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We embraced and Laurie seemed more thrilled than I to see him. I’ll have to admit I felt a bit embarrassed

to be standing there.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him. “Oh, let me guess, “ I added mockingly. “You just fell out of the sky

into this parking lot and saw me here.”

“No. It’s not nearly as fancy as all that. I spent the night with Diane and Jeremy. As I glanced through their

newspaper I saw you were speaking here and wanted to see you. They let me off a few moments ago. They

are doing really well, aren’t they?”

“That’s an understatement. I’ve never seen two people grow so quickly. We’re having a great time walking

this out with them.”

“They told me that they had even been in touch with Jim and his wife again. I love when God brings real

reconciliation even through betrayal and tragedy.”

“It’s a great story,” Laurie interjected, “But I wonder why they didn’t tell us you were coming to town.”

“They had no idea,” he smiled and I knew what that meant.

I asked him if we could take him to lunch, but he said he didn’t have the time. Someone from Los Angeles

was going to meet him here in a few moments. “Let’s talk here as long as we can,” John said motioning to a

picnic table under the trees at the edge of the parking lot. As we walked over I heard the call of some geese

above me and looked up to see a dozen of them in V formation headed south. It was a breathtaking fall day.

Then I heard another flock behind me.

“So what are you doing here?” John asked.

“You caught me,” I threw up my hands in mock surrender, “consorting with the enemy.”

“You don’t really think that, ” John laughed. “At least I hope not.”

“No, I don’t. But as I prepared for this, I wondered what you would think about my being here. Some

people talk about these institutions like the Egyptian bondage of the Israelites. I didn’t know if you fell into

that camp.”

“Not exactly,” John answered with a smile. “So how did this come about?”

I caught John up on my relationship with Bryce and his invitation to come and speak.

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“So how did it go?” John asked.

“You’d have to ask some of them.”

“It was wonderful,” Laurie added. “He had them laughing one moment and crying the next as he talked

about living in Father’s love.”

“But it was very awkward for me, John. I used to love those settings, but it seemed so ineffective today.”

“How so?”

“I’ve done it for years, John, but I’m not sure how valuable it is in helping people learn to live free. I’ve no

doubt you can plant some seeds that way and there is the rare moment when a light really comes on for

someone, but most people get tone deaf to it after a while. Even when they hear something that hits them

hard, they forget about it when they get back to their lives. On the other hand, our conversations have been

life changing. And I know it wasn’t just the words you spoke, but when you spoke them. It was in the

moment of struggle trying to answer my questions or posing your own, that made them so powerful. I just

don’t know how to replicate that in a sermon.”

“You can’t, of course, but that doesn’t mean what you did today was worthless. All things have their place,

but as you say, this isn’t first place. Over the long haul systems like this neither help people learn to live

deeply in the life of Jesus or experience the depths of Christian community, but they often introduce people

to the fact that God exists.”

“I know I got some truth and my hunger for God in a congregation just like this,” Laurie added.

“But did it also satisfy that hunger, Laurie?”

“At times, I thought it did. Looking back, however, I think it only frustrated me. It made me hungry to know

God in a way that it could not fulfill. But it also made me feel that that was my fault. I felt like I didn’t

understand enough or wasn’t working hard enough.”

“That’s what happens when an institution tries to do what it cannot do. By providing services to keep

people coming, it unwittingly becomes a distraction to real spiritual life. It offers an illusion of spirituality in highly orchestrated experiences, but it cannot show people how to live each day in him through the real

struggles of life.

“That’s one of the strangest things about Christianity locking itself into an institutional box. Who would

choose to be raised in an orphanage? Our hearts hunger for family. That’s where children learn who they

are and how they fit into the world. This is like an orphanage revolving around the convenience of the

whole. You survive best in it by following its rules, but that’s not how Jesus connects you with his Father. For

that you need a family and brothers and sisters who can respond to you in the moment, not wait for a

meeting or to schedule a seminar.”

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“That’s how you’ve helped me so much. You always seemed to be there when I really needed you, even if

you weren’t always there when I wanted you. You helped me see how to follow what God put on my heart.

That has helped me learn how to walk with him. I wouldn’t trade my life in him now for anything.”

“Me neither,” Laurie added. “But then what good are these institutions?”

“Maybe it keeps all of those caught up in religion so busy they don’t have the energy to infect the rest of the

world with it,” I offered with a smirk.

“That wouldn’t be a bad use of it.” John smiled with me, and then quickly turned serious. “But I’m afraid it’s

a bit more mixed than that. As you say, good teaching can help plant seeds and groups like this can help

make connections between fellow travelers that God can use for years to come. But that isn’t without a

price. Over time institutions can even become abusive when the demand for conformity takes over. I always

encourage people to run when that happens. But that doesn’t discount the fact that some can be relatively

healthy. Family dynamics of love and compassion will weave themselves amongst the institutional elements

and some community will actually happen. Remember your early days at City Centre?”

“I do!” Laurie brightened. “So it wasn’t all bad?”

“No, not at all. In fact in the first days of a new group forming the focus is usually on God, not the needs of

the institution. But that usually fades over time as financial pressures and the desire for routine and order

subvert the simplicity of following Jesus. Relationships grow stale in routine and when the machinery

siphons off so much energy just to keep it running, it grows increasingly irrelevant.”

“Do you think that’s how God looks at it?” I had noticed John glancing over my shoulder, in the last few

seconds, but didn’t realize someone else had joined us. I turned to see Bryce standing behind me.

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

“I just walked up. I was on my way to the car when I saw you sitting here and wondered if this was the

infamous John.”

I told him it was and introduced them. “May I join you? This is right where I’m struggling.”

“Of course,” John said, sliding over and making room for Bryce to sit down next to him.

“Jake and I have had some great times over the last couple of months. I love what God is doing in him.”

“You do?”

“I only knew Jake from a distance years ago, but I found him condescending to people that didn’t think like

he did. Then I heard some rumors about his leaving City Centre and not attending anywhere and I thought

he’d become another bitter casualty of the ministry. Then a few months ago his name began to come up in

conversations and I liked what I heard. That’s when I called him and when we met I was surprised. This

was not the Jake I had known. So much had changed in him and the things he talked about stirred my

deepest hungers.

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“But the more I live this journey of life in Christ the less motivated I am to keep up with all this,” he said,

motioning at the towering facility gleaming in the sun. “I’m not at all comfortable with the growth going on

here. The more people we draw, the emptier we seem to become. This is a great place to hide—to come

regularly, even feel blessed. I keep telling myself we’re doing some wonderful things here, which keeps me

going. But in my honest moments, I question all that. I would certainly walk away if God thinks it as

irrelevant as you said a minute ago.”

“Please understand that I didn’t mean you are irrelevant to God or that these people are. They’re not. By

irrelevant I meant that God looks past the institution and deals with people. He wants them to know him

and experience real community with each other. He’ll keep inviting them into that their whole lives.”

“So you don’t have a problem with my speaking here, John?” I asked, a bit relieved.

“Of course not, Jake. I have no problem going wherever God goes and he certainly will be here drawing

people to himself.”

Bryce continued, “But for all the work that goes on here and all the money we spend, the resulting spiritual

fruit is pretty meager. New people aren’t coming to know God. Our new people are transfers from other

congregations that are having trouble. I don’t know anyone here who is on the journey Jake is, and only a

few who share my hunger, and we’re so busy, we don’t do much about it.” Bryce’s voice cracked as the

struggle I’d seen so often in him surfaced.

John reached out to cover Bryce’s hand with his own. “It can’t be other than it is. Once people are in love

with the program and grow dependent on it as the spiritual component of their lives, they won’t see its

limitations. It cannot substitute for their own life in him and it can only produce an illusion of community

because it is based on people doing what it takes to sustain the institution.”

“But couldn’t it be better? I’m torn between the responsibility to reform it and the desire to leave it. Neither

sound like good options. I doubt it can be reformed, or at least that I can do it. I already have some people

questioning my leadership when I talk about my struggles. And I have no idea how I’d make a living if I

walked away.”

John just let his words hang in the air for a moment, as did I. I knew this was the seminal question that

Bryce struggled with. I had no answer for him and I was dying to know what John might say. As we waited I

noticed another flock of geese over John’s shoulder calling out as they joined the other flocks moving south.

“What should I do? Is it evil and should I run from it? Can it be better if guys like Jake stayed around as

counterbalancing voices to those who want to serve the machine?” He looked at me with a smile. We’d

had this discussion before. He’d even asked once if I would consider coming on his staff.

“People have been trying to reform it for two thousand years, and the result is almost always the same—a new

system emerges to replace the old, but it eventually becomes a substitute of its own. Have you noticed that

those who share your hunger don’t share your passion to reform the machinery?”

“I have noticed that. The people whose spiritual maturity I respect most seem to gravitate away from

helping us run this thing. I’ve been very disappointed in them. It means we have people in leadership

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positions who don’t know God very well, but who have strong opinions about the way things should be

done.”

“That should tell you something.”

“It told me that maybe they weren’t so spiritual after all, if they were unwilling to help me.”

“OK, that’s one possibility, or maybe they wanted to invest their time serving people instead of attending an

endless supply of committee meetings.”

“I was afraid of that one,” Bryce said, letting a frustrated smile peek out. “But that leaves the machinery, as

you call it, to people who don’t know God’s character. They are impossible to work with.”

“That’s a problem isn’t it? Structures are about gaining power and getting your own way. Those who are

growing to know him don’t need them.”

“And there are moments I’m not sure whether I want to use my talents to keep it going if it is not effective for

the kingdom, especially if it robs my family of a dad because I’m gone all the time.”

“Is that how it feels?”

“Not to me, but my wife says it all the time. She may be right. I’ll admit to being so drawn into all the activity here at a human level, that I don’t notice stuff like that.”

“You’d do well to listen to her, but more importantly listen to Jesus. Bryce, it seems to me you’re trying to

make a decision about your future based on principle instead of simple obedience. Is Jesus asking you to be

here, or is he asking you to leave it?”

“I was hoping you’d give me some criteria that would make it easier to know.”

“And rob you of the chance to hear him breathe his will into your own heart?” John answered with a

gracious smile. “Never. This is between you and him. Sorting it out with him will help your relationship

grow. Don’t look for a right or wrong answer to what you’re asking. Then you have to condemn others

who don’t do what you do. He may want you to stay longer, to love these people and let your hunger

encourage them.”

“Or frustrate them,” Bryce corrected.

“It does do both,” John smiled. “Or, he may want you to walk away and watch him take care of you in ways