt through my body. Jax shook his head again, irritated and then something changed. Selena’s eyes were beseeching, her lips in a perfect ruby red pout, she mumbled a few more words and Jax listened. The change was immediate, acceptance and understanding bled through Jax’s eyes, followed by a reluctant but firm nod. Selena reached up on her toes and he leant forward allowing her to place a quick chaste kiss to his lips, it could have been a passionate affair of the tongues as far as I was concerned, jealousy had reared its ugly head and was flowing through my veins with unexpected vehemence. Jax had leaned into this kiss, he had accepted her affection right in front of me, right in front of my friends. This I couldn’t deal with, I was suddenly feeling ill again, but for a whole different reason.

              I had got tired of waiting for Ella to come back from Bouquets and I imagined her, Annie and Eli enjoying the spring time warmth of the shop. It was absolutely freezing and I was eager to find just a few minutes out of the icy chill in the air. What put a truly biting chill in me though was seeing Selena, standing but a few feet away from Bouquets. As soon as she saw me she pounced. She looked typical Selena, dressed to the nine’s, too much makeup, her following of Selena clone’s hanging off her every word.

              “Jax!” She exclaimed like we were the best of friends. She hadn’t called me, just like I had asked, but seeing her here now, seeing her approach me like nothing had changed pissed me off. “I need to speak to you about the Thanksgiving Ball next week. I told daddy you were taking me, so I need to know what time you’re picking me up.” Her hands rubbed up and down my arms in what was supposed to be an innocent gesture, but I knew better. I was too stunned by her question to do anything about it though. I looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language and shook my head.

              “I’m not going to the fucking ball with you Selena.” She pouted and fuck I hated her for it. I hated myself for putting up with it for so long.

              “The event is sold out Jax. There are no more tickets and you know it is where you do your thing and network for Mercy’s shelter.” She spat the word shelter at me like it was a dirty word. And I shook my head again.

              “We don’t need the networking that bad,” I smirked. Then she did what she knew would reel me in, she knew I would take the bait. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, her pout now a solemn frown.

              “Jax, my mother and father are going to be there and they will be so disappointed with me if I don’t turn up with you. They will know I screwed this up, I always screw things up and they remind me of that every time I see them. I can’t even get a job without daddy’s help. Please, surely after all these years the least you can do is pick me up, escort me in, be polite, have one dance with me, then leave if you have to. Just don’t make me walk in there alone. You secure donations for Mercy’s next year and I get mommy and daddy off my back for another day.” Her hands rested on my chest and I wanted to push her away but I also didn’t want to create a scene in front of her friends. I rubbed a hand down my face groaning. Fuck, I couldn’t believe I was giving in to her. But Mercy’s needed the support and it is the biggest community event on the calendar. Senators, wealthy business man, lawyers, doctors, the who’s who of Claymont. It was worth a few hours of awkwardness with Selena. And her parents did give her a hard time, there love was harsh, no doubt the major contributing factor in molding Selena into the woman she is.

              “Alright, I’ll pick you up at seven, but you’ll need your own way home. I won’t be staying long.” Her eyes beamed with triumph and she raised herself to her toes. I knew she wanted to kiss me and for some reason, most likely habit, I leant forward and allowed it. As I glanced up and saw Ella watching from inside Bouquets in mortified horror, I suddenly realized I had screwed up. 

              “You won’t regret it,” Selena sang as she walked away and I’m sure she cast Ella a quick grin. I was already filled with regret. Ella walked out of the florist, her face barely masking her rage. While Charlie helped Rebecca lock up I moved towards her.

              “Everything okay?” She asked in a voice that contradicted the simmering anger.

              “Just fine. You hungry?” I tried to move the conversation on to something else quickly. I was too pissed off to answer any of her questions. I knew I’d lose my shit. She tilted her head to one side, as if looking at me from another angle might give her the answer she was searching for.

              “You look guilty,” she whispered. I hated that she could see me so easily.

              “I haven’t done anything wrong, so I don’t know why you assume that I’m guilty,” I growled.

              “I don’t assume, I know Jax, I can see it in your eyes. As far as I’m aware you haven’t done anything to be guilty of either. So maybe you can tell me why you feel that way.”

              “What do you want me to say angel? You want the truth?” She stared at me with those big beautiful eyes that were seething with frustration.

              “You promised me that’s all you would ever give me, remember? I can trust you, you told me that.” I pulled the beanie from my head and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Rebecca moved up to her side. I didn’t want to do this here and now, but my night had started badly with Dillon’s news then quickly descended into a cluster fuck with seeing Selena. Now Ella’s questioning eyes were all I needed to nudge me into asshole mode.

              “You wanna’ do this now? Fine, I’m taking Selena to the Thanksgiving Ball next week. I’d promised her a long time back and it’s important to her. We go every year together and we’ve been friends for a long time, I can’t just let her down like that. It’s a great opportunity to network for Mercy’s too. There are no other tickets left and even if there were it’s not like I can take you, it’s crowded and glamorous, not really your kind of thing.” I might as well of hit her. The pain in her eyes made me instantly regret my words. Even Annie who stood behind her took a short step back. Rebecca’s eyes widened with shock and Charlie shook his head and groaned. I had to give it to Ella though. She recovered well. Her eyes glazed over with a look that broke my heart. Indifference and no doubt her life with Marcus had made her an expert at that look.

              “Of course you have to go. Mercy’s is everything, it’s far more important than you and I,” I went to interrupt her and tell her she was wrong, that she actually meant the world to me and I would happily give up Mercy’s for her. Selena had wanted me to and of course I wouldn’t. If Ella asked though, I’d give it up in a heartbeat. The thing was I knew she would never ask that of me and that’s why I loved her. Ella didn’t give me a chance to speak though, her anger forcing words from her lips in quick succession.

              “Without Mercy’s there would be no me, no Annie and Eli, no Sam, no Nancy. All those girls and women would be left out in the cold. Sarah would have died alone and cold rather than in a warm safe place. Finding money to keep Mercy’s running is more important than anything, but the fact that the first thing that came out of your mouth was making Selena happy, that kind of pisses me off. Lord knows she would make the perfect date though. She loves the crowd and works it like a pro. I have no doubt she would do the full glamour thing too, beautiful dresses, hair, makeup the works. Fuck,” Ella laughed but there was no humor in it, it was forced and a little bit manic, “just like my mother, that’s who she reminds me of you know, my exact opposite. No doubt Selena never flinched at your touch or went into a fucking panic attack. She is the better option Jax, she is perfect for you. I hope the evening is profitable for Mercy’s and knowing your past with Selena, I’m sure she’d be happy to scratch your back.” I turned and walked away, somehow managing to hold my head high and shoulders back proudly. I didn’t even notice Rebecca at my side till I reached the end of the mall and edged my way around the last of the crowd.

              “My cars up here,” she nodded down a side street and I hesitated at the darkness. She stopped and held out her hand. “Come on tiger, I know how to throw a punch, I’ll keep you safe.” I was furious that Jax hadn’t even followed me, hadn’t even attempted to reject what I had said. “You’re coming to my place for a sleep over. You can borrow some of my clothes.” I really just wanted to go back to the apartment and curl into a ball and cry. Who was I kidding, I knew I wouldn’t cry. It took kindness to bring on my tears, what kind of a sicko was I.

              “Annie will worry,” I reasoned.

              “I told her before I came after you that I would keep you at my place tonight and drop you home tomorrow. I thought you might prefer some space without the little critter under your feet.”

              “Little critter?” I wondered out loud.

              “Eli,” she winked playfully. “Cute critter that one, but perhaps not so much fun to have around when you feel like making a Jax voodoo doll.” I felt so dejected and humiliated by Jax’s words that I couldn’t even force a smile. He thought I wasn’t good enough for a ball. What pissed me off was that he was right.

              “I’m homeless. Why would he want to take me to a ball, I don’t even own a dress.” I murmured still angry. My eyes were fixed on the road ahead, but I still noticed Rebecca turn to glance at me as we drove out of the city.

              “You met Jax in the shelter?” She asked.

              I nodded woodenly. “If it bothers you having me in Bouquets I’ll leave without a fuss.”

              “Now why the hell would I want you to leave?” She snapped.

              “Most people assume that a homeless employee would be more prone to theft.” It was the honest truth. It’s why I kept my home life, or lack thereof private.

              “Well, that’s just stupid. I trust you Ella, Rita vouched for you and Rita doesn’t vouch for criminals, she’s a good judge of character and I like to think I am too. Anyway, you live with Annie and Eli so you’re not homeless you douche.” Her flippant regard of my living arrangements made me laugh.

              “I sleep on their couch. I have four pairs of jeans, one pair of cargo’s, five t-shirts, six thermals, one heavy winter jacket and a pair of all-star sneakers.” Rebecca was quiet while she absorbed my far to short list of belongings.

              “You don’t own any underwear?” She finally gasped in mock horror and I couldn’t help but laugh.

              “I own underwear you dork, probably not as much as you and none of it has lace on it. I think I’m allergic to lace and frills.”

Rebecca pulled into a small quaint looking cottage that looked perfectly adorable surrounded by a thin layer of snow. She only lived ten minutes from the city center, her home surrounded by other, much larger homes.

              “Welcome to my matchbox. It pisses the neighbors off that this microscopic crib sits amongst their much more affluent and grand castles. It belonged to my grandma and she left it to me and my older sister who escaped Claymont years ago so it’s really just mine now and I’m not changing it for anyone. It’s awesome just the way it is.”  I nodded as she led me up the porch.

              As I wandered through the front door of Rebecca’s house, I was instantly hit by the same humid warmth as her shop. The house was definitely small, but it was incredibly homely and neat and tidy. The furniture was scant which allowed the allusion of space. In front of the fireplace was a gorgeous flouncy couch that was made for cuddling on. That’s where I wanted to be right now, alone with my misery.

              “Well tiger, what we are going to do is pull out a bottle of vodka, kick back some shots then go through my enormous wardrobe that is full of clothes that haven’t seen the light of day in several years. We are going to fix you up with some dresses and skirts, because apparently you need those.” I stared at Rebecca’s serious expression and began laughing.

              “I don’t think I would suit the sort of clothes you wear Rebecca.” I admitted. “No offence of course, you look smokin’ in those old style clothes, but it’s just not me.”

Rebecca shook her head. “Well don’t freak out but I didn’t always dress this way. In fact the clothes that are gathering moth balls are my pre-pin up girl clothes, all pretty dull and boring.” She winked. “No offence of course, I know you’re not dull and boring at all.” I smiled at that, Rebecca had no idea how dull and boring I wanted my life to be.

“If you try and give me anything that remotely looks like what you’re wearing right now I will leave and FYI, I’m not sure about the Vodka. I’ve never drunk that before and I don’t drink very much anymore. It’s likely to turn me into a blithering mess.” Rebecca’s jaw dropped open.

              “You’re shitting me, you’ve never tried vodka?” I shook my head as I wandered over to her Clitoria that sat proudly in the center of a small dining table.

              “I’ve had every other alcoholic drink under the moon and sun and a disturbingly large array of narcotics, which I haven’t touched in a very long time,” I glared at her pointedly, “but I’ve never had vodka.” Rebecca shook her head.

              “Vodka virgin,” she sighed. “Well, we’re popping that cherry tonight, so stop touching my clitoria, sit your ass down and get cozy. I’ll get the shot glasses and bring my wardrobe out.” She stopped on the way to the kitchen. “Fuck that, we’ll drink in the bedroom, come on. And FYI, you would look amazing in a fancy gown and you are definitely good enough to take to a ball. Oh, and screw you this sweater is fabulous.”