Michaela (29 page)

Unfeigned remorse filled her expression. She knew, all right. She knew exactly the consequences of what she’d done, and it was tearing her apart.

Her usually throaty voice choked, she sobbed, “I’m sorry. If I could undo it, I swear to you I would. Don’t hate me.”

Raxstad groaned. As if he could ever hate his precious boy-woman. Michaela owned Raxstad, heart and soul. If only she understood that fact, he thought many of her problems would ease. He held his arms out to her. She rushed to him to be held, burying her hot face against his chest.

In a tone made gruff by his own strong feelings, the Nobek said, “Of course I don’t hate you. How could you say such a thing? You are my lover and lifemate forever.”

Raxstad thought if he’d strung her up and beaten her bloody, Michaela wouldn’t have broken down any more. She bellowed cries fit to rip his being to pieces.

Raxstad could have punched holes into the stone walls at the awful sound of her agony. Did she really believe him capable of not loving her? He did not have her trust after all. The frustration of that made him curl his hands into fists. Punching his knuckles bloody against the rock felt like a grand way to vent.

Before the Nobek could act on that urge, Govi and Korkla walked into the home. Raxstad saw at once that his agony was echoed in their eyes, especially as they saw Michaela bawling so hard.

Michaela looked up to note their entrance. Raxstad steeled himself for more despair, more awful pleas to not be despised.

Yet his Matara did not speak of her insecurities. Despite her overwhelming fears of rejection, he was amazed that her first concern lay in another direction.

Michaela flew at Korkla. Her fingers dug into the fabric of his collar as she hung onto him like a woman drowning. Her voice filled with desperation, Michaela asked, “Did you fix it, Korkla? Can Jessica still be Clan Clajak’s Matara? It’s going to be okay, right? Right?”

Something in Raxstad’s chest loosened at her pitiful appeal. Michaela did not beg to be loved. She didn’t even beg for forgiveness. Instead, she begged for the well-being of the Crown Prince Clan and her friend. All that mattered to her in this moment was to know things had not been ruined for Jessica and her clanmates.

Korkla’s jaw, clenched when he’d walked in, relaxed. His whole demeanor eased as he too recognized the unselfish nature of their Matara. There was even pride in his gaze as he looked at Michaela.

Korkla answered, “That remains to be seen. There is a chance the situation can be salvaged, but we have a big fight on our hands.”

She hiccupped, battling for control so she could continue speaking. “I am so sorry I never thought of calling you. It was dumb. I was dumb.”

Govi stroked her curls. “You are not dumb. You didn’t think things through, that’s all. Mistakes happen, my love.”

“It’s already forgiven,” Korkla assured her. “Our focus must be on what we can do to assure Jessica remains with Clan Clajak.”

“How can I be forgiven?” Michaela said. “Look at the mess I’ve made!”

Raxstad could not handle another round of Michaela’s self-hatred. “You did not make this mess. There were plenty of others involved. Korkla told me you tried to stop Jessica.”

Michaela pulled away, walking to the middle of the room. Raxstad exchanged resigned looks with his male clanmates. Their Matara would tear herself apart yet again.

She wheeled around to face them. “I didn’t try hard enough. I had a part in this. My thoughtlessness cannot be condoned.”

Raxstad scowled. “What do you want me to do, Michaela? Beat you for an honest mistake?”

She swallowed hard. “You’re the clan disciplinarian. Can’t you come up with some punishment more imaginative than that?”

Raxstad barked disbelieving laughter. “You
want
me to discipline you?”

Michaela’s lips thinned with the force of her frown. “I insist on it. I did not consult with my Dramok as I should have. That led to Jessica getting hauled in front of the council to be berated and judged by that awful Pwaldur. Now she could lose her clan. My actions deserve punishment.”

Korkla held up his hands. “It was a mere oversight on your part, my Matara. You’ll do better from now on.”

Her lower lip trembled. “I fucked up, Korkla. You know I did. It’s not something that just affects me, either. It affects my best friend’s life and happiness. It affects her unborn child. Hell, it affects this empire. Tell me that doesn’t demand some sort of punishment.”

Raxstad wanted to console Michaela and tell her she was wrong. However, the words stuck in his throat. She had committed an egregious error, one with implications he didn’t want to think about too much. If it had been anyone else that had done as Michaela had, he’d insist on some kind of redress.

It was Govi who startled them by saying, “Do you truly wish to be punished, my Matara? Will it help you find forgiveness for not automatically trusting your Dramok?”

Relief crossed Michaela’s expression. “Yes. I don’t look forward to it, but I won’t feel right until I’ve made this up to you somehow ... especially to Korkla.” She looked at their Dramok with desperate pleading in her eyes. “I do trust you. I never want to forget that again. Discipline – real discipline, not play – will make sure of that.”

Korkla stared at her, his eyes bright. Raxstad knew the gesture proved to the Dramok how much Michaela adored him. It made his own throat choke with emotion.

They all looked at Govi. The Imdiko nodded his approval, indicating it was something Michaela needed to get past the latest storm. At the gesture, Korkla turned his attention to Raxstad.

“Figure out the appropriate discipline for your Matara, my Nobek.”

* * * *

Korkla drew a deep, steadying breath when Raxstad and Govi entered the common room an hour later. “Have you determined Michaela’s punishment?”

The Nobek looked at the tiny Earther sitting on the lounger next to Korkla. At his steady gaze, she sucked her lower lip into her mouth. Damn, she looked as delicious as their Imdiko when she did that.

Now was not the time to indulge his libido. That would come soon enough, if his plans went well. Raxstad told Korkla, “I have and I went over it with Govi.”

Their Imdiko nodded when Korkla glanced at him. “It will be a good lesson for someone of Michaela’s age.”

The young woman looked from one man to the next, concern for herself at last making an appearance. To her credit, she did not demand to know what they had in store for her, nor did she ask to be spared. She desperately wanted to make up for her mistake.

Raxstad drew a deep breath and released it. Thank the ancestors he had decided on another avenue besides corporeal punishment. He couldn’t bear to spank Michaela when she was so contrite and accepting. The discipline would still be exacting, however. In fact, she might find herself wishing for a good, hard strapping before it was over.

The kind of torment she was about to endure was perfect for someone of her age. Michaela’s hormones and libido were to be the instruments of her penance. It was a lesson she was not likely to soon forget, Raxstad thought.

He drew himself up. The Book of Life taught that every action, for good or ill, must be answered with like consequences. Only then could justice be satisfied. Raxstad lived by that creed; as a Global Security officer he was an instrument of justice. Yet it was a hard thing to visit such a philosophy on his beloved.

He gazed into the face of the woman he would die for at a moment’s notice. “Are you sure about this, my Matara? It will not be pleasant for you. You did say you wanted true punishment.”

Her tiny frame shuddered, but she nodded. “Make it right, my Nobek. Let me show my clan I believe in them with all of my heart.”

Raxstad checked with Govi one last time. The Imdiko looked at Michaela, searching for any evidence of wavering. Apparently, he saw none because he nodded to the Nobek.

So be it. In a firm tone, Raxstad told his beloved, “Then we will go to the playroom, Michaela. Now.”

She made him proud. Her head was down, but Michaela did not hesitate to rise and walk out of the room to make her way through the home. Raxstad followed her, his fierce heart praising her with every step she took.

I am so very fortunate to have this woman, this amazing creature who does not doubt that I will do all in my power to keep her safe in every way.

Raxstad knew he would have to reward his Matara later. However, that reward would not be coming until she had performed the atonement she required. As proud as he was right now, Raxstad knew he had to carry out unpleasantness first.

Strength, my beauty. Be strong for me so that I can help clear your conscience’s slate. 

* * * *

Michaela walked into the playroom, her head full of the potential punishments she faced. She had no doubt the coming reprimand would be far more extreme than the usual spankings from Raxstad’s hard hand or his strap.

She could hear Raxstad muttering quietly, telling Korkla what he’d decided to do to her. His voice was too low for her to discern what he said. Michaela wasn’t sure if that was bad or a blessing.

As much as she dreaded what was about to happen, Michaela welcomed it too. She should have contacted Korkla rather than going with Jessica to the council meeting. Sure, Jessica would have been pissed off. Maybe she never would have forgiven Michaela either, ending their friendship for the crime of disloyalty. But at least Jessica wouldn’t have been worrying about losing her clan either.

I deserve to have my hide whipped off of me
, Michaela thought.
Nothing they do in the next few minutes could make up for the mess my stupidity has made.

And yet some part of her knew none of the men would do lasting damage to her. They were angry, rightfully so, and they would make her very uncomfortable. But to truly hurt her? No. Michaela trusted them with her entire being. Maybe she wasn’t a real woman and maybe she wasn’t good enough for their clan, but they cared about her. Maybe they even loved her despite her many shortcomings. They would not do her harm.

Michaela took a few steps into the playroom, noting how the stations and toys looked more like torture devices right now. Nothing in here looked playful at all. She turned to face her clanmates.

Raxstad was right there, with Govi and Korkla slightly behind him on either side. It was the Nobek who Michaela gave her attention to, however. He was in charge of keeping her in line. It was his place to reprimand her. She awaited his pleasure.

He gazed down at her, this monumental creature that looked as if he could squash her like a fly. All those muscles were fearsome. Raxstad could snap Michaela in half without breaking a sweat. His brutish face belonged to something primal, animalistic. And yet there was tenderness in his expression that called that feral energy a lie; a warmth in his eyes that filled Michaela’s soul.

I think he really does love me. Maybe almost as much as I love him.

Even Raxstad’s tone held a note of tender regard despite the words he spoke. “Strip. Then get on the fuck chair.”

Michaela was surprised to be ordered to the chair equipped with the dildo. She’d expected to be strung up like the last time she’d been punished, or made to bend over one of the benches for a beating. She didn’t let her wonder keep her from immediately obeying the Nobek, however. She began pulling off her loose clothing, what she had been wearing earlier when Jessica had interrupted her meditation.

As Michaela took her clothes off and handed them to Govi, Raxstad went to the shelves of toys and began to rummage through them. Govi folded Michaela’s clothing and set it on a nearby bench while Korkla accompanied her to the bondage chair. The Dramok was careful as he conscientiously helped Michaela get situated in the chair. His touches were tender.

“Don’t forget. If you say
sholt
, it will all end immediately,” he whispered.

Michaela would not do that. She was determined to see this through.

That determination was hard pressed as she stared at the big, thick dildo. It waited only inches from her crotch as Korkla strapped her down. He set her legs wide, leaving her pussy open and vulnerable to the fake cock that looked ready to enter her like a battering ram.

No one spoke, so Michaela kept quiet.
Behave and obey whatever they want
, she counseled herself.
You fucked up big time, and now you have to pay for that. You may not like what’s going to happen, but they care too much to hurt you for real.

I trust them with everything. This is my chance to prove it.

She couldn’t keep her heart from racing and her breathing from speeding up, however. Despite being the one who had demanded this, Michaela was scared of the punishment that lay ahead.

Govi joined them and put his hand on her shoulder. He at least gifted her with a smile, and it made Michaela feel better. That fled when Raxstad joined them with his hands full of gadgets and tools.

He gave her a determined glare. “Keep your legs spread like they are now. You will not resist anything we do to you.”

Michaela swallowed. “I will obey, my Nobek.”

Korkla held out his hand. Raxstad squirted a large dollop of lubricant on the Dramok’s palm. Korkla used it to grease the dildo attached to the chair. Michaela bit her lip. It was big, but not Raxstad big, at least. She wished she knew what to expect from the men. Not knowing was as much torture as whatever else they might do to her.